Reborn in Naruto with Dark Souls system

LV 4

Hanni_Baal

Ok, constructive criticism, I have every intention of being a good person so don't be discouraged, author. The idea is great, but you need a bit of editing; You run through the scenarios, preventing us from relating to the character, much less generating empathy, I know that we have all gone through the beginning of Dark Souls several times, but you still have to develop it, give it the MC's perspective, take advantage of the fact that it is a little bit repetitive for us and make some flashbacks, let us understand who is the MC, or things like that... You also have to improve the narrative and the talking, in general and the combats in particular, those are the focus in DS so it's important, I mean, those are not immersive or anxiety-producing, it feels like you just want to skip the boring parts to get to where you are interested, this is not a career, the story slowly unfolds. In short, don't create dumb drama, this story has potential, do not rush, the writing improves with effort and time, let it flow, imagine yourself in the position of the MC, give details to the world, do some research of crossbows, for example, and show a short version to us, also add more details to personal relationships and do not get discouraged because you are not that good yet, good things come with time, give it some to you and your book to grow. In my personal oppinion, and I know no one ask for it, rewrite, do it better, enjoy writing a good history.

LV 5

SoberanoSinNombre

my review is temporary. I'll give it 5 stars because the premise of a guy whose special power is the dark souls status table appeals to me. When you have more chapters I will start reading. I will be waiting for your fanfic not to be abandoned, because I am very interested. this fafic was added to my library