"Until now, at least!" smiled Morty. "O-o-oh Geez! I sure am ready for our next adventure!"
"You're leading us this time?" asked Darwin. "Where the hell is Rick?"
"Oh! Wow! You think I can't do this, can I? You spineless domesticated pond fish! I pr-r-pretty much can!" yelled Morty. "I think!"
"So... who wants this treasure?" asked Spongebob.
"The Council of Ooo," said Morty. "Particularly Neptr. The old leader, Bubblegum, is offering her own team's help."
"PB's out of jail now," said Morty. "And she's allowed to lead her team again."
"Oh, please!" laughed Josuke. "We can Totes beat them! And even if we lose, the whole world respects us, right?"
Later...
"Welcome!" smiled NEPTR as he stood on the surface of a podium. "To the Blooby Looby Race!"
Everyone in the crowd cheered.
"THE RULES ARE SIMPLE!!!Just follow the path... NO USING OF PORTAL GUNS!!!"
"WHAT!?" asked Josuke. "WHY NOT!?"
"It won't be a race if we use those... yeah..." said Morty.
"Welcome... the greatest heroes of Maharlica... THE PROGRESSIVE SOUL!!!"
Everyone cheers as Erina Zeppeli (You remember her), Yoshiko Kira (You remember her), Queen Marceline Abadeer (Vampire from AT), Sandy Cheeks (Squirrel from SS), Penny Fitzgerald (the shapeshifter from TAWOG), and Carrie Krueger (the ghost girl from TAWOG) walk up the stage. Everyone yells out their hearts for the heroines before them.
The Jazz Fusion walk in and everyone stayed silent.
"Wait..." said Patrick. "It's okay. NEPTR just didn't say our team name yet."
"Papa? Who are these people with you?" asked NEPTR.
"Any second now..." said Patrick.
Josuke bowed his head. Darwin facepalms and shakes his head. The rest cover their faces.
"Yep... any second now..." smiled Patrick. "Any-..."
The trumpets howl as the people cheer for the Progressive Soul. Erina, their current leader, smiled and waved at the heroes.
Erina smiles at Josuke. "Hey!" she smiled sweetly. "You look... good... Lost weight?"
Josuke sighed. "Oh, please. Don't flatter yourself. I'm as fat as before."
"I just want to say that... I'm sorry for what I did years ago."
"Huh... thanks..."
"You were just kinda... needy and whatever."
"You ruined it."
The two teams prepare to race. The Jazz Fusion rode Jake while the Progressive Soul rode a spaceship.
Morty crossed his arms in pride.
Beside him is their leader, Princess Bubblegum.
"You're not participating?" asked Morty.
"I'm not a part of those girls anymore."
"Oh, Geez... This is gonna be a nasty race. Grandpa Rick says he hates your uh... guts?"
"Don't flatter yourself."
"Fine. He thinks you're a fascist asshole."
"There it is."
The groups spoke to each other.
"Heya, Penny!" smiled Gumball.
Penny sighs. "I love you, Gumball."
"Love you, too!" smiled Gumball.
Carrie and Darwin stared at each other.
"Hey," said Carrie.
"Hey, Carrie," said Darwin. "Love you!"
"Yeah... same..." blushed Carrie.
"You're going down, Marceline!" yelled Jake.
Marceline woges into a horrific tentacle creature.
Jake shrieks in horror and vomits out of disgust.
Spongebob waves at Sandy. "BAHAHAHA!!! HEY, SANDY!!!"
"HEYA SPONGEBOB!!!" giggled Sandy.
"Hey, Sandy! Say Jesus but remove 'J' and 'E'!"
"Sus?" asked Sandy.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!" Patrick laughed hysterically. "Sandy! You're a sussy baka."
"YEEHAW!!! Commit toaster bath, Patrick."
Finn smiles at Yoshiko.
"Did you do the laundry just like I said?" asked Yoshiko.
"Pfft! Yeah!" smiled Finn. Finn then calls home. He whispers, "Mint! Code: Sock You!"
