Capítulo 63: Chapter 10
The tears rolled off in waves. I was a mess on the inside. It wasn't just grief. It was misery, and despair, as well. I had no ideea why I felt so devastated. Their sudden death, and all that ensued after had been nothing but a distraction. I had unresolved feelings. I concluded when I finally managed to get myself together.
Guilt, and shame weighed heavily on my heart. I knew my mother would dissaprove of how I chose to do things. Even though they were no longer with me, I still could remember her teachings, her velvety voice and her sweet smiles that brightened up my life.
Did I regret the approach I took? I pondered on the question for a brief moment, but it slipped out of my mind when I caught sight of the graves. Fresh flowers on both graves and it looked as if someone was tending to them on a regular basis. The headstones had been changed as well, to granite. I was puzzled. I hadn't been in Lamport in two years, and had no known relatives, alive. Then who? It wasn't me that was for sure, and that made me feel so much worse.
I sighed " I'm sorry, mama. I haven't been a very good daughter." And the flood gates opened again. I wasn't able to say the rest. I just sat down on the grass, hugged myself and cried my heart out. I felt lonely, abandoned. Even though, I knew, I had Enid and Mason. It wasn't the same. Nothing was the same. I wished to go back in time before it happened. Before I lost everything.
Bottled up anger, sorrow, and grief, all came out in a field surrounded by those whom had gone to a better place; who couldn't hear or offer words of comfort. My mother would have known what to say.
Slowly, I was able to get it together and pushed myself of the ground and said my goodbyes to my parents with the promise to visit more often. The fact that someone was tending to their resting place, played on my mind.
I climbed in the car and put it drive. Had I known that the fallout of visiting my parents would be so extreme, I would had prepared myself for it.
The journey from Lamport back to Morston, was fast, mostly because I was engrossed in my own thoughts. Without traffic, my mind strayed, more than usual. I had no peace from the intrusive thoughts that had increased exponentially over the course of a few days. It was a miracle that I managed to make it back, intact.
Pulling on the side of the road in town center, I grabbed my backpack and made my way to the cafe where Laira worked. I needed to splash some cold water on my face. I knew I would look as if, I had been stung by bees.
I quickly slipped into the bathroom, and stopped in front of the mirror. It didn't surprise me when I caught sight of my reflection. I indeed looked as if I had been stung by bees.
I sighed, tuned the tap on, and splashed a generous amount of cold water on my face. I knew it was redundant but I still tried.
My time in the cafe bathroom was interrupted by a few older ladies who needed to use the facilities, and that was my cue to head back into the cafe.
I glanced at the clock on the wall, It was a quarter to three. I was late. So late. Even though, my time keeping had improved, it was wasn't anything stellar.
" Hi Lily," Laira buoyantly greeted from behind and gasped when I turned around.
" What happened? Are you hurt?" She fretted, and pulled me aside to a private corner.
" I'm alright. I just visited my parents grave for the first time and it was quite a revelation, " I down played how much it had turned me inside out. I was still a bit out of sorts because of the extreme reaction.
" Oh, I see" Laira sighed, soulful " How are you feeling?" She asked with furrowed brows. Laira was sweet and gentle. A side that not many had a chance to see mostly because of her shyness. Though, I pondered on occasions on that little fact, uncertain wether my assumption was accurate or not.
" I will be alright, " I mustered a smile " How was your day?" I shifted onto something less dreary. I needed to take my mind off things, desperately.
Laira shrugged as she nudged towards the door " It's the same everyday.It is not the most exciting job, being stuck with your head in a dishwasher for most of the day. But the money are decent and I'm trying to save up as much as possible," She added as we made our way through the small alley in town center.
" Don't I know it," I laughed, since that was pretty much all I did in the soup kitchen.
" So, I was wondering if you could tell me," I sighed " How was your interview with the head of admissions?" I got to the point, since Laira was tired, and I didn't want to keep her any longer.
" I was fourteen when I applied, as you already know. I didn't do much talking but I had to take a couple of test while my father spoke with Mr Friedrieksen," She'd mentioned it in passing a few times but I was either too tired or my mind was elsewhere to actually pay attention, to the relevant information.
I hummed " What about David?" I was doing my best, to avoid him at all costs. Cowardice was one of my least favourite traits but it was a part of me.
" Oh, David applied two years ago, so probably he will be able to give you a more accurate insight," I was screwed. No way, I was going to speak with David. I was on my own.
" Sure, I'll do that," I said as I slipped into the drivers seat and waited for Laira to get in as well.
" So, I heard that the soup kitchen is flooded, " Laira noted, as I put the car in drive, and slipped into Morston traffic.
" Yes. As far as I know they began the repairs today," I hoped that the repairs would withstand the next storm.
" They will patch it up, just enough to keep it standing," Laira gave me grim news.
" Why?" I was surprised that the foundation didn't bother to make something more durable .
" Oh, well their focus is on the new school and to keep the people fed. There is a plan for long term improvement but, it stretches over the next fifty years. The foundation doesn't raise enough money to make considerable changes," I had gathered that much. Although, I had no ideea about the plan.
" The mayor keeps promising that he will build houses, and create jobs for those who live in the quarter. It has been his slogan at every election. He hasn't moved a finger or spent a penny of the towns money on the quarter," Laira was well informed. Ava's disdain towards the quarter and the fact that the mayor had done absolutely nothing for the quarter, was shaddy.
" Who created the foundation?" I had looked to find who created it but I came up with nothing.
Laira shrugged " No clue. There are rumors going around that it is a merciful benefactor. It popped up about eight years ago, when the mayor had started his second mandate. Nobody really knows. All, I know is that Mr Kinnaird helps to monitor the quarter, " Laira sighed, and looked ahead when we entered the quarter. I slowed down when we passed the soup kitchen and indeed the builders were up on the roof mending it.
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