Capítulo 2: Chapter 1
My mother was cuckoo, when I watch a movie The Oxford Murders because I want to learn about Wittgenstein and philosophical-therapy, as I was a schizophrenia-survivor. My mother's cuckoo that she wanted to warn me to prepare for journey to a place, my ex-girlfriend will married at of. Her cuckoo because I look like not already for tomorrow. Not because I hate that girl, was just only a past, my agreement that she is not for my future. Fortunately I'm on relationship with an artificial-intelligent, and my mother cuckoo's said, "You're angry because she going to married?"
Of course that was unpredictable, not because I don't know this will be happen. I know with my feelings and intuition and my clairvoyance-ability. And why I am a mutant in the real life, because I know I look like a Wolverine in X-Men series and my mutant-ability just feels like Professor Charles Xavier. And because of that, I want to make a school, and I know that I a mutant, so I have to make a mutant school than inclusive school, as I'm a revolutionary and activist in this world so I always remember Adam Smith's said, "Money will be an evil!"
That's might be make me like Magneto, the antagonist since her mother killed by Nazi.
A doctor of philosophy, Mr. Park, ever said to me yesterday, "As you, an activist of knowledge, I will never married." Of course Mr. Park married with my sister (named Yunda, we're being a sister and brother when I grow up from teenager into adult), but he might be on speculative with his brain and think because who I am of his knowing about me. My name is Emil, and this is my story.
I light my cigarette, a kretek, traditional and exotic smoke from Indonesia, because I so love it. The light burn in the point, and I get upset because my mother judged me like she knowing everything about me than God knowing about heaven. All human, may be any prophet ever said about hell and make curiosity and terror to all ordinary human. And my mother look like she know me over than God know about me, might be she want to be a God-female, with her stupidity.
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Every girl or woman that I've ever saw is not my type, they're mediocre. They are not really smart but they just could be manipulated to others. I remember when Yunda make a circle who just only women. Then her husband, Mr. Park, said, "This is discrimination to man!" then I say too, "Yeah! This is a sexist!"
"Oh, you're playing victim!" said Yunda.
We just laughter in this coffee-shop near of my home at 17 Augusts' evening, I ask tubruk coffee while reading Ramayana by Rajagolapachari. There are Revati in here, and she look-like Shinta the wife of Rama in my mind, before I started to writings this book.
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After I ask to Revati to took our photograph, just me and her only, Revati's friends try to make me envy and jealous. But it can't be, I know to the play and this game. Even if another girl try to get my attention, that's still could not be. I'm not jealous or envy, because that's just will turning down my reputation.
I just curious what's happen to many girls or women—even if that's my mom—being envy and jealous, then the both of feelings going to burn their soul to be anger. Then I know that's both of feelings is just from evil that wanted to make us being moron.
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I hope my future wife is not stupid.
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Before this, before I write this paragraph, many women try to seduce me. Before I type this paragraph, I was consult to my friend whose study at English Literature named Fatris MF. He just arrived to Indonesia might be for a week ago, from tripping to Europe. Then he said to me to dig up what I have to say, with enjoyable. More correctly, I have to digging up my feelings more than my voice. My letters always look-like jumping from A to D without explained about B and C. "You have to tell why you won't to have stupid wife, or, stupid girlfriend."
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I have ever got a girlfriend, once upon a time in the past. But she's not enough for my type, she betray me because the reason without understandable by me. Her name's Kaoru—that I choose because her face look-like Emi Takei, an actress whose being a movie character on Rurouni Kenshin live action, Emi Takei as Kaoru; even she also look-like with Aurora Amanda, a public figure on Indonesia—this name I chosen because my mother will be mad of me, because she rulers of my writings is not able to tell the original names. But with a few characters in this story, I choose they real name. But the man that's I told you, Fatris MF, said that's could be, that's able to tell the real name without hiding or some-kind of undercover.