"Ugh... Whatever, Dad..." said Mint, who hangs up from the other side.
"Okay, cat. What can you do?" asked Marceline.
"Didn't your dad try to do it with your ex?" sneered Gumball.
"Gumball!" yelled Penny.
Marceline hisses at Gumball.
"Yeah... that's how I roll..." sneered Gumball.
Erina sighs. "I have to do this, Josuke... You gotta let us win... You'll be okay... I swear... You can't win anyway..."
Josuke looked crosser as he clenched his fists.
"GO!!!"
Jake stomps forward as the ship immediately jets forward, but moves slower than Jake.
"Where's the map!?" asked Josuke. "FINN!!!"
Finn grabs the map and showed it to Josuke.
"Four exes for each of the four treasures... The Treasure of the Mountains, The Treasure of the Southern Sea, The Treasure of the Fire Kingdom, and The Treasure Near the Hole Near the Center of the World."
Treasure of the Mountains:
Jake climbs the mountain where the treasure could be found.
Patrick sang a song by Harry Styles."What am I now? What am I now?What if I'm someone I don't want around?I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling!What if I'm down?What if I'm out?What if I'm someone you won't talk about?I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling!"
"FOR GOB'S SAKE, PATRICK!!! STOP SINGING THAT SONG!!!" yelled Jake.
"What? Why?"
"Because I'm climbing a mountain and that's a reminder of its opposite!"
"Falling?"
"PATRICK!!!" yelled everyone else.
"Okay!" smiled Patrick. Patrick then sang a song of Louis Prima's."I ain't got nobody, oh and there'snobody that cares for me, there'snobody that cares for me!
I'm so sad and lonely!Sad and lonely, sad and lonely!Won't some sweet mama!Come and take a chance with me?'Cause I ain't so bad then!"
"Patrick... please..." Josuke sighed. "I'm starting to dislike myself again."
"Oh! It's okay, Quiet Kid Josuke! Did you poop yourself? Does someone need a diaper?" smiled Patrick.
"STOP MOCKING ME!!!"
"No."
"I WILL TURN THIS BODY AROUND IF YOU DON'T STOP ARGUING BACK THERE!!!" yelled Jake.
"FINE!!!" yelled Josuke and Patrick.
"What's your problem, man?" asked Finn.
"Nothing! I'm happy with my life right now... Everything is dandelions and sunflowers up here."
"Okay," said Finn, as he turns to the front.
Josuke sighed and slammed his head on Jake's fur.
"Easy, there!" yelled Jake.
Jake reaches the top and sees that the entire Progressive Soul is already there, all holding the treasure chest as they finished loading it into the jet-like spaceship.
"HEY!!!" yelled Josuke. "We were here first!"
"Yeah... but we do move at the speed of sound," smiled Erina. "It's okay! We'll get our share in accordance with the proportion given to us!"
Josuke sighed. "Yeah!? Well, Jake can move at the speed of the world's fastest bullet! Which is said to be faster than sound based on a Google Search! C'mon, guys... Let's go..."
Jake immediately turns into a slingshot by grappling onto two spiked rocks before him as he launched himself and the team immediately into the oceans before the girls could even get there...
Treasure of the Southern Sea
Jake rises from the ocean. "It's already gone. The treasure's gone."
"NANI!?" asked Josuke. "That doesn't make any sense!!! We took the same path as they did!"
"Probably because we're slower?" asked Gumball. "They could move in lightspeed, y'know?"
"Yeah! But why didn't King 4 U detect their movements!?" asked Josuke.
Everyone looks at each other.
"And! Jake moves way faster than the jet! Why are we still here!?" asked Jake.
"Jake... Launch us to the Fire Kingdom..." said Josuke.
Treasure of the Fire Kingdom
They reach the Fire Kingdom to see that there is a hole in the center of the ground. Each wearing their Anti-Flame Suits, they sigh.
"Guys..." said Josuke. "I think they cheated."
