Capítulo 18: My Guilt
Finishing my song off, my body shook slightly. I was happy, though. My emotions were clearly invested and displayed in this song.
I wouldn't care about whatever Mei may use to argue with me about this, a song with no soul was not a song.
"Alright everyone! Thank you for listening to me, just like the news said, I'm getting bombarded with all kinds of requests in order to prepare for my next potential award, I'm very thankful to AVO for choosing me!"
I smiled as cheerfully as I could, at the same time, I thanked Mei internally for telling me this information before falling asleep.
The pressure on our body seemed to finally affect her. It was affecting me earlier as well. Everything was simply so taxing since days ago, making us exhausted to no end.
My brain, my heart, and my body were yearning for some normal rest instead of some fainting. But I couldn't show that to my fans.
Being their Idol meant that I needed to be the perfect person they needed. How could I show my exhaustion here?
Perhaps some others were willing… But not me.
I smiled at everyone again, seeing their comments made me happy. Although I was tired, they gave me the motivation to hide my pain away and hold on.
A question caught my attention, making me laugh lightly as I answered, "Yeah I know I do look quite tired, but I missed you guys~ I wanted to give you a small present in thanks for your support despite my inactivity."
The comments rushed in again,
[Woah!! So sweet!!!]
[Alice is just the best fr fr!!]
[I wanna listen to another song!]
[Marry me! Oh gosh you are a goddess!!]
[We want you!!]
The comments only grew more intense but grandma gestured to me that I needed to turn off the stream. Fine, although I wanted to spend more time talking with my fans, it was only right to listen to grandma now.
Not listening to her was the reason I was in this position today…
"Alright guys, sorry for cutting it short but your Alice needs to go into another interview tomorrow's morning, it'll be recorded hahaha so it'll be posted at another time."
They whined and cried in the comments, sending me some hearts and extra gifts. Those gifts were actually real gifts. They were converted to coins first and then converted to dollars in my bank account.
I waved my hand and bid them a farewell before closing the app.
Finishing that, I turned to grandma and smiled softly. My heart was heavy with guilt when I was faced with her gentle smile.
Her tender expression was oozing warmth as she affectionately embraced me, she sighed heavily while calling my name.
Just how much did I make this woman suffer for the sake of that bastard?
I was truly nothing but an idiot no matter how I looked at it. Truthfully, this just showed me how pathetic Marcos was.
But my heart still ached at his name.
This moment was not for him, though. So, I focused more on grandma. Hugging her back, I softly whispered.
"I'm sorry… For being a disobedient girl…"
Years ago, it was all my fault no matter how I lied to myself. When she tried to guide me to the right path, I was so caught up in my own love to notice her words being nothing but the truth.
Since I trusted her in everything, why was I so stubborn in that situation? Maybe it was because I was young, foolish and impulsive.
I truly wanted to slap my younger self now. Grandma's health took a huge hit after my 'elopement', but I didn't even bother to ask.
That was so heartless, my actions, and everything…
It was my guilt.
"Ha. Don't be sorry, child. I taught you to be proud and graceful, don't lower your head even with me."
She lifted my chin and looked into my eyes deeply.
"Alice, I'm sick."
"Huh?"
My overflowing emotions suddenly turned off. I asked without knowing what I should be expecting.
"What, what do you mean?"
Why did she have to tell me?
She cleared my doubts but burnt my heart, "Alice, I'm sick and I may not survive that long."
"What kind of illness…?"
"That doesn't matter now. Listen to me first,"
She took another deep breath before pulling some documents from her bag. I was unable to read it clearly, unbeknownst to me, my eyes were already watering and ready to start the water fountains.
"This is… A marriage certificate. I need you to sign here, Alice. It's for your sake. I can no longer let you choose, I'm sorry."
What…
"Please, Alice. I know everything is just so confusing. But for my sake, sign here. You are free to divorce him after 3 years if you find him unsuitable for you, but for now…"
She pushed the papers and a pen to my hand, clearly unwilling for any debate.
"Please sign it, for my own comfort."
Never ashamed to announce her real thoughts and desires to the world. That was how she was always. Even if this was a lie, I wouldn't know.
Smart, intelligent, and quite flexible.
That was how she wanted me to be.
Yet, I failed that…
For that alone, she deserves all the rights over taking this decision for me. My hands moved and signed it without further complaints.
Silence filled the car, and she carefully asked me.
"Are you not going to even question anything, Alice?"
"No."
"No?"
"I don't think I have the right after all what I've done… Just for the sake of my wrong decision."
Just for the guilt. And gratitude. If grandma was truly in pain and sick, I can only do this much for her. It was natural.
Just repaying the old debt I owe her.
~~~~
Ehe a little bit of short chapter, I'll make sure to edit it later! Thank you for reading this, see you in the next chapter! Finals are hell (O_O)
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