Capítulo 53: Hunt For Cursed Objects
POV Rio
It had been a month since I overloaded my brain and when I asked if I should do it again the unanimous answer was no. Even Tex said no which was a bit surprising.
'I can't blame them. I saw the recording and I can agree it was fairly gruesome seeing me leak blood from all of my orifices. Whatever let's look for items that I can sell.'
I was using my Palantir to find items of value when I thought of looking for cursed objects. I had already found the few items left on Earth that weren't in Karma Taj's possession. I was very tempted to steal from the sorcerers but I decided against the intrusive thoughts. I found quite a few items that the Palantir classified as cursed. The weirdest result was Excalibur. I decided that would be my first stop. I teleported to the cave it was in once I had memorized the other item locations.
'Hmm, this cave seems normal. No traps or anything really. Why hasn't someone got Excalibur yet?'
Once I got to the platform Excalibur was inserted into I sensed something wrong about the sword. Before I could use Observe the sword transformed into a small pale birdman with fancy clothes and a cane. I immediately had a very bad feeling about what was about to happen.
[Image Here]
Excalibur: "Congrats potential wielder for finding me, the great Excalibur. As a potential wielder, I must teach you the importance of my singing. Now I shall begin."
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Play "🎶 EXCALIBUR! 🎶 | Soul Eater" for the full experience
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Excalibur: "Excalibur! Excalibur! From the United Kingdom! I'm looking for heaven! I'm going to California! Excalibur! Excalibur!"
'System can I sell this abomination?'
[Ding]
[Yes, But Host Most Have Physical Contact With That Thing.]
'As soon as I touch it sell it immediately, please.'
[Ding]
[Understood.]
I boost myself with magic and force then I rush as fast as I can to touch Excalibur while he is singing. I got hit in the face with his cane but I managed to touch him. Once I touch him I can tell he realizes what is happening.
Excalibur: "FOOL! You clearly don't understand my value. I refuse to be wielded by you."
Excalibur disappears in a sparkle of light and I get confirmation I sold Excalibur for 250k. I ask why I got so little for a legendary sword.
[Ding]
[The Sword Would Have Been Worth More If It Wasn't As Difficult To Deal With. As It Is Difficult To Be Around The Value Has Decreased.]
'Fair enough.'
I move on to the next object on the list. The next item was fairly interesting. It was a statue that seemed normal. It was currently in an old abandoned house where it killed the sorcerer trying to destroy it. I moved to the location and looked at the statue to see it looked like a Weeping Angel. I use Observe to see what it is.
[Name: Failed Automaton
Created by a lonely sorcerer. He created a semi-sentient statue and taught it how to act. One thing he taught it was to never be seen by anyone but him. The statue went rogue 100 years after the sorcerer's death. Will kill anyone who sees it. Can only move when not being observed. ]
Rio: "Hmm, you are an interesting creation. Now I will put you to rest."
I grab it and sell it for 290k. I move on to the next item on the list which is a Big Mouth Billy Bass that slowly drives people to murder. It was easy to find and sell. The next item was interesting in where I found it and what it looked like. It looked like a simple knife.
[Name: Dagger Of Humiliation
This dagger will humiliate any killed by it. It will also yell HUMILIATION whenever someone mentions its name. Will make people wielding it more likely to attack people who annoy them. ]
I sold it for 100k. The next item was a bit odd. A magic hat.
[Name: The Hat
Created by a lonely boy who wanted a friend. When placed upon a snowman's head will bring them to life where they will have fun adventures with everyone around. WARNING: NEVER WEAR THE HAT AND NEVER PLACE ON ANOTHER LIVING BEING HEAD! ]
I wasn't sure why I shouldn't put the hat on anyone but I decided I shouldn't try it. I was also confused as to why this hat was cursed. When I went to sell the item I got a massive 800k for it.
'What the heck was in that hat!?'
I went and gathered every cursed item I could find. Including the ones I sold, I got 4.8 Million points. Once I had sold all the items I could get my hands on I went home to see what I missed in the several hours I was gone. I made it 10 feet from my room before I stepped in something gooey.
