For a long time, Lawrence felt as if he were trapped in a "lucid dream" – he was more aware than anyone of what was happening to him, of the mental illness that was afflicting his spirit.
He knew Martha was no longer there, knew that the figure he interacted with day and night was just an illusion. He knew all of this – whether it was on a subconscious level or a conscious one, he was painfully aware.
But compared to other captains of a similar age and experience, his mental state was actually quite good. On the vast Endless Sea, there was no shortage of captains with twisted spirits and damaged minds. Even with the division of burden offered by ship priests, the profession of challenging the sea was bound to bear a mental corruption far beyond that of ordinary crew members. Each captain had completed numerous sea voyages in a continuous struggle against their deteriorating minds, to the point where they often described their profession with a saying: