Capítulo 89: One More Farewell
It's often said that clear weather always comes after a typhoon, and that is
precisely what happened. When the relentless driving rain stopped, and the
threatening dark-gray clouds disappeared, they left behind blue skies.
"If only it had passed us one day earlier, we could have gone on our
date," Amane mumbled, gazing out the living room window at the fine,
summer weather—a complete change from the day before.
Mahiru was beside him, gazing out the window in the same way, and he
could see her reflection smile slightly.
"Oh well," she said. "We can't do anything about the past, and I'm
satisfied as long as you're by my side. The space next to me is always open
for you, Amane, so we can go out another time."
"And I'm grateful, but you know… You say you hold a space for me,
but sometimes Chitose butts in and takes it."
"Consider Chitose a special case."
Mahiru laughed elegantly, and Amane lightly shrugged in response.
Chitose certainly seemed to be an exception in Mahiru's book. Their
personalities were nothing alike, but the other girl appeared to be having a
good influence on Mahiru, who had taken a real liking to the carefree
Chitose.
Amane wasn't sure how their friendship had developed while he wasn't
around, but it hadn't been long before the girls formed a much tighter bond
than he had expected.
That was a good thing, but Chitose sometimes had a strange influence
on Mahiru that he wasn't sure he liked.
"Heh-heh, are you getting jealous of girls, too?" Mahiru teased.
"I'm not that petty, you know. It's just, well, I've got some mixed
feelings about you two being so close."
"Heh-heh… I owe a lot to Chitose, so you'll have to allow it."
"It's not a question of allowing it. I don't have any intention of telling
you what you can and can't do. I trust you."
Even though he was her boyfriend, he naturally had no plans to interfere
with her friendships. To his way of thinking, asking her things like how
close she was with Chitose and what they talked about would be an
infringement on her privacy.
"I trust you, too, Amane… Even if you were to make some female
friends, I wouldn't get mad."
"You think I'm capable of that…?"
"I think that, as you are now, you're entirely capable of building normal,
friendly relationships."
"You do?"
It was true that, after Amane began dating Mahiru, the girls in his class
had started coming up to talk to him, and he didn't think he'd messed up too
badly during any of those interactions. But he'd only just started having
normal interactions with his classmates.
Mahiru was probably right to call those friendly relationships, but the
distance between Amane and his classmates was still wide enough that he
wouldn't call them friends.
Obviously, the only person who Amane could call a friend of the
opposite sex was Chitose, and he wasn't inclined to go out of his way to
make any others.
To Amane, it was more important to cherish the relationships he
currently had, and though he might become close with other people in the
process, he wasn't planning to put in special effort to actively enlarge his
circle of friends.
"Come to think of it, you don't seem to have the slightest inclination to
make friends with girls," Mahiru pointed out.
"Why would I do something that could be misunderstood by my
girlfriend…? You might not get angry, but I know you'd be quietly
jealous."
"Hmph. I'm pretty open-minded, you know."
"I can see, you know, looking-worried tears in your eyes."
Mahiru understood that Amane would never do anything that could be
misconstrued as cheating, and Amane was fully aware of how much she
trusted him.
Be that as it may, Amane also knew it would bring Mahiru a certain
discomfort to see another girl by his side.
She probably wouldn't suspect Amane of anything, but it was clear that
she wouldn't like it, so Amane was going to do his best not to upset her.
"I'm not going to do anything that might be misunderstood."
"…I know."
He reassured her, dead serious, and Mahiru mumbled bashfully in
response. Then she head-butted his upper arm. Though he understood she
was trying to hide her embarrassment, he didn't point that out and let her do
as she pleased.
Quietly gazing at the blue sky out the window, he waited for Mahiru to
calm down.
"…We only have a little while longer to enjoy this scenery," he
murmured quietly.
Mahiru, having tucked away her embarrassment, raised her head and
looked at him. Amane turned to gaze back at her. It must have occurred to
her that their stay was about to come to an end because she answered with a
hint of regret, "We're leaving tomorrow already, huh?"
They had packed a lot of vacation into this homecoming, but it felt like
they'd been there a much shorter time than they actually had, perhaps
because so many things had happened so quickly.
"Once we leave, it'll be a while before we come back," Amane said.
"I'm a little reluctant to go."
"Me too; it feels sad to say good-bye so soon, now that I finally got to
spend so much time with your parents. Especially after all they've done for
me."
"I have a feeling they were just doing whatever they wanted…"
"Heh-heh, and that was perfect as far as I'm concerned."
He thought back on how his parents had doted on Mahiru even more
than their own son, and her happiness at the gesture in turn filled him with
joy.
There was a part of Mahiru that, considering her home situation, had
been longing to find a happy family, so Amane was glad he and his parents
had been able to fulfill that desire. He was hesitant to call them a substitute
family, but if Mahiru had gotten even a little bit of warmth out of visiting
the Fujimiya household, he was glad.
"I guess it's almost time to say good-bye to this place," Mahiru
muttered. "I was hesitant to walk around an unfamiliar place alone, so the
only time I went outside was when I was with you and your family, but I
wish I could have seen a bit more of it."
"In that case, do you want to go for a walk?"
Their previous attempt had been cut off halfway through due to the
appearance of Toujou, so Mahiru hadn't gotten much of a chance to look
around.
That reunion itself had ended up being a good thing, but their walk had
been left unfinished.
"I-is that all right? Just because of my selfish desire…"
"Why would you call it selfish? It's just a walk. I've been planning to go
out and take a last look around anyway."
He'd intended the little stroll more for his own refreshment than for
Mahiru's sake, but there was no problem with including her.
In fact, he was happy to be able to continue their walk from the other
day.
In response to Amane's welcoming attitude, Mahiru blinked
dramatically, then smiled slightly, a little embarrassed.
