Song of the Chapter: Lies in the Dark ~ToveLo
Chapter: 4
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PERSPECTIVE: Aizea - The girl that hears after dark
*******
The weather is exceptionally good today, as we step out and head to the Gathering Field at the centre of the Town Square.
As Sheroa bolts the door, Melinda shoots me an apologetic glance that, I know, is for yesterday. I smile, letting her know that it's alright and we have moved ahead of that.
Though, I know that we most definitely have not. We never can. I don't know who I've got this trait from, but I am extremely unforgiving and I find it extraordinarily difficult to forget, either.
We walk together to the Town Square. Almost half-way, we meet Evelyne and her family.
Her little, chubby, bubbly sister - a miniature replica of Eve's - gets excited at the sight of me. However, unlike Evelyne, who would've run right into me, Lily stands at the same place and starts jumping and giggling aloud. It's a wonder how this kid manages to stay this hyped up all the time!
I give her the most gentle smile I could possibly manage and pat her cheek in an affectionate gesture. "How do you do, kiddo?"
Lily frowns and pouts at my words, confusing me.
"I am not a kid anymore! I am five!", Lily defends vehemently and holds up all the fingers in one cute little hand of hers. I can't help but laugh. "Oh sure, ki- err... Lily.", I reply and bite my lower lip lightly at the mistake, my lips urging to quirk up at the corners.
Lily shoots me a smile as bright as the Sun, no matter how cliché that sounds. Evelyne is soon hugging me tight enough to render me breathless. "Umm... I can't breathe, Evie, like usual.", I mumble and she quickly lets go with a grin.
It's our silent rule - never get boisterous in front of elders. In fact, we play it pretty cool in front of somewhat everyone other than Andre.
All of us walk the rest of the way to the Gathering Field in serene silence and that makes the tension emanating from me even more obvious to notice. Even I myself can almost feel the worry radiating off of me. Of course my best friend notices more than anyone else.
Eve nudges me lightly and catches up to me, accelerating from her previous turtle-like pace. "What's the matter?", she whispers the question almost accusingly, as if it was a crime for me to not keep her updated with every tiny, insignificant event of my life - worrying or not.
I take a deep breath. She doesn't know who I am, and yet she loves me. She loves the fake person that I pretend to be, all the time, and it would really hurt her if and when she ever comes to know of my true identity. But, in all honesty to myself, I don't quite intend to spill a single precious bean with regards to my 'identity' to anyone.
Not consciously and willingly, at least.
The thought is painful, guilt-striking, rage-invoking, disappointing as well as weirdly exciting - all at once. My head feels very mildly buzzy with all these thought, when Evelyne let's out an irritated hiss of my name again, louder than the previous times.
I decide to give her the truth. The least I can do for our friendship is give her as much truth as possible.
"Andre asked me out yesterday, during class, and I agreed.", I whisper back, trying to keep the tension that I am feeling, out of my voice. I side-glance at Evelyne, warily.
She has stopped walking, her forest-green eyes as huge as saucers, her lips slightly parted. I tug at her hand and she seemingly jerks awake from her state of frozen shock, and then, as we both restart moving, holding hands, her eyes snap towards me.
"Did you really say what I heard?", she asks me, the volume modulation non-existent.
"Mmhmm, I think so.", I reply, feeling oddly funny. Her widen a fraction, if that's even possible.
"Did you just give me a mildly sassy reply?", she asks in wonder and then her face lights up with the hugest grin I've ever had the fortune to witness in my whole life.
"Who are you and what have you done to my best friend?!", she exclaims like a shooting star has just struck her in the head. I laugh, before the sense of gloom settles at the pit of my stomach.
I've never actually seen a shooting star. We've only read about that in class. Speaking of that, I've never even seen the star-studded night sky, except for in my dreams. And, frankly speaking, what I haven't seen beckons me the most.
The night calls me, and I can't deny it as the fact that it is.
I want to smell the fallen pine needles without seeing them. I want to touch the softness of the white snow. I want to feel the night breeze brushing past my skin. I want to feel even the chill. I want to see those misty mountains and venture into the depths of the dark forests.
