Capítulo 54: A Vampire And A Wendigo Part 5
"Text" = Talking
[Text] = System
'Text' = Normal Thoughts
{Text} = Telepathic Thoughts
<Text> = Message Through System
*Text* = Actions During Sentences
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(Location: Random building in Japan, Time: A few days after Eve met Alexander Anderson, POV: 3rd Person)
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It had been a couple of days since the last update, and Eve has participated in certain 'activities' since then. For one, Alucard asked her to help him paint the car of Integra's dad with plenty of goat blood.
But, somehow she wasn't able to help find enough goats to paint the entire car in goat blood, even though she used Technopathy to its full capabilities, or quickly going across the entirety of Europe with the speed given by Prime Conduit.
This frustrated her more than she would admit to anyone, and in the moment of anger she threw the car through a Dairy Queen and stole the ice cream machine that was in the building. Luckily, she threw the car into the Dairy Queen when it was closed, so nobody was killed, except maybe a couple of rats or roaches. The reason why she stole the machine, even though she could easily make ice cream herself, is because it quote 'hit different to have ice cream from my own personal ice cream machine'.
She also found out that when the Hive description said that her Bee's can be turned into new body parts, it meant she could turn them into any body part. Turns out if she has basic knowledge on what body part she wants to turn them into, she can make them into fully functional extremities, including but not limited to arms, legs, a head, eyes, mouths, organs, any type of wings, spider legs, horns, and tails.
All of this expanded her ideas for combat, torture, killing, and even sex, if she chooses to use it in that way.
But, that isn't the focus right now, as at the moment our resident Wendigo Demigod is with Seras, Alucard, and the rest of her team in this world's version of Japan dealing with a Ghoul problem. They had almost finished exterminating the ghouls when Alucard decided to call Integra to give her a report on the situation.
"Hello Alucard, how was your mission in Japan?" Integra said when she finally answered the phone.
"Eh. I'd say ninety-nine... point nine percent done." Alucard said as he looked at the Ghoul that was just walking into a gate continuously, before Eve shot it with an extremely less potent shot from Carmine, killing it in an instant.
"Sup, bitch?" Alucard asked as if Integra was the one that called him instead of the other way around.
"I need to talk to you about some important guests coming today." Integra said, not really caring that Alucard just called her a bitch as he has said plenty worse over the years they've known each other.
"Are they hookers?" Was the instant question from Alucard, who seemed to just want to get his dick wet.
"No." It would be a peaceful day with Eve before Integra ever willingly let hookers into her manor of all places.
"And like that you've lost me." Alucard said as he handed the phone off to Eve, not really being interested in the conversation anymore.
"They're our financial suppliers." Integra said as if that would suddenly get Alucard's interest back.
"Damn! They must really hate Hellsing at this point!" Said Eve, as if she couldn't just increase the budget or kill those pencil pushers whenever she felt like it.
"They do. That's why they cancelled our budget." Integra witnessed Walter stand as straight as possible, he was still afraid of the Demigod after their first encounter.
"Well I can just uncancel it and even increase the budget. So, I don't see what the hell the problem is." As someone who literally hasn't had money problems in the last couple of years, Eve didn't really see the problem here.
"Red, that would be illegal, and I'd prefer not to add any further crimes to the list that Alucard started." The long list of crimes that Alucard has committed since the first year she met have been something that she is still trying to deal with, and she didn't want to add more work to that.
"Fine, carry on with what you were saying, Integra." Eve couldn't help but sigh at Integra being 'boring' for not letting her commit embezzlement.
"Over the last couple of years, we've had some... expensive claims." Integra said, really downplaying the expensive shit that they've needed to pay off in Hellsing.
"Pray tell, what are these claims you speak of?" Eve said while not taking any of this seriously, because why would she?
"First off - property damage." Integra was mostly referring to when Eve literally made a mountain stop existing.
"I'm not apologizing." And, why would she? Eve used that mountain to as an example, if she didn't do that she most likely would have made Walter the example by skinning him alive and then hanging him from a flag pole on the tallest building she could find.
