Capítulo 245: Unacceptable Truth
Even though the illusions had stopped, Yaan could still see those images, as if they were burned into his eyes. Likewise, the sounds seemed to linger, echoing through his ears. He could see the blood and the brutalised corpses of every person he had cut down. He could hear the screams of pain and fear from every single person he had killed. He could still see the grieving expressions on the faces of the fallen's families as he passed through their lives like a walking calamity.
He had become a true monster, perhaps the worst monster below the Immortal Step that this world had ever seen.
Yaan had convinced himself that he had no heart, and he had truly believed it…but now, the illusion had finally broken down. After Yaan saw the truth in himself, he finally comprehended the 'truth fragment' of the illusion dao entirely, but this only caused his grief to grow deeper.
"I knew that I had become a monster, but I told myself - so what? I told myself that I had no heart! But it was all a delusion…I have actually been living in an illusion of my own creation…"
With the illusion covering his dao soul no longer in place, Yaan felt every single trace of agony that had gathered within his dao across the many gruelling years. He felt a pain like no other pain, a pain so unspeakable, both physically, mentally, emotionally, and on a level that could only be described as 'agony of one's dao', that it wouldn't be strange if he instantly died from the pain alone.
But instead, Yaan felt that this pain…was not enough…
He deserved so, so much worse.
How could any amount of pain be sufficient to repent for the terrible things he had done, for the misery he had spread across this world?
Yaan smiled with a broken smile so bitter, so sad and pained, that if others saw his face, they would break down in tears, unable to control themselves. Even immortals would be affected by this expression and the pained aura on his body, because right now, Yaan finally understood that he…had failed.
He had failed in every regard.
He had failed to understand his own heart. He had failed to live up to the ideals he once held as a young child. He had failed to choose the correct path…
But he had found the truth, right? Was that not what he set out to do in the first place, regardless of the cost, regardless of what he needed to become?
Well, he had indeed found the truth, only to realise that this truth…was something he could not bring himself to accept.
Why did he seek this truth so desperately? Just to understand the mysteries behind his life? That was part of it, but the other part, was because he had believed that only by discovering the truth, would he be able to walk against his damned fate!
He had lived his life as a monster, thinking that he was resisting his fate…but he was a heart demon, an entity deemed as malicious, evil and abominable, by all living beings under the sky! Everything he had done, was the path dictated for him from the very beginning! He had completely and utterly failed to walk against his fate!
Yaan, still racked with a sort of pain so unbearable that it would leave even gods begging for mercy, sighed deeply. A faint ray of understanding appeared in his eyes. However, despite there being the light of understanding…there was nothing else.
He had lost his drive, his motivation, his will to go on. Everything that had previously fuelled his will to follow his path, had now been flipped around, used to mock him and break him down.
"I understand that this is all true…but I am yet to accept it." Yaan suddenly spoke with an eery calmness, directing his monotone words to nobody in particular.
"So long as I accept it, I will pass my tribulation. I will become an immortal, and a strong immortal at that…"
After saying this, Yaan shook his head, sighing deeply.
"But accepting this truth, is the same as accepting my fate. If I accept this truth, I will return to the same path I was on before. I will continue to live as the 'evil heart demon', bringing calamity to this world, until finally, my preordained fate reaches its end. This end…is a battle against the Primordial Devil…"
Yaan smiled, but there was no joy in his smile. His smile was empty and his eyes were vacant, but he was already certain about the choice he was going to make.
"When I inevitably fight the Primordial Devil, either he kills me, resulting in my death and his ascension. Or, I kill him…resulting in the both of our deaths. My entire existence is based upon my dao soul existing in opposition to his. His death…also means my death…"
Yaan was certain of this. Now, without the illusion deluding him into overlooking his own dao heart and soul, he had attained complete comprehension over the truth fragment of the illusion dao.
Not all earthly daos were equal, and likewise, not all of the fragments that made up an earthly dao were equal. The truth fragment was one of the major fragments that made up the illusion dao.
Obviously Yaan couldn't understand all truths in this world, but he could at least see through the truths of himself.
Yaan knew what he needed to do, he knew what he wanted…
What he wanted, was for all of this to end.
He didn't care anymore. About life, about cultivation, about all the people scheming against him…
Had anything good come of his life? Had anything good come of his pursuit of cultivation?
He was tired of it all.
"If accepting the truth behind my existence means temporarily surviving by clinging to life and embracing my fate…then I would rather just fail and die right now."
The moment Yaan spoke these words, the world around him began to collapse. He closed his eyes, knowing that he had failed his immortal ascension tribulation, and that now, he would die. He didn't feel at peace with himself, but neither did he feel unwilling. He didn't feel anything much regarding the prospect of his own death…
Perhaps that was why, in this instant, the instant Yaan felt himself slipping into a place that he could only call 'death', he came to an understanding.
He had failed his tribulation, he was clearly fated to die, he knew that…
But perhaps death could wait, just for a little while.
Yaan opened his eyes in the physical world. Seeing this, Rui, the reincarnated Primordial Devil, and the Primordial Sage all watched him, remaining silent as he stood up.
Only…he did not shed his mortal skin.
"You…" The devil stared at Yaan with wide eyes, not understanding what he was witnessing right now.
"I failed my tribulation, yes." Yaan glanced at him apathetically and nodded.
"Then how are you still alive?!"
Yaan looked away, casting his gaze over the trees in the forest. He looked at all of the life that surrounded him, this vibrant world….this desolate world.
