Capítulo 11: Enter Verosika
I called Mox and Millie to tell them where I was before dinner was served at the Goetian household. Stolas tried to persuade me to stay the night as his guest, but I respectfully said no and I already had a ride home. While he was poo-pooing about it, Octavia understood and we were both amused.
One car ride later, I was back in my room where I collapsed face first into my pillow. I was so full that I think I'd be good to go the whole day tomorrow without eating. Whew! What a meal. I switched onto my back to allow the food coma to overtake me. The least I can worry about was singing again.
Or so I thought.
My peaceful morning was immediately ruined by a sudden loud honking from outside. I immediately shot up from the couch with a start, almost falling off. Going over to the window, my sleepy eyes fell upon the company van. I rubbed my eyes to make sure it wasn't just the morning dust distorting my vision. Nope, 'twas the company van indeed. "What the fuck?" I slurred in my speech.
"What in the name of Beezlebub is going on?" Moxxie asked, looking just as disgruntled as I was.
"It's Blitz," I grumbled. "He's right outside of the apartment."
"Wha-?" Moxxie joined me at the window and couldn't believe it either. He immediately went to the door to yell at Blitzo. "Sir! What in all of Hell are you doing?"
The little circus imp poked his head out from the driver side window and whipped out his bullhorn. "Oh great, you guys are up! Come on and get out here! It's company carpool day!"
"Company carpool day? When did that start to be a thing?" Moxxie asked confused and annoyed.
"Probably just now, I'm betting," guessed I, equally annoyed. "Just out of fucking nowhere just to fuck with us." I let out a irritated sigh. "Come on, let's get going before he starts waking up everybody." As you all could probably tell, this was a scenario neither of us were too keen about. "Damn that Blitz. I gonna kill him someday." I grumbled grumpily. Nor what was about to happen to us a little later.
One quick change of clothes and a shot of something with caffeine later, we were all in the van driving over to work. Roughly, I'd say I was feeling 30% awake and 70% irritated. Like one of those "I hate Mondays" sort of day. Meanwhile, Blitz (at this moment in time) was jamming out to some rock song called "Mustang Dong" sung by who gives a fuck. I didn't mind the song, although it made me feel a bit discomforted. I could see that Loona was feeling the same way I did, judging by her body language. Whilst I was still grumpy though, Moxxie was covering his ears. I don't know whether it was because of the volume or just the song. But he didn't seem to care for it either. And Mills, well, she was just enjoying the day; sticking her head out the van window. How she seems so happy about this I'll never know.
We made it to the company lot with all the other cars usually parked by folks with mundane jobs possibly like us. It was supposedly big enough for regular city standards with a bit of graffiti here and there with two signs. One saying "Buck You Flitzo" (Ha, ha. Hilarious.), and the other was a billboard with something dealing with holy water. I couldn't make out what it said.
We soon made it through the broken crossing gate and pulled on in. I was wanting to just work until my break and then nap through most of it. Or at least nap a little while Blitzo, Mox, and Mills were on assignment. We weaved here and there until we found an opened space. At least it was until some asshole suddenly cut in front of us from fucking nowhere! Next thing we knew, we swerved to avoid the damn vehicle.
We in the back, as well as Loona in the front, braced ourselves until we came to a complete stop near the car. Getting a chance to look out the rolled down window, it looked like very pink, sporty-looking car with the license plate reading "SUCK-4-LIFE". Who could possibly have the gall to just sweep in like this?! Honestly.
"Oh, you 'suck for life' do you?!" I heard Blitz say. He took out his megaphone and spoke to whoever was the owner out of the passenger side. "Listen up, you unoriginal pink cum-dump! You have three goddamn seconds to get your tits out of my parking spot!"
A figure stepped out of the passenger side of the car. From what I understood from Stolas educating me about who was who in Hell, she looked a succubus. A tall succubus demon with an hourglass figure, hot pink skin and a barbed tail with a black tip. She had two black tipped horns with a black star on each side and her left horn was slightly taller than the other one. Her long ombre-white hair had pink undertones, from lighter to darker towards the tips, and a darker pink streak down the length and across the bangs.