"Dozens of noise complaints." This was quickly followed by Alucard blasting heavy metal next to Eve, as he could still hear Integra's side of the conversation.
"Sorry! We can't hear you!" Alucard said before Eve made the speakers shut themselves off, her hearing was still plenty of times more sensitive than any humans.
"Killing at least a 'dozen' innocent people." When Integra said that, she meant, 'of those we could actually still find intact'.
"That one is all Alucard, I just kill people that piss me off, or I traumatize them for life, there really isn't a middle ground with me." Technically speaking, Eve hasn't taken the life of a single innocent person thus far, everyone she's killed has been a criminal in some form, or tried to rape her in her past life's case.
"And... all of the sexual harassment." Integra was referring to the people that Alucard 'played with' whenever he got bored but wasn't in the mood to kill anyone.
"Once again, that one is all Alucard. 'Cause I haven't met a single woman in this world, other than Seras, that can compare with any of my girls." Even though Alucard did try to get her to give back Seras by 'politely offering' other woman as a trade. Seems he really wanted to have the Draculina as his new toy badly.
"Listen, I know this is asking a lot, but..." Eve already could tell what was going to be said next, but she still wanted to get the most out of it.
"Buuut....?" Eve and Alucard said at the same time, waiting to hear what Integra was going to say.
"I want you two, and the entirety of Red's team to keep yourselves locked in the basement until all of them are gone!" This surprised Eve a little, she did expect Integra to keep both her and Alucard away, but the rest of her group too? They aren't even as chaotic as her, unless you count Tenko constantly turning Walter's glasses to dust.
"Aww you think you can tell me what to do, that's so cute!" It's not like Eve was actually employed by the Hellsing Organization, or cared about what Integra wanted, so really, she's just playing along to Integra's orders to kill time.
"Please, this is important, and I don't want to risk any of you causing another scene." Integra really didn't want to risk someone pissing off Eve and then being swiftly killed by whatever brutal method the Wendigo could come up with.
"And what if I don't want to be locked away, you gonna grab that guy that can stop me? What was his name again? Michael McDoesn'tExist?" Technically speaking, there isn't a single person alive in this world that could compete with Eve at this point. Except maybe the god of this world, but they seem to not really intervene in anything that happens in the world.
"*Sigh*... What do you want?" And there it finally is, the words that Eve has been wanting to hear all day, it's soon going to be time to experiment on one of her quirks again!
"What?~" Hey, just because she already knows what she wants, that doesn't mean she's not going to be a douche before 'asking' for it.
"What... do I need to give you and Alucard.... to keep you all down here for the evening?" There were plenty of things that Eve could ask for, but there was only one thing that she wanted that she didn't want to get herself because of laziness.
"I want two things, first I want a new gun for Seras, specifically an Anti-Tank Rifle. After all bitches love cannons." It seemed best to get the cannon for Seras, though she'll most likely make modifications to make it better than any 'normal' guns in all history.
"And the second thing?..." Integra had a feeling that whatever Eve was going to say next was going to give her one hell of a headache.
"Literal barrels of LSD." And Integra was right, because this Demigod, who was still a teenager mind you, just asked her to get fucking barrels of LSD!
"WHY THE FUCK DO YOU WANT LSD!?! ACTUALLY BETTER QUESTION!! WHY THE EVER LOVING FUCK DO YOU WANT FUCKING BARRELS OF THE SHIT!?!?" Integra couldn't help but yell, because what teenager ask for that much LSD like it's nothing?
"I want to test out how much I need to take before I actually get high, since Healthy Body can increase the speed of my immune system and other shit up to sixty times." This was only a rough estimate based on how much blood she's taken from herself over the years, and testing out if she could get drunk a couple of times.
Though, she'd be damned if she didn't see if she could actually get high by choice at least once in her entire existence. Especially since it's been on her mind ever since she first got Healthy Body when she first got reincarnated.
"Anyways, I'm gonna give the phone to Al, so he can make his dema- I mean request." Eve said as she handed the phone over to Alucard while she went over to the others.
"I'm going to need a new gun, and I agree with Red, bitches do love cannons." Alucard said the second he was given the phone.
