Capítulo 9: Sometimes, Goodbye Is A New Chance
Everything was in slow-motion for Severus, once he saw the werewolf in the dark corner of the room. It snarled, drool dripping from its mouth. It's eyes looking directly at him with desire. Its body was huge, much bigger than a normal size person. From the shadows, it had the shape of a human being, but the mouth, nose, head, legs and arms were that of a wolf, with its whole body covered in fur.
Severus read about werewolves and studied them, fascinated by their ability to withstand several magic spells, with the exception of two of the Unforgivables. He never saw one in person before, until now. His heart raced and his concentration was on the verge of being lost to him. But he willed himself to not panic and focused in on the creature before him. He stared deep into its eyes.
It was then that Severus figured out that the beast was Remus Lupin. His theory was right about him all along. The disappearances during the full moon of every month. The hidden scars. The excuses of why he looked so sick. Despite that he knew the truth long before, this was the full official confirmation of Lupin's dark secret before him.
And it was hungry for his flesh.
The werewolf leaped for him, its claws and jaws opening wide for attack. Gasping, Severus threw himself to the side, just barely managing to miss the beast by mere inches. He could feel the sharp claws swinging past his robes, almost cutting them. As he slid across the wooden floor, he heard a crash from behind him, realizing that the miss bought him just a few seconds to get away. Wasting no time, he pushed himself off the ground and made a run for the door, his full focus on getting out alive.
Once reaching the wooden door, Severus grabbed the door handle and slammed it shut behind him, rushing down the stairs. He didn't even bother locking it, knowing he had very little time, and that the door itself wouldn't contain his attacker. His only use for it was to slow the monster down.
Before he even made it halfway down the stairs, he suddenly heard a loud crash from behind him. He recognized the sound of wood shattering, along with a loud roar that sent shivers through his whole body.
He felt the weight of the beast against his back, sending him flying the rest of the way down the stairs. The werewolf flew over him at high speed, having not been aware of the stairs that laid beyond the doorway, as it made a large crack on the ground below and was sent right towards the wall. A loud bang could be heard from where it hit, whimpering in pain.
Severus made contact with the hard, cold floor of the basement, rolling to a complete stop. He could feel all sorts of pain rushing through his entire body. Although unable to tell if anything was broken at the moment, he forced those feelings to the back of his mind and looked back up the stairs, seeing that the entire door had been shattered by the beast.
Immediately on alert again, he searched his surroundings and saw the figure of the werewolf in the darkness, having hit the wall on its way down the stairs. It looked disorientated from the crash, unaware of his presence at the moment. But he knew its sense would return within seconds.
Despite the pain, Severus forced himself up and searched for the large metal door, knowing it was the only thing that could keep the beast from coming after him. Once he found it, he put immediately began running, putting all of his energy into his legs. His hand reached out for the steel handle as he heard the beast roar once again and started running for him. He could hear the sharp claws hitting the hard floor, intended for his very flesh. He could feel and hear the heavy breathing from its mouth, which its jaws would feast on his flesh.
Never before in Severus's life had he felt so much fear. Not since he was a little boy.
His father's rage used to affect him in ways like this. But time had made him immune to fear. Even before he started using Occlumency to block his emotions, he had used to ignore the yelling and the hitting his father would do to him and his mother. But now that fear had returned. And it was back with a vengeance.
Feeling the terrible breath of the werewolf on his shoulders and neck, Severus threw his body through the entrance and grabbed ahold of the steel handle of the metal door, slamming it shut as he exited the dark room. He felt the force of the werewolf hitting the steel, its claws scratching on the other side. A loud series of howling echoed through the tunnel, increasing Severus's adrenaline as he turned the handle and sealed the entrance.
Not wanting to chance anything, he ran down the tunnel, not daring to look back as he heard the howling from behind him. It echoed in his ears, even after it was long gone. All he could think of was how close he had come to being killed the beast.
After reaching the surface from the hidden passage of the Whomping Willow tree, he fell to his knees, breathing heavily as he supported himself with his hands. All he could do was stare at the ground, a thousand different thoughts and feelings rushing through him. Sweat slowly ran from his forehead and dropped to the grass beneath him. It took a while before he finally got his breathing under control and allowed for the effects of what had just happened wash over him.
Who had written the letter, if not Lily? And who would have known Reus would have been at the Shrieking Shack?
Then his eyes widened as the revelation hit him. His expression changed from shock to anger. His eyes narrowed. His body beginning to shake with anger.
There was only one small group of people who would have known about Lupin being a werewolf. One group of people who would have known he would have fallen for the prank without thinking, as long as Lily was the core reason.
The Marauders!
Like noise down a long tunnel, he heard a small sound barely reaching his ears. It got louder with each passing minute, finally getting to the point that he recognized it as laughter. And when his senses fully came back, he could pinpoint exactly where it was coming from. And who it belonged to.
Blood boiling under his skin, with a red mist clouding his vision, Severus looked up from the ground and saw Sirius Black just a few feet away. Laughing at the sight of him.
Lost in his anger, Severus sprinted forward and grabbed Sirius by the collar of his shirt. He lifted him off the ground, with full adrenaline and anger as his support.
"WHAT HE HELL DID YOU JUST DO, BLACK?!"
Severus's yelling echoed through the night around them, with the full moon shining bright in the sky.
Sirius's laughing slowed as he looked Severus in the eyes and smirked.
"Oh, sod off, Snivellus. It was just a prank. I knew a smart man like you would have made it out alive. And besides, you didn't get scratched from the looks like."
The red mist grew, covering his vision even more. He tightened his grip on him, nearly growling with fury.