I know I am being a sheer danger-magnet, but honestly, I don't mind till I can get to somewhere where I can be myself.
I don't need to shake my head to clear it, the sight of the entrance to the Gathering Field, decked prettily with tiny, yellow and orange flowers, brings all my senses out of the dreamy daze and into perfectly complete awareness.
They are going to announce Andre's coronation date today, and he'll be the Mayor of Zaayes thereon. I should probably be happy, provided he is my best friend, the most 'eligible' candidate for Mayorship that Zaayes can ever have, and not to mention that I am technically going out on a 'date' with him, later today, finally.
But, remember, I am anything but a normal girl in Zaayes. So, no, unfortunately I am not too elated about this coronation thing.
In fact, I dread it. I dread it's consequences.
The field is all set with chairs and a stage on the farther edge. It's not too big, yet, big enough to fit the town's whole populace. It is therefore the default location for the weekly Gatherings that are mandatory for every single resident of the town to attend.
We never usually have the front row seats, which are under the unspoken reservation of the town's elites. But today, as we begin settling into the seats of the third row or so, two guys - really good-looking guys, to be specific - rush to us, and immediately turn to a mildly alarmed Sheroa.
"Sir, would you and your family kindly shift to the front row seats? We have strict instructions to make certain of your utmost comfort.", he says politely, and yet with a strange command in his voice that makes Sheroa nod without any provision to any second thoughts or questions. Then the guy, who I suddenly recognize to have seen a few times in school, shoots me an evaluating, lingering glance - as if he is checking whether I am worth something - and then nod almost unnoticeably to himself, before a polite, almost satisfied, and friendly smile spreads over his lips. The second guys does almost the same, only he looks a little younger with a naughty glint in his eyes, before both of them turn around and jog to the farthest rear corner, right beside the stage.
And that's when I spot Andre. He is dressed really well in a shirt, gray tie and matching pants, which give off an almost royal vibe. I have to say, he does look attractive with his glinting blue eyes and boyish grin that's now directed towards me. I was just too scared to notice all this before. Even now, I don't feel that kind of an attraction towards him. Calling him attractive doesn't mean his stare can set my heart on fire... Like he does.
"Aizea.", Evelyne's call from the row snaps me out of yet another thinking spree and I go and sit right next to a very very happy Evelyne. "Thanks to you and your acceptance of the lover-boy's proposal. I don't quite like him, but I can manage till he makes sure we all get all these luxuries, for free! I love you for saying yes to him! Though, if not for all these, I probably would've asked you to never say yes to him again, but not anymore. I resign from Team Anti-Andre.", she hurriedly whispers to me as soon as I take my seat between her and my mother, and I giggle almost quietly.
There's so much that I want to say as a reply. How nervous I am, my dreams and how I feel like I am betraying him by even agreeing to 'hang out' with Andre. But I can't. And I know that too well to question that anymore.
I wonder, if that's the case with most things in my everyday life.
The Mayor walks up onto the stage after all the seats are full. We all stand in salutation and he holds up both his hands, before his words boom all over the crowd.
He is a tall man with a formidable expression permanently plastered on his face and his tanned complexion, muscular build and salty-peppery beard only make him look even more intimidating. His voice is always commanding and he is an absolute worshipper of the Shifters' Lord - whoever that is.
This is what I don't want Andre to become, ever. For, his mother, the Mayor's wife, has never been seen outside the Mayor's bungalow, post marriage.
"All ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you..."
The Mayor's authoritative voice drones on like an insignificant buzz outside my head and string of in-depth thoughts. I haven't closed my eyes and yet, all I can see are his gorgeous amber eyes, the way his sharp jaw clenches when he is mad, the indent at the base of his neck that only adds to his supremely masculine beauty, his romanesque nose and deep philtrum that end at his delicious-looking lips.
How have I been so immune to his charms, formerly? However, that's a moot point now, since he is all that I can think about as the speech goes on and on. He is just too handsome for me to not have noticed. Blind me!
Well, I haven't exactly been blind. I was just always too focused on his touch and the way that has always made blood rush to my cheeks and a strange warmth pool at the base of my stomach, to concentrate on anything else.
