Capítulo 9: Chapter 9
Snape and Harry ate their lunch in total silence and afterward Harry stood up and cleared everything away. The food was delicious and Harry had been surprised at how good a cook Snape was. Harry had eaten his lunch fully and turned to the drawing room where Snape was sitting down.
He looked up as Harry came and did not say a word as Harry hesitated a little and then sat down opposite him.
"Potter, why did you leave a million pounds for the family that hated you, abused you and never took care of you?" he asked Harry softly.
Harry shrugged. "They did take care of me and not let me out into the streets to fend for myself. I have so much now and," Harry shrugged once again.
"And the Fidelus?"
"Well they are under threat from Voldemort only because they are related to me. I thought placing them under the Fidelus for a short while until everyone forgets about them would be safer for them. They never wanted to have to do anything with my mother and me. It was Dumbledore who probably forced them to look after me because of my mother's sacrifice. I feel whatever they did they do not deserve to die for having an opinion of the Wizarding World that is not very favorable."
Snape looked at him with unblinking eyes, "Ah, but you see Potter you were not protected by any wards that were the result of your mother's sacrifice."
Harry, who was looking down, looked up sharply at this and his eyes darkened in anger. "What? I thought I was safe there from Voldemort," he noticed Snape was not flinching or wincing at Voldemort's name and continued angrily, "then why was I left there? Dumbledore." He breathed the last word softly in anger as he answered his own question and the Order meeting he had attended without invitation came to his mind.
"He wanted me to suffer so that I would be prepared to listen to him and do anything to get out of that place."
Snape nodded still staring at Harry. "McGonagall is related to you though very distantly. She pushed very hard to gain custody of you when Black was sent to Azkaban. Albus denied her request saying that here at your aunt's home you would be safe. She is most unhappy and she feels she has let down your parents and grandparents by letting you live in that place."
Now Harry was totally gob smacked and suddenly the reason why McGonagall had stood up so vehemently for him and the way she had hugged him and tried to comfort him made a lot of sense.
"That is why she wants to help me."
Snape shook his head. "No Potter she would have helped you in these circumstances if you had been Draco Malfoy. She is very fair and the way you have been treated would have hurt her sense of fairness, relative or not. But as a relative and a person who wanted to even resign her job to take care of you, she feels betrayed and let down by Albus who did not listen to her objections and made you suffer."
Harry was stunned. McGonagall wanted to resign her job to take care of him. He felt very warm inside all of a sudden as he looked up at Snape in wonder and smiled slightly at him. "I must thank her for wanting to do so." He said softly, reveling in the feeling that someone other than Sirius was willing to take care of him and he instinctively knew that McGonagall would never ever see the Boy-who-Lived and he would always be Potter or Harry to her.
Snape though did not smile back at him, "I was a death eater Potter. I think you know that. I also turned from the side of Voldemort to Dumbledore offering myself as a spy." Harry nodded bemused at where this was going.
"I was there at the Hog's Head the day Albus interviewed Trelawney." Snape said and fell silent. Harry looked puzzled only for a second before he jumped up his face flushing with anger and total betrayal and very horrified, "You, you…" Harry whispered before he stated shaking literally pouring magical energy everywhere affecting everything as his face turned red in scorn and sheer rage.
"You were the intruder weren't you? You were the reason Voldemort went after my parents'." Harry was shaking with anger as he realized that Snape was the reason that Voldemort was after him, the reason he was suffering so much.
All the things in the room started rattling as Harry's anger escalated. He looked at the man who was staring at him with an unreadable expression and Harry could have gladly killed him at that point. Snape had not even removed his wand to protect himself or do anything to calm Harry. The cups, plates and indeed everything was rattling very hard as there was no sound from Harry who was standing, his eyes flashing in anger as he looked at Snape and Snape who was sitting there his eyes unwavering on Harry.
The windows shattered first and then the cups, saucers and plates started breaking and falling down. The noise they made startled Harry out of his anger and he looked around distracted from the thought of killing Snape and the rattling stopped as he looked around and slowly registered what had happened around him.
"You killed my parents Snape. Tell me one good reason why I should not kill you?" Harry asked him very coldly.
"No reason Potter, you may go right ahead and I will not defend myself." Snape sat tight looking up at Harry calmly. Harry glared at him his whole body shaking with suppressed anger, sadness and a host of so many emotions all of them very violent ripping through him.
"Why did you report that to Voldemort? It was because of that my parents' died; Sirius was in Azkaban for thirteen years and my mum, dad and Sirius are not here today to talk for me, be there for me, no one Snape, and no one for me.
"It was because of that I was shoved into a cupboard, and because of that I was the Dursleys' house elf, the Wizarding World's insane attention seeking idiot and Dumbledore's weapon. Ickle Harry has to take down Voldemort and then he has to die because he was unfortunate to be born with a silver aura and he was stupid to defeat Voldemort on the strength of his mother's sacrifice. You have had your revenge for what my dad and Sirius did to you in fifth year don't you? You must be so happy. Why did you Snape? Why did you? Why did you? I am asking you damn it…"
Harry was shouting at the top of his voice at that point and on the last word he broke, huge sobs broke out and his body heaved with the sorrow that completely overwhelmed him. The whole cottage that had been rattling ominously as Harry had been yelling at Snape now settled down as Harry covered his face in his hands and cried for the first time in his living memory, like a child.
Harry crumpled to the floor as he cried. The stupid actions of one man had started the demolition of his and his family's entire life. Snape who had been looking at Harry with an unreadable expression for the most part on the outside, felt his whole being crumble inside as Harry shouted at him and he had become white and pale with guilt as he acknowledged all that Harry had said was true.
It was the one mistake that had led to the death of the Potters and sent Black to Azkaban and had been responsible for Harry's miserable life until now. He got up and went to the weeping boy and sat down before him and put his arms around him and pulled Harry to him.
Harry stiffened for a second and tried to pull away but Snape held him firmly and then Harry did not care as he wept for his parents and Sirius and himself. A long while later Harry's sobs stopped, though he heaved with the amount of crying and grieving that he had done.
All this while Snape had just held him silently, slowly stroking his back and squeezing his shoulders. Harry and Snape sat there for the rest of the day just like that as each was holding on to the other for what they did not know, but shockingly and surprisingly very comfortable with it and both of them did not make any move to get out of holding each other.
It was around dinner time that Snape broke the silence after Harry's shouting.
"You are right Potter. It was that one act among so many other despicable acts that I have done in the service of the Dark Lord that spoiled your entire life." he began softly holding Harry firmly. Harry was so tired with his crying he was just lying with his head on Snape's shoulder and when Snape began to speak, Harry just stiffened a little, but stayed where he was, very silent, not saying a word in acknowledgement or anger.
"I joined the death eaters to get my own back against the world that I felt in my supreme ignorance and ego filled stature, had been pretty unkind to me. My mother had died in the holidays of fifth year and I went home to find that my home had been locked and shut down.
"My father had not seen it fit to even tell me she had died just two weeks before School closed for the summer and she was already buried by the time I had got home. The street house was in her name and she had willed it to me and my father had left to go and live with another woman whom he had been with for a long time.
"I abhorred him and he hated me as I was magical. He beat my mother and tortured her almost everyday and she did not have the luxury of escape like I did once I was eleven years old. What was shocking to me at the time was that she made no effort to leave my father even when he would sometimes bring women home.
"She put up with everything patiently and almost never ventured out and never spoke an unkind word to me. She tried to protect me as much as she could from my father's abuse and when I got home and found her dead and my father alive and kicking I was so furious I would have killed him if not for the fact I knew my mother never wanted him harmed.
"She took a promise from me when I was in my third year. My father had beaten her so much one day that I was furious and had planned to kill him with a potion as I could not use my wand, and pleaded with me and asked me to never harm him as she loved him and if he did not love her that was all right with her.
"Today I can see that she was very weak mentally and she did not have the will to fight against my father, but then I felt disgusted and I vowed that no one would have control over me like that. What a fool I was and how wrong.
"I was not happy but I could not go against her. She was a witch and a powerful one. She had been to Hogwarts and was in Slytherin and her family was as pure blood as the Malfoys, Blacks or yours Potter. Your father's side, I mean. She could have cast the harmony charm, she could have even cast the imperious and made my father a human being instead of a sick animal, but she never did and she always endured his violence.
