Capítulo 28: Chapter 28 : Xenovia flinched back in shock
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Xenovia clenched her fists as she silently berated herself. She should have been faster, should have been more situationally aware! Checking in on the brunette rookie should have been her very first priority in that situation, but instead she let herself get preoccupied with the simple-minded thought of 'completing the mission', and for that, her comrade… nothing more, just her insistent, slightly annoying comrade… He had almost lost his life. As a matter of fact, he was still fighting for his life.
Glancing up at the digital clock attached from the ceiling, Xenovia gazed at the time, 11:21 pm, she had been here, in this dark viewing deck for nearly the entire time since they got back. The only period of time where she left was around… what was it? 7:30? Dinner. It was for dinner. She showered, put on fresh clothes, ate quickly, and then immediately came back here.
Leaning her forearms on the railing that spanned the length of the window, Xenovia ran her hands over her face, stifling the yawn that threatened to spill from her lips. Why was she staying here? To appeal to her muscle-headed sense of responsibility? That same single-mindedness that almost cost Vin his life? Xenovia could feel her eyelids growing heavy like lead, it was well past the normal time she was going to turn into bed. Everyone else had come by at one point or another, and told her some variation of 'You saved Vin's life, don't take it personally Xenovia, there was no way to know the danger'.
She grit her teeth behind her lips, did they think that she needed pity?! Why was she the one receiving pity from her teammates when it was Vin down there, battling with the poison that threatened to tear him inside out for the last six hours?! She didn't fight like her life depended on it, she just went through the motions, but then again, she had several years of training under her belt, and an Excalibur she was experienced in wielding. Meanwhile, there was Vin, placed into a hostile, unknown battlefield with little to no information, armed with a weak Sacred Gear he barely knew how to use, and a grand total of three weeks of training. Hard training, sure; but only three weeks nonetheless.
Her clenched fist softly smacked against the railing, how could they have thought that any of this was a good idea? Xenovia trusted her guardian a great deal, but even she, as muscle-brained as she was, knew that it wasn't a good idea to bring Vin out there.
Eventually, after watching the surgeons successfully remove the shard of Vin's broken rib, Xenovia pushed herself off the railing, and back to her feet. She felt… angry, frustrated, and not just at herself, but everyone, and everything, and just… Angry at the situation in general. Sighing, she decided she needed a drink. Thankfully, there was a vending machine nearby.
Pacing over, Xenovia reached into her pocket to get some money for a bottle of water, only for her hand to land on nothing. Silently, she scowled. She forgot her wallet in her room. Damn it. Her fuming was getting worse and worse, and frankly, she was half-tempted to simply kick the machine until it gave her what she wanted.
"Whoa there! You look like you're set to blow," A female voice called out from behind Xenovia, turning around, Xenovia gawked as she saw who stood behind her, black and silver hair, purple hoodie, it could only be...
"Ah! Miss Sellzen, I'm sorry to have bothered you!" Xenovia flinched back in shock, she may have been angry, but she couldn't go about snapping at direct superiors, especially one who had actively trained her for a period of time.
"Nah, you haven't bothered anyone," She waved off, before reaching into her pocket, "What do you want to drink?"
"A-Ah, just some water please," Xenovia stuttered, flustered after her building wrath sprung haywire at the company of her brief and former mentor.
The pro-exorcist slid the coin into the machine, before a small smirk stretched across her features, as she pressed the button for… apple juice.
"Learn to live a little, Xenovia," She smiled, handing the drink to Xenovia, as the two walked back over to the window, "So, what's eating at ya?"
"I couldn't possibly, Miss Sellzen!" Xenovia hid her blustering behind a sip of her drink. She generally liked apple juice, but it's sweetness felt… wrong on her tongue, given the circumstances.
The grey-haired girl pouted, as she leaned on the railing, "I've told you not to call me that, Xenovia… C'mon, call me Lint! You make me feel older than I really am!"
"B-but that's not proper."
"My drink, my rules," Lint declared, as Xenovia breathed a sigh of defeat.
"Now seriously, you don't look great Xenovia. Tell me what's wrong."
Xenovia paused for a minute, her eyes locked down at the sight of doctors installing various tubes into Vin's body in order to try and pump out the toxins running rampant through his pale discolored body.
"Lint… Have you ever made a really stupid mistake, and it left you just… feeling angry? Not, at just yourself, but just at everything, and nothing at the same time? Sorry if that didn't make sense, I'm not the best at-"
Lint held up a hand as Xenovia fell silent, "I know that feeling, Xenovia; I know it all too well. When… When Freed went rogue, I felt somewhat like you do now. I thought that it must have been my fault that he had ended up the way he did, maybe I didn't spend enough time with him, or wasn't there to set him on the right path. Soon after, I began to be angry at the church in general, maybe it was them who encouraged Freed to do what he did, maybe it was them who pushed him over the edge… But after a while, I learned it's harder to hold onto that anger than you would think. It's all-consuming, Xenovia, it'll eat away at you until nothing's left. The sooner you can let go of that anger, and simply use this mistake as a learning experience, the better you'll feel in the long run, okay?"
Lint gave a soft pat on Xenovia's shoulder as the blue-haired exorcist continued looking out the window, ruminating on her senior's words.
"I'll...I'll try," Came Xenovia's eventual reply.
Lint smiled and nodded, "That's all that anyone can ask of you. Now, it's getting late, and even if you don't have any training tomorrow, it won't do you any good to run yourself ragged. Go on, get some sleep. He'll still be here in the morning."
Despite her desire to stay, Xenovia involuntarily let out a yawn, to which Lint smirked, "My point exactly, now get out of here, I'll make sure that he's okay, and whatever happens, I'll make sure you're the first to know."
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