"All right, let's go. We can only stay a little longer, and since we made
the trip, I want to see more of the city where you grew up."
"Last time was a little eventful, after all."
"…I'm glad you're not letting it bother you, Amane."
"Like I told you, it's all in the past now."
"I know, but—"
"Even if I was hurt, I have a feeling that you would heal me."
"…If you'll let me, I'll heal you and spoil you as much as you like!"
"Be careful. If you pamper me that much, I really will end up spoiled
rotten."
Recently, even Amane could see that he was shaping up well. But if
Mahiru made a serious effort at pampering him, he wouldn't be able to
resist falling victim to her temptations.
He had gone to such pains to discipline himself, and he wanted to avoid
having it all dissolved away in a single stroke by Mahiru.
"At the moment, you're doing quite well, so I think a little spoiling is in
order."
"What exactly is your goal here, Mahiru?"
"To offer specially tailored comfort, just for you, Amane."
She looked at him with a broad, innocent grin, so was it only his own
wicked mind that sensed something alluring and sensual behind her
expression?
He wanted to be pampered and healed, and he felt like she saw right
through him to all of those desires he was keeping deep inside.
He turned away from her.
"…Right."
"Feeling shy?"
"Quit it. Look, I'm going to go get ready."
"Heh-heh, okaaay!" Mahiru answered cheerfully. She seemed pleased
that she had gotten her revenge for earlier.
Amane looked away, gently biting the inside of his cheek as he tried not
to make a face.
Amane wasn't wearing anything particularly special, so he was ready to
leave right away, but the same did not apply to Mahiru.
After changing into outdoor clothes, she diligently smeared herself with
sunscreen to ward off UV rays. Apparently, if she didn't take such
measures, she would basically burn immediately, and her skin would turn
red and start to peel. So she applied sunscreen with quite a bit of care.
He was leisurely watching her when Mahiru held out the tube of
sunscreen to him and demanded, "You too, Amane," with a reproachful
look.
He accepted her kindness without protest.
"…I think you ought to be a little more careful, Amane. Even if you've
got tough skin, the sun's rays are strong."
"Well, I'm tanner than I was before I started going outside, and it's not
healthy to be too pale, so I think I'm okay…"
"A sunburn is a real burn, and there's no use in getting burned if you
don't have to. Even if you do tan, you don't need to expose yourself to such
strong sunlight. If it gets bad enough, your skin can even blister."
The sun's rays weren't especially bright that day, but the sky was
completely clear. Mahiru carefully applied sunscreen on Amane's face,
insisting it was better to be safe than sorry.
With his eyes closed, Amane replied, "I get it. I get it."
While Mahiru was applying his sunscreen, she took the opportunity to
play with his face a little. Once she seemed satisfied, Amane took Mahiru
by the hand, and they went outside.
The moment they stepped through the door, they were struck by the
withering heat. Amane was once again impressed by the power of air
conditioning—one of civilization's greatest tools.
It shouldn't have been a surprise, considering it was afternoon at the
height of summer, but it was sweltering. Even though Amane was wearing a
hat, the sun was still dazzling, and he could feel the intensity of its fiery
rays threatening to scorch his skin.
"It sure is hot, huh?"
Wearing a straw hat and arm covers, and carrying a small parasol,
Mahiru was thoroughly protected from sunburn, but Amane was worried
that she might feel the heat more since she was smaller.
"Should we pull a U-turn?" he asked.
"No. This is our precious final outing here, and I want to enjoy it,"
Mahiru replied. "…Will you be all right without a parasol, Amane?"
"I've got some shopping to do on the way home, so it'll be one more
thing to carry, and I figure I'll be all right getting some sun if it's just
today."
If Amane walked beside Mahiru while carrying a parasol of his own,
there was a possibility that they would bump each other, and if the two of
them walked side by side, they might be a nuisance to other pedestrians.
Amane wasn't as worried about sunburn as Mahiru was, so he decided it
was all right to go without. After all, she had been kind enough to apply his
sunscreen.
Besides, Mahiru was probably happy that he had left one hand free.
When he smoothly squeezed her palm, Mahiru looked at him. He
pretended not to notice anything and asked her, "What's up?"
But after casting her eyes downward, looking a little embarrassed,
Mahiru slowly shook her head.
He decided not to mention that the dapple of sunshine passing through
her parasol was dancing on her face. Without pausing, Amane smiled
faintly, tugged on Mahiru's hand, and started walking. "We went the
opposite direction last time, but no matter which way we go, there's nothing
too interesting."
They might be going a different way than their last outing, but since
Amane's house was in a quiet residential neighborhood, there weren't any
particularly notable shops or points of interest nearby.
As they walked, they passed typical houses and convenience stores, and
a few small playgrounds, but nothing that seemed like it would delight
Mahiru.
Nevertheless, she seemed to be finding the scenery more novel than
Amane would have expected, and her downcast caramel-colored eyes
appeared to be sparkling brightly.
"Oh really?" she said. "I think it's fun just to stroll around exploring
unfamiliar places. Like when I take a look in a grocery store somewhere
I've never been before. It's fun to see how their lineup of products differs
from what the store in my neighborhood has."
"How should I say this? It sounds like you have a real eye for the small
stuff. Though, I guess things change when you cross into another
prefecture, so it can be fun to look for those differences."
"Heh-heh. I like to see what kinds of things are cheap in certain areas,
and what's for sale, and so on. I always want to buy local products when I
see them."
"Do you want to go in and buy something?"
Since she'd made such a point of it, he suddenly wanted to show Mahiru
the local produce. Conveniently, there was a supermarket nearby, so he
pointed it out, but Mahiru shook her head slowly.
"No, it's not a good idea to add something else to carry right at the start
of our walk. Besides, if we have to use our hands to carry it…"
She seemed to struggle to get the words out, and her voice rapidly grew
quiet. He could tell what Mahiru was thinking, so he tickled her palm with
his fingers.
