Capítulo 20: Chapter 20 - Tiger shapes the river.
It was a busy five days for the trio.
They had scarcely a moment to collect their thoughts, let alone to do any training, and were only able to attend the morning lectures. They spent their nights alternating between the inn in Clay Nest and the sect's disciple quarters, struggling to keep up with such a grueling schedule.
On the other hand, all the doubts about Feng Chonglin's diligence that the pair held were soon dispelled. He wasn't a typical sect master, and didn't shy away from getting his hands dirty. He helped the cleaning crew clean up, moved the boxes around and never complained. With their master leading by example, the pair had no choice but to follow suit.
Still, their main duties hadn't vanished. Lei was tasked with legwork, consulting the lawyers, negotiating with the guild and managing different hirelings that were preparing the business.
Xin, on the other hand, was memorising massive amounts of knowledge and preparing the lab together with Feng Chonglin. Xin felt a lot of pressure, as his studies weren't just for him, and he'd have to teach this new knowledge to his workers in just a few days. Still, this sort of challenge just invigorated him.
One evening, Xin was finally done with his assignments for the day. He had read and memorized many different recipes, using the sources he loaned in the sect's library. These were all basic scrolls, and the sect didn't mind loaning them out, under Feng Chongling's responsibility, of course.
"Master, my twenty minutes now, please. I've checked the source on totems you told me to read, it's pretty confusing, I am not sure if that paragraph is literal. Can I show you?"
"Kid, did you grind the pepper mix?"
"You said that I'll need to do it, you didn't say when. I think I've worked enough today, master. Please, let's study."
"I am clarifying my order right now. Go grind the peppers, I need them to activate the stimulating lotions. And for other goals."
"Master, it's unfair! I've been helping you non-stop, and not just with alchemy! You and Lei are getting a lot out of this deal, but I only get the totem knowledge! Please consider my perspective."
"Don't push my limits, squirt. It's a hard period in our endeavour, I need you to work more. You aren't fainting, means you are fine. Go work."
The door opened, and Lei entered the room.
"Good evening, gentlemen." He bowed and performed a martial gesture. "There was some trouble near the district entrance, but it's fixed now. Should I go into detail?"
"Your call."
Xin felt like Feng Chonglin now fully focused his gaze on Lei, as if he wasn't in the room.
"A passer-by told me that some drunkards were bothering the people entering the Appendix. They gather in the evenings, get shitfaced, dance and sing their disgusting songs, all while catcalling and harassing the locals. They'd scare the potential clients off, so I decided to take care of it."
"Skip the details."
"I provoked one of them into attacking me, and kicked his ass. All in self-defense. Then I chased them all away. They won't return. The residents of the houses nearby thanked us and brought us some rice wine. Cheap stuff, still pleasant."
"It's not necessarily a mistake, but it escalates the situation with this Tongue." Feng Chonglin rubbed his temple.
"You think so?"
Xin couldn't bear being ignored and inserted himself into the conversation:
"You upstaged him. It's 'his' street, his district, you went and fixed a problem he should have fixed. You'll get on his nerves."
"I understand, but I also think that a show of strength and self-reliance can deter him."
Xin nodded:
"Both opinions are correct. I'd say it depends on his temperament. But also his strength relative to us."
"I'd say you need to get to work, instead you are speculating about politics and bothering me about the totem. I told you to get working several minutes ago, why do I see no movement from your side?" Feng Chonglin scolded him.
Xin wanted to protest, but froze up. Did he just mention the totem? He stared at his mentor, wide-eyed.
"Wait, you haven't told Lei about it? How was I supposed to know? I thought you guys were friends. Fine, I'll go grab some fresh air, I want you balls deep in work when I return, got it?"
"Yes, master."
Feng Chonglin left, and Xin caught a glimpse of a devilish smile. Another subtle twitch of lips.
Lei handed him a mortar and a pestle, and sat down in front of him to observe his work.
"Thank you, Lei. By the way, have you read the alchemy notes I gathered for you?"
"Yes, it was a pleasure. Tried reading the introductory scroll, it was unbearable. Your notes made it easy, though. You'd make a fine teacher, you know?"
"Thanks, if you have any questions, feel free to ask. I'll answer, unlike this dishonest prick." Xin was hopeful. Maybe I dodged an arrow this time?
"I've got a literature question, mate. What was that play where a guy hid a part of loot from his friend and it ruined the trust between them?"
Xin felt his throat dry up.
"This Chonglin. I already told you, though, that's why I went to the Artefact pavilion, remember?"
"You got a totem? Those are expensive, you didn't tell me. Did you get it from the yaoguai?"
Xin wanted to deny it, but it was a tiger shaped figurine, and Lei wasn't dumb.
"Yes. I... thought they are, like... illegal, and if the word spreads I could get extorted or killed. And... I didn't know if I could trust you yet. And then it felt like too late to tell…"
"Shit, man. You are making this hard. I cared for you, I helped you, and that's what I get? Calling yourself a friend, then pulling this shit?"