It was hard to tell, but by squinting I could see she also had a red heart-shaped tattoo on her right upper arm, which had Blitzo's name written within it only to be crossed out with a big black 'X'. Her hair matched her accessorized pink fur coat, under which she wore a tightly-fitted white and black mini dress. The dress had a prominent contrasting 'X' and 'O' pattern on the chest, as well as a star design on the abdomen. She also had long black thigh-highs with black high heels that had a heart motif and three X-shaped cutouts down the sides. And to top it all off, she wore a pair of round shades with pink heart designs in the lenses.
"Oh, shit! Verosika!" I heard Blitz say.
"Who?" I asked.
The succubus known as Verosika blew a bubble from the gum she was chewing and crossed her arms. After it popped, she finally spoke. "Blitzo."
"I should have known you'd be here. I could smell fish for miles, which is odd because I believe the nearest ocean is-" Blitz fell out of the window, hitting the concrete. "-Three rings down!"
"And I should have known you'd be here when I heard the Amber Alerts," Verosika retorted.
"Oh yeah? I'm surprised they let your fat ass out of rehab. I can see you're still a drunken whore, clutching on to that Beezle-juice bottle like it's the last cock in Hell."
"They let me off because I'm still famous," said she with a flip of her hair, "and rehab is for sad loser wash ups." Verosika took out a red and white flask and took a sip of what I assumed was an alcoholic beverage. She wiped off some of the residue from her mouth before continuing. "So, your sister says 'Hi'."
"Why are you parking here?" questioned an irritated Blitz as he walked up to her. Side-by-side she towered him by eh…a foot or so. "This is the only parking spot my company has. So take your tampon race car somewhere else!"
"Actually prick, it has my name on it." Verosika pointed to what I could assume was Blitz's name now covered by purple spray paint in the form of her name. "I'm doing a bit of freelance for one of the infinitely more successful companies of the building, and they want me to come in this week to lead their team during spring break."
Meanwhile, I could see how fixated Loona was on the conversation. This was probably the first time I've ever seen her acting not so…well, her. "No way," I heard her say.
"A week?! No-no, you are not parking here for a fucking week!" Blitz said getting hot and bothered.
"Aww, you mad Blitzo?" Lifting her shades up, I could see her eyes were a hot pink with yellow sclera, and a black heart under her right eye. Her face turned from sass to crass as she went on. "You gonna run off, leaving someone else to pay for the hotel room, steal their car,-"
"Run it three rings around and max my credit cards on shitty horse riding lessons?!," both imp and succubus said simultaneously.
"Goddamn it, whore. You will not let that go!" Blitz spewed out with a stomp.
"Choke on a sandpaper cock." Verosika retorted. She flipped him the one-finger salute while walking past him as you could hear the clinking of her shoes. As she passed our passenger window, Loona ducked down apparently fan struck and nervous. I can understand why. Doesn't take that much of a genius to figure it out.
Meanwhile, Blitz wasn't finished with his ex just yet. "Hold on! You better move that pussy wagon right now or I'm gonna-" a looming shape suddenly towered over the tiny imp. Both he, me, and Loona looked to see what I assumed was her Hellhound. He had a monotone gray color scheme similar to Loona's, only darker and the color of his eyes were the same as hers except for his left eye being completely white. I didn't know if he was blind in that eye or not.
Even so, the guy was jacked. Extremely muscular and had a scar on his left eye with slightly tattered ears. He also had a black fur pattern on his left arm, in the shape of a wolf's head and wore a ripped jacket with glowing red spikes and a black undershirt, as well as ripped grey pants. And right now, he looked like he was all business; growling at an intimidated Blitz. "You'll what?"
"I'll…call HR," Blitz said.
A momentary pause for laughter for that weird joke and…
"Anyway, meet my new Hellhound, Vortex," said Verosika. "And unlike you, he actually does his job well. Ta-ta, fuck stain." Once more flipping the bird at Blitz, she and her bodyguard walked into the building.
"Ugh, I wasted so much time with a bag of holes like that," said Blitz as some of you who have already seen the show know.
"You know Verosika Mayday?!" Loona asked, incredulous and dumbfounded.
"Huh?! Oh, yeah. Her. Yeah, we dated."
"Was that before or after she became a pop star?" Millie asked after opening the side door.
"You dated a pop star?" Moxxie asked next.
"Okay, why are you all acting like it's such a shock?" Blitz asked like it was wasn't that much of a big deal.