"*Sighs* What else do you want?" Integra knew at this point that just because we ask for something seemingly simple at first, it isn't always going to be simple once we finish.
"A 70-inch... plasma widescreen TV. With Netflix." Eve had told him sometimes about some of the shows she used to pirate in her old life, and safe to say, Alucard was really curious about them.
"Should it also be 3-D?" Integra asked, not really caring at this point of the amount of shit she'll have to go through fulfill their request anymore.
"NO! That's a stupid fucking gimmick and everyone knows it!" Alucard and Eve said at the same time, they both really hated that 3-D bullshit gimmick.
"*Sighs* Okay, okay, just all of you get back here, while I go through the fucking hurtles I need to to get that Anti-Tank Rifle, let alone the one's I'll need to go through for god damn barrels of Acid." She was already regretting asking the two most chaotic and destructive people she knows what they wanted.
After that was said Eve began to use Fast Travel to take all of them back to the manor, specifically to the basement where they'll wait to get what her and Alucard asked for.
Though, soon no matter what Integra wanted, there will be chaos, there will be death, and their will be several boring men traumitized by a single teenage Demigod.
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(Small Time Skip, brought to you by, all these squares make a cirlce all these squares make a cirlce all these squares make a cirlce)
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Down in the basement of Hellsing Manor sat the group with seven actual barrels filled to the brim with LSD and a 70-inch plasma widescreen TV in front of them.
Turns out it was easier to get drug filled barrels than they all thought, especially after Eve located a bunch of dealers across London and gave that info to Integra. Sadly, though, now all of those dealers are in jail, so this will be a one time thing in London.
"Are you seriously going to just chug all this Acid in one go?" Alucard asked, unsure that even he could do that without having a trip that would last days on end if he took that much LSD.
"Fuck no, I'm going to take them one at a time after mixing it with some blood that taste like candy. I may be insane as fuck, but even I know not to take this much Acid all at once." Sure she's willing to put herself in a situation where she gets physically hurt, or one where she has to traumitize people to make a point, but there were still some things she knew were best to avoid.
"I'm curious about how you're body will react to this much LSD just as much as you, but why do you want to do this so badly? Also why all the, apparently, candy tasting blood?" Izuku did want to know what Healthy Body's limit is, but he was still worried about how this would negatively effect Eve.
"Simple, my broccoli haired brother, I'm bored as hell! I haven't destroyed anything, made any chaos fuelled plans, or organized for someone's life to be destroyed in days! That is too damn long!!" She said while bringing out plenty of gallons of blood out of Inventory and began to mix it into the barrels of LSD.
"Also, I need to use the blood for flavor, and to control the LSD, or else I'll have to unhinge my jaw like a snake." All of them shivered a bit at the thought of Eve suddenly unhinging her jaw and chugging a fuck ton of blood.
Soon the contents of the barrels floated up into the air at the command of Eve, then they were turned into perfect spheres and condensed until they were each the size of marbles.
"Master, I'm no doctor, but I don't think this is your wisest decision. Also, won't all that liquid burst your stomach the second you stop controlling it?" Seras couldn't help but worry about Eve, even though she has seen the Wendigo destroy things like nothing.
"Well, yeah, I never said this was a good decision, in fact it's one of the dumbest ways I can test my limits, but it's going to be sure as hell entertaining for me to experience. And, no, you don't have to worry about my stomach bursting open, it turns out no matter how much I eat Wendigo will make my stomach instantly digest it.
Though, this does have the side effect of me never really feeling full, ever, and a desire to eat more and more. The Famine Embodiement curse apparently does more than make me a cannibal." She said while moving one of the marbles of blood and drugs to her mouth, before she quickly put it in her mouth and swallowed it.
The warmth of the blood mixed with the cooling liquid that was the LSD was certainaly an interesting feeling for her, but the second it hit her stomach, she could feel it begin to take effect. Her pupils dilated to the point she looked like an excited cat, her heart started to beat faster causing her skin to become a bit flushed, she even began to sweat from what she was experiencing.