I push the thoughts away, as the crowd stands up and I stand up along. We all sing the short ritual prayer, whose meaning I still can't quite figure out. Not that I've ever been too curious. I wouldn't be too surprised if it meant something outrageously atrocious.
I only focus on my surroundings properly, when I see Andre walking up onto the stage.
"And, this, as you all know, is my dear son and the legit heir of the noble responsibilities of the Mayor of Zaayes. He, not just by popular knowledge but my facts too, I can proudly state, is the strongest shifter of the young generation. Therefore, I , the current Mayor of Zaayes, keeping all of you, my dear people, as witnesses, hereby officially declare Andre O'Niewever as the future Mayor of Zaayes, to which post he shall be appointed through the Grand Coronation Ceremony that is to take place the day-after-tomorrow!"
I can see the slight traces of a flush creeping onto Andre's cheeks, as the complete focus of the crowd shifts to him and loud applauds erupt from the crowd in unison. I am not sure if anyone else notices the long and deep breath he takes in order to steady himself as the very obvious wave of tension washes over him.
With great power comes great responsibility. And great responsibilities are often synonymous to great sacrifices.
As the crowd dissipates, my and Evelyne's families also get up to leave. Sheroa gives my shoulder a light, reassuring squeeze. "I'll be there in the bakery.", he says softly and I can almost hear him add If you need me through the look in his eyes. But both of us know all too well that it's only fake reassurance. If Andre decides to do something, no power in all Zaayes can ever stop him.
Still, I give him a smile that he returns, before leaving.
Evelyne hugs me tight and whispers a cheeky, "All the best!", in my ears, to which I secretly roll my eyes. Lily waves a tiny hand at me with a bright smile and I simply return the gesture. Even the sight of this cute little ball of adorable joy, makes me so happy.
I stand alone in the now vacant Gathering Field. One of the two guys who Andre was talking with till now, is jogging towards me. I glance at Andre, who waves at me. And I don't wait for the guy to come over and escort me to where Andre and the Mayor are standing. If I have to face the Mayor, I might as well do that without making myself look like some dumb weakling.
Though, that's what he would rather prefer to see me as.
I walk over to Andre and notice the Mayor's features freezing up ever-so-slightly. He has noticed my brazen-ness, and he probably doesn't like what he is seeing. I'm not even talking about my looks.
I don't know from where, but I am all-of-a-sudden feeling this burst of rebellious courage within myself. I don't express it, though. Who knows, I may need that for safety and survival purposes some day.
Andre smiles at me as I near him and once he knows that I can very clearly see his minutest expressions, he glances between his father and me and makes an apologetic face and sports a consecutive smile that conveys a promise of trying to make the rest of the day as good for me as possible.
I slightly bow in front of the Mayor. He looks even more intimidating with his large frame, this up close. But I don't feel quite intimidated. "So, you're Aizea, right?", he asks, studying me head-to-toe with a scrutinizing and calculative glance. I nod, deliberately keeping him from estimating me for who I really am. The lack of words somehow seems to impress him, and he simply shoots me a look that is an intermediate between a glare, a warning, a threat, a judgemental look of evaluation and so many more that I have this sudden urge to avert his pitch black eyes.
But I don't.
As soon as he is gone, Andre takes my hands in his. My eyes meet his and I see the gratitude in them. We don't smile, neither do we talk.
His expression goes to a blank and then he gives my hand a tug, strong enough to pull me into the warmth of his body.
"Thank you.", he whispers into my ear and my lips part in a tiny involuntary gasp. I don't know exactly what message those two words conveyed. It was almost like thanking a prey for being stupid enough to walk right into the trap set for it.
It made my spine go all cold, and as if the things weren't already going downhill, my earlier burst of rebellious courage had taken a hiatus.
_____
Song of the Chapter: Not Afraid Anymore ~Halsey
Chapter: 5
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PERSPECTIVE: Aizea - The girl that hears after dark
*******
Warmth engulfs me in his embrace, but the electricity that I feel so vividly with the man in my dreams, is absent. As the strange guilt rises from the pit of my stomach and tends to overwhelm me, I gently push Andre away.
