Capítulo 35: a glimpse of the past 2: the sequel
I took slow deep breaths as I looked around to the new foreign environment I found myself in. Total tranquility. That's all I felt in that moment. For a second I wondered whether I was dead.
Though I knew I was not supposed to be here, I was strangely calm. Slowly I cleared my head and looked around. A plain bedroom that seemed strangely familiar greeted me. I squinted my eyes trying to recollect.
Suddenly I was burst out of this stupor as the bathroom door in the room burst open to reveal a distraught young man. Bags seemed to weigh down his eyes as he frantically ran around the room. Suddenly my eyes widened as I recognized his face. After a decade I had nearly forgotten it.
The man, was me!
Realization soon hit me. This was a dream. A recollection of the past. That explained the relaxation I felt. My tense mind suddenly became looser. I looked at the past me, trying to remember, what this was.
The young man continued to run around, mumbling things, under his breath, as if on cocaine. But soon he stopped his eyes going wide. His face suddenly scrunched up in determination. He then moved towards the nearby drawer with brisk steps.
With shaking hands he opened the drawer revealing thick yellow ropes. Suddenly my expression turned into one of realization. Oh yeah! THAT'S what this was. You see, this was the day,... I died.
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I cringed. This was so embarrassing. This was me at an all time low. My lowest point in both lives. It was so embarrassing that I forcefully tried to change my mind scape... And failed. I inwardly grunted (or was it just grunted since I was already inwards) and again tried to change the dreamscape, with no results.
Then I sighed, deciding to let my mind take it's course, and get it over with.
The young me (or old me? Reincarnation was so confusing!) went to the centre of the room and stood on a stool. He then tied the rope up in a knot and tied it up on a fan, a furious expression occupying his face.
He then created another knot with shaking hands and held it in front of his face. He looked at it with burning determination and closed his eyes. He then took a deep breath and wreathed the knot on his neck readying to hang himself.
I closed my eyes in agonizing shame to prevent myself from seeing what came next. But of course since this was my own mind I couldn't close my eyes either. So I simply let out a groan.
I could see my younger self having a psychological battle with himself, preparing himself for the hang. He took huge breaths trying to calm himself, clutching the rope tightly, readying himself to topple the stool he was standing on.
After a few seconds he finally stopped and exhaled. He was ready as he will ever be and finally opened his eyes. He sighed and stood on his tippy toes ready to topple his stand.
Suddenly the door to the room opened revealing a middle aged man. His greying hair had completely devoured his once curly brown locks. Small wrinkles had started to conquer the majority of his face. His lips parted in confusion at the sight in front of him. That man... Was my dad. I nearly headbanged from fluster trying my hardest to change the dreamscape. Again the vision stubbornly refused change causing me groan in embarrassment.
Both of their eyes locked, staring at each other for a second in surprise, neither uttering a word.
...
The older man finally just shrugged.
He came into the room not minding the young man, who was staring at him with wide eyes. He completely ignored his son looking at him flabbergasted and moved to the dirty laundry pile nearby.
He then started picking them up one by one unmindful of his surroundings, causing the surprise and shame, in his adult son's face to turn into a scowl. He shouted:"HEY! "
The old man turned almost bored and sighed:"What?"
Robert asked his face screaming outrage:"don't you have ANYTHING to say about this?" he said pointing towards all if himself. :"do you even CARE? "
The old man raised an eyebrow and smirked:"why should I... When you are not even gonna go through with it."
Robert scoffed and replied outraged:"I can go through with it."
The old man shook his head his lips pursed in disbelief: "no-o-o you won't. You are too much of a.... What's the word the kids use these days... Hmm..... Oh yeah! Wuss. "
Roberts eyes widened with anger and shouted:"I CAN TOO!" then he forcibly calmed his voice down with a deep breath and continued:"I am a grown-ass man. I can take my life if I wanted to!"
Again people! It wasn't one of my finest moments.
The old replied amused: "a GROWN-ASS man would also be expected to move out his PARENT'S house, when he is 35, as well."
Robert replied as though finally victorious:"and there it is. After all this time you FINALLY admit it. You don't want me here. I'm just a failure, disappointment-"
the old man suddenly said cutting me off. "well, of COURSE I'm disappointed in you!"
That seemed to put a stop in everything. Both versions of me went quiet, in resignation. Another one of my failures. Rock meets bottom.
That's it! I had had enough. I still needed to complete the potion. I had more than enough things to weigh me down in real world, that I did not need this as well. I stopped trying to change the dreamscape and instead started focusing. Instantly I felt my familiar arcane in my gut. I sighed deciding to draw on it and break out of this.
"But I'm not disappointed because of your failures! " the old man said causing both versions of me to pause and look up. Slowly this memory from decades ago came into my mind. :"I'm disappointed because you gave up! "
My past version's eyes went wide. He stood there flabbergasted. Then his eyes dimmed. His head lowered as he muttered:"what do I have in life to fight for? "
The old man's face softened:"son do you really think money and success is the reason to fight for, in life?" he sighed:"to put this in you youngsters language, life is like, one of those video games. You start off with a small area and with more money you unlock more areas."
Robert scowled:"dad, are you talking about farmville tropic escape? "
"of course I'm talking about farmville tropic escape! It totally holds up! But that's not the point. You see its not about how much area you unlock in the game, it's about having fun with the unlocked area. Do you get it."
Robert replied:"no! "
The old man chuckled:"of course you don't. Robert, it's not about how much money you have. It's about being CONTENT with what you have! Now me, I don't have much! Neither did my father or his father before. But we sure as hell didn't let that stand in the way our happiness."
Robert and me stood there with our eyes wide.
The old man continued:"so my point is... Stop being a dumbass! "
Robert chuckled along with me. It was ironic but this realization will be useless to Robert. He will die today after spending a waste of a life. But suddenly his life wasn't a waste anymore. It was to prepare me for this life. I smiled.
suddenly the room turned grey. Everything stopped in its tracks causing alarm in me. The room was in pause causing me to look around. Suddenly I saw it. My father was looking at me. Not 'Robert' me. 'me' me.
The old man said to me directly"so, stop being a DUMBASS! "
*gasp*
My eye went wide open as I sat up. My breathing was rapid. my heart was beating wildly. But I was smiling. I had been such an idiot. All this time I had been trying to swim with both my hands tied. Even though I lived here now, my emotions didn't belong to this life. My smiles, cries, despair and exhilaration, I felt all of that in my OTHER life.
I smiled and closed my eyes. I relaxed and took a deep breath and uttered:"expecto Patronum."
Once again a small cloud of silver filaments formed before me. But I didn't get discouraged and instead remembered. not the memories and happiness I had in this life, but, the happiness and happy memories of my first life. My dad, my mom, my first life, my smiles,.... my happy memories.
A surge of magic burst out of my wandtip. I looked at the sight mesmerized as the cloud shifted and turned. From a formless glop it was changing. It was... forming.
Suddenly the whole room went silent. The last wisps of the spell coalesced into its final form. I stood there mesmerized by its sight. In front of me stood a silver coloured crow. The symbol of death!
My Patronus!
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