But, just as quickly as her high started, it all went away and she was left feeling normal, or as normal as she could feel. For Eve, this pissed her off more than even she thought it would, the first time she wanted to get high in her existence, and it all lasted less than a damn minute.
Though, for everyone else that saw her reaction to the LSD and blood mixture it looked like she was acting like a dog in heat, which made the guys quickly look away fearing what Eve might do if they commented on it or looked for too long. However, for Himiko, Mei, and Seras this was a sight that they ingrained in their minds faster than Anderson can quote Boondock Saints.
"Son of a bitch! I thought it would last longer than a single damn minute! I'm increasing the strength of these bitches!" As she said that ripples appeared on the surface of the marbles before they quickly settled down. Turns out reality warping abilities can also be pretty useful for getting high as hell.
"Al, turn on the TV, put on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, I'm taking two of these bitches this time." Eve wanted to actually have a laugh after the short lasting dose of LSD she consumed earlier, so that's why she suggested they watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine specifically.
"Fine, but we're watching Adventure Time after a couple episodes." Alucard said as he begrudgingly turned on the TV and went to put on what Eve wanted.
The second that the cold open of the first episode started, Eve swallowed the two red drugged marbles, feeling the same cool and warm feeling again. This time the effects of the LSD lasted longer, so Eve was able to go through the coming episodes high out of her fucking mind.
"Al! Al! Alucard! Allie! Allie Bally! Allie Bally Fo Fanna Fanny To Tala Tally!" Eve said while she was giggling hysterically with her head laying on Himiko's lap.
"What!? What do you want, Red?!" For the last two episodes Eve has been doing this trying to get Alucard's attention, but everytime he asked before what she wanted she replied with, 'I don't know pfft-hahahaha!'.
"I need to hear you say, 'Don't traumitize and kill the people coming here.'!" Eve said while Himiko was playing with her hair and trying to look as serious as possible.
"Red, don't traumitize and kill the people coming here, for the love of-" Before Alucard could finish his words Eve quickly stood up and yelled at him.
"BITCH DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!" And like that Eve suddenly disappeared using Fast Travel with the last four drug blood balls, to where you might ask? Well, not to the meeting with the pencil pushers, as she wasn't talking about them at all.
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(Scene change to the front of Hellsing Manor one minute before Eve left)
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"And so half way through blowin' me, the fuckin' hooker OD's on heroin!" A man that looked like the least decorated JoJo character in history said to the definition of a grown up boy church next to him.
"I really don't like discussing my ex-girlfriend with you." The blonde man said to his companion.
"I mean, I still finished, but what kind of shit is that?" The boring JoJo character said to the blonde man.
"For God sakes, Jan. Think of mother!" The blonde man said to the man now identified as his brother, and as Jan.
".....I ain't jerkin' off right now." Jan said as they both continued to walk to the gates of Hellsing Manor, which would soon be also known as their graves.
"Oi, you two. The grounds are currently closed." Instructed some random guard that nobody will really remeber after this scene.
"Aww man! That totally sucks! And we came all the way out here with these foreign exchange students on a field trip through England." Jan said while gesturing to the bus that was behind him and his brother.
"Where from?" This guards question was quickly followed by an entire army squads worth of guns pointing at him and his fellow guard.
"Texas." Jan said as he snapped his fingers, and each one of the guns held by a Ghoul was quickly fired at the two guards. The bullets kicked up plenty of dust and dirt, to the point that the gate, and the guards, could be barely seen anymore.
"Aw shit. Looks like we need more prayer in schools." Jan said, assuming that the two guards that were in front of them were corpses after that.
"Hey~ What a coincedence! I'm from Texas too! Or I was at one point?" Said a voice that dripped with sarcasm and laughter from the cloud of dust, which greatly shocked the two brothers.
"Anyways! Do you two want to meet my bestest buddy?!" Said the voice, who was soon revealed to be Eve when the dust finally settled.
Though, when the dust settled it also revealed that she was littered with bullet holes across her entire body and head, and a barrier behind her that protected the guards and surrounded the rest of them in a dome.
