Capítulo 3: Chapter Three
Corbin smiled slightly. He hated moments he felt himself weak, but biting his lower lip and wrapping his arms around himself asked, "Can you just...hold me for a while? Please?"
Ivan smiled lightly at him, worry clear but not overbearingly so, and nodded. "Nothing I'd love to do more, my sweet. Come on." Taking his hand, Ivan led him to the oversized sofa and pulled Corbin down to his chest. When they were situated and seemingly comfortable, Juno stepped up onto the sofa at their feet, promptly flopping down and curling up.
"I love you too, Ivan. I'm sorry," he whispered. Corbin felt the emotions bubbling to the surface, but knew he couldn't break. He took several deep breaths to calm himself down.
Ivan gently combed Corbin's hair with his fingers, gently massaging, settling Corbin's nerves with the soft ministrations. "What are you sorry for, my sweet?"
Corbin squeezed his eyes shut, his fists curling closed, trapping Ivan's shirt within their grasp. "For not being able to tell you. I don't like keeping it from you. But I'm scared. I'm so scared to tell you. I'm so scared I'll lose everything. And I'm sorry."
Ivan thumbed away a stray tear as it made its way down his nose. "I know you're scared. I just wish I knew why."
Corbin closed his eyes and sniffled. "One day I'll tell you, Ivan."
The next day saw them at the beach, splashing each other and splashing the dog as they all ran and jumped and played. As the sun started to begin its decent, Ivan asked if he'd like to build a fire, roast some hotdogs, and relax for a bit. The sun had been brutal that day, topping out at 110 degrees Fahrenheit by four in the afternoon. By seven the heat had tapered off to a cooler 98.
Corbin smiled. "Yes. Let's see how much driftwood we can find before we raid the dumpsters for scrapwood at the construction sites." He bounced on his toes slightly, digging them into the sand.
"Don't we always?" Ivan's smile was wide seeing the love of pure delight in those blue eyes.
The next half hour they collected as much driftwood they could carry before carrying it all back to where they were going to build a fire. From this spot they could see the house, so if anything was needed, they could just run inside and bring it back. Juno bounced and hopped, running and splashing through the water while joyfully barking at the birds flying overhead looking for fish dinners.
In another half hour, after collecting some dry scrapwood from the construction sites, had a fire burning. It was almost nine p.m. and the sun was casting an orange-red reflection to the water that wavered with the waves.
Ivan spread out a blanket for as much protection from the sand as possible and together they sat as the sun left for the night. Corbin stared into the flames of green and purple, a chemical reaction from the saltwater, and Ivan watched Corbin.
Ivan knew Corbin was lost in his thoughts and paying him no mind. He wouldn't notice him watching.
"I can practically hear the wheels in your head spinning," Corbin said. He noticed. Damn. Corbin smiled. "You're not as discreet as you like to believe, you know. I just never say anything about it."
Ivan smiled somewhat abashedly. "Really?"
"Well, it isn't like you hide it or anything."
Ivan shrugged. "You're still a mystery. Even after all these years." Corbin looked away with a frown. "I wasn't meaning anything bad," Ivan reassured.
Corbin nodded. "No, I know. I just..." He stopped speaking and stared into the firelight.
When it was clear he wasn't going to say more, Ivan pressed the slightest bit. "Just what, love?"
"Secrets. I have so many. I've had them so long I don't know what I'd do without them. I want to tell you, Ivan. I've tried. So many times I've tried to convince myself to just tell you and everytime I start to I just...freeze. And the words won't come out." Corbin glanced at Ivan, his eyes wet, his voice cracking slightly as he spoke.
"They'll come when you're really ready for them to come, baby. There's no need to rush it," Ivan told him as he pulled Corbin to him, wrapping his arms around him. Corbin sat between Ivan's legs, his back against Ivan's chest, and enjoyed the feeling of the safety he felt like this. Like no one could touch him. He shivered at the thought. "You cold?" The wind had picked up slightly coming off the water, but it didn't seem shiver worthy to Ivan.
"No. Just...thoughts. Ivan?" Corbin's words became hesitant, which caught Ivan's attention immediately.
"What, baby?" He turned his head slightly, which had been resting on Corbin's shoulder, to see his face. It was cast in dancing shadows; mysterious and beautiful.
"Why don't you ever press me more to tell you? You want to know." Corbin continued staring out into the water.
"Yes, I want to know. But the knowledge isn't worth causing you pain. It will hurt, my love, whenever you decide to tell me...but if you're not ready then my trying to force the issue will not only make you less willing to tell me, it could cause trust problems, drive a wedge between us, and more importantly, hurt you and set you back. I may not know the whole story, Corbin, but I have my reasonable deductions. And you've come a long way in the last almost four years. I don't want to jeopardize what we have, nor do I want to make you ever feel like I'm forcing you into anything. So, while yes, I do want to know, it isn't ultimately about me." Ivan kissed his cheek.
"Oh." Corbin smiled lightly. "Thank you, Ivan. I can't ever tell you how much I love you."
"I know anyway. I feel it. I see it. I know, baby."
Soon the conversation turned lighter as they began to roast some hotdogs, tossing a couple to Juno who had curled up next to them on the blanket.
Around midnight Ivan stretched before half collapsing against Corbin, who laughed. "About ready to go back in, love? I'm getting sleepy." Corbin laid back, relaxing against Ivan, and nodded. "Alright, come on. Let's put this out and go inside."
They each stood. Corbin began gathering the food and blanket while Ivan filled a bucket from the ocean to douse the fire.
"Come on, Juno, let's go inside," Ivan said to the dog. She looked at him before groaning as she stood. "Oh, a hard life you lead, ain't it?" Corbin laughed and the three of them made their way back to the house, the moon at their backs.
Once they were inside, the blanket staying on the porch so as to not bring in more sand than they already had, Corbin put the food back in the fridge while Ivan stripped to his boxers.
"Care to join me for a shower?" Ivan asked with a sultry grin.
Corbin returned his smile. "I'd love nothing more."
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