He doesn't give a single negative reaction. Even if he is angry or disappointed, the corresponding expressions do not leak into his bright facial features. He grins and the boyish charm that radiates off of him is nearly swoon-worthy.
But not for me.
His scent of woods and mosses do not overwhelm me either as the lovable fragrance of the man from my dreams - fallen pine needles and home - returns.
But I don't show any of these wayward emotions either. Instead, I give him a friendly smile.
"So, we should get to the real business, now that that is over.", he sighs witha big smile that reveals his relief. "I honestly expected father to sort of overreact. You know, economic stuffs that I don't give a damn about etcetera.", Andre finishes with a flirtatious wink that makes me want to try and like him in that way, but I can't.
Not when the memory of those exquisite amber eyes is so fresh in my mind.
I smile again, as a very mild blush creeps onto my cheeks - from Andre's wink or from the memory of those amber eyes that are always so searingly fresh in my mind, I don't know. Andre takes the blush as his cue to let out a handsome laugh, that should officially be declared as swoon-worthy, and the date begins.
Though, I wonder, when it turned into a date from a supposed 'hang out'.
I tense as Andre slips the blindfold on my eyes. Let's face it - I don't trust a single person out her blindly. So, when Andre asks, "Don't you trust me, Aizea?", my name rolling gently off of his tongue, as I let out a little scared squeak in response to the sudden appearance of the blindfold; and I nod, it does turn out to be one foremost example of irony. As of now, I can only hear the soft crunch of dry grass change into that of fallen leaves, under my feet, as Andre has his warm palms placed on both my upper arms, guiding me towards our destination.
Andre's touch doesn't give me the electric tingles that his does. Instead, I feel pure dread wrap it's filthy hands around my throat - threatening to constrict the life out of me. So, I keep utterly silent all the way. I am afraid that if I speak, that fear will swallow me whole, or something as gruesome as that. I try to fight the fear and the accompanying idiotic thoughts with as much bravery as I can muster, which is nil.
Thus, apparently, I am currently of no help to myself.
"Here we are!", Andre lets me know, trying and failing to keep the enthusiasm out of his voice. The blindfold is removed almost immediately, and so is my fear. I know that I should've been, or atleast should have tried to be, a little more trusting, but one cannot blame me after what I have grown up hearing every single night.
I slowly open my eyes to one of the most beautiful scenes that I've seen in my whole life. The lake, the singular natural water-body in Zaayes other than the ocean, is a sight to behold, more so with the way Nature has decided to deck it up for the sake of a golden fall. I stand there, stunned.
"It's good, isn't it?", Andre asks nervously, rubbing the back of his neck, while motioning at a mat with a basket laid on it, just a little away from where we stand.
"It's beautiful...", is all that I manage to whisper out. It truly and utterly is. I look to Andre. He is staring intently at me, his expression blank, and yet I know that he is smiling, without actually sporting a smile. I notice again, that he has beautiful eyes.
As we slowly sit down onto the mat, cross-legged, Andre remarks, "You really should talk a tad more, Aizea. I know that your voice, just like you, your laugh, your smile and your heart, is beautiful. You really should let me hear some more of it."
I know that my brain, recently, is working in some oddly convoluted way at times, that makes me feel, for a fleeting moment, that his words have an untold selfish undertone. But, I shove that chunk of negativity away, and his words actually feel like the rarely huge compliment that they are meant to be.
Well, not rare from Andre.
I clear my throat and realize just how much underused my vocal chords are. "What am I supposed to say?", I think aloud, and Andre chuckles softly. "Even that will work.", he says approvingly. "That should. You were eager to hear my voice, after all.", I retort playfully.
"That's right. But now that you've started speaking, I think hearing some more of your witty retorts can't hurt.", he says, making exaggerated expressions that widen my grin further.
"Good enough. We can stop trying to test the tea's patience first, and talk later, then.", I say, motioning towards the teapot resting right next to the cups and plates.
"Oh, I'm the new fan of your way with words!", Andre exclaims with a short laugh before reaching to the tea pot.
I volunteer to pour the tea, but he simply shakes his head and gets to doing it himself. The first cup is peaceful and disaster-free, but as soon as he goes to pour the next one, his hand shakes out of nowhere and the scalding liquid falls straight on his our hand holding the cup.