"Jan... did you sneak an edible in my coffee again today...?" The blonde man asked as he took a step back from the sight of what should've been a corpse smiling and laughing at them.
"Nope.... I did put some in mine, but if you're seeing it too.... then that means it's real..." Even Jan couldn't belive what he was seeing, as all of those shots fired were blessed bullets that even most strong Vampires wouldn't be able to survive several magazines of, especially to the head.
"Aww you guys think I'm not real?" Eve said as her voice changed to that of a childs, and her wounds began to visibly heal before their eyes.
"Well... TOO BAD!!! I want to have fun! And you guys are going to be my new target's!!" Eve said as she brought out Carmine and looked at her own hand curiously while her wounds fully healed and ejected the bullets from her flesh.
"Now~ I wonder~ Can I copy that ability?~ I mean, I am a King, so it should work~" Jan was going to instruct the Ghouls to fire again, but suddenly Eve snapped her fingers, and they were all immediately slammed into the ground by an exteme amount of pressure.
It wasn't just them that were effected those in Hellsing were even pushed to the ground, either in a kneeling position or face first into it, the only ones that weren't effected were those that came with Eve to this world and Seras. All of this was done through warping reality to where she can now focus her will/rage into a physical force that she could enforce on anyone weaker than her.
None of them could fight against this pressure that had seemingly come from Eve herself, until she decided to stop using it, as it wouldn't be fun to hit stagnant targets.
"Yay!~ Conqueror's Haki got, bitch!" Eve said, not really caring about the chaos in the manor she just caused, though she could sort of hear Integra yelling for a status report.
"Now! Before we have some fun! I'll make Carmine into Carmine: Rapture!" As Eve said that she placed both her hands on Carmine and began to pull the gun in two seperate directions.
Through a combination of Revision and Blood Manipulation the gun began to morph and change from it's grotesque form into a much longer bladed weapon. It was soon standing at a height of eight feet (243.8 cm), with two large red blades on either side that the metal from before decorated, this wasn't the only decoration as it had a flower like image at the top of it, and two spiraling snakes at the bottom of the now Great Axe.
"Hehehe~ Say hello to my bestest buddy! My axe!" Eve said as she threw the great axe onto her shoulder, and with a snap of her finger everyone began to hear voices laugh and say odd things.
(My Axe - Insane Clown Posse)
"(I love my Faygo, my Nyquil pills, Shaggy.)" As the voices spoke in a distorted manner Eve slowly walked towards the two Vampires and their squadron of Ghouls.
"(I love my buddies, my hatchetman, but I love my axe!)" It was at this point that Eve was in arms reach of the two brothers.
"My axe is my buddy, I bring her when I walk. Me and my axe will leave your head outlined in chalk. My axe is my buddy, she always makes me laugh!" Eve said as she looked the two directly in the eyes popping two more LSD blood marbles into her mouth and swallowing them.
"Me and my axe cut biggots spinal cords in half. My axe is my buddy, and when I wind her back, me and my axe will give your forehead a buttcrack. My axe is my buddy, I never leave without her. Me and my axe will leave your neck a bloody fountain!" Eve said before suddenly disappearing from the brother's sight, only to reappear behind the Ghoul's.
"Everybody, everybody, everybody run!" She said startling all of them and causing some of the Ghouls to jump away from her.
"Murdering, murdering, murdering fun! (Everybody dies)" Eve yelled out as she ran to the nearest Ghoul that she could see.
"Swing swing swing, chop chop chop! (Everybody dies) Swing swing swing, chop chop chop!" She emphasized each of the words by cutting off parts of the Ghoul with her axe on every swing and chop.