"Lei, look. I am sorry, but I don't think I had to tell you about it."
"You had to. You confessed that you hid a thing from me, but then used this confession to actually hide something from me! You broke my trust, the fuck is wrong with you?"
"I... was confused, we robbed Jun, it's hard to tell right or wrong after you steal from your neighbour like that, you know? I was depressed about Tealstone."
"Don't you fucking dare use the Tealstone thing to justify yourself, you cunt! You are wrong, and you know this!"
"You... The thing with uncle Ti, you also didn't tell me, just went and did it. Beating up an old woman, seriously?"
"Oh fuck you, I hate your type! You got caught so now you go into offence? Is that how you make amends, by making things worse? Blaming? Deflecting? How about admitting that you are wrong?"
Wait, Lei told me right after. I dug a hole for myself.
"I was wrong, Lei." Xin was sweaty and embarrassed, ashamed. He seldom lied, and being caught like that was quite humiliating. "Forgive me, please."
"Fine, I forgive you." Lei smiled.
Huh?
"What? Just like that?"
"What else do I need? A fucking parade? It's up to you to mend this relationship now."
"Right..."
"Ten spirit stones!"
What? Lei was indeed a weird fruit.
"I want ten spirit stones! Five for moral damage, five for my share of loot."
"Didn't you just say that you forgive me? Can you even value friendship or pain in money like that?"
"Of course you can! Accept this or I am no longer your friend, it's simple. I want you to pay a concrete price, not feed me with empty promises. That's how shit works in this city, this rule was written in blood."
Xin was confused. Is Lei being genuine? Or is their friendship already over, and this was just his way to recoup the loss?
"I am not going to argue. Fine, ten stones sounds reasonable. I'll pay you back when I can."
"Is that all?"
"What else are you expecting?"
"I don't know, a promise it won't happen again? My world just got shaken, imagine finding out you can't trust your friend?"
"We are friends, Lei. Genuinely. I am sorry for letting you down, and it won't happen again."
Lei smiled and nodded, then left the room.
Xin exhaled. Such a humiliation, partly it was his own fault, but mostly it was caused by Feng Chonglin! I'll tell him, oh, I'll tell him! Curses, need to grind the peppers first!
Thirty minutes later, Xin ventured towards the inn his master stayed in, and saw him sitting on a bench, sipping tea under the lantern.
"It's getting late, not many people here... I like the North. You people have beautiful clothes, and your cities are quite cozy." The master enjoyed watching the diminishing crowd, and calmly sipped his drink as he did so.
"Where are you from?"
"Capital, actually. Lived most of my life in the East, my father was a caravan master. Started doing more business with the nomads at some point, my operations steering me more and more eastward, until I was living in the steppe, travelling with caravans and trading in their encampments. Was a long time ago... Have you come for your designated twenty minutes?"
"Master, first we need to talk about Lei."
"I don't want to talk about this. If you keep going, I'll count this as a part of your training."
"Fine, I'll be fast! You exposed me just to spite me, it's not a good lesson to teach! And you've hindered my relationship with Lei, all because I asked you questions we both agreed I'd ask?! And it's not like your totemic advice is working, too!"
"Alright, seems I'll be educating you this evening. Lesson one, when I tell you not to bother me — don't. You know what's annoying about you? You've got this fantasy of how things will go, but you should go with the flow."
Xin stopped and squinted his eyes.
"Master, I've been doing these exercises and meditations for the past four days. I've read the paper that you assigned. The totem isn't reacting as it should, and I am not sure I understand what's going on. I am starting to suspect that you are exploiting me."
"Hehehe, I am. But it's a good thing."
Xin was furious.
"In what way? What's wrong with you? Do you enjoy causing pain and bullying?"
"Of course I do, but it's not just that. You see, you are a shit student."
"I learned just fine before I met you. I studied xiandao, feng shui, martial arts, under my father and on my own..."
"Shut up." He interrupted. "I don't give a fuck. Your problem is that you are forcing things too much. Yes, you are trying to grasp the meaning of things, but I've heard your talks with Lei. You already know the answer before you even begin talking. You are absent. You have a powerful mind, but you wield it as a weapon against yourself. You can impress an idiot, but you look like a midwit to grown adults."
"That's bullshit, you are just spouting general phrases to insult me again." Xin rolled his eyes and wanted to leave.
"Again. You have a fantasy of what happens next. You are a prodigy of this sect, and everyone will recognize you. You don't want recognition, but you dread not being recognized. Your every word and phrase reeks of anxiety, and you try to force it onto others. You are awfully talkative, yet you refuse to engage with people. Your expectations will eat you alive.
Three more months in the sect and your internal well will dry out, you'll start failing classes and making excuses. You'll get by well enough to get to Foundation stage in a year or two, but you'll get stuck at it. Then these dimensional invaders will arrive, and you'll just be fodder to them. You'll probably die, but if you live, you'll live in remorse and misery. That's how it will actually go, I suspect."
Xin was captivated. He was being insulted, but this masterfully woven negativity held his attention like nothing else did for a long time.