"That year, the year my mother died I joined the death eaters along with Lucius Malfoy and the other Slytherins including Regulus Black who was my best friend and the only one who had a fair idea about my home as he came from a similar background. Only both his parents were equally bad. Sirius Black had Potter and he was already an outcast because he was sorted into Gryffindor but Regulus had no one.
"While he did not hate the muggles as I did, he desperately craved acceptance from his parents', an acceptance he was never blessed to have. We related surprisingly well with each other and bonded with each other in secret as Black and your father did openly.
"I became a death eater and it was my way of making sure that wizards and muggles never mixed and our world was as safe as could be from people like Tobias Snape. But what a disappointment Regulus and I were in for. It was no grand scheme to rule the Wizarding World or tackle the muggles as the Dark Lord said, no equanimity among the death eaters, nothing. The Dark Lord was very paranoid and the slightest doubt or suspicion, we would be tortured and cursed.
"The harsh truth was the fact that we were slaves, nothing more than slaves, ordered to do as he said and no mind or in fact no life to call our own. Regulus and I were desperate. We could not talk against the Dark Lord to anyone. We would not be accepted in mainstream society as well and in short we had had no hope.
"We hated Dumbledore with a passion as he was the hypocritical ass who turned so many Slytherins towards the Dark Lord. Regulus was an empath and he was forever telling me, warning me and anyone who would listen in Slytherin to beware of him. Reg always caught bad vibes from him. He told your Godfather as well, but Black would simply not listen.
"What I had suffered from a member of my family and what I swore to myself will never happen only not to me but to other half blood children like me was a joke as now I was in the clutches of a man who was a maniac and more than a thousand times worse than my father and taking the mark ensured I would never be free of the Dark Lord, unlike with my father whom I never saw after casting an impotent charm on his privates so that he would never enjoy that aspect of his life ever again.
"He cheated on my mother when she was alive, but after her death he would stay faithful to her. I felt the punishment was just."
Harry raised his head at that. Snape smiled wryly at him and then as Harry laid his head on Snape's shoulder Snape continued slowly stroking Harry's hair and removing the slight tangles in them almost unconsciously, his turbulent thoughts a million miles away. Snape really did not know why he was unburdening himself to Potter but as he spoke he felt clean, refreshed and he felt as if a huge burden was rolling off his back, making him feel so light inside.
"The two years I was in School was bearable as we had these horrible meetings only during the holidays, but once I finished School it was terrible. My passion was potions and I felt so humiliated when the Dark Lord would want me to brew them to give them to hapless muggles that would make them behave in eccentric ways, I was mortified.
"But what could I do and where could I go? There was no place that would grant me refugee from the Dark Lord. It was at that time Reg and I went to the Hog's Head in the autumn of 1979. Your parents had been married the week before and Reg and I were deputed to spy on Dumbledore. I went in with only basic hiding charms, while Reg was truly hiding.
"We always operated like that, only the two of us, not the death eaters, I mean."
Harry nodded his head, snuggling even more deeply as he listened raptly to a story, he suspected no one knew. Snape squeezed his shoulders in comfort as he continued.
"I never expected to hear anything in the first place, but imagine my shock, when I heard the Prophecy coming out of her lips. That was when Aberforth saw me hiding and threw me out. But he did not see Reg as Reg had concealed his aura and everything; like you did that time at the Order meeting and he heard the whole thing.
"I waited for the interview to get over and Reg to come out of hiding. What he told me was astounding. Both of us were jubilant as we realized there would soon be born a soul that would actually relive us from this hell. As Reg told me that even if we died somehow, we would know that the Dark Lord would soon meet his fate as well.
"We were in high spirits that day and we told only the first half of the Prophecy to him, telling him that I was found out and Reg was watching my back waiting for me behind Hog's Head. The Dark Lord did not even punish us for bringing a half Prophecy and nor did he look in our minds. Occlumency was the first thing I had learnt along with Reg once we realized we were not loyal or true death eaters and we were confident we could withstand his mental assault.
"Then the Dark Lord ordered me to secure a position in Hogwarts, but I was not successful that year, that is I did not land the job in 1980. The Dark Lord was most displeased and told me that I should somehow get into Hogwarts and that was when Reg suggested that I should appear disillusioned with what I was and go there offering my services as a spy.
"The Dark Lord agreed at once and I was to try in the autumn of 1980 to become a professor somehow by the summer of 1981.