"Because it's Verosika Mayday?" Loona implied while leaning against the door with her arms folded.
"It's you?" said Mills.
"I just…is she blind?" Mox asked still wrapping his brains around it. "Suffering some form of brain damage?"
"It is rather hard to believe, Blitz." I admitted.
"Okay, look. You are all making this a way bigger deal than it needs to be. I don't pry into your stupid personal lives."
All at once, we said otherwise. Because he does if you recall.
"What was sex with her like?" Millie asked with curious intrigue.
"Millie!!" came Moxxie's response.
"What?! It's a pop star. You wanted to know what sex with Michael Crawford was like."
There was a brief pause as Mox was about to say something. He hesitated as he thought it over. "Touché"
Okay, didn't need to hear that part.
"Okay, well let's just drop it." Blitz ordered. "Millie, find a temporary spot for that truck okay? Loonie, Moxxie, Barry, let's go handle this shit." He tossed Millie the keys as the rest of us followed Blitz inside.
Riding the elevator to the seventh floor as we always do, I noticed something different about Loona. All of a sudden, she was starting to worry. "Do you think they saw me?" Loona asked, her hands nervously close together. "Fuck, I did my makeup shitty today!"
"Aww, you look perfect Loonie. Like always," said a reassuring Blitz.
"Shut up, Da-Blitz!" Oh, so close. Blitz seemed so close to being the happiest imp ever. Loona took out a pocket mirror to look herself over.
"Loona, relax. You already look amazing. Anyone who says differently doesn't know their ass from their elbo-" I accidentally bumped into mass of fur that was Vortex, the Hell Hound from earlier. "Oops. Sorry about that, dude," I said apologetically.
"S'all right, man," he said back to me. He seemed okay to me. Before I could say anything else, Blitz interrupted us.
"Hi, big man. Where's your bitch-bag of an employer?"
"She's in her office," said the massive Hell Hound. "There wasn't room on the second floor, so they rented here on this one." Sure enough, there was an office exactly across from us with a big 'VM' spray painted on the doors and pink neon lights in various places with three hearts on top of the door with one big heart in the middle.
Blitz, of course, was not so happy. "Come on!"
Vortex chuckled. "Sorry, man," he said carefree. As he walked off, I noticed Loona looking at Vortex with a little (how can I say it?) longing before looking a little heart-achy (I don't know how else to say it. The woman seemed a little infatuated with the guy). Now on the one hand, I can probably understand how she must be feeling; empathetically speaking. On the other hand, I couldn't help but feel a little jealous. I mean, I can't exactly remember the last time I was in a relationship. And nowadays, before coming here I mean, I never had much luck for some reason. I don't know, maybe it's because more women are becoming more "selective" and picky about the men they wanna date. Or maybe it's just me, who knows?
Okay, so putting inner thoughts aside…
"Oh no you don't, bitch," I heard my boss grumble, glaring at the room where the succubus lurked.
"Sir, how about you let me go in and try to reason with her?" Moxxie suggested. "I don't really listen to what's classified as 'pop genre music'. "
Just as Moxxie was prattling on, I took a gander at Blitz and saw that he was not in the mood for this as his glare shifted to Mox. Of course, so was Loona. But who's more pissed in this situation, I ask you? So, of course, it fell onto me to be the mediator of the group and step in before something happened.
"Uh Mox? I don't think boss gives a shit about your taste in genre music. How about we just go in there and talk things over with the succu-bitch already?"
"Alrighty then." Situation handled, we (as in Moxxie and I) went in through the doors and into the studio. Taking a deep breath, I knew exactly what to say and I'm sure Moxxie did too as we approached Verosika and her crew of sluts. Clearing my throat to get their attention, I gestured to Moxxie so that he could start first. "Hello, Miss Verosika was it? We work for I.M.P. and it is actually rather important for us to retain the singular parking space we were assigned because-"
"Aww, look at the little one. He's got a wittle bow tie," taunted one of the female succubi with poofy hair. It got a few of the other sluts to laugh but made Moxxie feel discomforted and degraded.
"Please don't condescend me, ma'am."
"Yeah, he gets enough of that from our boss," I added, cutting in. "So about that parking spot,-"
"Want a kiss, little guy?," one of the male succubi (or rather inccubi, whatever the male term for it was) asked him.
