Reincarnated As an Uncreative SupersaiYANG (RWBY Yang SI) Re-Make
Autor: Sorrias© WebNovel
Who is Yang, an overview of our MC
Read this only after seeing Chapter 6.1
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I am going to explain everything you or anyone else confused about yang, all I will write is already on the fic (Currently Chap6) and so I will only put the pieces of the puzzle together to dispel any confusion.
[QUOTE="Relyt118, post: 6849210, member: 25350"]Read like half the chapter before my eyes just glazed over. Why are you trying to shove three arcs of violence and growth into a handful of chapters? And it all feels so empty. Yang isn't actually accomplishing anything here but harming herself and getting a bunch of power boosts that frankly don't feel earned.
1. Yang does something (suicidally) reckless
2. A bunch of violence that doesn't actually advance the plot (there is a plot, right?)
3. Yang somehow survives (the plot armor is strong with this one) with a power boost that feels undeserved (because again, plot armor)
4. Repeat from step one
Eventually Yang realized that throwing herself into dangerous situations should be handled in moderation… and then keeps experimenting and researching in a dangerous environment instead of just. Leaving. Already![/QUOTE]
That's why she came to forever fall though? To beat grimm and abuse her zenkai, the deeper reasons were explained in the illusion scene.
What plot armor? Raven won't let her daughter die, plant dust enhances her healing flames, a technique she made while in a berserk state by combining both Ki and Aura into Shī because combining two energies related to life will make something.
And you think Beaks is plot armor? The Bird with A GREEN SHIELD? Doesn't it remind you of anyone?
Yes, the plot of Forever Falls is about Yang learning more about herself and gaining a purpose after believing everything she did at that point was ruined because she lost her tail, did you read her confrontation against the spider's illusion?
As for her keeping throwing herself into dangerous situations? I explained that too.
In her past life she believed herself to be a piece of garbage, in THIS ONE she promised to never be that person again.
She became EXTREMELY strict with herself, and that's why she didn't leave, her pride fueled by her saiyan side made it impossible for her to accept defeat or even run away.
Something she did when escaping the ravagers, SHE put her pride away to go back to her Home, JUST LIKE YOU WANTED HER TO DO IT, she tried it! How did you not see that?!
She compromised, the best way she could at the time, what are you even complaining about?
[QUOTE="Relyt118, post: 6849210, member: 25350"]You know what would be great? Actual character interaction. Maybe Yang could make up with her father and talk about the pressure she feels, since she sees more than most about just how dangerous the Grimm are. Her father, a veteran hunter, could both help her with that issue and reconnect with his daughter. Instead we get Yang thinking at herself about her own issues for a while, only to immediately keep doing what she recognized as a bad idea.[/QUOTE]
I don't think you quite understand Yang, The forever falls arc is a Puzzle, one I made to explain very precisely WHO Yang Xiao Long is.
Everything is in between, let me tell you EXACTLY who she is since all you were able to see was the violence.
When she was reborn she took that as her second chance, to change, to have a life with a loving family, but her fucked up mind wouldn't let her.
When Tai became an unresponsive drunk she associated him with her previous father, something I wrote.
She lost all hope in gaining a new family, without even trying to fix things in the first place Because she's an Idiot
She then associated Ruby with her past self and became obsessed with her, she didn't want to live a second life with the same family, so Ruby became the rock that anchored her, that made her get up from her bed every day.
She didn't make friends, because again, her overreactive brain didn't let her, thinking that nobody would want to be friends with her, and she wouldn't want to make friends with children either.
She thought older people would look down on her so she didn't even try, because she's a dumbass, you are talking about Yang as if she's in any way a smart person, she's not! Put that in your brain YANG IS A IDIOT.
When Tai got a hold of himself Yang thought that maybe she could trust Him, and then he got behind her back and made that deal about DustTube.
Yang crying wasn't her angry at having her autonomy taken from her, she cried because in her mind Tai was just like her previous father, dismissive of her feelings and words, treating her like she didn't matter.
Obviously it was a massive overreaction but still, after that day she refused to believe in him or anyone else again, she closed herself even more.
Yang is an idiot, emotionally, mathematically, and everything else EXCEPT fighting, I said that I WROTE that.
That's why she keeps doing the same shit, she doesn't give a fuck, she wants power even at the cost of herself, she'd lose a limb and just shrug it off because it gave her a powerful zenkai.
I explained her actions perfectly on the fight against the illusion didn't you read that?
[QUOTE="Relyt118, post: 6849210, member: 25350"]Then the incredibly cliche "talking to another version of yourself" was the closest thing we've had to character interaction in like 30k words, and my eyes just glazed over. Not that cliches are always a bad thing, but it was the straw that broke the camel's back.