"I was happy with that as Reg and I were working in secret on bringing down the Dark Lord and making the way as easy as we could for the Prophecy child. We carefully watched all the Light and the Dark families and saw potential candidates in your parents and the Longbottoms, whom we came to know, were scheduled to deliver in the month of July.
"Both of thought it would be the Longbottoms as your mother though a powerful witch was not a pureblood. In the meanwhile, Reg and I were working on the secret project. The Dark Lord in order to achieve immortality had resorted to Black magic and had created what are known as horcruxes.
"A horcrux is a piece of soul that a witch or wizard willfully separates from his oversoul and places it in a previously prepared container that has powerful magical protective enchantments. To rip a piece of your soul you must first rip another of his soul or in other words you must kill someone, anyone."
Harry looked up sharply at that. "Sir then if I kill Voldemort…"
"You will hopefully receive an Order of Merlin First Class and the gratitude of this undeserving Wizarding World. Potter to create a horcrux you have to kill and perform the ritual that is a chant, which will split your soul and the split part, will reside in its container till such time you need it. You will of course need it once you are killed, but you cannot die in the normal sense as you are not fully dead. A part of you after all is still in this world."
Harry drew a sharp breath and sat up straight at that. Snape nodded as he saw the comprehension in Harry's eyes. "So that is what Voldemort did." Snape nodded once again and then stopped as Harry blushed violently. He frowned as he could not understand the reason for it until Harry looked down and mumbled, "can I sit the way I was before?'
Snape did not understand for a second and then he felt very shocked at the warm feeling that swept through him and filled him completely inside and out and he did not answer the young boy in front of him, but instead pulled him closer till Harry once again leaned on him.
"Reg managed to find one of them. It was in a cave by the seaside. He found it by accident; he had heard Bellatrix and her husband talking about it and after Bellatrix left to go elsewhere he gave a rambling potion to Rudolphus and got the information out of him. Both of us went to the cave and I stood a little distance away to keep watch and Reg entered with Kreacher and retrieved the locket and placed a false one in its place.
"That night we destroyed it. But the Dark Lord had made six and he was going to make the seventh as seven is the magically most powerful number, with the death of the child of the Prophecy, Rudolphus's news again. We were so thrilled and happy that we had defeated him on one count.
"There was a long way to go, but both Reg and I felt we should never give up and work harder to make things easier for the Prophecy Child to allow him to fulfill the Prophecy in a manner that would mean the ultimate death of the Dark Lord.
"A few weeks after that you were born a day later than Longbottom and Reg told me it would be you. I was hoping it would not, as I had personal issues with your father and Black, while with Longbottom I had no such issues. But as Reg pointed out it was you who was born as the seventh month dies not him.
"What we did not know was that the Dark Lord had somehow found out that Reg had been to the cave. It was our misfortune that a death eater who was standing guard at a place a little away from the cave spotted Reg and the elf when Reg had to make him self visible to open the entrance. The Dark Lord had no clue about me or about the identity of the elf but Reg had been seen and recognized and that sealed his fate.
"It was on the day of Imbolc that the Dark Lord made his move. He announced that Potter was the child of the Prophecy and he had gained a very close friend of the Potters as his man and once all his plans were in place he would move against Harry Potter.
"Both Reg and I decided to warn your parents through Black. But he was not destined to warn Black or indeed anyone as the only person who looked at me without repugnance and loathing and bonded with me as my brother was tortured and killed. The Dark Lord," Snape's voice trembled and he shivered as he remembered the horrifying events of so long ago that still stood in his mind as if it had happened yesterday.
Harry shifted a little and now placed his arms around Snape's shoulders and held him tight, pouring feelings of calm in his touch. Snape trembled a little more as he tried to find his voice and tell Harry about Reg's torture.
"The Dark Lord," whispered Snape once more, "the Dark Lord told everyone that Reg had been meddling in his business and traitors should be punished. He asked Reg about the horcrux and Reg told him he had destroyed it and sealed his death at that moment in the worst way possible. The stupid boy took everything on himself to save me and admitted his guilt pretending he was working with his brother in secrecy.
Snape swallowed and paused for a while and the continued softly, "the Dark Lord mind-raped him first, but could not find anything, he was furious as a result and he started by breaking Reg's bones one by one, enervating Reg every time he fainted. When it looked that Reg would die of pain, he stopped breaking his bones, not that many were left and started placing small but deep cuts that were cast along with another spell that was for inducing pain. Reg died when the Dark Lord cut his privates with that spell.
"I stood there wanting to rush and fall on him save him or die with him, but I could not; could not let him die in vain, could not let his death mean so little; so I watched him with a smile on my face along with the others and clapped my hand and raised my wand as the traitor died all the while weeping inside for my first and only friend, brother and family that I had ever known, who cared for this greasy git as his very own.
Two lonely tears came down his cheeks as he spoke softly to a horrified Harry who was trembling with the shock of what he was hearing, "that was the day, Potter that I turned to Dumbledore.
"I went to him with the information of a spy in his inner circle and simply told him the Dark Lord's orgies were not to my taste. I promised on my magic and gave him a wizard's oath that I will help Harry James Potter to the best of my ability and even die if needed for his sake, so that he may fulfill the Prophecy. Only then Dumbledore believed me and helped me and offered me a position of the Head of Slytherin and the job of potions professor.
Harry looked at shock at the man he had hated with every fiber of his being only a few hours ago. Harry did not think, he reacted on instinct and hugging Snape tightly he told him in very clear tones, "I swear on my magic to protect you Snape; you will never be alone from now on until I die. You will be my family and I will be yours.
A swirl of golden magic came from Harry and enveloped both of them as Snape wiped his eyes and gaped at him, "Potter, what are you saying? You are swearing an oath, you stupid child. I will not accept,"
"So you don't want me," Harry moved a little away from him feeling let down, though he did not know why, just because they had been opening their hearts, it did not mean that Snape would want him, he was such a fool. He opened his mouth to say it was okay but before he could say anything there was a small whisper.
"I accept, you stupid, idiotic, ignoramus, beautiful, brilliant child of mine." The next second he was smothered by a huge hug from Harry. The golden swirl fully covered both of them and entered both of them; leaving then very contented, in fact extremely contented for the way they were feeling a few minutes before.
"I don't want your pity Harry, I may call you that I suppose and you may call me Severus when we are alone or when we are with Minerva, hmm? That was why I hesitated." Snape looked at Harry intently.
"Hey, you are not getting any." Harry tried to respond lightly and then leaning against Snape he said quietly, "Of course I feel and feel terribly for you and Regulus. The Black brothers are singularly unlucky aren't they? Both of them made mistakes, Regulus became a death eater to make his dad proud and Sirius wanted to save my dad and made that slimy rat the secret keeper. It makes my blood boil that both of them paid a little too much for their mistakes."
Snape nodded his head. His mind was still swirling with the oath Harry had taken. For the first time in fifteen years he felt young and bright and hopeful for the future.
"Come," he told Harry getting up and removing the knots in his body by the simple process of stretching and then he held his hand for Harry to take.
Snape was even at that time thinking about his decision to speak out and tell this boy his story, he still did not know why he did it, but seeing Harry's memories had opened a dam inside him, bringing all the old memories back, memories of despair, memories of sorrow and he realized he had identified so completely with Harry, that he was able to tell him all this.
Harry as he took Snape's hand felt complete, this was day he would cherish forever and he knew Snape would as well. He had been horrified at what Snape had to go through in his life and Harry had bled inside as he could understand the depths of sorrow and helplessness that he felt even after so many years for his best friend.
He felt he was doing the right thing by taking the oath for Snape and he knew his parents and Sirius would only feel happy for him. For the first time after Sirius fell into the veil, Harry was able to truly smile and think of his Godfather without feeling miserable. He had begun to heal.
They were silent each in their own thoughts as they prepared a meal, the time was long past midnight and peeping towards the dawn but both of them feeling a bit too hungry and restless to sleep and so they cooked and decided to have a full meal. They worked together in companionable silence and then ate their food and put the dishes away and they took turns to wash and change.
Snape sighed as Harry came to sit on his bed smiling, "Feeling tired? Go to sleep and we will start the preparations for the war tomorrow."
Snape nodded. "Yes, Harry. We must not only train but also plan not only for the war but also the aftermath. It will be the aftermath that will be truly frightening."
He pulled Harry towards him and gently kissed him on his forehead. "Sleep well, child and sleep late. We will continue in the morning. Good night."
Harry hugged him and whispering his own goodnight went to bed feeling very contented.
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