Being a bro (the word term for buddy, not the latter), I stepped in front of Moxxie with a hand in front of the guy. "Back the hell off, man." I warned him. "He's got a wife and he's happily married to her. And don't even think about asking me either. I'm quite happy with my heterosexuality, thank you."
My eyes scanned around the room and saw one succubus with long, pointy horns with black along the tips, long gray hair, and wore a black, knee-length skirt with a black mesh shirt with two black hearts covering I assumed to be size-A breasts. "Her maybe," I added jutting a thumb at her before saying firmly, "But you, uh heh, no. Sorry. But no homo."
"Hey, why don't you two send a little message from me back to your Limp. Dick. Boss?" Verosika suggested with a wicked glare. And before one could say Tim Curry, she and her posse changed into their demonic forms.
"Oh…shit bisc-UITS!!" Before we knew it, they were on us like white on rice and not in the "hell yeah" sort of way. I'll spare the graphic details because I don't want to go into it. But short story told (too soon), we were getting assaulted sexually in all the wrong places in all the wrong ways.
I was doing my best to fight these assholes off when I could hear a fearful Blitz screaming "Moxxie! Barry! Don't let her access any of your holes!!" It was plain chaos! They were all over us! But with all the strong resolve I could muster, I shoved those sons (and daughters) of bitches off of me, grabbed Moxxie by the tail while grabbing a mike stand, and started swinging wildly at them. "BACK! BACK! BACK, YOU…HEATHEN BARBARIANS!!" I screamed, for this is what sexual assault looks like and I ain't (I repeat) ain't gonna have it!
I kept the horny assholes at bay long enough for the two of us to get out of the room as I left mike stand behind. Slamming the doors shut, we both gasped and panted. Our faces were smothered with smooches and that's all I'm going to say on the matter. "What. The. FUCK?!" I exclaimed with a mix of shock and anger, mostly anger. I mean, first a rude wake up call. And now this?! Oh HELL FUCKING NO!!
I made it out pretty well for myself, but Moxxie…I think he got the worst of it. "I…I gotta go lie down, now," my battered cohort said. He struggled for a few feet, then collapsed onto the floor.
Upon seeing what was done to us, it was the last straw for Blitz. I couldn't blame him. I was too angry and too furious myself for what those assholes did to me. Scratch that, I was too enraged. No one does that to me without my consent. NO! One! PERIOD!
Oh this won't stand!" Blitz declared.
"I hear ya," said I in agreement. "No one does that to me. Nobody!" I was ready to rage and rain hellfire on these fucks. "I'm gonna to go march right back in there, and slap the skin off of them before I mutilate them for body donations!" I looked to see Loona standing there both surprised and speechless at what I said.
"Now Barry, you know better than that. We are going to fuck these fuckers up!"
"Fine by me!"
Bursting through the doors with scowls on our faces, me and the boss stormed in like rioters would later do at the Capitol (you know the reference). "Alright! That's it!" Blitz proclaimed. "If you're going to be shitty to my employees, then I challenge you to a fucking…challenge! Fuck, I said that twice."
I frowned at my boss's choice of words. "You really know how to lay it down, boss," I said sarcastically.
"Mmm, is this imp boy starting a demon duel?," asked the succubus I mentioned earlier.
"I think he is," said Verosika in a mocking tone. She leaned down to Blitz's level to ask "What's the game then, Blitzo?"
"Every year, you STD spreaders go up topside for easy pickings while spring break is a prime time for crimes of all kinds. So I bet you succu-bitches can't fuck as many people as we can off by the end of the day."
The bitch and her posse laughed at his ridiculous challenge which just made me and Blitz scowl even more. "Oh, you're serious?," the pop-star asked once the laughing stopped.
"Does this not look serious to you?!" I asked with indignation. I pointed fiercely to my face to show her my expression of sincere infuriation. "Winner gets the fucking parking spot! And the loser pisses the hell off! It's as simple as that!"
Verosika gave me a cheeky smile which only made my urge to kill rise, then turned to my shrimp of a boss and leaned down to him. "Okay then. Game on, bitch."
Challenge made, we walked out of the studio back to our office. But not before I gave Verosika a series of gestures roughly telling her "I will break you", followed by a double bird to her and her cronies. For this was war. UNHOLY WAR! And I sure as hell ain't gonna to lose. Not now. Not ever.
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