You have a lot of neat ideas. I think the story has a ton of potential, and I enjoyed the first few chapters. I recommend focusing more on plot and character interaction and less on violence and powers. You need to let a story breathe. A constant rush of violence and power and drama just gets dull after a while.[/QUOTE]
She didn't talk to another version of herself, it was an illusion, you missed a ton of things by not paying attention.
The spider CONTROLLED Yang's feelings, not manipulated, CONTROLLED, that's why the whole thing had a strange air to it when you read I wanted to give this as a hint, hell I directly said it so at the end.
Her reactions seemed forced because they were forced, it wasn't her brain feeling sad, exhausted, tired or even depressed, it was the spider.
Summer, even while dead kept looking out for her daughters, she was with Yang and Ruby since she died, if she wasn't there Yang would not have been able to break through the illusion and gained her semblance.
Yang's semblance was given to her BECAUSE she finally let herself hope for a brighter future, that even without her tail, even without being a SAIYAN she would still be a kind girl, she would still fight for Remnant.
She received her semblance because she finally allowed herself to grow beyond what she was in her past life, she said it herself, she believed she was no better than a bag of trash.
Yang's confrontation with the illusion is the most important event of this entire arc, she wasn't fighting against a perfect version of herself, she was fighting against all her insecurities turned up to 1.000.
And. She. Won.
I don't know if you realised but after that figh her saiyan side became much more tame, she evolved mentally TREMENDUSLY after that fight.
She wants to talk with her father now, she wants to go home, she wants to hug her sister, hell she even wants to make friends.
Please read that again and try to see what I'm telling you, you missed a ton of things.
[QUOTE="Relyt118, post: 6849210, member: 25350"]Who is Yang as a character? Who and what does she care about? What are her goals? What are the obstacles in her way? Is the 10k word info dump on power mechanics actually relevant to any of the previous, or is it just gratuitous power wank?
Shi, for example. Sure, ki+aura=shi sounds cool, but what is it actually adding to the story? Yang is supposed to be badass, but she already had ki, aura, saiyan biology, and eventually her semblance. Isn't that more than enough? Why do you need to spend a thousands and thousands of words giving Yang yet another excuse to be badass?
Then you add in some esoteric dust stuff and magic and it's just getting ridiculous.[/QUOTE]
The entire Forever Falls arc explains precisely who Yang is, and at the end of this chapter, shows how much she changed from that.
The yang from chapter one wouldn't even think about talking to her father, admitting she has an obsession with Ruby or even sparing the life of a monster because of something she did.
She'd kill that thing without thinking twice, she'd also die because of the illusion.
Ok, what makes you think Shī and Dust Magic are here to make her more badass?
These things aren't exclusive to her, I already wrote that Everyone in Remnant bar the Grimm has Ki, it's not exclusive to Yang, and Shī is also not exclusive to her, other people can get it, including her enemies.
And you really didn't read the entire chapter, did you? She gained her semblance in this chapter and a transformation based on it.
[QUOTE="Relyt118, post: 6849210, member: 25350"]Finally, the violence these last few chapters has felt pretty empty because I'm not emotionally invested in the outcome. Yang taking the initiative to train in the Emerald Forest was interesting, but not 50k of words interesting. There are no stakes. Yang won't die, because plot armor, and she'll get stronger, because saiyan with plot armor, so what exactly am I reading for?
Yang could have gotten into fights with bigots or the White Fang and we could have seen a saiyan's pride and bloodlust struggle in a situation where unchecked violence will cause more harm than good.
Yang could have asked her father for more serious training, eventually leading to them feeling like a family again.
Yang could have been playing with Ruby in the woods and defended her sister from a freak Grimm attack or something.
Yang could have tried to get moved to more difficult courses in school, or fought in a few tournaments. Something, anything, that actually gives a purpose to the violence.
Instead, it's 50k of power wank and punching Grimm with no higher cause besides getting stronger - which she'd do in any of the other scenarios because she's a saiyan. They can't go for a walk without doubling their power level.[/QUOTE]
The forever falls arc does have many fights, but they themselves are not important, some parts of them are but what you need to pay attention to here are the things in between the lines, in 6 chapters I explained to every reader, who Yang is, in small pieces of information that you have to combine, its not rocket science.
She will, she will do all of these things when the Prologue ends, do you want Character interactions? You will have them in abundance starting from Chapter 8.
I can't understand how you didn't see Yang evolving mentally in each chapter, the first ones explained her mind, but later on, she showed herself doing the opposite of what she believed, going to the point of running away without complaining to caring for a friend she just met when not 3 chapters ago she called loyalty a stupid thing.
Hell, she was unable to kill an enemy because she realized it was innocent, Yang from chapter one would dismember that thing while fighting it with her bare fists just to get beaten up and gain another zenkai, to then kill it while laughing about it agonizing in pain.
This might seem weird to say but, pay less attention to the fights and more attention to Yang's actions and thoughts, I'm not going to write everything as if you are a toddler I believe in my readers capabilities of thinking deeper.
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