Capítulo 4: DATE: March 1, 1979
Dear Diary,
DATE: March 1, 1979,
After deciding it was in my best interest to come out naturally, I began to chirp for my mom to push me harder—just like I had to when I squeezed the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube. Why am I even thinking about toothpaste? Am I mental or what?
But it's all I've got at the moment, so I might as well roll with it.
With a renewed determination, I brace myself for the final stretch. I can hear my mother's breaths growing heavier, and I'm doing my best to encourage her, even if she can't hear me. Come on, Mom! You can do it!
Suddenly, the pressure builds to a breaking point, and—whoosh!—with one final, tremendous push, I'm ejected into the blinding light of the outside world.
Everything is bright, and the cold air feels strange against my skin. I squint, trying to make sense of my new surroundings. I can hear muffled voices, and then—oh boy—the sound of someone yelling, "It's a boy!" (and no I didn't hear it it was all my imagination)
As soon as I emerged, I couldn't help but shout, "Hello, motherfuckers! Your saviour has come!"
But all that came out was a garbled "Wah wah wah."
Well, awkward! But, mind you, it worked in my favour—I didn't need to get slapped on my sweet, alabaster cheeks by any nurse or, worse, those kinky doctors. (I really think they are hidden paedophiles and maybe machinists too but who knows)
then I guess who the doctor or nurse transported me to some room that was too brightly lit (it was distracting even if I don't have properly developed eyes)
Then I slept (what else would a baby do you demanding motherfucker readers)
After that, everything was a blur. I cried and drank milk—lots of it. I didn't even know what I was doing; it felt like I was drunk, and my body and mind were moving on their own. I couldn't seem to figure out what was happening to me.
The only thing I remember was being stabbed again and again by those ruthless demons—aka doctors—with their giant needles. And trust me, they were giant according to my size! They collected so much of my blood that I half-expected them to turn into vampires right there in the delivery room.
Estado de energía semanal
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