"A PRANK?!" Sev's control was completely gone by that point, leaving him at the mercy of his own emotions. "Is that what you call this?! A fucking prank?! Did you really think this through Black?! What do you think would have happened if I died?! Or if I was scratched?!"
Sirius chuckled again, like it was a joke to him.
The very sound angered Severus even more. To the point he formed a fist with one hand and brought it back, while the other continued to hold Black off the ground.
"What does it matter, Snivellus? It isn't like anyone would miss you if you died? Although, maybe your mother will. Just the sight of you makes me feel bad for her."
Without warning, Severus punched Sirius, hearing the sound of his fist make contact with the side of his cheek.
It immediately put a stop to Sirius's laughing as he was thrown backwards to the ground. When he tried to lean up, he felt another punch to his face, forcing him back down, with blood dripping from his mouth.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Severus screamed, his hands moving against his hair in frustration. "Why can't you just leave me alone?! Why is it that I'm always the one who suffers because of your bullying?! You and Potter could have chosen anyone from Slytherin who truly deserves it more than I do. Mulciber, Avery, your own brother for crying out loud! Why do I have to be the center of all of your pranks?!"
Sirius coughed and smiled, leaning up on one elbow.
"Because you just are. You're a Slytherin! You were destined to become a Death Eater the moment you got Sorted into that House. Everyone knows that all Slytherins are evil. You judge people by their blood status and declare death to those who are Muggleborn or Blood-Traitors."
Severus started to laugh in disbelief. Finding the irony to be both funny and yet, shocking.
"Looks who's talking! Do you even realize that there are those of us who don't want to join the Dark Lord? Or that there are those of us who don't care about the Pureblood society? No, course not! Because you just judge people without getting to know them! You look down on others who are not Gryffinor or as popular as you!" He shook his head as bent down next to Sirius, still seeing the red mist. "Tell me, Black. Did you ever once take into consideration of what would have happened to Lupin if I were killed or turned by him? Hmm?! His secret would have been exposed, not to mention sent to Azkaban. Or worse!"
"Dumbledore would have handled it if it came to that." Sirius countered, wiping the blood from his mouth and cheek.
Severus couldn't believe what he was hearing. But he knew, deep down that he should have known that would have been the likeliest outcome.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" He backed a couple feet away, looking towards the sky and back to Sirius again. "No wait, I actually can believe it! Of course, Dumbledore would have covered for you and your friends, despite whether or not it involved murder. But you still don't get what I mean, do you? I wasn't just talking about how the rest of the Wizarding World would have reacted. I was also talking about Lupin. I may not know him well, but I do know that he has a soft side and has a strong conscience." He shook his head, scoffing. "The whole time you wrote that letter and sent me to my potential death, you never once thought about what this would have done to Lupin. He would have held himself responsible if I were to die or got turned. In fact, he probably would have hated himself for it."
For a moment, Sirius blinked and looked towards the ground of where he sat, letting the words sink in.
Bending down, Severus glared at the head of the Marauder, sneering as he realized he managed to get through to him.
"Let me tell you something, Black. If your plan had worked, I can guarantee that you would have been brought down to my level. You may not want to admit it, but you have a good amount of Slytherin with you."
Sirius felt a shiver run down his spine as reality hit him at full speed. While his senses were still working their way back to normal, he listened to everything that the Slytherin had to say and surprised himself when he took them into consideration. But then he felt his confidence returning and started to chuckle, leading to laughter as he fell back against the ground.
Severus was taken back by the Marauder's behavior, although he expected it from him.
"There is no way I could be brought down to your kind of low, Snivellus," Sirius got up, dusting the grass and dirt off of him. "So, what if it had happened? Everyone knows that a dead Slytherin is better than a live one. If you were killed, I'm sure Remus wouldn't have cared. In fact, the whole school would have seen it as one less potential Death Eater."
Anger rose again within Severus. His fists forming. However, he took control and channeled his anger through him. Letting it flow like a peaceful river, until he was in the right mindset to respond.
"Justify it anyway, you like, Black. It doesn't change the fact that what you did was pretty much close to murder. Or conspiracy to murder, as the Muggles call it."
"Ah, stop complaining! Learn to take a joke!"
"Gentlemen!" came a voice of authority, making the two young wizards turn to the source of its owner.
Standing a little ways from them was Professor Dumbledore. He looked at both of them with an indifferent expression, clearly having heard enough of what was said between the two.
"I believe it is best we take this matter to my office," he motioned towards the castle. "After you."
Although reluctant, Severus obeyed and followed behind Sirius, who had immediately started walking back to the castle of Hogwarts. Once arriving in the Headmaster's office, Dumbledore closed the door and turned to both men, walking past them to his desk and sat down. He then ordered them to sit in the seats in front of the desk, while also offering a lemon drop.
Both of them declined.
As Severus studied the bowl of lemon drops on the desk, he started to wonder if the rumors of the Headmaster putting Veritaserum in them were true.
"Now, gentlemen," he folded his hands on top of the desk. "Last time I checked, it is against the rules for students to be out of their dorms during curfew, unless they are Perfects or Heads. So, who wants to explain to me what exactly happened this evening?"
Severus didn't object as Sirius went first. He wanted to hear the bullshit story that the Gryffindor would try to spin in order to save his ass from getting into trouble. He almost chuckled as Sirius explained that he was out of his dormitory because he was suspicious of Snape and found him by the Whomping Willow. Without even having to say it out loud, Severus could easily see so many problems with his story. He couldn't help but silently sneer all the way through the tale.