"CRAP!", he curses, and is immediately about to drop the tea pot. But I get hold of the intricately-designed ceramic vessel and rescue both it and Andre from the impending accident. I place it aside and quickly take his hand in mine. I grab the water-bottle and holding his hand out of the mat's perimeter, pour the cool water on the wound that is already reddening.
That's when I see the strangest thing happening. The red seared area of his skin is slowly returning to it's actual semi-tanned colour. In matter of probably minutes, the whole skin is healed and as good as before, or maybe even better.
My eyes automatically snap to his, and there is a proud glint in those clear blue eyes. He notices my incredulous stare and a look of confusion crosses his features before he asks, "Hasn't Sheroa told you?" I don't know what he is talking about or what troubles telling the truth can lead me into. I just know that not everyone else heals like this, and that basic information gives me enough courage to say, "No."
"Oh...", Andre almost says this like a question, before explaining, "Actually the strongest shifter of every generation is gifted with immediate self-healing properties. It is one of the characteristics of being the strongest one of the lot. It's because they are meant to be the protector of their people." He says this with an undertone of the pride that he should rightfully feel, before adding, "Maybe, Sheroa didn't want my identity or list of obvious 'features' to influence your opinion of me."
"That's very understanding and thoughtful of you, Andre.", I reply as politely as my wild-running internal storm would let me sound, after this grand revelation. But, I do admire how understanding he was being.
Then again, when has he been anything but understanding to me?
But that is probably the least of my concerns right now. Because, with this apparently small information, all my previous concerns come crashing down. I am made to re-realize forces of just what magnitude I will need to reckon against, if not now then someday, in order to survive. And I fully intend to keep my heart beating till I truly wish so. The last thing I would want is to be devoured by wild beasts of the night who were once my best friends.
The thought makes me shudder.
"Is it too cold?", Andre's questions brings me back to the reality. "No no, it's fine. I just got a bit distracted.", I quickly reply and add a silly smile at the end. He simply smiles back.
But after a few moments of external calm and internal mayhem, I start feeling his scrutinizing gaze burn holes on my head as I finally reach out to pour him his tea. As our eyes meet again, I see his gaze clouding over in concentration. The perception that I know he possesses, scares the mind out of me, but I try to play it casual and raise my eyebrows enquiringly at him.
He takes his tea and his head slightly tilts to one side, as he finally speaks, and my heart races in tension. "I am having this strange feeling whenever I am around you nowadays, Aizea. I just can't precisely put my finger on it." He sounds frustrated and maybe even angry to a certain extent, and I do what I do best, although I know that it was probably one of the riskiest things to do at the moment.
I keep my hand on his knee and slowly, unnaturally slowly, his anger dissipates, by the time the warmth of his skin has warmed up my otherwise cool hand across the barrier of his pants. However, the suspicion and scrutiny don't leave his piercing gaze.
A while, a few buns-and-apples later, Andre again enters the risky-zone that only contains questions that I so don't want to answer. "I was wondering, why I've never seen you one of these nights. Not once.", he says almost cautiously, as if fearing that some great secret of his may leak.
I want to laugh. He has no idea. And ironically, I am alive because he has no idea. Firstly, I know why he's being cautious. He is baffled. He wants me to come across him one of those night, so that his shifter can take charge of this whole affair. Letting the shifters sort out these feelings does sound easier than doing that by one's own self. Secondly, he wonders that if I've actually noticed him and he hasn't - which is impossibly unlikely - why I haven't ever approached him or even talked about the night's during the days.
I never do, to no one. Because, me talking about the nights would mean me describing either my sweet dreams with him, or the horrendous sounds that haunt the dark hours, or both. Well, that's an impossibility, anyways.
So, now when he's asked me that very-dreaded question, naturally, I am rendered speechless.
I internally square my shoulders and let the opaque lie slip out, "I try not to venture out." It is simple enough. I remember Sheroa telling me during one of our rarest of the rarest discussions about the night, that the female shifters are by nature more docile creatures than the males.
