Capítulo 40: A New Friend
No one ever got tired of loving. They got tired of waiting, assuming, hearing lies, saying sorry, and hurting. (Google / Unknown)
I walked through the corridor of the mansion, still lost in my thoughts as my stomach turned inside out. Truthfully, I was a mess and utterly confused about what to do next. The question wasn't whether someone would get hurt, but who should I hurt? It's not like I wanted to hurt anyone, but it was inevitable.
"What are you doing?" A rough voice spoke.
I didn't realize that I was standing there staring out the window, and I jumped when I heard Connor's voice. With all this power, I couldn't tell if someone was sneaking up behind me. I turned around and couldn't help but feel at ease when my eyes met his. I wondered why I never noticed how calm and peaceful he always seemed to look. I remember being bothered by how carefree they all looked, and now I was envious and wanted nothing more than to feel that same way.
"I'm just thinking, and maybe you should announce yourself before you walk upon a helpless woman." I smiled.
He laughed, "Helpless my ass, Helena. I just saw you suck the life out of one witch and then rip the heart out of another. You are most definitely not helpless. I would say you are truly the apex predator now." His tone was full of pride.
It amused and disgusted me at how casually they mention murder around here. It was like it was a part of everyday life. Nonetheless, I still couldn't help the laughter that bubbled inside me from hearing the words I once said to him about Miranda.
"Yeah, that's me." I pointed a finger in my chest, "Your soul-sucking Luna in full effect." He laughed a little at my sarcasm. "What are you doing walking around the hallways like a thief in the night?" I asked.
I shook my head from left to right, observing the area and noticing how quiet and empty it was. I suddenly felt afraid and shivered at the thought that someone was lurking in the shadows, waiting to strike me down. I wrapped my arms around myself and glanced upwards at Connor, who still was looking as calm as the eye of a storm. Somehow that made me feel safer.
"I'm responsible for security on this wing. First, you looked sad, so I figured I would stop and annoy you, " Connor laughed, "but now you look terrified. I would never let anything happen to you on my watch, Luna. You are as precious to me as my mate would be."
The sincerity and conviction in his eyes revealed that he was as serious as a heart attack. I always wanted a big brother, and his words and affection made me feel that love for a sibling for him. They all were beginning to be that family I always wanted.
"As it stands, you are not annoying me at all. I'm glad that you stopped. It's nice to be out of my head for a moment." I sighed as I rocked back on my heels. "Have you ever felt that your back was against the wall, and no matter what you did or said, all your good intentions would be wasted in the end?"
Would that question make sense to him? How much could I divulge to him without airing out all my dirty little secrets? Could I trust him as I trust Daisy?
"What's wrong? You can trust me." His eyes showed genuine concern as he answered my unspoken question.
"That is the wrong question. I'm beginning to lose myself with so many awful things happening. The more appropriate question would be, 'what isn't wrong?"
Connor arched his eyebrows in a questioning manner as he brought his hand to his chin, rubbing it lightly. "I see." he hummed, "So you have multiple issues in that head? Would you like us to start with the most pressing one for you? He suggested.
"That's easy. I'm a murderer." I shrugged my shoulders.
"Not really, Helena. What you did was protect yourself and the ones you loved. Look at it this way if you were to go to a human court, you would undoubtedly get off using self-defense. Either kill you, which they would have, or you kill them." He stared intently as he spoke to me.
I shook my head at his simple yet effective reasoning. I agreed with what he said wholeheartedly, but I couldn't shake that depressing feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wished I could turn off all my emotions.
"I get that part, but I cannot help but feel guilt and sadness over what I have done. I took someone's life, Connor. What about their family and friends that loved them? Don't you think they would want retribution for what I have done? All I did was keep the perpetual machine of revenge moving." I said as I shed a tear for the lives that I took.
I thought I would maybe see a look of pride on his face since they all seemed to think murdering someone was an everyday occurrence. But to my surprise, he looked sad and thoughtful because of my words. They all kept calling me 'human' as if I was in a class all by myself, but I was starting to see that we all had more in common than we thought. Maybe he was more human than he let on.
Connor grabbed my shoulders, pulling me closer to him but still keeping a respectful distance between us.
"You wouldn't be human if you didn't contradict your actions. Do you know why I like humans so much?" I shook my head back and forth. "It's their compassion, the way they love, and their ability to change." He paused as he released me from his gentle grip, moving around me, gazing out the same window I was previously looking through. "A wolf's future is already decided from the moment we are born into this world. Our life is about the pack and the pack alone. Were taught to defend it at all cost no matter who we may have to kill", he turned to face me, "And make no mistake, Helena, we will kill to protect our own without any questions or remorse. Our animalistic nature makes it hard to empathize with those who offended us. And sometimes, empathy and compassion are what's needed to progress ahead. To make a brighter future", he sighed, "We hardly change as we live long lives, so a wolf can get stuck in their ways. And then there is love." He snorted lightly. "We have no choice in the matter. We can be with someone for our whole lives, love them, care for them, but that could change at the drop of a dime."