'Eww, what is that? Oh, is this Changeling goop or did someone have an accident? Ah observe says it is goop. Okay, time to see what Chrysalis is doing.'
I walk into her room and see she has made a small little nest underneath her bed. She seems to have also got goop all over her room.
Rio: "Well what do we have here? Chrysalis did you make a mess?"
Chrysalis: "Yeah!"
Rio: "You shouldn't be proud of making a mess. Did you make your first goop construct?"
Chrysalis: "Yep and all by myself!"
Rio: "I can tell by all the goop everywhere. You know you are supposed to put the goop into a shape and not spread it everywhere, right?"
Chrysalis looks up to me and gives me puppy eyes.
Chrysalis: "I'm Sowwy."
Rio: "Sigh. I can't get upset when you look at me like that. You know eventually, that will stop working. Also, I know you know how to speak properly or do I need to give you more speech lessons."
Chrysalis: "No, I can speak great. I don't need more lessons. See I am speaking good."
Rio: "Speaking well, but I know what you mean. Now let's start cleaning up this mess. And when I say we I mean both of us."
I look at her with a serious face. She just pouts a bit before starting.
Chrysalis: "Okay Dad."
POV Yang
I was taking a break from helping with base construction and decided to take a walk around New York.
'I can never quite get used to the fact that this world is so much more peaceful and yet they fight each other over minor differences. I mean the war against the Faunaus was stupid but it had at least a tiny bit of logic behind it even if it was dumb. But here they bicker over tiny things and kill fellow humans for the dumbest reasons. Then there is a Shield that protects the people from knowing what is out there. Which is a dumb idea. Even a small child knew about the Grimm and what to do if one attacked. Here they wouldn't know the first thing on how to defend themselves against Aliens as they were never taught.'
I see a thug mugging an old lady and everyone ignoring it. I decide to step in.
Yang: "Yo, what's up you two?"
Mugger: "Mind your own business broad."
Old Lady: "Please call the Police!"
Mugger: "Shut it and give me your purse already!"
Yang: "Didn't your mother ever tell you how to treat a lady?"
Mugger: "This is your last warning get out of here before I make you!"
I just walk closer to him and he looks at me with rage.
Mugger: "You asked for it!"
As he runs at me I jump move to the left of his stab and punch him right in the nose.
Mugger: "AH! F@#$, you broke my nose! You are going to regret doing that!"
Yang: "You know if I had a nickel for every time someone said that to me I would have 2 nickels which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice."
I then hit him square in the jaw and knocked him out.
Yang: "You're safe now. I would suggest getting out of here in case he has friends nearby."
Old Lady: "Oh thank you, sweetie. Here have a butterscotch for helping me."
I accept the candy and watch as the old lady leaves. I decided to call the viewer I had.
Yang: "I know I am hot but stalking is a crime and I don't like peeping toms."
A man in a red suit with what looks like web designs comes down from the roof of a nearby building.
Spiderman: "Sorry, I was going to help the lady but you stepped in. I was going to step in if you needed help as well. I meant no offense."
Yang: "I was just messing with you Spiderdude."
Spiderman: "It's Spiderman."
Yang: "My name is Yang. I have heard about you before you are a pretty good hero. However, I would suggest getting some training or a sponsor to help fund your activities. Not in a brand deal kind of way more a financial assistance allowing you to do hero work without having to have a job. Also, you should probably get going or you are going to be late delivering those pizzas."
Spiderman: "Thanks and wait, oh shoot I am going to be late. I got to go. I will see you later."
Yang: "Who knows."
I watch as Spiderman uses his web-slinger to swing away.
'I wonder if those webs leave behind residue. Also, where does the web connect to? He just shot them upwards and connected with something.'
I shrug and go back to my walk deciding that it was probably some nonsense magic voodoo stuff.
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Authors Note:
I want to make it clear that Excalibur was a joke and that will likely be the only Soul Eater reference as it has been a very long time since I last saw that show. Besides that, the other items were a reference to Doctor Who, a joke, Senile Scribbles, and The Hat short from Cyanide And Happiness. Be warned The Hat Short is quite gruesome. Also cute little bug horse. Until next time Ciao.
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