"And you know it all by just observing me for less than a month?" Xin still doubted his words.
"I've been places, seen things. Most importantly, known people." There was a brief glimpse of sadness in his eyes.
"So, what now?" Xin was still confused. He didn't know where this conversation was going.
"First you learn that not every decision I make and order I give will be explained. There are reasons for things being a certain way. Now, riddle me this, what's the purpose of your teenage years?"
A weird change of direction, but Xin loved entertaining these intellectual questions.
"To learn. To grow. To pretend that you're an adult, and fake it until you make it, in a way. Then you assume more responsibility and grow up into a proper adult."
"Shallow. The teenage years are your second chance. Every little bit of personality you've formed until this moment, it was shaped by your life experiences. Now, you can replay the same process, but with more agency. Trust, bravery, love, charisma, whatever, in your teenage years you have a second chance to rebuild yourself again. Once you are an adult, this transformation will take much longer, and will be much more painful."
"I see. But I wouldn't simplify it like that."
"I am simplifying so that you get it, kid. Now, tell me, how does one stop being a teenager?"
Xin fell into deep silence, and Feng Chonglin tapped a bench near him. He sat near his master, left of him, and stared into the boardwalk.
"You become self-reliant. Forge your own path. Let go of illusions, accept the reality, I guess. Is there even a universal answer here?"
"See, it's a tough question. My experience shows, it's about the sacrifice. And kids these days are a bit spoiled. The cities got bigger, with those guilds and all. And the sects, with twenty year old prodigy masters thinking they are self-made, forcing mortals twice their age to kowtow when they proclaim their 'wisdom'. You listen to them — you are ruined.
The system elevates immaturity, elevates simplicity. There are many things wrong with the old times, but people were more stoic, and it's mostly about the sacrifice."
"What kind of sacrifice, though? This argument can go many ways."
"You see, as a teenager, you are many things. A warrior, a scholar, a future star, a prodigy, a lover who is good with women, a cunning politician — all of these things, and none of them. An air castle, truly. But you have to let go of things, let go of the scenarios. You have prioritise, choose which fantasies to let go and which to fulfill."
"And how does it relate to me?"
"Are you kidding me? Your pride, your know-it-all attitude. You are out of your depth. You have to anticipate things. Don't learn life's lessons the hard way. An old prostitute will tell you how getting abused all her life is actually a tale of self-growth, but it's bullshit. Truth is, you don't have to suffer, you can develop while avoiding getting fucked up.
Your friend, your sect, your cultivation, you'll sabotage it all with your current attitude. You'll learn some life lessons from this, but it doesn't have to be this way, it's not an optimal way to study.
I propose an alternative. Step one — bowing your head to your mentor."
"Are you even talking about me?! What kind of attitude? Feel like you failed in the past, or someone close to you did, so now you are trying to wrongfully relate it to me." Xin almost shouted. "You sabotage my friendship with Lei, then tell me my attitude is going to ruin it? This is hypocritical."
"Look. I didn't know I wasn't meant to say it. Did you warn me not to tell Lei?"
"No, I thought it was obvious. And you knew what you were doing, revealing this to him."
"So, you didn't take a precaution, and now it's my fault for being honest? At least weave your lies properly next time, but I recommend that you pick a circle of people you are honest with, so you don't have to play these stupid games."
Xin was still angry at Feng Chonglin, but understood his argument. He also agreed with his advice, it was indeed easier to have a group of people you're honest with, not having to be on your toes.
"I get it. Whatever. Thanks for the advice. Can I ask some cultivation questions?"
"Fine, there is only so much one can take. Have you ground the peppers?"
"Yes, here is the pouch."
"Good, this will be relevant. Now, remember the phrase in the manual, the one about reinforcing the soul? The tiger shapes a river. Do you get it?"
"I do. As a hunter, it is evident to me. The tiger kills the excess animals, and they don't graze as much, shaping the area. The watering spots of the animals also change, and over time, it's enough to shape the river itself. A dying valley can be revived by introducing wolves or tigers. Counter-intuitive, but true."
"Right. I never thought about it this way, before another hunter explained it. I still think you don't get this phrase."
"So, what's the correct answer?"
"Is there one? We can meditate on what it means to be a tiger. Or how an element of the system slowly shapes it over time. But let's try another angle: is it the tiger's intention to shape the river?"
"No, he just is. It has this instinct that compels it to do whatever, and it does it."
"And do you?"
"I think I am a creature of mind. I have wishes, instincts, too, but I can also make my own choices."
"Spare me the bullshit. The real question is, is your instinct leaking through without you noticing? Or are you fully in control?"
"I mostly win, but sometimes I fail."
"Hehehe, I see. Another question, what element is tiger?"
"Tiger is Yang, and fire Element. White Tiger is more confusing, being of metal element, and somewhat Ying. Not sure it's relevant."
"Now, a simple question, the one you should have asked yourself weeks ago: why the fuck would a tiger totem recognize you, you fool?"
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