"!̸̧͊͛u̸͔̝̍n̴̪͆͗ɹ̷̧̆̓ ̵̣͛ʎ̶͚͖͘p̷̥̙̏o̸͇͝q̵̺͙͠ʎ̶̰͌̃ɹ̷̙̃ǝ̵̳̓ʌ̵̡͕̉͘ǝ̸̨̀ ̵̼͍́̂,̴͙̞͒͗ʎ̵̥̮̊p̷̨͑ȍ̵͉q̷͙͝ʎ̸̢͒̏ɹ̵̖̹͑͠ǝ̵̱̻̄ʌ̶͇̈́͒ǝ̵̮̗̌́ ̸̪̈,̴̡̀͠ʎ̵̫̟͂p̴̖̥̍͂ơ̴̻͘q̶͕̜͊̈ʎ̷̪̓̊ɹ̸̞̤͌ǝ̷̯̹̓̍ʌ̷̢͖͐͠Ǝ̷̰̣̄͐" She yelled out in a much more beastly and demonic voice that terrified even the Ghouls that heard her causing them all to try and run away from her, but were unable to because of the barrier she placed.
"Murdering, murdering, murdering fun! (Everybody dies) Swing swing swing, chop chop chop! (Everybody dies) Swing swing swing, chop chop chop!" Eve sang as she decapitated, crippled, or sliced into each of the ghouls, until there was only four left that were next to the Vampire brothers.
"My axe is my buddy, we right the planet's wrongs. Me and my axe leave bigots dead on richie lawns. My axe is my buddy, she never make me cry. Me and my axe will leave a bivot for your eye." It was at this point that the blonde brother, Luke, unloaded the entire magazine in his gun on Eve in a futile attempt of killing her.
"Ouch."
"Ouch."
"Ouch."
"Ouch."
"Ouch."
"Ouch."
"Ouch."
"Ouch."
"Ouch."
"Ouch."
"Ouch."
"Ouch."
"Ouch."
"Ouch."
"Ouch."
"Ouch."
"Tylenol."
"Tylenol."
"Tylenol."
"Tylenol."
"Tylenol."
"Tylenol."
"Tylenol."
"Tylenol."
Eve kept repeating as each bullet pierced her flesh, two were even well placed shots that went through both of her eyes. Luke thought he had managed to actually hurt her, but that hope was quickly crushed when she healed from those bullets, just like all the rest.
"My axe is my buddy, don't take her for a chump. Me and my axe will leave you hopping on a stump." Eve swallowed the last of her drugged marbles as she stepped closer to her remaining victims.
"Everybody, everybody, everybody run! Murdering, murdering, murdering fun! (Everybody dies) Swing swing swing, chop chop chop. (Everybody dies) Swing swing swing, chop chop chop!" Eve appeared and diseappered around the area over each of the remaing Ghouls, which she touched and used Revision on to make them all the size of grapes.
"Everybody, everybody, everybody run! Murdering, murdering, murdering fun! (Everybody dies) Swing swing swing, chop chop chop. (Everybody dies) Swing swing swing, chop chop chop!" She sliced all the grape sized Ghouls with the blade of her axe, before she faced the brothers, and smiled at them.
"Looks like our play time is almost over! I hope you found it fun too!~" Eve sad as she walked towards the brothers, while making the barrier smaller and smaller, so they wouldn't be able to avoid her at all.
"Any last words you want me to tell The Major for you?~" The two brothers were completely frozen, not only had this one woman killed all their Ghouls with an axe bigger than her while singing about it, she also seemed to know about Millenium.
"No? Okay! Say night night!!" Eve said as she winded up her axe, and then decapitated the two vampires. But she didn't stop there, she continued to cut into them with a murderous grin as their blood splattered and sprayed onto her face and clothes.
Though, her fun had to end as the two burst into blue flames and burned to ash. But, since she did kill them, as well as all the Ghouls, she got all their souls, which were stored in Inventory by Monokuma.
"Hehehehehe~ Sooo much fun~ Their blood as it covers my body~ The feeling of my axe cutting into their flesh like a hot knife through butter~ Their screams and futile attempts to stop me~ It's all so exhilirating!~" This is what happens when Eve listens to her sadistic desires, usually she would have a better handle on them, but the extreme amount of LSD that she took caused whatever locks she put on her desires, to break.
"Oooh~ I'm feeling a little sleepy. Weird..." She said as she could hear the sound of people running towards her, and someone yelling out her name. But, it all sounded so far away, soon her vision darkened, and the next thing she knew she passed out on top of the bloody corpses of her latest victims.
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