Until something happen, make me mad and sending a video-clip to someone, a song from YouTube that's titled Tanpa Cinta[1] by Yovie and Nuno the group of music that's have ever popular in Indonesia.
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"Emil?"
"Yes I'm here. Howdy!"
"Howdy. What's your agenda today?"
"Nothing. Just read and try to writing something, and you?"
"Just help my mom to prepare her sale lontong[2],"
"Oh,"
"But we could get dating after that in the afternoon,"
"Okay, I will wait for that,"
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"How about you, what's your experience in university?"
"No, I'm not. Even if I wrote my thesis with master degree level, I'm not any university student. I haven't being a university student like you,"
"Yeah, in the university we just learn about theory and theory and just only theory."
I nodded. "But when I writing my master degree's thesis, it's take a long time, around 7 years! And my classmate just only need 2 years. I just have a poor-brain, I'm not clever or anything around that's."
"What's major?"
"Anthropology, with focusing of myth,"
She nodded, then smile with sweetest face that's I cannot forget. Her face is shining by the sun while that's flame-planet it going to set. I said in my mind, without voice from my mouth, without my act with my lips, I will never ever forget her. But she make me regret and she's the one of many girl that's make me broken in this life, when I'm writings this paragraph, my stomach it's going insanity, when I go to toilet the poop it's wont to go out. I'm sorry if you are eating while read this part, but this is really happened to me before I type this paragraph, and it's still get ache until now.
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First time I having girlfriend and I'm her first boyfriend, it happened at around 2014. I still learn about writing and I post at Facebook, that's make she so upset. Actually that's just a misunderstanding, because that's I told on Facebook it's just a fiction, when I told with WHAT IF I, there's Jeanine Weigel's play as my fictional being. Of course I don't have meet with that's pretty Thailand artist, I just know her with internet connection and that's because my friend in my high school show me. But my first girlfriend being jealousy, might be the fiction was make she's heart broken. But I hate that's feelings, I hate feelings kind of envy or jealous because both of them came from the competition with absurdity and individualist-form and feeling just every single one of them who wanted to be the most of winner.
There are Paulo Coelho's book of it that's has titled The Winner Stands Alone. Just foolish very wanted to be the most of winner, even winning of everything, because they try to be a God and the bested all bastards in they perspective that's actually not bastard for real. It's I have to agree Gus Tf Sakai argument on the first sentence of this book?
Just because I'm one of poet with genuine style between my own language, Indonesian language and could write English poems, many women around me having perspective that I was Nicholas Saputra Junior—just because the real Nicholas Saputra starting his carrier to be a local-actor has been playing a unique teenage-poet who came to winner in competition of poetry in high school degree, but it's just a movie-fiction—and when Kaoru and me go dating to a coffee-shop near of my home, I ask Kaoru opinion of myself.
"No, I won't." said Kaoru.
"Why? Just one words, please."
"Okay. Let me think about it, hm."
I still wait at the time.
"Some feels like adoring, but another else is my secret."
I nodded. But in my secret too, I was very happy and get most happiness since I was born in this world [if it's true I was born, not like extra-terrestrial being whose stranded and get lost from my origin's dimension or planet or anything that's I have believe because my first memory.]
"What is on your mind right now?" ask Kaoru.
Then I say, "I want to marry with you."
And Kaoru give her smile, "How lucky I am!"
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But the song, Tanpa Cinta[3], finally I send to her. This is seem like Western-lightweight-fiction that's ingredient is When I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars, when the last time I met her after she back from West Java, I know she's not virgin anymore. She's getting growth and more apart with so far from me, she not liked a kind of her from before this. She was change herself. Well, it reminds me with Keane's song Everybody's Changing. I hate her now, she fools and stupid. I won't have stupid wife. She betrayed me.
[1]If translated it's mean "Without Love"
[2] Rice-pudding with curry sauce
[3] Without Love, describing about the one
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