I know that there's this one certain secret that everyone hides, inspite of everything. That one secret that I know exists but don't know anything more about. That one secret that is much more outrageous than anything else I'll ever know. That one secret that make the shifters times more dangerous than even the regular carnivorous wildlife that probably would've prowled the forests near Zaayes, if not for the shifters.
"Have you never been hunting, either?", he asks further, trying to get to a certain point where he could finally put his finger on that particular thing that he finds odd about me. I won't let him, though. But I'm curious too. Sheroa has never talked about going hunting.
"Umm, no.", I say, trying to make my undercurrent of question sound like shyness or nervousness or whatever.
Andre's eyes widen.
"Never?", he asks incredulously. I go back to shaking my head. This is why I prefer gestures over words. They risk giving away so much less.
"Tell me, have you never craved something certain so bad that you have wanted to have it by any way or the other?", he asks me. I frown almost invisibly and then shake my head, but only after letting my eyes meet his. If I have to survive this, I will have to be a confident liar. Or atleast, act like one.
Honestly, I have craved my dreams. So much that it almost hurts when he leaves everytime and my dreams end. I always crave the sense of peace and security and assurance that he gives me. I crave to finally be able to let my guard down some day. I crave to finally have someone to whom I can bare my soul. I crave to see a day where I won't have to lie and keep calculating my very next footstep to ensure my own survival.
Yes, I do crave something so bad that I want to have it, any way or the other. Freedom.
But I don't say a word of all of this. Nor do I let these emotions make themselves visible on my face.
Andre laughs lightly. "No wonder I and you are a supposed good match. You are just so composed, and I can rarely hold onto even a sliver of my composure once it's dark.", he says, gazing into my eyes, still trying to dig in for the answers that he did not receive from me.
The rest of the day rolls into afternoon with small talks about school, homeworks, other potential couples in the class, baking, our parents, Evelyne, Lily and her cuteness and finally, the coronation.
The dread that I'm dreading.
"I'll be waiting for you on the day, Aizea. I hope you realize the significance.", Andre says, as I notice the coppery tinge beginning to leak into his previously clear blue eyes. I do understand the significance, but I am absolutely unwilling to let that significance be fulfilled, ever.
I am too eager to meet him tonight and get some answers, so that by the coronation day, I can seriously consider letting him lead me where he will.
"And, I hope today means something to you.", Andre adds hopefully. The hope in his voice makes me want to cry. If not for him as well as every single person here being so bipolar, I might not have had to consider having that discussion with him tonight itself.
"It does Andre. But, I also hope you understand how I feel.", I say, finally being able to be honest with him for once. His name sounds good on my tongue, but not as good as his might.
The possibility reminds me - I'll have to know his name tonight.
"Come, I'll walk you to your home.", he offers, but I'm already back to my declining mode. "That won't be necessary, once you take me to the Town Square. I don't want to trouble you, further.", I reply, trying to minimize the hit with friendly politeness. However, I probably should've known that the sun had already begun it's descend.
"It's no trouble.", Andre says only three words. But they contain such a weight that I don't dare retort.
Survival is my priority. It always has been. Otherwise I wouldn't have survived seventeen years of the life that I live.
The whole walk home, we are both silent. Andre, because he is probably trying to figure me out even more now, when his shifter spirit is slowly rearing up its nasty head. And me, because, as I said, survival is my priority. We reach home when the sun's rays are significantly oranged.
Melinda stands in the doorway, and she gives Andre a respectful smile. I should be used to people showing Andre this kind of respect, irrespective of age and all, but I am not. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from saying anything wrong. The last thing I want is for this newfound fear-reduction thing take the ultimate toll of my life.
No words are exchanged and I silently step in, only to turn around and flash Andre my best smile. Yes. My best smile. My new loss of fear is probably going to cost my life. He won't approve, though, and that thought alone makes me turn around.
But not before I notice Andre's eyes flash.
I quickly take my tray of food that has been set on the table for me alone, and place it on my bed-side-table.
I'm grateful for the fact that no one asks me anything. Not even Chorsh and Rubelle. I have indeed answered too many questions today. And I have many more to answer tonight.
Thus, I respect this silence.
______
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