I looked at him, and I could see the hurt on his face, and I knew all too well what that emotion represented. It was the same look my mother had when she talked about my father. So I instantly knew what might have happened to him to say that last statement with so much bitterness.
"Did you love someone before you met your mate?" I was worried about that. I could only imagine how horrible he must have felt to do that to someone he still loved.
He laughed bitterly, "No, I loved someone that found their mate," I gasped, "She was an exceptional wolf, but we shouldn't have been. I never wanted a mate once I saw her. I wanted her and only her, but we knew there could be a chance that either of us would meet our destined mate. Still, for our love, we were willing to risk future heartbreak," he sighed again, "But I truly never thought it would have happened once we were together for so long, but it did, and now I'm here without her while.....while she is somewhere else."
The look of devastation on his face made me feel even worse. Here I am with two mates, who both love me, but yet here is someone who had to suffer the pain of loss and separation because whom he loved could no longer love him the way she once did. Wouldn't I be inflicting the same pain on either Elijah or Cal?
" I don't understand. Couldn't your girlfriend have rejected the other person and just been with you?" Nevertheless, I was optimistic, and I hoped that she wanted to reject her mate. I was curious to see how she handled choosing between two great loves.
He shook his head. "Yes, she could have, but I would never have asked her to do such a thing. Rejecting a mate is painful on both sides. Some say the pain is equivalent to dying or at least wishing you were dead. Besides, I might love her, but my love wouldn't have come close to his with a ten-foot pole. He is her destined mate. Two halves of a perfect whole. I couldn't deny that she would be happy with him, and her happiness is all that I had ever wanted."
"'Tis better to loved and lost than to never have loved at all." I quoted Lord Tennyson.
"Exactly!" He smiled. "Are you headed somewhere in particular?"
"Yeah, I was going to see Elijah. Do you know where he is?"
"I believe he is in office. Do you want me to walk with you there?" He politely asked.
I once thought Connor was a brainless jock. But he is a great guy. "No, that is quite alright. Just point me in the right direction."
He pointed to the corridor to the left of us and told me to walk straight down until I saw a wooden door with a wolf emblem. I smiled, gave him a curt nod, and started walking away.
"Helena." He called my name in a gentle tone.
I turned around, "Yes."
"I could sense there is more bothering you, and I don't wish to pry, but I recognized the look of defeat and heartache when I spoke of my love. I'm not sure what is going on between you and my Alpha, but I know how it feels to be between a rock and a hard place. If you ever need someone to talk with, I would be honored to lend you my ear." He said as he took a bow.
I almost laughed at his formality, but it seemed to fit his character. I like Connor, and it was a shame that I could have lost out on knowing this wonderful gentle soul. It's true when they say, 'never judge a book by its cover.' I quickly rushed over to Connor, pulling him in a hug, and he was startled for a moment before his big arms wrapped around me, and I could feel him shake with laughter.
"Who knew you would be a big softie? I love you for your kindness, Connor," I whispered, "I shall never forget how you treated me in my despair." I released him and started to turn and run down the corridor. But something stopped me and my tracks, and I turned slightly back toward him. "See you later, big brother C." I winked and giggled as I turned to run away again. His echoing laugh let me know that he heard me loud and clear.
With Connor's direction, I arrived in front of a massive wooden door. I started to knock, but the voice I heard startled me. It couldn't be who I thought it was. Could it? I leaned in closer, trying to decipher the conversation.
"Elijah, my father is willing to forgive everything that you have done. We will still lend you the use of our soldiers, protect the northern border, and help you invade the witches' territory, but you must stick to our agreement."
Miranda? I thought she was supposed to be locked up somewhere, awaiting some supernatural trial for my attempted murder.
"Miranda, you coming here was foolish. After what you've done, do you think I would still marry you? And what of my mate?" Elijah's voice was deathly calm.
"There are many Alphas that have more than one mate. You were promised to me a long time ago, and might I respectfully remind you that without my father's wolves, you will be outnumbered by the North's witches and the packs that would like to kill your human mate." He growled. "I'm only stating facts here. Would it be so bad to have me as well?"
Her tone was almost sorrowful, and I recognized the anguish in her voice. It was just like that night she tried to kill me. She was obsessed with Elijah. I wasn't sure if it was love or maybe it was to be Luna. I listened closely to see if Elijah would reply, but there was no response. He was thinking of her offer, and I could feel the rage grow inside me with that revelation. I kicked the door open without hesitation, like a terminator coming to kill John Connor. Someone would get hurt tonight, and hopefully, it wasn't me.
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