When the Headmaster turned to him, Severus explained that he had gotten a mysterious letter from Lily Evans and that it asked for him to go to the Shrieking Shack.
Hearing this made the Headmaster's expression turn to worry.
Continuing with his story, he explained his encounter with the werewolf, but kept out that he knew it was Remus, not wanting to put himself in a bad position with the old Professor.
"I know it was Sirius Black who wrote the letter, sir."
Dumbledore raised an eyebrow and asked, "Do you have the letter with you, Mr. Snape?"
Reaching into his pockets, Severus's eyes widened as he realized that he had dropped it back at the Shrieking Shack in the midst of the chaos he was in.
"I'm afraid I lost it back at the Shrieking Shack," he shook his head in disappointment.
Sirius smiled.
"In that case, Mr. Snape," Dumbledore sighed. "I'm afraid I can't do anything about it. Even if you had evidence that Sirius wrote the letter, I would still be unable to do anything without exposing Mr. Lupin."
Severus scoffed and replied, "Of course! Its what you do best whenever your precious Marauders are involved or in trouble. Always getting them off the hook, justifying their harmless-boy-pranks and child-like-behaviors."
"I don't appreciate your tone or choice of words, Mr. Snape. The only reason I'm willing to overlook it is because of... recent events."
Sirius looked between the two, confused by what the Headmaster meant.
Severus wanted to punch the old man for mentioning the deaths of his parents in front of Sirius, especially since he had promised to keep it a secret. He didn't want anyone to know about that.
Before he could say anything, Dumbledore continued.
"Now, because you are fully aware of Mr. Lupin's secret, I'm going to have to demand you not to reveal this information to anyone else. Not to your classmates or Housemates. Not even off school grounds. If you do, I will have you expelled from Hogwarts and have your wand snapped. Is that clear?"
"Honestly, Professor, I don't care," Severus shook his head, disgusted. "Even if I had all the evidence in the world to prove what Black did, you would still ignore it. But I can promise you that you can rest easy, Headmaster. I won't reveal Lupin's secret to anyone. It doesn't concern me anyway."
Dumbledore's eyes narrowed as he rubbed his beard.
"I'll take that as your cooperation, Mr. Snape." He continued to study him. "Seeing as this issue is only between the three of us, and also Mr. Lupin, I think it is best that we keep it that way. I won't give any punishments to either of you. I believe that what you saw in the Shrieking Shack is punishment enough for you, Mr. Snape. But consider yourselves lucky. It is only because of Mr. Lupin's secret that you are not in trouble." He stood up from his seat. "You're free to go. And enjoy the night. I hear all the Houses are throwing parties tomorrow."
Both Severus and Sirius nodded, exiting the office as they went their separate ways.
While on the way back to his dormitory, Severus made fists with his hands again, angry with how the evening events unfolded. He knew he should have seen all of this coming from a mile away. He should have known that Lily wouldn't have forgiven him that easily. Let alone actually want to see him. He hated himself for not seeing that the handwriting wasn't hers.
But what was worse was that Sirius Black had gotten away with trying to have him murdered by a werewolf. Deep down he was hoping that this would have been the moment Black's luck ran out. He wanted to see that smirk and confidence disappear in a blink of an eye. To see him dragged off to Azkaban and to have the final laugh. But he knew that Dumbledore would have prevented it from happening.
His thoughts drifted to Dumbledore and his anger doubled. All his life he once thought of the old Headmaster as someone to look up to. He believed him to be a man who didn't take sides and would always do what was right. No matter what. But the moment he came to Hogwarts, those beliefs were immediately crushed. Instead of a man who had an understanding of all sides, he found a man who had a blinding love for the Marauders and all of Gryffindor. In his eyes, no Marauder or Gryffindor could harm a fly. Maybe put people into the hospital wing, tease, bully, and even have the tendency to try and commit murder. But never harm a fly.
While Severus didn't blame anyone for holding a grudge or resentment towards Slytherin, he was fully aware of the victims who had to suffer the consequences of those who gave Slytherin a bad name. Truth be told, there were purebloods, even half-bloods, who didn't believe in the Pure-Blood Society or the Death Eaters. In fact, he was aware of a certain few who didn't have a single drop of pureblood within 'em. He was certainly aware that no Muggleborns were in Slytherin.
One of the theories as to why that is, was that Dumbledore had put a spell on the Sorting Hat to Sort any Muggleborn to another House, if they had potential of being a Slytherin. Thinking about it more and more, Severus pretty much believed in that theory all the way through. But it only showed how much Dumbledore judged Slytherins by their name, not their actions. When it came to Avery, Mulciber and even himself, he could understand the judgement and hatred. But when it came to others, the ones who only wanted to study and live in peace, only to receive nasty remarks and pranks... they were the real victims in all of this. And it made Severus's blood boil at the thought.
What a beautiful lie it all was!
In his own personal hell at Spinner's End, he was told of a safe haven in the form of Hogwarts. The moment his mother told him all about the castle and the wonderful world of magic, he had a sense of renewed hope within him. And the day he had met Lily Evans, he became even more hopeful for the future. He remembered the day he went to Diagon's Alley and the day he boarded the Hogwarts Express, how they all continued to add to his hope. While he didn't realize it then, he had built himself up only to be torn down by the very same hope he had believed in so much.
He could remember the day he came to the legendary school of Hogwarts and the moment he was Sorted into Slytherin. While it didn't fully hit him at first, it worked its way slowly as he waited for all the things he had been told about to happen. But it was a dream that would never come true. As year after year passed, he became bitter and angry, bullied around for being a Slytherin and for having a fascination with the Dark Arts. He found comfort in the form of Avery and Mulciber. While he questioned everything about them, it was the only option opened to him. Lily had her own friends. Not to mention that they had been drifting apart from each other since the beginning of fourth year.