Later... They reached The Treasure Near the Hole Near the Center of the World...
The group reaches the last destination, which is encased in some sort of fortress near the large hole.
"They cheated! This place must be empty! GODDAMNIT!!! WE ONLY GET A FOURTH OF THE DAMNED PRIZE!!!" yelled Josuke, facepalming. "GREAT!!!"
"Don't we have ten million units back at home?" asked Gumball.
"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!!! WHAT MATTERS IS THAT WE BEAT ERINA AND I GET RICH... I GET A BEAUTIFUL WIFE WHO IS PROBABLY A GOLD DIGGER... AND I RUB IT IN HER GODDAMNED-!!!"
*THUD!!!*
Erina's ship drops from above.
"GREAT!!! THEY'RE HERE TO RUB IT IN OUR GODDAMNED FACES!!!"
Erina walks out of the spaceship.
Josuke points at her face as she approached him. "YOU CHEATED!!!"
"What!?" scoffed Erina.
"You didn't follow the path!!!"
"Yes, we did!" yelled Erina. "We just went counterclockwise instead of clockwise! And we just skipped the first one to save it for last."
"Oh! Sure! LEMME SEE THE MAP!!!" yelled Josuke.
"IT SAYS HERE... THAT-!!! THAT... Huh..." said Josuke. "Wait! Where'd you get the time to load all of the treasures!?"
"Josuke... We have a spaceship... It also has lightspeed movement mode, too, you know...?" said Erina.
"I!!! YOU!!! RAUGH!!!" Josuke facepalmed. "YOU DESERVE TO LOSE!!!"
"Why?"
"BECAUSE!!! YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A LYING INCONGRUENT LIFE-RUINER!!! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE THIS HAPPY!!!"
"Josuke... You're the one who doesn't deserve to be happy. You literally blame me for rejecting you... I don't owe you anything!"
"You rejected me! You called me needy and commented on my small penis!"
Everyone else snickered from that.
"OH, SHUT UP!!!" yelled Josuke. "You made me think you cared about me!"
"Why? We never dated!" laughed Erina.
"Wh-?"
"Dude! We were just really close friends!"
Josuke's eye twitches.
"Now... Josuke..." said Finn, trying to calm Josuke down. "Everyone in the Maharlica is watching... You already revealed to the Maharlicans that you have a small pickle... Don't try anything you'd regret..."
"I REGRET!? ME!? HOW DARE YOU SEND ME SIGNALS THAT WERE NEVER THERE!!! ERINA, YOU ARE A C**T!!!"
Everyone gasps.
Meanwhile... in Earth-Grimm...
Gabrielle facepalms. "Hay Naku... Kuya Josuke..."
"Whoa!" smiled Narcos.
"Oh, my God..." Mercuria facepalmed.
Meanwhile... in Prime-Earth...
Bruce facepalms. "Oh no..."
"Wow..." Diana said, shaking her head. "Just... wow..."
"Kezungteit," said Peter.
Meanwhile... in Earth-Star...
"Yare yare dawa..." said Irene and Shizuka, shaking their heads.
Meanwhile... in Earth-616...
Wade and Harley laugh hysterically.
Gwen, their daughter, shakes her head and walks away.
Russell and Laura yawn, being bored.
Meanwhile... in Earth-Grim... Again...
Dark facepalms. "This kid needs Miguel back..."
Hercules raises an eyebrow. "Isn't that a girl part?"
"Shut the fuck up, Herc," said Yuki.
Now... back in the scene...
"Go on... do it..." whispered a voice in her head.
"I don't wanna..." she thought.
"DO IT!!! Or let your last relative die..."
Erina cringes for a second. "HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" laughed Erina. "HAHAHAHAHA!!! I don't owe you anything! You don't deserve my love because you're needy and honestly pathetic! You've been there... idle... for ten years... hoping that I'd like you back? Josuke... I don't dislike you because you're ugly... I dislike you because you are a loser. You're needy... You're boring... and you have no personality, Josuke... You creep me out with how attached you are to me! You just rub me off the wrong way, okay!? You're... You know! You're-!"
