Hey, Grandpa! I miss you and Grandma lots, so I'm going to start writing you once a week.
I wish I could have brought you with me to New York. You and Grandma are my favorite people. Since I don't live with you anymore, sometimes I find it really hard to figure out what to do and who to be. But now that I have a second meeting with a publisher, I need to figure it out fast. I can tell that if I don't, New York will drown me.
The only things I know about publishing a book are from Momma. When I had my first meeting, I found the outfit she wore for her first meeting- A white chiffon buttoned up shirt tucked into a black pencil skirt, paired with some black stilettos. The thing about Momma is, she was beautiful. The kind of beautiful that would stay in your mind. Her hair full of dainty waves, and she walked in a room like she belonged in a better world, so the outfit looked better on her. I put it on and stared at myself in the mirror, trying to feel like she looked, but it looked like I was wearing a costume. So, I put on something else instead, a long sleeved white button up and some dress pants. When I stepped into the hallway of PRA Publishing, I knew right away this was wrong.
The next two things I noticed is that everyone knows where to go and what to do, and you aren't supposed to eat anything fattening or they look at you funny. Your supposed to buy salads and water or you feel like an outcast at lunch. My husband Simon, has started making me a turkey and cheese sandwich with a brownie, because that's what we liked to have, Momma and I, even when I was little. Now that seems like so long ago. But Simon tries so hard, and he likes making lunch so much, I can't explain that it's not acceptable to the women at my job. So I go into the bathroom, eat the sandwich and brownie as fast as I can, and throw the paper bag in the trash for tampons. Just like high school.
It's been a week, and I still don't know anyone here. Since I don't want to spend the whole hour in the bathroom, once I finish eating, I go to the courtyard in the back. I just watch. The trees are starting to rain leaves, but the air is still hot enough to swim through. I especially like to watch the birds. They remind me the air isn't just something that's there. It's something you breathe in. Even though they are across the courtyard, I can still see them playing in the birdbath.
I don't know why, but this place is full of strangers, it feels good that the birds are breathing the same air as I am. The same air As Momma.
I guess I'm not doing my work the way I'm supposed to. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow.
Love,
Hazel