"…I'll be sure to leave one hand open, okay?"
"I-it's fine. I'd prefer you unencumbered for now, so I can cling to you
as I please."
"Okay."
If that's what Mahiru wanted, then any further discussion was pointless.
Musing on how adorable she was, clinging tightly to him while taking
care not to hit him with her parasol, Amane decided to let Mahiru do as she
wished.
Though passersby kept looking at them, Amane wasn't particularly
bothered. The two of them were always showered with attention whenever
he went out walking with Mahiru.
He made eye contact with one of his mother's acquaintances who
happened to live in the neighborhood, but when he smiled and gave a little
bow, she seemed to decide it was best not to interfere and didn't come over
to talk to them. He was a little irritated, knowing she would report it back to
his mother later, but there was nothing he could do about it.
Besides, by the time his mother heard anything, they would likely
already be on their way back, so there was no harm in it.
Putting on a rather proper expression, he tugged at Mahiru's hand. She
looked up at him questioningly. "Is something the matter?" she asked.
"Nope, nothing at all. Actually, my old elementary school is right over
here."
If he mentioned his mother's friend to Mahiru, it seemed likely that she
would ask if they should go say hello. So partially to avoid that
conversation, he found a notable building in the direction they were
traveling and directed Mahiru toward it.
Mahiru had said she wanted to see where Amane had spent his time, so
the elementary school fit the bill perfectly.
After making sure he had captured Mahiru's interest, Amane shifted his
gaze over to his alma mater. Through the fence, he could see children
playing in the schoolyard, which seemed to have been left open for students
during the break.
He hadn't been there for four years, but as far as he could see from the
outside, not much had changed from how he remembered it. About the only
difference he noticed was a sign reading ENTRY PROHIBITED hanging on a
section of deteriorating playground equipment.
"We can't go in, since we're not students, but I used to run around like
that with my friends, a long time ago."
"You were a rowdy little kid when you were in elementary school,
weren't you, Amane?"
"I don't know if I was rowdy exactly, but I think I was pretty energetic. I
wasn't as much of a shut-in as I am now, at least. I liked playing inside, too,
but I spent time outside with my friends and went to all sorts of places with
my mom and dad."
In his elementary school days, Amane had been a healthy, normal child.
He ate well, laughed a lot, and played all the time. He ran around innocently
with neighborhood children and got scolded for coming home with his
clothes covered in mud. These days, it was difficult to imagine what a
carefree kid he had been.
"It's hard to believe, looking at you now," said Mahiru, sounding
amused. She must have been thinking the same thing.
Amane's mouth tensed up a little bit, and he gently massaged her hand
in retaliation. "I think it's good that I had a phase like that… Because now,
aside from when I go exercise, I prefer to spend my time relaxing at home.
And I've only got a few friends who invite me to hang out."
"Actually, though I have a lot of friends, I don't know many of them that
well. So the number of people I actually spend time with is pretty small,
too."
Mahiru told him this readily, without any self-deprecation. Amane knew
that, despite her wide circle of friends, she was the type who hardly let
anyone inside her shell.
Precisely because she acted as the school's "angel," she did not have
deep friendships. Instead, she formed only loose connections with all their
classmates, who saw her as a perfect girl to be admired by everyone.
Now that angel mask was slipping a little, and she was beginning to let
the girls in their class see her honest, shy side.
In fact, Mahiru was becoming even more popular, probably because
she'd begun to lose her intimidatingly perfect image as a girl who was kind
to everyone but who didn't let anyone get close.
"Recently, though, you've been hanging out with other girls together
with Chitose, right? I bet it's because you've gotten more approachable."
"W-well, I'd be happy if that was true, but… They ask me a lot about
our relationship, so it's kind of difficult."
"…You're not telling them anything weird, right?"
When Mahiru got used to someone, she would occasionally let her
mouth run without thinking, so he hoped she was being careful about what
information she shared. She frequently let things leak to Chitose, and
Amane had been embarrassed before.
"I'm not close enough to anyone to talk openly like that, and of course, I
would be embarrassed to speak of certain things… Though, Chitose is an
exception," she admitted.
"So you've been talking to Chitose, huh?"
"J-just a little bit; I haven't told her everything."
"Oh reeeally?"
"R-really!"
Mahiru was getting flustered, which made him a little suspicious, but he
knew it wouldn't be good to question her too persistently. Instead, he
answered with a smile, "Well, that's good, but I'm a little worried how
much is 'a little bit.' I trust you to decide what's okay to talk about,
though."
"…So you're saying you haven't told Mr. Akazawa anything?"
She gave him an accusatory look, but Amane didn't have anything to
feel guilty about.
"Not really, but that's because I know he'd only complain about me
bragging or tease me."
Amane was the type of person who didn't ask advice about big things, or
if he did, he would speak with purposeful ambiguity, so as not to reveal too
much information. It wasn't because he was secretive, but because he was
embarrassed.
"…I feel like I'm being criticized here," Mahiru said.
"I'm not criticizing, honest. And in your case, I bet you mostly let things
slip while you're asking for advice."
"…I'm not sure I like how well you know me."
"It's a habit of yours, you know."
He often heard stories from Chitose that started with "Mahiru told me
—" so he knew well from personal experience that Mahiru was always
carelessly revealing things. He wasn't trying to criticize her for it, but he
got embarrassed if she said too much, so if possible, he wished she would
limit what she shared.
Amane gave her a look that said Be careful, okay? and Mahiru pouted,
looking a little dissatisfied. In response, Amane flashed her a faint smile,
then tugged at her hand.
"Don't make that face… Come on, let's go."
People might wonder what they were doing if they stood around for too
long in front of the elementary school.