"Say it..." Josuke's eyes glow blue.
"What!?"
"Say why you really don't like me... Be blunt... Say... it!"
"You don't match my standards..."
A huge weight entered Josuke's chest.
"I'm sorry... But I have standards, Josuke! You're..." She cringes. "You're not tall... You're kinda fat... You smell... DO ME A FIX YOURSELF BEFORE YOU CAN BE WITH ME!!! DO EVERYONE A FAVOR AND FIX YOURSELF BEFORE YOU'RE WITH ANYONE!!! OKAY!? BECAUSE YOU ARE A CHILD!!! You're a nice guy! You're never gonna get any girls because you're nice just to get your way with people! You do it to get what you want! You're not a good person... You're terrible... Because you aren't really nice... In reality, you just hate everyone... don't you...?"
Josuke bows his head in shame. "I don't know... What hurts more... That what you said is true or that this is the first connection I've had with you in years..." he said.
Erina looks hurt by his words and pities him.
"YEAH!!! SCREW OFF, LOSER!!! LAY OFF OUR ERINA!!!"
Everyone cheers for Erina and boos Josuke.
Josuke's expression withers away.
But... Josuke eyes something in Erina's pocket...
Before...
Josuke cries, sulking in the corner.
"You okay?"
Miguel JoJo stood next to him.
"I can't believe that Erina worked for Eradicator..."
"Mr. Reaper? Why are you so sad all the time?"
"Y'know..." Miguel chuckled softly. "I used to be exactly like you... I was strong-willed... I was optimistic... But then... I was beaten down to the ground... I was beaten so hard that I knew I could never stand proud again. When I did stand proud... it was the time I changed... It was around the time that I was punched the hardest with reality... with facts that I couldn't deny... That's when I finally stood up for myself..."
Now...
"You're right..." said Josuke. "Just like how you cheated?"
Everyone in the world gasps.
"No, no, no, no..." said Gabrielle, back at home. "Kuya Josuke, you dumbass..."
Before...
"But then and there will be a time where you will be tempted... tempted to do the wrong thing... and become something you always feared from turning into... A monster..."
Now...
"Pfft! No, I didn't!" laughed Erina.
"Yes, you did..." said Josuke. "You used your portal gun to get the treasure."
"WHAT!?"
Josuke takes out the pink portal gun from Erina's pocket.
Everyone gasps.
"The portal fluid looks newly filled-in, but it had been used recently because it isn't full..."
"Maybe I didn't fill it all in!!!"
NEPTR, the little microwave robot, portals in and wheels himself toward the portal gun as he touches it.
"It's been used recently! SHE... CHEATED!!!" yelled NEPTR.
Everyone gasps.
"Whoa! How'd you know, NEPTR?" asked Finn. "Did you have a new tech installed?"
"If you really listened to anything that I say, Papa, you should know that I didn't. It's just that the portal gun feels hot," said NEPTR. "Welp! You automatically win, Jazz Fusion! The prize will be given to you shortly! Now... How do we get into the fortress? It says that we should answer this riddle-..."
Jake grows his fist the size of a large tank and punches the fortress open as the gold flows down from the building like water.
Everyone cheers for the Jazz Fusion.
"NO!!!" yelled Erina. "Please! I need that money!"
"Screw off, lady!" yelled one man from the audience as everyone laughed at her.
Josuke sneers sadistically as Erina is being laughed at... But Josuke's sneer disappears, feeling the weight getting heavier.
Later...
The Jazz Fusion is given 20 million units as they open a portal back home.
Erina is being comforted by her friends.
Josuke sighs. "Hay Naku..."
Josuke turns away from the others.
"Josuke?" asked Jake. "Where are you goin'?"
Josuke approached Erina.
"Guys... leave us..." said Erina, as all the girls nod and leave. "What do you want?"
Josuke gives the entire prize to Erina, which is in a watch.
