Capítulo 112: My Own Way
Sitting in the set chair, Winona waved her hand, indicating that her assistant and makeup artist could all go away to avoid disturbing her conversation with Levi. She noticed that Levi also kept the crew far away, and this approach made her a little bit happier: Levi knew how to do things, and knew how to be sympathetic to herself, which made her a little silently satisfied in her heart.
Obviously, Levi knows how to understand others - and only such a person can be a good director and write a script like Emily, right?
Winona knew that she had lost control of her emotions again today. She also regrets the quarrel with Levi just now. However, if she were given another chance, she would still make such a commotion: Levi exposed her
scar too much, which made her a little unprepared and a little unbearable.
During this period of time, when did she not force herself to smile when she was in front of others?
She is a very good actor and always felt that she could hide from everyone's eyes, but others may not pay attention to whether the smile on her face is genuine or not, but the camera will accurately record every moment. With facial expressions, the camera will tell people whether they are really happy or just pretending to smile, and this director, Levi, has noticed all of this.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't get angry," Winona said when Levi came back, and after thinking for a while, she added, "I shouldn't pretend to be stupid and say I don't know how to act. In fact, I know what you said, but... I'm not in a good mood and can't be optimistic. I'm not Emily."
"People's moods can be adjusted, and I really can't see a good reason for your bad mood. It's just a few movies that went bad; what is that to you? Believe me, as long as you're still pretty, as long as you're still Winona Ryder; it's nothing."
"No, these... I actually don't have a strong sense of career." Winona shook her head, "I want to have my own career, but it's just because my life has become a mess. There is no way to tidy it up. That's why I want to use my career to escape."
"There seems to be no need to tell me these things, right?" Levi smiled wryly.
"Why?" Winona asked back, "Because you are afraid that I will talk about Depp. You don't want to hear this?"
Winona could see that her words made Levi look a little embarrassed, which also let her know that Levi actually wanted to ask, but he was too embarrassed to ask.
These guys are all like this. They obviously want to know but pretend to be decent.
"Actually, we have nothing to say about our affairs. It's different from what the media speculated," Winona put her hands on the director's chair, letting her body relax a lot. She raised her head slightly and let herself lean on the chair. "I'm not unhappy because I left Depp; I left Depp because I was unhappy."
"Did he make you unhappy?"
"Of course not. He is a very good boyfriend." Winona thought of the past. She also thought of the person who had a deep influence on her. Although it has been almost five years since they broke up, she has avoided him all these years, so she can hardly remember his appearance. But he still has an influence on her, "It's just that there are too many things backlogged in my heart, and he can't help me resolve them, and he doesn't want to see me so uncomfortable, so we separated."
Too many things backlogged? Levi laughed. Winona has seen such a smile more than once: many people laugh at her like this: she grew up as a princess. What can be on her mind?
From their point of view, her troubles are men, so they have always been keen to understand their relationship - but they don't know that she let go of that relationship long ago, and the things in her heart are much more important than love.
"You don't believe me. Do you? You think I have nothing to worry about, don't you? You're not the first person to think so." Winona didn't show mercy and directly exposed Levi's thoughts, "You guys, people have always thought that as long as women have food and drink, they have everything, and they have always thought that as a woman, the highest pursuit is to not worry about food and drink, and then it is over to have a man to take care of them for a lifetime, right?"
"I didn't say that, but... happiness in life is the most basic pursuit of every human being. Not only women, but men also want to live a happy and healthy life."
"Maybe, but you would think men can have more pursuits, but women don't have to have more pursuits."
"This is not discrimination against women. I prefer to understand it as tolerance for women. It is very difficult to succeed in business. If a woman doesn't want to seek success, she can take a break."
"No one needs your tolerance." Winona stood up and faced Levi with some provocation, "I am a woman, but women can also have their own pursuits. They can choose their own path."
"Of course, you have your freedom... so, what path do you want to choose?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know?" Levi asked in surprise.
"I don't know. I don't know what I really want, but I know that the current life is not what I want." She has said these words to many people and has seen this expression many times.
"A woman's heart..." Levi shook his head lightly, "Confused and determined, this is a woman."
Winona ignored Levi's sigh: these directors' random sighs are nothing to listen to.