To his immediate disappointment, he also found that the staff of Hogwarts only ever paid attention to him or any Slytherin was when they had no choice. Even when he was being bullied, they did nothing and just turned the other way. Even the Perfects and Heads did the same as well.
Severus knew that all of these were parts of the main reason he was led down such a dark path. The abusiveness of his father. The bullying and teasing of the Marauders. The oblivious awareness of his existence from his teachers. Even his own mother, who did nothing to prevent what his father did to him. All of them were representations of everything the purebloods and the Death Eaters were against. In his own eyes, he only went with the side that showed the most interest in him. He wanted to feel wanted, and that was what the Darkness offered that the Light never did. He resented how everyone criticized him for being part of Mulciber and Avery's group, when all he ever wanted was to be treated like an equal and have friends.
But now, looking back, he realized that what he was looking for was never given to him by the Darkness or Slytherin. He fully realized that neither the Light nor the Dark welcomed him in the way he wanted. The Light would reject him and the Dark would only use him. Two different sides that told beautiful lies to control him.
It amazed Severus about how the Light and the Darkness were so similar, despite being so different. They were both judgmental and had their own agendas. Just like Dumbledore and Voldemort. One was the side of Light, the other for the side of Darkness. Voldemort held a great hatred of none-purebloods and Muggleborns, especially Muggles in general. He would kill every last one of the to build his messed up version of a perfect world. But then there was Dumbledore, a man who was known for keeping the peace and bringing people to the Light. Except when it came to Slytherin. In his eyes, he saw students who were already too far gone and were destined to become Death Eaters. He would condemn them the moment they were Sorted into Slytherin. In his eyes, he only saw a world of black and white. Gryffindor and Slytherin.
The very realization multiplied his anger.
The mirrors that had blinded and influenced him had finally shattered before this very realization, allowing for him to see everything as it truly was. He hated himself for not seeing it sooner.
Hogwarts wasn't the place he was raised to believe. It was a place that recruited students for both the Light and the Dark, without ever taking into consideration that everyone was just human. It wasn't a place of dreams, it was a Sorting Palace!
Just what gave Dumbledore the right to condemn an entire House without getting to know the people first?
Unable to go in, Severus walked away from entrance of the Common Room, finding an abandoned classroom on one of the mid-floors. He wasn't ready to return to his dormitory. Not ever again. He feared retaliation from one of his roommates, who most likely had already did something to his bed and were waiting for his return.
As he sat in the dark corner of the dusty classroom, he stared into the darkness, with the moonlight shining through the windows.
It was then that he was fully convinced, more than ever, that he needed to leave Hogwarts. He couldn't stay in this cursed castle any longer. It was manipulating him into becoming something he didn't want to be. And even if he wasn't a Slytherin, he still would have been manipulated into becoming a judgmental person like the others. It didn't matter which side of the coin he was, or could have been, on.
Free-will was never in the cards for him.
/
The next morning beginning of the final day at Hogwarts and Severus had gotten little sleep the previous night. His mind was so worked up that he couldn't put himself at ease. By the time curfew had lifted, he made his way to the Slytherin Common Room and packed his stuff, fully intending on spending the night again in that same classroom.
He was met with death-threatening glares from some Slytherins, doing his best to ignore them. But he could feel their glares at the back of his head, like they were drilling into his skull.
He dropped his stuff off at the abandoned classroom and put a few wards over them, satisfied that no one would be able see them if they peeked through the door. He then went to the Great Hall and had some breakfast before going outside, sitting by the lake with the beautiful sun above him. He watched as students went swimming, talking, and playing games on their broomsticks.
It was the first time in ever that he realized that this was what Hogwarts was supposed to be. People interacting and just enjoying life, not judging or hurting others to themselves feel better. To experience the comfort of friends and knowing that tomorrow was full of possibilities, while also enjoying the moment right in front of them. He could see it, the happiness. It was what he wanted all along. He was just too scared and blinded to actually go after it. And he hated himself for it, for not seeing the error of his ways earlier. If he had then he wouldn't had wasted five years of his life.
But at least he knew better now.
Now he had more possibilities open for him than when he first came to Hogwarts. He had a chance at a new life, to live without worry, to finally be happy and make new friends.
He laughed out loud, not caring if anyone could hear him. The very thought of someone being his friend felt too silly and surreal. Making friends would probably be a difficulty he would have to face, but at least it felt possible to him.
Suddenly, something caught his eye and turned to find a redhead girl laughing over on the other side of the lake with her friends.
Lily!
His heart skipped a beat at the sight of her. The way how her hair swayed as she moved. The texture of her skin, radiating from the sun. To him, she was too beautiful to be true. He felt his heart sinking in his chest. How much he wish she felt the same way for him. But he knew it wasn't possible. Once upon a time, she saw him as friend. Now? She hated him. And it hurt so much. A part of him knew he brought it upon himself, but there was another part of him that felt slightly different. He often pushed that side down, not wanting to put the blame on others.
As he studied Lily, he became aware of her looking off into another direction from her friends. Narrowing his eyes as he turned to see what she was looking at, he instantly realized that she had been staring at James Potter, who was swimming with Sirius and Peter.
He noticed that Remus was sitting on the sand, looking quite sad and regretful. He figured that he must have been told about what happened last night.