"What?" asked Erina. "Why'd you-?"
"Probably because I like you... Or at least I did..." Josuke sighs. "At least I respect you enough to give you everything I won."
"Th-Thank you!" said Erina, turning red.
"Are you fucking serious!? Don't you care that I humiliated you!?" asked Josuke, angrily pointing at Erina. "AT LEAST HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT AND HATE ME!!!"
"All I need is the money... I need it to pay for something... I don't care..."
"I know about your daughter..."
"Oh."
"Huh... Alright... Wait..." said Josuke. "20 million for your daughter's medicine!?"
"It's... It's mutagenic..."
Josuke notices that she just lied as her eye twitches. "Ah... Who impregnated your hag womb?"
"I don't wanna say."
"Alright..." sighed Josuke.
"Why'd you give this money to me? You had your win! You had proof that you won!"
"Because an old friend once told me that I had a choice... And when that choice comes... I should be damned well ready to pick the right one...And I know you didn't mean what you said earlier... Something's up... And I can tell that it's gonna be bad..."
Josuke walks away.
"Hey... I'm single, now... you know?"
"So... after humiliating me to literally 200 billion people... you want to pity sex me?"
"No... I just thought that..."
"I loved you, Erina Zeppeli... That I did..." Josuke turns to her, crosser than ever. "You tricked me to help Eradicator! You made me love you! I felt used! I felt horrible! For the first time, I thought that-..." His voice broke as he looked down with heartbreak...
"I was trying to be your friend! Albeit... I was still tricking you so that Eradicator would get me my family back... But I wanted to be your friend!"
"But I fell for you! You did this! You practically turned me into someone who hates himself for his life... Thinking that no one in the world will ever like me! That shit!? That trickery!? That part where you used me for Eradicator and rejected me awfully!? It sticks your entire life! And if you feel bad about it, good. If you don't, screw you... I'm done anyway... I have more important matters to deal with. Go fuck yourself, Erina. If you didn't owe me, then now you do. This'll drive you crazy and that's good enough for me.Am I awful for this? Probably... But Damn does it feel good..."
"But you're not alone... You have your friends. I don't have anyone except my daughter..."
"Exactly... I... well... en-... I enjoy that...Tomorrow I'm fucking working out..." said Josuke as he turns and walks away. "Screw you."
"I'm sorry."
"I don't care."
Erina paused. She went teary. "I know that you did this because you felt bad and you care about me and my daughter... not because you hate me and this'll drive me crazy..."
Josuke began to tear up. "See? It's already working." His voice broke.
Josuke opens a portal and walks in.
Finn pats Josuke's back. Josuke sighs and hugs Finn, crying.
"It's alright... I know what being a simp is like... But what you did means that you aren't, dude..."
"Whatever, man..." said Josuke. "I don't care..."
Josuke lets go of Finn. He walks upstairs. "I'm working out."
Meanwhile...
"Okay... that was a good plan! A really good plan!" yelled the man on the phone to Erina's ear. "It made you look kinda bad, though! But who cares!? You successfully broke him and made him look like this petty, weak, simp or whatever you kids call it these days!"
"Ugh... Look... I have the money. Just cure my daughter, okay?"
"Gotcha!" he sneered.
"And... please don't hurt Josuke and his friends..."
"That wasn't part of the deal... Do realize that what I'm offering you can only be given by me... Not even Miguel Ibarra can heal your child..."
"Okay... But I know Josuke and the Jazz Fusion will beat you."
He scoffs. "Sure thing. I'll get back to you tomorrow."
Erina's daughter is shown, revealing that her woge had melded with her human form. She has fox body parts and human body parts and is pretty deformed. She has paws for her hands and one leg is a fox leg and a twitching tail. Half of her face is also a Fuchsbau's.
The person on the other line hangs up, and it is revealed that his body is blue and reptilian and that he has his left middle finger seemingly chopped off. He wears a businessman's attire.
"Let's see who wins this... Miguel Josuke Higashikata..."