Capítulo 9: Trembling
When she was in her autopilot state, there were some things that she had picked up on even if she did not want to.
Some were moments that she would want to forget about, others were useless to her while there were some things of use to her.
The things she wanted to forget about but couldn't would continue to stay with her for the rest of her life.
She had several choices ahead of her from the moment that she regained control over her body.
The first was to kill herself to end everything for good.
The second was to compromise again and accept or to try to escape what was going to happen to her no matter what it was.
The third was to do everything she could in order to survive.
The first way was the easiest option and when a person had everything stripped away, it was difficult for them to cling onto anything that would make them want to live longer.
The second way was that if she was not willing to stand up for herself and take another approach then her life would always be in the hands of someone else.
The third way was to forge her own path no matter what she had to do and no matter what the consequences were.
She was brought up to believe that with enough hard work, luck, patience and a good character then anyone could achieve their dreams.
Most people within the masses believed in the system of the world and followed along within the rules.
Her revelation or the knowledge that she had gained along with her experienced had taught her that it was not always the case.
There would always be those that were part of some hidden world that was kept away from the eyes of the public which had a very different way of doing things and their world view was completely different.
Those parts of the world were kept hidden for various reasons but one of them was that the masses would not agree to what was actually going on behind the scenes and the way those people handled things.
In the world that Azra was brought up in, what had happened to her should not have been possible and if it was found out what had happened then those involved would be brought to justice but that was not the case.
Those people had their own rules and ways of dealing with things so a small person like her could not affect them in the slightest.
Even her dream to become an olympic gymnast was nothing in the face of that hidden world and it would not be able to protect her if she did make it to that point and encountered something similar again.
Azra had strayed off course from that dream and had no power of her own while she had lost her own identity in the process.
Azra came to a decision very quickly after regaining control over her body once again, the scalpel in her hand was in front of her eyes and so was her wrist.
There were some light scars on her wrist which were from previous suicide attempts from when the times that she had been given the doctor had let his guard down.
Azra let out a sigh. "Azra.. you really were weak huh? You would rather hurt yourself than hurt others? That was why it was so easy for them to hurt you and to go as far as they did."
She spoke of herself like it was another person entirely and as if the name was no longer related to herself.
The glove was pulled back up to cover the wounds on her skin then lowered the scalpel towards the doctor. "This is the only way. All I have left is my life and I cannot give it up quite yet. Someone like you will just keep getting in my way and I have yet to pay you back for everything."
The wounds on her body had been treated by the doctor but there was a limit to how much he could fix without having to resort to skin grafting of another form of surgery.
He had to settle for having her wear clothing that covered up most of her body so her tops all had long necks, long sleeves that tucked into her pants.
The pants were long and she had long socks underneath while she had worn gloves over her hands that went under her sleeves.
A memory of the past had popped up in the mind of Azra to back when she was being restrained and the doctor was taunting her about her failed suicide attempt.
The doctor pointed a scalpel towards her neck at a certain point and laughed. "Hahaha just a little pressure right here and you will be able to die quickly. Too bad you will never be able to get the chance again."
The scalpel rested on the same position of the neck of the doctor while a thick towel had been pulled over the top of it. "It was about here right?"
The scalpel rested on the carotid artery and pressure was applied which caused the blood to be released from the wound as the artery was severed.
The towel that was in place had helped to stop any blood from spraying onto her body and Azra watched on as the doctor bled out onto the floor and the towel near his wound.
Azra stepped aside from the blood pool that was beginning to form and looked at her trembling hands. 'Haha.. back then. It seems so long ago. I thought it was the fear or regret that had me trembling.
Perhaps it really was that but my memory of that day and how I really felt is something that would seem different now that I have changed. Experiencing it again.. it is not fear or regret but I instead feel like I have finally been released.'
Even if she had been trembling from fear or the regret of her past actions of pushing the young lady that was bullying her, it was different the second time around and it was more like a liberating or exciting experience to her.
Her gaze quickly turned to the patient and they looked towards her with a hint of fear in their eyes but there was a little expectation within.
They were very conflicted upon seeing the death of the doctor, his death meant that they did not have to suffer once more but it had also meant that they were at the mercy of Azra who had just killed him.
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