As he turned his attention back to Lily, he noticed something that sent a chill down his spine. She was... smiling. Smiling directly at James. He could tell that she was studying his body. Most likely getting a good look at his abs and wet face. The moment James started laughing, she smiled even bigger and giggled, getting the attention of her friends, who shook their heads and smiled, going back to their conversation.
The very moment he saw that, he thought his heart had completed shattered into a million pieces, unable to be put back together. Everything slowed down around him as he felt the tears building behind his eyes. Reality was once again delivering another blow to him. One last insult before he left Hogwarts forever. It dawned on him very slowly as he came to a realization. No, a series of realizations at once. It was like being kicked by multiple people. Except the wounds of those kicks would always remain, no matter how much they healed.
Lily Evans fancies, maybe even loves, Potter!
It suddenly became so obvious to him now. The moment Potter had started hitting on her, the nasty comebacks and the rejection, how much she talked about hating him. It was all to cover her affection for him.
He instantly remembered back, two weeks ago, when Potter and his gang publicly humiliated him. The moment he saw Lily smile, while being suspended upside down by his own spell. He wondered who she was smiling at, confused by her reaction. But now he fully realized that she was smiling at Potter. She was enjoying Potter's laughter while he was bullying... him.
His eyes widened.
He felt a mix of sadness and anger within him. But it wasn't aimed directly at Potter, it was for Lily. He felt scared by it, not wanting to be angry with her. She had done so much for him, been there for him. She was perfect in his eyes.
The voice that he had spent so many years trying to contain finally broke free from his subconscious, speaking to him.
Lily Evans was never perfect.
The final mirror that he had preserved broke before him. The beautiful, perfect image of Lily Evans fell apart, and he instantly saw the flaws that he had been so blinded to. He remembered the nightmare he had of Lucius and began to realize just how true the dream was. Lily never understood him, not even since the day she met him. They were both raised in different worlds.
He remembered the time when they were nine, he talked about his parents and how much he hated it at home. While he didn't say it, he hinted at his father being abusive and how much he couldn't wait to leave for Hogwarts. Meanwhile, Lily never once showed any concern, instead asking more about Dementors.
A second memory flashed before him. It was during their fourth year at Hogwarts. Lily approached him about studying with a Slytherin of the same year as them, expressing worry of his choices in friends within Slytherin. Looking back now, he felt anger as he remembered her talking negatively about the young Slytherin boy, who had nothing to do with Mulciber or the Death Eaters. "Sev, he's Slytherin. I don't want to lose you to them. One day they will come of age and join You-Know-Who."
A third memory, Severus and Lily argue about the Marauders. "I'm just trying to show you that they're not as wonderful as you think they are. How many times have their pranking ended up with me and others in hospital wing? A fellow Slytherin broke his arm because of them." Fifth year Lily looks away, her voice dropping as she said, "But at least they don't use Dart Magic, though."
And a final memory of the last time he ever shared a normal conversation with her. They were in the library, doing homework as the fall term was coming to an end with Christmas holidays just around the corner. He listened to Lily as she expressed her concern about the growing threat of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named and how Slytherin had become a recruitment camp for the Death Eaters, believing that all who are Sorted into that House are doomed to go bad. He remembered feeling angry and confused about that. While he didn't have that many friends in Slytherin, other than Mulciber and Avery at the time, he knew some students who were in no way like the other Slytherins. But that was back when he was looking to gain respect and power through the Dark Arts and also the Dark Lord, believing that both were his best way of getting those things. Now he was on a different course and was most definitely no longer involved with any of those things.
Coming back to reality, he watched as James Potter took notice of Lily's attention towards him and smirked, swimming over to her. The moment she realized she had been made, she turned away and pretended she hadn't seen him. Severus sneered as he watched Potter attempt and fail, miserably, to talk to her once he had gotten to dry land. He laughed the moment James was hit by a spell Lily sent his way, sending him into the air and into the deep end of the lake.
He kept his full attention on Lily and felt the emotions within him going to war. He was angry with her, and yet he loved her all at the same time. But there was no denying the anger he felt for himself as well. He was supposed to be able to see these kinds of things. But he had blinded himself to the real truth. He had built a false idol of her. Believing she could do no harm to anyone or him, that she was truly perfect. But now he saw the flaws within her. She was caring and compassionate, but had no understanding of others, unless if they were like her. While she knows the life of caring parents and the environment of good friends, she doesn't know about the reality of the complete opposite. He grew up with bad parents and in an environment of bad friends. She fails to understand that other people's environment influences them as much as hers does to her too. To her, it was all black and white.
Sounds very familiar.
But the more he thought about it, the more he came to realize that he was in the same boat as well. He didn't understand others, or even how to communicate with them. He only understood people like Mulciber and other Slytherins because of the harsh life they all shared. While their parents weren't as bad as his, he knew they were pretty harsh towards them when growing up. He was flawed just as much as Lily was, although maybe a little more flawed than her.
The hours passed as he sat there, staring out towards the lake and the forest beyond. He would once and a while look over at Lily, but due to the mixed emotions he was feeling, he couldn't keep his eyes on her and would drift away.
Losing himself in his thoughts, he didn't even notice as the sun got lower, with almost everyone heading back in to prepare for the final feast of the school year in the Great Hall.
Aware of his surroundings, he sensed that someone was walking towards him from behind. Reaching for his wand, he prepared himself for a fight if it came to it. His hand gripped the handle as he heard the footsteps getting closer. He looked to his side and saw the shadow of a person. Noticing this person had no wand in his or her hand, he made no move but kept vigilant.
To his immediate surprise, the person sat downright next to him, crossing their legs. Feeling the person's gaze on him, he turned and met the eyes of Angelina Ivory, the same girl who brought him to the hospital wing after his incident with Mulciber, Avery and the other Slytherins. He let go of the handle of his wand and relaxed, but still keeping himself on alert.
"Um, hi," he spoke first.
"Hello, Severus," Ivory replied, smiling a little at him. "I hope you don't mind if I join you."
Severus shrugged. "Help yourself."
Nodding, she looked out towards the lake.
After a while of awkward silence, Severus sighed, a little annoyed, and said, "Okay, you're here for a reason. I'm guessing you have something to ask me."
Ivory flinched at his tone.
"Is that how you treat people when they help you?" she fought back, looking into his eyes.
Sighing to himself, he closed his eyes and said, "Alright, thank you for bringing me to the hospital wing last week. It's more than I deserve." He paused. "But, still, thanks."
"You're welcome," she slightly smiled. "Actually, the real reason I'm here is that I was hoping to understand you."
Severus raised an eyebrow, "How so?"
"I mean, why have you turned against Mulciber and his gang now? Why did you turn against the Death Eaters and the man they serve?"
He thought about the question for a few seconds. "Why does it matter to you?"
"Color me curious."
Severus frowned, "I wasn't liking where things were going."
"But it could ruin your life for doing so. I've heard rumors of what happens to those who refuse the Death Eaters. Including him."
"Maybe I just don't care."
While he didn't see it, Angelina had a look of admiration in her eyes. She couldn't fathom how he could go from wanting to be a Death Eater and suddenly turn against them, not once fearing for his life. If only she had as much courage as he did.
"How do you do it?" she asked him.
"How do I do what?"
"Not be afraid."
"Who said I wasn't?" he raised an eyebrow.
Angelina failed to respond, only shrugging.
He studied her eyes.
"Tell me, what do you think about... all of this?"
Angelina shook her head, confused. "What?"
"I mean, what do you think about the whole pureblood and Death Eater beliefs?"
Angelina turned away, blinking as the question sank in. She held herself by her shoulders and replied, "Honestly, I don't think purebloods should rule over everything. All I hear is how much pureblood is everything, but yet I don't see how blood can help. It's just blood in the end. The way how my parents talk about Muggleborns and Muggles scare me. They also talk about how I'm nearing of age. They talk of marrying me off to a pureblood family. But I don't want to. I want to break away and have control over my own life. I don't want to follow their stupid traditions. But I'm afraid to do anything about it."
"Afraid they would cut you off?" he asked. In his mind he couldn't help but think about his mother.
She shook her head. "No, it isn't that. I wouldn't mind working for a living, considering I already do. I help out at a local restaurant down in Diagon Alley during the summer, as a way of escaping my parents. But I love working there. What I fear is being alone." She paused, tears appearing in her eyes. "If I leave my parents, I will also lose my friends. They don't know I don't share the beliefs that they do. Whenever I'm with them, I try to steer the conversation towards shopping and boys. But I know if I do what you just did, I'll lose them forever." The tears slid down her cheeks. "I don't know what to do."
Severus felt sympathy for her, understanding completely of what it was like to lose a friend you've known for years.
"Go for it."
She looked at him with big eyes, shocked.
"What?!"
"I said, go for it."
"But... but... my friends... my family..."
"Don't worry about them."
The words sunk in as she stared at him, awestruck. She couldn't believe that this was the same Severus Snape in front of her. Since when did he get all wise?
"Do you really think so?" she sniffled.
"I said my part. Now that you've asked your question, I have one for you. Why did you help me? If Mulciber or anyone in his group found out, they would have made an example of you."
"They sort of did," she replied. "They cornered me when they found out and left me body-binded on the floor.." She flinched at the memory. "To answer your question, I helped you because you were in need of help."
Severus nodded, satisfied with her answer.
A few moments of silence followed, only to be broken by Angelina, who stood up.
"Thank you."
"For what?" Severus didn't look at her, keeping his sight on the sun as it continued to set in the distance, enjoying how beautiful it was.
"For your words of encouragement," she smiled, her eyes full of admiration.
"I barely said anything."
"It's enough," Angelina got up from the ground. "I guess I'll see you next year. I hope you have a good summer."
Severus's heart sank. "Yeah, sure. Have a good summer."
Although confused by his choice of words, she blushed and touched the side of her hair.
"Thank you. See ya."
He heard her leave back for the castle. He couldn't help but feel a sense of happiness and... fun. That was the most normal conversation he had ever had in such a long time, and it felt nice.
By the time the sun had set, he forced himself off the ground and made his way back to the castle of Hogwarts for dinner. Although he didn't want to eat with his fellow Housemates, he knew he had no choice. Every student and staff member of Hogwarts always attended three of the main feast during the school year. The one at the beginning. One before the Christmas holidays. And a final one at the end of the school year. He found his seat at the Slytherin table but kept his distance from his Housemates.
Once everyone had been accounted for, Dumbledore rose from his seat and spoke to the students of the Great Hall.
"Once again another year has run its course and so summer begins, like the seasons of our world. I congratulate all of you for such hard work and dedication to your education. I wish farewell and good luck to our seventh years, who will be leaving us and joining the rest of the Wizarding World. Whatever you choose to do in life, I wish for a good life ahead of you."
Everyone cheered and clapped for the seventh years.
"Moving on to this year's winner of the House Cup, I congratulate Gryffindor, with a new record-setting of 982 points!"
Everyone at the Gryffindor table cheered and yelled out in victory. Even within the loud noise, Severus could hear James Potter above all, sneering as he controlled himself.
"In second place, Ravenclaw, with 704 points. Third place, Hufflepuff, with 579 points. And last place, Slytherin, with 236 points."