Mahiru obediently followed him, but she still looked unhappy, so he
reached over with his free hand and gently patted her head. The way her
eyes scrunched up made it seem like it tickled.
He went on to gently stroke her cheek, noticing that she was warmer
than usual. Though he assumed it was because they were outside, he
instinctively put his whole hand against her forehead and checked her
temperature.
"You're kind of warm; are you feeling all right?"
"Huh? Yes, I've got no signs of heatstroke. My body temperature is up
because it's so hot. Actually, you seem more likely to overheat, Amane.
I've got a parasol, but you only have a hat."
She put her hand under his bangs and touched his forehead, asking if he
was doing all right. But Amane's body temperature had always been on the
high side, so she probably couldn't tell anything from simply touching him.
After putting her hand against his slightly sweaty skin, Mahiru smiled
and said, "I feel like you're running a little hot, too, Amane. I think it would
be best for both of us to take a little break. We're out here in the sweltering
heat, after all."
"For sure… Should we stop holding hands?"
They had been doing so the whole time, and he lifted up their palms
without letting go to ask what they should do. Mahiru didn't try to let go,
either; instead, she adjusted her fingers to hold on even tighter.
"Th-the thing is: I don't want to let go yet."
"I'm sweaty, though."
"…Is it unpleasant?"
"No, as long as you're not uncomfortable, it's fine. All right, there's a
café over there, so let's hold hands just until we get there, okay? …People
will stare if we don't let go inside, after all."
If they kept touching each other like this inside the café, they were
guaranteed to get stares that said Do that somewhere else, so he decided to
be reasonable.
And yet Mahiru squeezed his hand even tighter, as if to tell him not to
let go, so he began to wonder if something was wrong.
"…Is something the matter?"
"No, just… Normally, I run colder than you, so now that we're about the
same temperature, touching you like this feels like we're melting and
blending together. It's nice."
"…Mahiru, you can never say that around anyone else."
"Huh? Why are you saying that, all of a sudden?"
"Look, it's okay now, but you're really playing with fire."
He knew that Mahiru had absolutely no such intentions, but it was a
dangerous remark that could be taken to imply something else. Amane
started walking again, pulling the confused Mahiru along with some force
in order to keep her quiet.
Though his attitude was a little insistent, Mahiru was glued to his side,
and for some reason, she seemed even happier than before. As he watched
her, he feared he might succumb to a heatstroke of a different kind.
"…Oh, look, Amane. It says there's a fireworks festival."
After taking a brief break at the café and then wandering around the area
for a little while, they headed home. On the way, Mahiru spotted a flier on a
telephone pole and pointed it out cheerily.
The flier wasn't very dirty or torn, so it had probably been posted
recently. The gist of it was that the large shopping district nearby was
putting on a summer festival and fireworks exhibition.
In elementary school, Amane had gone to the event nearly every year,
but he didn't remember going after he started middle school. He hadn't had
the emotional bandwidth for it, and he would have felt embarrassed to go
with his parents, a reason that now seemed almost cute.
"Now that you mention it, summer festivals and fireworks displays are
starting up all over the place," Amane remarked. "I saw something about it
on TV."
Amane was filled with nostalgia as he read the details on the flier.
However, he realized that the event would be held after they were already
back in their respective apartments.
"That's too bad," Mahiru said. "The summer festival here will happen
after we've gone home."
"Nothing we can do about that," he said, shrugging. "Did you want to go
to the festival?"
"I've never been to one before, so I'd like to go sometime. But if the
timing doesn't work, there's not much we can do. Besides, it's enough for
me just to be with you, even if we don't go to a festival."
"You've gotta stop it with those surprise attacks!"
Amane knew that Mahiru liked to be with him, but when she said it out
loud, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he couldn't help but
feel embarrassed.
"I can't," she said. "In my heart, I'm always by your side."
"…I know that, but come on."
"Heh-heh!"
Mahiru giggled, looking delighted that Amane was flustered. He shut his
mouth in frustration and stared at the flier again.
Fireworks exhibitions and summer festivals were generally pretty
similar no matter where they were held. And events in different prefectures
were even less concerned about overlapping programming.
There ought to be one or two summer festivals happening around where
they lived as well. Amane made a mental note to look up information after
they got back—and to have his mother send some yukata along with their
luggage.
He didn't want to disappoint Mahiru, so he intended to bring it up with
her after checking to make sure there was a festival with a decent program
they could attend and clearing his schedule. As he walked leisurely back
toward his parents' house, he tried to etch these plans into his mind so he
wouldn't forget them.
Suddenly, he heard a childish voice gasp. He didn't know where the
voice had come from, so he stopped, wondering what was going on. Just
then, something crashed right into his abdomen. A shrill gasp of surprise
came from beside him in Mahiru's familiar voice.
The impact wasn't strong enough to knock him over, and when Amane,
stiff from shock, looked cautiously down, he saw a child with her head
buried in his belly.
"Big Brother Amane!"
A face he recognized popped up to look at him, and along with his
surprise, an awkward smile sprang to his lips.
"Oh, Hanada's little sister? It's been a while. You seem well."
He would have been quite bewildered if the child had been a stranger,
but his wariness evaporated at the sight of her familiar face. He knew her,
though she was much taller than he remembered.
The little girl, who seemed to be about nine or ten, responded to
Amane's words with a childlike smile.
Beside Amane, Mahiru was failing to hide her confusion at the
unfamiliar girl embracing her boyfriend, and her hand holding Amane's
grew tense.
"Um, Amane, who is this?"
"Oh, sorry if she surprised you. This girl is my childhood friend's…
well, we weren't that close, but anyway, she's the little sister of a classmate
I've known for a long time. We used to play together a lot."
To be more precise, that classmate had insisted on bringing her along to
play with them. But Amane didn't mind spending time with younger
children, so he'd played with her regularly. Since they were seven years
apart in age, he had felt responsible for taking care of her.