From the moment that Yaan returned from his failed tribulation until now, a deep golden vortex had been circulating through his eyes. This vortex emitted a strong pressure, a pressure that felt like life and death had intertwined, forming a cycle of infinite rebirth.
At the moment Yaan felt himself dying due to failing the tribulation, he actually comprehended the law of life and death to the immortal stage!
This was a principle law, a complete principle law!
And the fragment of life and death that he had comprehended, was naturally 'rebirth'. He had actually comprehended the heavenly dao's entire understanding of rebirth, the complete law of rebirth that naturally existed in this world…
His talent in comprehending life and death had always been incredible, after all, he inherited the Primordial Devil's own comprehension talent into this dao, which was clearly shocking.
Yaan had failed his tribulation, but he was alive…right?
Unfortunately, that was not really the case.
"You…there's not a single drop of life essence in your body, your soul, your Qi, or your mind!" The Primordial Devil stepped towards Yaan, his eyes glowing with red light as he tried his best to see through the mystery before him. However, in the next moment, the light vanished from his eyes and he stood up. His gaze towards Yaan had become very strange.
'So the mastermind behind him must be watching right now, they have already seen through the truth…' Yaan thought to himself mildly.
He was a dead man walking, it was impossible for him to feel threatened or afraid any longer. All he felt was a pained melancholy, and an uncertainty about how he should spend his remaining few years…
That said, once the Primordial Devil realised that Yaan was currently being sustained entirely by the mortal life essence that he had absorbed into his dao soul back then, and it was depleting at a terrifying rate, he would probably kill him, right?
Thinking this, Yaan shot up towards the sky without warning.
"Bastard!" The Primordial Devil didn't hesitate to lash out at Yaan, who had already reached the nearby formation in the sky so quickly that it caught everyone off guard.
BANG!
Yaan's body was obliterated entirely by the strike, but he forced himself to reform enough of his body and his cultivation, that he was at least able to activate the transportation formation.
The Primordial Devil was about to strike again. Yaan ignored him, focussed only on his escape. He knew that his chances were basically non-existent, but he had to try…he didn't care if he died, but dying to the Primordial Devil was unacceptable!
However, the Primordial Devil's second strike never came.
Floating by his shoulder in the air, visible only to the red-haired giant himself, the Primordial Sage convinced him to allow Yaan to escape.
"Don't kill him yet. He failed to reach the Immortal Step, but his understanding of his own dao has undergone a metamorphosis. Whilst he cannot form a named dao heart, his dao will continue improving up until the moment of his death."
"So I should wait until then? How long will that be?" The Primordial Devil asked through gritted teeth, clenching his fists in anger.
How could he not be angry? The plan they had been executing for the past 2,000 years, had now truly failed!
He was enraged, but the Primordial Sage remained indifferent. It was as if nothing could shake her heart…nothing in this world could even make her feel a single trace of emotion.
"He has absorbed an ocean of mortal life essence into his dao soul, but his body, soul, mind and Qi are already dead. In order to live, he must continually provide life to a body that has already died. He will soon realise the issue and choose to live as a mortal, giving him a mortal lifespan at most."
Contrary to his expectations, Yaan actually reached the portal, but he didn't waste any time dwelling on this. He immediately activated the formation according to the method he had deduced in 'secret' during the three years he spent training here under the devil's tuition.
Of course, the Primordial Sage saw through this, but she did nothing to stop him.
For the first time in an unknown number of years, the sky lit up with blinding star-light. From one star to the next, countless patterns of constellations filled the night sky. This light illuminated the entire region above the central Bloody Totem Province as a distinctive rune appeared in the sky.
The Bloody Totem Province had long since been evacuated due to the Blood Plane Lord informing the War Flower Emperor that he needed to be undisturbed in this region for three years. However, even though there was nobody within tens of thousands of miles of here, the rune glowed with such immense splendour that it could actually be seen from multiple neighbouring provinces. Billions of stunned lives stared up at the sky, unable to look away from this never seen before phenomena.
The rune, formed from countless star nodes, was filled with the dao of space. The moment this dao law erupted, it swallowed Yaan whole. In the next instant, Yaan vanished and the rune faded away, eventually disappearing entirely as the sky returned to normal.
Activating the formation turned out to be quite simple. This formation used the energy which was extracted from the world by those burning false stars over a period of 10,000 years. Thankfully, the formation's energy had been accumulating for far longer than this.
Just before Yaan was taken away to an unknown place, he looked back at the world around him and sighed. He had made far too many enemies in this region, but there were two figures that entered his mind as he left.
'Bloody Totem Tribe Leader…you knew from the beginning that I intended to use your tribe to reach my own goals, but you were willing to bet on me anyway. In the end, you never lost hope in me, even when I started losing my mind. At first, I thought you were just a selfish person with deep ambitions…but now I understand, you are simply a woman who loves her tribe more than anything else in the world. I hope that your tribe prospers, even without me…'
'Ga Shu…are you still alive, Ga Shu? I truly hope that you are alive and well…Ga Shu, if you one day return to this place, will you assume that I have died? Will you move on? Or will you wait for me endlessly, despite there being no hope of me ever coming back…? Ga Shu…you are the only person who ever called me 'good', despite understanding me…I hope that you live a good life, Ga Shu…'
And with that, Yaan vanished, entering a separate micro-realm, hidden from the outside world on the Blood Plane.
The Primordial Sage casually created a portal of her own making, entering alongside the Primordial Devil. Her expression remained unmoved as she followed after Yaan without the slightest bit of difficulty, but as always, she remained hidden in the shadows.
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