Almost right away, everyone started booing Slytherin.
Immature idiots!
Severus couldn't help but sneer at them. Another great addition to the list of reasons he was leaving this pathetic school behind. Although he wondered if Dumbledore lowered the points of his House because of what Mulciber and Avery did to McDonald, which he didn't mind. It was perhaps his best way of getting revenge without early retaliation.
Once Dumbledore silenced the booing, he continued.
"I would also like to thank all of the staff of Hogwarts, including all the Perfects and this year's Head Boy and Head Girl. Your hard work is a great service to us all."
Everyone clapped as he Headmaster continued on, going through the necessary announcements.
"Before I end, I would like to share something with you all. Something that the Ministry and maybe even your parents do not wish for me to share. But in the light of things, I believe you all should know, as you are the future of our world." He rubbed his beard. "As you all know, a new Dark Wizard has risen earlier this past decade. He prefers to not be called by his name, but rather as He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. But that is his way of making you fear him, and when we fear something, we give it power. And so, I dare say his name... Voldemort."
The moment he said that name, everyone gasped. The lighting of the candles started to dim, with the sound of eerie winds rushing through the Great Hall at the very mention of the Dark Lord.
"He has been terrorizing the local villages and attacking Muggles, including Muggleborns, for the past few years. However, the situation has grown quite more dire now. While the Ministry denies it, there are rumors that Voldemort has infiltrated the Ministry of Magic and may have several powerful pureblood families under his control, some of which hold great influence in our government."
Whispering immediately started, with a lot of the students wearing shocked expressions. Severus turned to his Housemates and could see a few of them, particularly Mulciber and Avery, smiling to themselves.
Dumbledore's expression became serious as he looked out to every single in the Great Hall.
"I don't say this to frighten you. I say this to warn you of the dark forces that are rising. As each and every single one of you grow older, you are the future of our world, and it is the responsibility of me and my colleagues to help you prepare to face dark times as these, so that you all can live long lives and in peace. And for those who fear or dwell in the darkness, I remind you of this... 'When the night is at its darkest, the dawn is not far behind. And when the dawn comes, the Light reveals all'."
He smiled and clapped his hands together, the room lighting up brighter again.
"Now, I must inform you that the Hogwarts Express leaves tomorrow at eight in the morning for London. Please have your suitcases ready and don't be late. Enjoy the feast and have a great summer!"
The moment he shot a series of spells up into the air, the entire atmosphere changed, and a million different stars appeared, with an entire solar system right in the middle. Everyone gasped at the sight and started digging into the food that appeared before them.
Through the whole thing, Severus ate small meal and waited until it was time for everyone to leave. As he made his way with the others through the hallways, he found his opening and snuck away, heading for the abandoned classroom. Once there, he placed casted some charms to hide himself and sat at the corner of the dark room, drifting to sleep almost right away.
/
The entire Common Room of Gryffindor was full of students, snacks, drinks and loud music, although the Marauders had placed some wards to keep the noise from getting out, even when the entrance was opened.
Lily Evans joined in after doing her rounds as Perfect and was near exhausted but was still in the mood for having some fun before she went to bed. She found her friends over by the drinks and got herself a cup of Butterbeer. While talking with her friends, she noticed James, Remus and Sirius having an argument. Unable to hear, she excused herself from her friends and snuck up behind them, getting within range to hear what they were saying in the corner of the Common Room.
"-is your problem, hm?" Sirius looked to be at the edge of his patience. "Snivellus had it coming and you know it! The world can do without him!"
"Okay, while I support pranking Snivellus any day, this was going too far, Padfoot," James glared at his best friend. "I mean, what if Snivellus got killed or turned? It all would have come back to bite Moony on the ass, and come to think of it, so would we. Did you actually think this through?"
"You sound like him," Sirius shook his head. "He said the exact same thing."
"And he's right," Remus jumped in, his arms crossed above his chest. "I swear, ever since that incident at the lake, Snape has been making a lot more sense than any of you combined."
"What do you mean, Moony? What has Snivellus done that actually makes sense to you?"
"Okay, one, stop calling him that pathetic name. What are you? Five? Second, Severus has already saved three our own Gryffindors from students of his own House. Not to mention, he did the most shocking thing by apologizing to both Lily and Mary."
"But he's just doing it to win Lily back," James tried to counter him.
"Yeah," Sirius nodded, taking a drink of his Butterbeer.
"I don't think so. I think Severus really is changing."
James shook his head, as he finished the last of his Butterbeer, licking his lips clean.
"Moony, listen to me, I know what I'm saying. Snivellus is a Slytherin and we all know that Slytherins are destined to go bad, sooner or later. The moment he came to Hogwarts, he knew more curses than half of the seventh years."
"Oh, you can't be serious!" Remus threw his hands up in the air. "Both of you have been saying that since our first year and we all know it isn't true. As smart as he is, Severus couldn't have learned that many spells before getting his wand. Did it ever occur to you that if Severus really did know those curses, the Ministry would have known? He has the Trace just like the rest of us!"
"Why do you defend him, Moony? He's a Slytherin."
"Okay, that's it! I'm going to bed! See you all in the morning!" Remus shoved right past them and ran up the stairs to the boys dormitory.
"Come on, Moony! Enjoy the party!" Sirius yelled, only for the music to drown his words.
James glared at him, "I blame you."
"Me?!" Sirius' mouth dropped.
"Yes, you! If you hadn't pulled that stupid stunt, then Moony would be having the time of his life right now."
Sirius waved him off and walked away, "I'm going to find Marci."