His connection to the girl had mostly disappeared after he lost touch
with her brother, so it had been a long time since he had even spoken to her.
"You never come back to see us, Amane! It's been so long!"
"Sorry, I've been pretty busy," he said. "Actually, I'm surprised you
recognized me after all this time."
"I'd know you anywhere; you're like a big brother to me. Even from far
away, I was like, 'That's gotta be Amane!'"
"You've got a good eye. Hey, wait a second, don't hug me like that."
She had probably been about seven years old the last time he saw her,
but her energy and high spirits hadn't changed at all. She was embracing
him, innocently of course, but it put him in a bit of a fix since his girlfriend
was standing right beside them.
Amane felt confident that Mahiru wouldn't think he was cheating, but it
was still possible that she might find it objectionable. When he cautiously
looked over at her, she still seemed taken aback.
"I hope this isn't giving you the wrong idea or anything."
"O-of course not, Amane. I know you're not that sort of person. But…I
was very surprised."
There was nothing he could do about the situation, so if Mahiru had
misunderstood, he was afraid he'd simply have to explain and apologize.
But even Mahiru seemed to realize that Amane would never look at an
elementary schooler that way.
Still, she couldn't hide her bewilderment at how much the girl adored
him.
The Hanada girl looked disappointed when Amane gently pried her off
of him, but then she belatedly noticed Mahiru's presence beside him, and
her big eyes got even rounder.
"Big Brother Amane, do you know this girl?"
"Um," Mahiru started. "I'm…"
"She's my girlfriend," answered Amane.
He didn't beat around the bush, figuring that the child was at an age
where she could understand, and the girl's round eyes opened so wide they
looked like they might fall out of her head.
"Girlfriend…like a sweetheart?"
"Yep. She's my sweetheart, and she's very important to me."
He introduced Mahiru in a way that would be easiest to understand, and
her cheeks flushed, perhaps out of embarrassment after Amane openly
called her his sweetheart.
Despite this, Mahiru leaned over a little and greeted the girl with a
cheery smile, "Nice to meet you."
The young girl froze for a moment but eventually seemed to understand.
She looked like she might topple over.
"N-no way… Amane has a sweetheart…?"
"Why are you so surprised…?"
"I mean, my big brother has never brought home a girl…and he said that
you guys were two of a kind…"
"It's all up to fate, I guess."
It seemed Amane had been conscripted into a company of guys who
couldn't get girlfriends without his knowledge.
Amane and Mahiru had nearly made it back to Amane's parents' house,
and that meant they were also near his former friend's house, which was in
the same neighborhood. Thinking about it, it was perfectly reasonable that
they'd run into his friend's little sister. They might easily have run into his
former friend himself.
"How is your big brother? Is he well?"
"He's fine. He's out right now, but I think he'll be coming back before
too long."
"Oh, is that right?"
Amane felt a little relieved, not because he was a negative guy who
didn't want to see his old friend, but because he was still struggling to work
out how he should act around him.
His friend's younger sister stared intently up at Amane, with a troubled
look on her young face. It was like she could see right through him.
"…Do you still hate my big brother?"
Amane didn't know what her brother had told her, but she seemed to
think that Amane had come to hate him.
"I never hated him," he said.
They had simply drifted apart—that was probably the best way to put it.
Amane didn't hate the other boy or bear any sort of grudge against him.
It was just that their minds had settled and cleared, and as a result, their
connection had grown too distant and substanceless to be considered a
friendship.
They had mutually dissolved their bond—that felt like an accurate way
to describe it.
Back then, Hanada had prioritized his own safety. Rather than extend a
helping hand to the friendless Amane, he had chosen to avoid being
ostracized as well.
It was a completely reasonable choice. A school's social circle is small,
and it's difficult to resist the current of popular opinion.
Besides, back then, even if someone had extended a helping hand,
Amane probably would have rejected it. He hadn't been able to trust
anybody. In his insecurity, he probably would have said something terrible
and hurt the other boy before severing ties with him anyway.
So the fact that their relationship had dissolved gradually wasn't a bad
thing. They hadn't broken it off out of spite; it had simply come undone.
That was all there was to it.
"So then, will you make up with him?"
"I'm not sure; it depends on how he feels. But I don't think it'll change
anything, and I doubt we'll go back to how we were."
He answered her honestly, reasoning that it would only make her sad
later if he lied, and she frowned.
Amane didn't plan on taking back what he'd said.
Even if the boys did apologize to each other, the relationship they'd had
before their estrangement would never be the same. Even if you tie a cut
string back together, it will never return to how it was. The knot of lingering
discomfort will always be visible.
Even if they pretended not to see it, the friendship would most likely
fade away again or break apart.
Hanada's younger sister looked like she wanted to say something, but
before she could, her gaze shifted to look behind him.
"Kaname, who are you talking to…?"
Amane turned around and saw a face from the past.
The two friends hadn't quarreled or anything, so when Amane shifted
his gaze to look at the other boy, he got a somewhat awkward greeting in
return.
"…Long time no see."
It was easy to tell that Hanada felt uncomfortable, so Amane smiled in
spite of himself. "Been a while, huh?" he said. "Maybe two or three years
since we've really talked. Glad to see you're doing well."
"That's my line…," Hanada replied. "You look better than I expected."
"Well, I am doing pretty well. Physically, I'm much healthier than I was
way back when."
"Wow, now you're just bragging. Then again, you used to be so lanky
you looked like a skeleton."
"That wasn't really my fault."
"…No, it wasn't."
Hanada's mood inevitably turned gloomy when he thought about the
past. Amane shrugged, then glanced over at Mahiru.
They were probably about to broach some topics Hanada's younger
sister shouldn't hear, but it would be difficult to get Mahiru to lead her
away.
"Kaname, go show this lady our garden. And make sure to show off
Mom's flower beds. You know how she's always complaining that no one
comes to see them."
