Capítulo 11: Sex with a man to celebrate
My marriage is not easy to manage. It's not Sandra's fault that I don't like having sexual relationships with women, it was a huge obstacle to a good coexistence. Now, however, I need to go to the company. In addition to my personal life, I have a highly profitable business to run. And I can't disappoint my father-in-law, he trusted me a lot, leaving in my hands what he spent his life building.
“What if I had Tiago now!” I suddenly thought on the way to work. We would be happy, I would have a reason to come home every day. Sometimes I wonder if I really love Tiago, we were so young when I kissed him. I don't know if it's love, obsession or something, but I feel like my life isn't complete without him. I think this feeling comes from the affinity we had, we were inseparable. The sexual desire for him only appeared later. So much so that I wrote about him.
Notepad on my cell phone:
“When I kissed Tiago, I felt my heart accelerate, it was not possible that a simple touch of lips could awaken such a strong, good feeling. It was only later that I discovered that the feeling was a result of my love for him, of our relationship, I loved him. And our first kiss was also our last.”
This unlived, unexperienced love leaves me with a feeling of loss that I can't fill with anything. And look, I try, I've had sex with countless men, in every way possible. That never satisfies me. Now I need to move on with my professional life. I'm in my office, my first day as editor-in-chief of the newspaper's newsroom. And although I wish Tiago was with me, the truth is that he is not.
- Good morning! Please, I need to meet with Guilherme, Bete and Kayo – I say to my secretary, who accompanied me when I entered my office to give me the day's agenda.
- License! – Kayo said upon entering the editor-in-chief's office.
- Sit down! – I ask, pointing to the chair with my hand.
- Good morning, excuse me! – Bete then arrives, greeting Kayo and me.
About ten minutes passed before Guilherme entered the room without greeting anyone. His colleagues who were waiting for him look at him disapprovingly, but I don't say anything. I just ask him to sit down to start the meeting.
- Well, as you already know, euphoria has taken over this city, São Luis , Maranhão, it is no longer the same. And all this thanks to a prison riot. – I tell the three journalists, I'm sure they are already informed of the events regarding this fact.
- Our newspaper has already published an article about the rebellion and is covering it on the streets, including exclusive interviews with gang members... – before Kayo could finish his speech, I interrupt him :
- That's not what we do here. Our newspaper is not Twitter to repost what is already in all the national media. We publish exclusively, that's why I called you here, I want an interview with the head of command of this crisis, for the weekend.
- How do we get an interview with the biggest criminal in Maranhão? – Guilherme asks, scared.
- That's why you're here. We had problems with the government this month, many public contracts were taken from us and that is not the legacy I want... – and I keep asking – who wants to do the interview?
A silence settles in the environment. The city is at war, the prison is under the command of inmates, buses are burned daily. The government has no control over the city. Guilherme breaks the silence by refusing to do the interview, and then leaves the room.
I stay in the room with Kayo and Bete who are ready to interview the head of the criminal organization. The meeting follows, and I explain how the interview will go, everything was already planned. Journalists will enter the prison and talk to the inmates leading the rebellion, then interview their leader, who is free. A danger that many journalists are not willing to take.
Everything worked. The article was a success, with national repercussions. Along with the interview, a scheme was exposed in which public officials exploited prisoners so that they could provide some benefits. Verdade Maranhense is on every website and on every news program in the country. This repercussion put pressure on the government and several inquiries were opened, showing that the governor had made a bad deal in breaking with the newspaper.
This is the most significant victory for the newspaper under my command. Which will earn me, in addition to my salary, a hefty bonus. All the repercussions are proof that Antonio was right when choosing the new editor-in-chief. And I am very happy to prove my competence through my work.
Journalists Kayo and Bete are applauded by their colleagues when they arrive at the newsroom the next day. At the table, motionless, Guilherme watches the success of his friends, which could also have been his success, if it weren't for his cowardice. He doesn't applaud, he just watches, full of envy.
That article triggered many other stories, many of them unpublished: the end of the rebellion, the punishment of corrupt public agents, the success of the journalists involved in the story. The government's return as a supporter of the newspaper and the hiring of Kayo by a major TV channel. Furthermore, it was proof that I was, yes, the best choice for the position I occupy.
- I deserve! – I say to myself, when I receive a large sum of money in cash from one of the newspaper's directors for my work. If this bonus wasn't enough, my salary is already in my account, it's much more than I expected. I decide that I deserve to celebrate, but I won't do that with Sandra, much less with Willian, my regular date. I deserve more.
He opened my personal notebook , and when searching for luxury call boys - luxury is a word that suits me now, I think - I find a website of beautiful men, who don't show their faces, just their beautiful naked bodies. Some provide videos with clients at the time of sexual intercourse, but without showing their faces. The price is not very affordable, but it will be worth paying.
I watch some pornographic videos with the prostitutes. Some beautiful men, but the way they had sex I don't like. Until almost two hours of research later, behold, I found it: tall, white and with little hair, he was not spotted, which was good, as I even liked muscular men, but those who were neither thin nor fat, like the one I I found them, they are my favorites. Going out with these men with average bodies makes sex feel natural, it's like having sex with a boyfriend, not that I knew what that was like.
I'm determined, it would be him. I dial the WhatsApp number available on the website on my phone, I want to satisfy my desire as soon as possible, but a message from my wife makes me give up, Sandra was worried about her husband being late. I look at the clock, almost three hours late, turn off the computer, grab my things and go home.
Only those who live in two very different worlds will be able to understand me. It's like denying myself to gain acceptance from others. And being torn between reason, which is Sandra, and emotion, my sexual desire for men, is very difficult and dangerous. At first, I cried whenever I cheated on Sandra, most of the time with Willian, now not anymore, I feel guilty, but I know I will only really be me when I allow myself to live my desires.
Neither the pleasure of success, which I experienced with the repercussion of the article, nor the reward in money, makes me feel complete. It is the desire satisfied in sex with another man that makes me feel life. And I couldn't do that that night, so I scheduled my meeting with the luxury boy during my business hours. Certain that at this time I will not be able to be interrupted by my wife. Not for anyone, because I will say that I will be in an important meeting with someone important.
I masturbate in the bathroom, imagining the faceless man doing to me what he did to the client in the video. Kissing my feet, then stroking the hair on my body until he reached my neck and let his tongue wander to my mouth. I think about everything I had seen in the video, and I remember the prostitute's cock, the most perfect that could exist. I cum, then I cum again. And I'm going to sleep with my wife.
Sandra wants to have sex, but I look exhausted. And no matter how much she caresses me, she can't detect any sign of excitement in me. First the delay, then the indifference. Those were clear signs to her that she had a lover. In almost four years of marriage, it was the first time she had this suspicion. And she would definitely find out who the woman was between me and her. Meanwhile, in my dreams, I was immersed in a huge orgy with several faces just like the guy I saw in the ad on the prostitution website.
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