Lily watched as James shook his head and walked off to refill his drink. As she stood where she was, alone, she thought about what she had overheard and wondered what Sirius did that would put Remus and James in a bad mood towards him. And why was Severus involved? No, wait, an even bigger question, why would James actually think that any prank was going too far with Severus? He had no problem pranking him before. And how would it put Remus in trouble if Sirius was the one who did it?
She decided that when she could, she would ask Remus and get to the bottom of it.
Realizing her cup was empty, she refilled it before walking back to her friends, pushing her questions and thoughts of what just happened to the back of her mind, wishing to instead enjoy the party.
/
Severus rose early as he got his things together and waited for curfew to be lifted. The good thing about the last day of school was that curfew was an hour less, giving the students enough time to be able to get ready for the Hogwarts Express. Once the clock hit five in the morning, Severus made his way out of the classroom, walking down the large hallways as he wished to leave the school and get to the train as soon as possible. However, he suddenly found himself wondering around as he studied every single structure of the castle. He questioned himself why was doing this, as he had no real love for the school. Or so he told himself.
As much as he hated to admit it, he felt he was going to miss Hogwarts. Maybe not the people, and most definitely not the Marauders, but he couldn't find it within himself to actually hate the actual school itself. It was bittersweet as he remembered the good times he actually had with Lily during his first two years.
Just like his home in Spinner's End, Hogwarts would always have a place in his heart. For better or for worse.
As he took a journey down memory lane, he couldn't help but wonder how things could have turned out differently if he had been Sorted as a Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. Would things have turned out better? Would he have been able to strengthen his relationship with Lily and maybe become romantically involved with her? Would James have left him alone? Would he have found a balanced way to study the Dark Arts without becoming corrupted by it?
He came to the conclusion that he would never know. He would only have what-if ideas, but nothing accurate. The past was easy to dwell on when looking back. Whether he liked it or not, this was the reality that was presented before him. What he did from here on out was in his control, and his first priority was getting the hell out of Hogwarts and begin a new life somewhere else.
Concentrating, Severus finally found it within himself to walk out the doors and gates of Hogwarts, not once daring to look back as he made his way to the train. It was still slightly dark out, with the sun starting to rise in the distance.
Once arriving, he found that there were several people who had the same idea as him and immediately boarded, finding a spot near the end, where he would be alone, unless if they were more packed than usual. He put his trunk in the compartment above him and put his small book bag against the window, sitting down as he stared off into space.
As the hours passed, more students arrived and started boarding, filling the compartments to sit in for the journey home.
Once the time was up, Severus felt the train start to move and turned his attention to the window, getting one last look at Hogwarts. He had a feeling that this would be the final time he would set his eyes on the castle as a student. He felt that same bittersweet emotion again as it disappeared from sight behind the mountains. He turned away and looked forward, smiling.
After a while, Severus finally got up and exited his compartment, making his way to the sweets shop at the center of the train. While he wasn't into sweets, he figured it was time to make a change and try some out.
Once making his way back, he suddenly came to a stop as he found himself standing in front of a redheaded girl, who stared at him with surprise.
Lily Evans looked into the eyes of her once best friend and felt her heart stop at the sight of him. However, she quickly recovered herself and turned away, not wanting to acknowledge his presence any longer, moving to his side to get by him.
Severus's heart felt like it was being twisted from the inside. He knew that this would most likely be his final chance to talk to her, so he reached out and took her wrist, making her stop. She didn't turn to look at him, only looking to her side away from him, her red hair covering her face.
"Lily," he choked, feeling the tears coming as his heart raced. "I know you said you wouldn't speak to me again, but I don't care about that. I just need to speak with you." He paused, waiting for a response from her. Only to receive none as she stared to the corner, with her hair still blocking her face. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for calling you that name. I didn't mean to actually say it. I meant what I said, I'm done with Slytherin and the Dark Arts. As far as I'm concerned, Voldemort and his Death Eaters can go to hell."
Lily flinched at the mention the of the Dark Lord's name.
"If you don't want anything to do with me any longer, then I'll never see or talk to you again. I'll respect your wishes and leave you alone. For good." He forced back the tears and willed himself to finish. "Just know that I'm sorry and that I still think of you as friend, even if you don't. But I can't live like this anymore. In order for me to change my life, I can't obsess over you or wait for you to forgive me. Whether you choose to do so is up to you. But I need to move on, with or without you."
He waited, hoping to the deepest parts of his heart and soul that she would choose to renew their friendship and take him back. His heart was racing at a hundred miles an hour, feeling as if time itself was slowing down.
But then he felt the presence of coldness in the palm of his hand, immediately shattering his heart as he watched Lily withdraw her hand from his reach and turned away, not once looking back at him as she walked down the small hallway of the train, disappearing around the corner. It felt like an eternity as he stared at the area she once stood and allowed for the tears to come.
He knew he should have known that this would have been her choice. But it was still her choice, and she had chosen it. If the other times hadn't made it officially clear to him, it did now. Lily Evans no longer cared for him or their friendship. She had her sights on a future without him. Just like his would need be without her.
Once back to his compartment, he sat down and let the tears come, not caring who saw him through the window of the door. He wanted to unleash his emotions and finally be able to move on. It was the only way he could build himself a new life. He knew that with time and patience, he would be able to get over Lily and come to terms with everything that had happened.
Despite the pain and sorrow, he felt a sense of satisfaction and peace of knowing he had at least tried to apologize and fight for their friendship, even if it was already damaged beyond repair. Out of all the what-ifs in his life, he felt that this was one of the few he could look back on and know for certain that he had tried his best.
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