"Do you have something to talk about with Amane, Big Brother?"
"That's right, we've got to talk man-to-man."
Hanada's little sister seemed to understand that the two boys had
something they wanted to discuss. She frowned a little, then said "Okay!"
and took Mahiru by the hand. "Come on, Miss, it's just over there."
Mahiru must have been paying attention, too. She obediently let herself
be led away.
"S-see you later…Amane."
"Yeah, see you later."
After they were alone, Hanada forced himself to smile.
"Is she your girlfriend?" he asked.
"Yeah, she is. We came here together."
"Imagine, Amane getting a girlfriend. I guess you never know what
might happen, huh?"
"Sounds like you didn't think very highly of me."
"I mean, the way you looked the last time I saw you, there'd be no way."
The last time they had seen each other face-to-face would have been at
their middle school graduation ceremony, though they hadn't spoken.
Amane had recovered somewhat by then, but even so, he'd probably looked
lifeless.
"Seems like things are working out in the city."
"Yeah, thanks to everyone's support."
"Do I detect sarcasm?"
"Why would you?"
"…Because things didn't end well between us."
His former friend's words were bitter. But Amane felt no bitterness rise
up inside himself.
"That's true. But I don't blame you for any of it," he said. "I just
happened to run into you while I was back. I didn't come to see you on
purpose, and I hope I'm not bothering you."
Honestly, Amane didn't resent Hanada. He wasn't mad at him, and he
didn't blame him for what happened. His emotions remained level as they
spoke.
But he couldn't stop the confusion showing on his face as he realized
that Hanada was more worried about the past than he was. Amane was the
one who had been hurt, after all. Being worried over made him feel
awkward, and he wished Hanada would stop fretting about it.
"…Seeing you so unfazed makes me think I'm the weird one," Hanada
said.
"Yeah man, you are weird. Stop letting it get to you. I bet you'd
forgotten all about it until you saw my face, right? It's no big deal."
"Are you making a self-deprecating joke?"
"No way. If you look at it objectively, stuff like that happens all the
time. It's only important to the person it's happening to. I'm just stating
facts, I didn't mean to make a dig at you. Sorry."
"It doesn't feel right for you to be apologizing; I'm the one who should
be saying sorry."
"I wouldn't know how to react if you did that. I don't remember you
doing anything worth apologizing for, Hanada."
"I didn't do anything at all; that's the problem."
"I think it's because you didn't do anything that I didn't try to push you
away… Anyway, it was a long time ago, so you don't need to feel bad
about it."
Amane knew that if his friend had extended a half-hearted helping hand,
he probably would have rejected it, and a rift would have opened between
them. Instead, because he had quietly kept his distance, the friendship had
died out naturally.
Amane didn't get worked up or feel hurt; he simply stated the facts in a
lighthearted way.
Hanada shot him a deflated grin. "…I see; so for you, it's already in the
past."
"Yeah," Amane said, nodding. "I ran into Toujou, too, and realized I was
already over it. I think everything turned out all right in the end."
"You've gotten stronger in more ways than one, haven't you? …I bet
Toujou hasn't changed a bit. I'm in high school with him, so I know."
"I was actually surprised by how little he'd changed. I guess it depends
on the person whether that's a good or a bad thing."
Whether change was positive varied from person to person. Remaining
the same could also be the right choice.
Amane had changed because he had wanted to. If it hadn't been
necessary, he would have been all right staying the same. It seemed like
Toujou felt no need to change.
Hanada shrugged. "…You really don't seem bothered by it." He
sounded surprised that Amane could talk about someone so intimately
connected to the troubles of his past in such an easy manner.
"That's because I've found closure. Though, Toujou didn't seem too
pleased about it."
"I bet he was furious. Try not to provoke him too much."
"Why do you assume I provoked him? He was the one doing the
provoking."
"With that attitude, I wouldn't be surprised if he lashed out at you."
"Well, he didn't seem happy, but that was the end of it."
"What if you run into him again?"
"I don't have any intention to see him ever again. It definitely wouldn't
be any fun for me. Besides, I hardly ever have reason to come back here."
It didn't make much sense to go out of his way to see someone he'd left
in the past. He wasn't bitter or angry, Toujou was simply someone he used
to know and had since cut ties with, and Amane didn't intend to have
anything more to do with him.
"Now that you mention it, you didn't come home for the end-of-year
holidays, did you? Your mom must have said something about it."
"I mean, I've got my life in the city, too, and I'm perfectly happy there.
Other than checking in with my parents, I don't have any reason to come
back here."
"I see."
"So this might be the last time that you and I talk, Hanada."
Just as he had no intention of seeing Toujou again, he wasn't planning to
set up a visit with Hanada, either.
With Toujou, it was because Amane had moved on completely. But with
Hanada, the circumstances were a little different.
The two of them were no longer friends. In fact, Amane had forgotten
Hanada existed until they'd bumped into each other.
"Honestly, I'm probably going to go to college and get a job in the city.
If I come back, it'll only be to visit my parents. Even if we reconnect now,
our friendship will probably just die out again… I'm not talented enough to
maintain a lot of friendships, so rather than keeping up a weak connection
that could fade at any time, I'd rather put my efforts into the relationships
that really matter to me. Sorry."
It wasn't that Amane hated Hanada, but he knew that he would never
feel as strongly about their friendship as he once had. Not to mention the
matter of physical distance.
Amane didn't experience a surge of emotion that made him want to
continue their relationship. Maybe it was cold of him, but there was a limit
to the number of people he could really care about, and he simply didn't
have the room to add any more.
Despite the fact that he was being rejected, Hanada simply smiled.
"I'm the one who pulled away from you, so there's no need to
apologize," he said. "Even if you wanted to be friends again, I might
suspect you had some weird ulterior motive."
Hanada looked down and kicked at a pebble by his feet. After staying
silent for a little while, he slowly raised his head.
"In other words, we're good, but we don't need to have anything to do
with each other after this, since we live in different places and have
different friends. We'll just be former classmates, and that's it. That's what
you're saying?"
"That's right," Amane confirmed.
Maybe Amane was being cruel, but Hanada didn't seem hurt.
"I'm actually relieved. I felt guilty about what happened, and it probably
would have been impossible for me to forget everything and be best pals
like before."
"And I hate the idea of making you worry about me, so I think this is for
the best. The other guys probably hardly remember me, and it would feel
weird to act all chummy again just because we're from the same town."
"You're exactly right, but…you sure are honest, Amane, coming right
out and saying all that when you could've just let things play out."
"Once I saw you, I felt like it wouldn't be right not to say something."
Hanada had been his closest childhood friend before Toujou. After
meeting Toujou, Amane had pulled away from him a little. Then, after
everything else happened, they'd become quite distant, just two people who
happened to interact because they went to the same school.
In a completely different way than with Toujou, Amane felt he ought to
say a formal good-bye.
Hanada's eyes darted around a little, then with a smile, he sighed. "…
You've really changed, huh? On the outside and the inside."
Amane looked him straight in the eye. "I have, haven't I? Well, I hope
I've managed to become a better man."
"I don't know about that, but it seems like you've made a big
improvement since I last saw you."
"I guess so; I'm pretty satisfied with how I've been turning out."
Amane was content in a different way than he had been back when he
was an innocent child. He felt much happier, and enjoyed himself more than
back when he was surrounded by people. That only served to prove how big
a role Mahiru played in Amane's life.
"Not gonna lie, I'm pretty jealous. I still haven't got a girlfriend, and I
don't stand out in high school."
"I think you can change, if you put in the effort."
"Those words have serious weight, coming from you, Amane."
He was sure Hanada really thought that, now that Amane had left his
hometown and had returned looking so different.
Hanada chuckled a bit, then sighed and quietly looked at Amane. "Next
time you come back, at least come see Kaname."
"Not you?"
"We just talked about how we were saying good-bye, didn't we?
Anyway, how would seeing another guy's face make me happy?"
"Ha-ha, I guess you're right."
"Kaname wasn't disappointed when she saw your girlfriend?"
"Is there anything for her to be disappointed about?"
"She used to have it pretty bad for you, man. She would always go on
about how she was going to marry you and stuff."
"I'm not interested in a little girl seven years younger than me."
"Yeah, I know. I guess I just wanted you to understand my pain, as an
elder brother who didn't want to crush his baby sister's dreams."
"I suppose you'd be the one in an awkward spot if I became your
brother-in-law."
"No kidding."
As Amane cracked a joke, he looked in the direction of the Hanada
house, signaling it was probably about time to get going.
Hanada's little sister was smiling and chatting happily with Mahiru, who
seemed a little awkward. Suddenly, she looked up, noticed Amane, and
silently asked if it was time to go.
Amane nodded calmly.
"Well, I'm keeping my girlfriend waiting, so…"
"All right… Fujimiya."
"Yeah."
Neither of them said "See you later," probably because given what they
had just said, they didn't intend to meet again.
Hanada in his hometown and Amane in the city where he lived now—
each of them was creating a place where he belonged. And they were both
satisfied with that.
Amane had never considered trying to reach out to his former friend.
They both understood it wasn't necessary.
It didn't seem like a coldhearted move. They needed to make a clean
break.
The fact that Hanada had called him by his surname was just more
evidence that things were over between them.
Amane wasn't tactless enough to question it. He just smiled and
pretended not to notice, and they quietly parted ways.
Hanada turned his back to Amane and headed toward his house.
Mahiru then trotted over, almost as though she and Hanada were
swapping places.
"…Well done," she said.
"It was no big deal." He shrugged. "Did I worry you?"
"Not exactly, I just didn't want you to get hurt."
"If I thought that would happen, I wouldn't have even tried to talk to
him… Anyway, I'm fine. I'm glad we got to talk."
"Well then, I'm glad, too."
Amane hadn't planned to meet up with Hanada, but he was glad he had
run into him like this. He had been able to clear up some of the uneasiness
he still felt about his hometown.
Mahiru saw that Amane wasn't in any distress, and she smiled with
relief, her expression relaxed. Amane smiled back and then gently took her
hand.
She always seemed to want to hold hands, so he decided to test whether
that was true even now. Apparently he was right on the money.
They smiled sheepishly at each other and walked off down the road as
the sun began to sink in the sky.
"By the way, Mahiru, Kaname really took a shine to you, didn't she?"
Amane suddenly recalled the scene from a few moments earlier. But
when he brought it up, Mahiru avoided meeting his gaze.
"Ah, um, you think…? Mostly, she just badgered me with questions
about you, Amane."
"You didn't say anything weird, did you?"
"Of course not. I just talked about how you were getting along well and
making friends… It sounds like you were a good big brother to her in the
past."
"Are you trying to say that my personality has changed?"
"No, I'm pointing out that you've always been a very caring person."
"…I'm not sure I agree."
"Oh, you might be surprised."
Amane was not as good a person as Mahiru thought, nor as goodnatured.
He told her as much, but with a know-it-all look she said, "Like it or not,
you're a sweet guy, Amane."
He squeezed Mahiru's hand as if to register his disagreement. Her eyes
narrowed, like it tickled. But she didn't revise her appraisal, so Amane kept
a sour look plastered on his face and kept fidgeting with Mahiru's hand,
trying to make his objections clear.
He knew that her opinion wasn't going to change no matter how long he
went on squeezing her hand, so he sighed in defeat and let his fingers
intertwine with hers once again. Mahiru blushed as she softly leaned into
him.
She was able to get so close because she had closed her parasol. Nearer
than before, she looked incredibly radiant, probably because she was bathed
in the light of the setting sun.
As they walked slowly along, quietly gazing at the scenery around them,
Amane heard a soft, earnest murmur.
"…You've confronted a lot of your past these last few days, haven't
you, Amane?"
"I guess I have. First, the main cause of what shaped me into who I am
now—and then, someone like a childhood friend I'd grown apart from. In
my mind, I left everyone here behind me. I really needed to take another
good look at those relationships."
"Surely you don't regret coming home?"
"I think it was, in a very real sense, something I needed to do in order to
move forward."
Amane had managed to close the chapter of his life that involved Toujou
and also properly dissolve his ties to someone he used to be close with.
Amane now understood that both events had been necessary for him to live
his new life in the city free of regrets.
"Then it's a good thing we came," said Mahiru.
"All my misgivings are gone, and I feel refreshed. I feel like I can move
forward again."
"…You're always looking toward the future, Amane."
"It wouldn't be good to drag things out forever, and now it's clear to me
that the past can't weigh me down anymore. I'm glad I came back."
I really have gotten stronger, he thought, taking stock of his own
feelings. Though he felt somewhat embarrassed, he pushed the emotion
aside. When he looked at Mahiru, he saw that she was silently staring at
him.
In fact, that was only how it appeared. The look in her eyes said that she
was staring through him, thinking about something else.
"I'm happy to hear that you've gotten past everything, Amane," she
murmured.
He could tell that she was being honest, and that was how she truly felt,
but he noticed a touch of bitterness mixed in as well.
"…I guess I need to properly face my past, like you have."
Her voice was so quiet that nobody but Amane could hear her, though he
wasn't sure if she sensed his confusion.
Unable to respond with some lighthearted comment, Amane simply
squeezed her hand, which had begun to tremble.
"I can't believe it's really time for you to go!" his mother grumbled, not
even trying to hide her sadness. She was standing beside the pillar in front
of the ticket gates where they had met at the very start of his homecoming.
His father was there beside his despondent mother, comforting her.
They had already stayed longer than they had initially planned, and of
course there was no way they could leave their apartments sitting empty
forever, so it was time for Amane to go back to the city—his current home.
Naturally, his mother's reluctant gaze was directed not at him, but at
Mahiru. She was clearly upset to part from her darling (intended) daughterin-law.
"I'm sorry," Mahiru apologized. "But we've got things to do at home—
and other plans, so…"
"You don't have to pay attention to anything my mom says. If we start
listening to her complaints, we'll be here all day."
"How cold you are. And to your own mother…"
"You're getting what you deserve, Mom, for prioritizing a cute girl over
your own son."
"Oh come now, don't act so surprised. Of course I'm going to pay more
attention to my adorable, sweet daughter. I don't know when she'll be back,
unlike my son, who can visit any time."
She was being utterly shameless, and Amane had already lost any desire
to argue with her.
He could kind of understand what she was trying to say, and it seemed
like it would be mentally exhausting to continue this any further.
When he glanced over at his father, he caught the man smiling
reluctantly, like there was nothing he could do. Doesn't seem like he'll be
any help with Mom.
Mahiru had looked uneasy, but her delight at his parents' reception must
have won out because she was now wearing a wide, embarrassed grin.
"Well, if it's all right with you, I might intrude on you again some…"
"Come anytime! We'll always be ready for you!"
"Let the girl finish her sentence, Mom… But it's a nice offer, isn't it,
Mahiru?"
"Yes, it is."
This time, Mahiru's smile was one of pure joy, and when Amane patted
her head, his mother looked at them and grinned, though Amane pretended
not to see.
"I'm glad that Miss Shiina took a liking to our home," his father added.
"Honestly, I was a bit worried about what we would do if she was too
reserved."
"I don't think she had much of a chance to be reserved, considering how
overbearing Mom was. That probably helped her get acclimated."
"Ha-ha, you're probably right. For better or worse, your mother can be
pushy."
"…I don't suppose the two of you are over there speaking ill of me, are
you?"
"I think it's one of your charming and desirable traits, my dear."
"Oh, you."
His mother grinned, as if she hadn't been sulking just moments before,
and Amane shot her a wry smile in return. Then he looked up at the clock
mounted on the wall of the station.
"Well, should we get going?" he asked.
"I guess we should; it's about that time…," said Mahiru.
Amane wanted to hurry up and get settled in their seats, so with some
reluctance, they had to part ways.
His parents seemed to understand, and with a regretful look, Amane's
mother squeezed Mahiru's hand and pumped it up and down. "Mahiru dear,
you come back soon, okay?"
His father looked on with joy in his eyes, then turned again to Mahiru.
"Miss Shiina, thank you for coming to visit us. You livened up the place,
and it was a lot of fun."
"I—I should be the one thanking you."
"Ha-ha. If you ever fight with Amane, you can tell him 'I'm going
home!' and run away to us."
"Do you really think I would hurt Mahiru like that?!"
Amane shot his mother a mean look and got a cheerful smile in return.
"Every couple has a few misunderstandings here and there… Besides,
there may be times when you want to be alone or when you want to rely on
an adult. So if something happens, you can come here anytime. We will
always welcome you."
"…Thanks."
Mahiru's caramel-colored eyes threatened to well up with tears the
moment she heard the words come here anytime, but the next instant, they
were filled with joy.
Amane felt himself tearing up a little, too, as he looked at Mahiru, who
looked delighted from the bottom of her heart.
…I wonder if we were able to show Mahiru a little bit of what a happy
family looks like?
All he could think about was that, going forward, he wanted to show this
girl, who had basically never known a real family, every shade of happiness
—and let her experience what it was like.
Mahiru's face relaxed into a soft smile, and Amane grinned peacefully,
grasping her hand with affection.
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