"Have you ever thought that you want to do something that is completely different? Have you ever thought that sometimes, you can do something without any constraints? Perhaps, watching a piece of music, suddenly crying and laughing? It could be driving aimlessly in the car and, after the drive is over, standing in the field and shouting. Maybe, having money in the pocket, but deliberately not paying the bill, stealing things quietly?"
"You know that's against the law, right?" Levi's expression was very strange as if she had really done such a thing, "Winona, you'd better not have such thoughts. Better, it won't do you any good. You're a star, and learning to respect the law is important..."
"Laws, laws, laws, the most boring! Laws, rules, plans. Since I was 13 years old, I have lived with a life plan. I am a star, and I am an actor. I am the luckiest in the United States. I live under their eyes, but I never have my own thoughts. There are rules and regulations wherever I go, and there are circles that I can't jump out of. My path has always been fixed. In this way, what's the point of living like a machine?"
For some reason, Winona was suddenly filled with a mischievous mood and shouted out all her thoughts. Her words stunned Levi for a while before speaking again.
"But if you get out of that circle, you may not be happy."
"No matter how unhappy I will be, it's my choice, and no matter how bad it is, it's my own path." Winona shook her head. "You know, when I saw the advertisement for 'Winona is the luckiest girl in America,' I suddenly felt very funny: this luckiest girl was made by someone else, and I follow them like a marionette. I'm not a star, and I'm not lucky. I'm not even myself, I'm numb, but I'm still the luckiest girl in America!"
Maybe this is the most ironic thing: At her most prosperous time, the whole of America thought she was extremely happy: she was beautiful, made a lot of money, and was born a big star. There is also a very successful career and a handsome boyfriend who loves her very much. At that time, Winona was almost the darling of the entire United States, and Angelina Jolie still relied on various gossip to gain a sense of presence in the tabloids. While Barrymore was undressing for Playboy and Cameron Diaz was filming unreleased porn movies, Winona Ryder seemed to have had her perfect or seemingly perfect life.
It's just ironic that she doesn't like this kind of life: she doesn't want such a life that others can only dream of.
"In Depp's eyes, I am a perfect person. He always feels that I am a good girl and the perfect person in his heart. Unfortunately, I know I am not like that. I can show a perfect appearance in front of him and make him feel that I am his goddess, but in a certain corner of my heart, I know I have a side that is unwilling to go on like this. He didn't try to understand me; he just wanted to pull me back and make me who he imagined me to be again. It's just that can't be done; I really can't do it."
"So, you and Depp broke up?"
"Depp is a very good boyfriend... but he is too good. He always makes me feel that my life will be over if I marry him. It's like I am a car or a train, and I am running at the highest speed. If I marry Depp, I will constantly slow down, slow down, and stop until the last day. During the whole process, everything will be so ordinary without a bit of a change. He got that tattoo, and when he showed it to me, he said he would keep it forever; I was terrified. I was only 20 years old, only a fifth of my life, and he was already thinking about the afterlife. Is something wrong? My life was already being planned to the end?"
Levi could only be silent about this: Of course, he knew about Depp's 'Forever Winona' tattoo, but what he couldn't think of was what Winona thought when she saw that tattoo.
Depp is really pitiful too. He has never been a good boy. He was divorced before he met Winona, he finally moved and really wanted to fall in love, but he met such a rebellious girl under the appearance of a wrapped doll.
"Leaving Depp is to go my own way. Leaving the life planned for me; I can live my own life. It's just... I messed up everything. After leaving him, my life is getting worse and worse, and I want to rely on my career to make up for it, but it is also a mess." Winona said again with a smile, "It's sad, isn't it? I want to make my own way, but the result just proved that I have accomplished nothing."
"I don't think so." Levi said softly, "At least you dare to step out bravely. You dare to leave your life like a candy box and say no to the life that was arranged. Winona, Regarding this, I have to say: you are braver than I imagined."
Winona stood up; she did not expect that after listening to her words, the other party was not trying to persuade her to change her mind or to convince her to be a good girl. It's not flattering to encourage her to succeed, but just admiring her for her actions.
She had never heard such admiration. Who would appreciate actions that seemed utterly wrong one after another? But this kind of appreciation makes me so happy that there are still people in this world who understand her.
*****
Thanks and kudos for my patreons
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Adam LV
Danny York
Scott DePaepe
MMMCMXCIX, or 3,999
The Main Man.
Sandra Torres
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