Capítulo 57: 44: Real Story, The Last Story Part 1
PORSCHE
"What about Vegas?" I asked, staring at him dead in the eye. "How would I know when you never told me anything?"
I emphasized every word clearly as I stated my displeasure towards him. I tried to raise my head to look at Kinn but the falling tears made my vision blurry.
"You want to know? You want to know, right?" Kinn stalked towards me like a predator to its prey he stood in front of me. His eyes blazing in fury.
"Tell me!" I yelled.
I tried to suppress my growing anxiousness. This
version of Kinn is what I fear the most. The seething with madness version. I want him to speak up, to say it to my face no matter how much the truth hurts me. But I surrendered. I surrendered to Kinn.
"I didn't tell you because I'm worried about your feelings, Porsche. I don't know if you could bear it or not. I don't know if this will bring back the pain. But you won't listen to me even when I warned you. Now, I will tell you the truth. Vegas is the guy who poisoned you at the hotel. He is the one who gave you the drugs. He's an asshole! Fuck!"
I'm speechless. If what he claimed was true, it means that the day I had my first affair with Kinn, was Vegas' handiwork. Then, why didn't he tell me in the past? Why did he leave me so stupid?
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
I choked out with difficulty. The memories of the bad days flashed back into my head. I love him now but the story of my first time with him is different. Back then, it was so painful that it not just wounded my heart, it made me question my existence, and my sanity and it would take a long time to forget about it.
"I'm in so much pain back then, Porsche. I love you so much. I'm so hurt that Vegas has done that to you. I'm going to take care of him myself. But how could you put your trust in him just like that? The same trust I'm begging you to give me. How many times have I asked you to trust me, Porsche? Haven't you seen what he is capable of doing yet?"
Kinn stood still and growled at me loudly. Anger and pain mixed up in his eyes and I was part guilty of what he said.
"I never trusted him. I just have no choice!"
I took a step back to get away from Kinn and hold on to the high table on the wall. I felt my knees weaken and the overwhelming pain seems unbearable to
handle. The most painful part is not the truth that I have just heard, but Kinn's state that wasn't the same at all. He's so mad at me, I know. I despise seeing
him acting like this.
"Then tell me. What did you do?! Where did you go with him?!"
Kinn stepped towards me again. But I brushed away all the things that were placed over the table including the Rang Nok that his father has encouraged me to eat. It shattered on the floor.
"What the hell are you playing at?!" I yelled loudly until Kinn paused and looked at the broken cup on the ground.
The eyes that were glowing like the devil's a moment ago began to flicker slightly. Looking at me, he realized how much I am trying to control myself not to fall apart right now.
"What are you talking about, Porsche? And don't move. The shards might cut you."
Kinn lowered his voice and raised his hand to stop me. He sighed heavily as if trying to suppress his anguish and began to realize that he should be worried about my feelings too.
"What the hell is the main family playing with me? Your father, your father is involved in my parent's death, right?"
I took my wallet out of my pants pocket. Then pulled out the picture that Athi gave me. A picture of Khun Korn holding me as a child and throwing it at
Kinn's face violently. Kinn picked it up and frowned in confusion.
"What is this?"
"I should be asking you. The main family wants me to be your bodyguard?! Damn it! Because what? Not because I am good at it, and I could protect you. But because of my parents, right?" I sank slowly to the ground. "Anything else I need to know? Is there anything else, Kinn?!"
"Porsche, is this kid you?"
"What the fuck is your family playing with mine? How many times have you guys made fun of my parents, my brother, and me?" I jerked away when I saw Kinn reach out and try to hold my arm. "Don't touch me!"
"Porsche, I don't understand. I don't know anything about this." Kinn's softer tone didn't calm me even the slightest.
"What are you guys playing with me and my brother?"
"Porsche, I don't know. What do you mean?"
I couldn't hear anything anymore. Couldn't understand. I turned around and opened the door violently, storming out of the room, and went directly to Kim's. As I slammed the front door of his younger brother's house, I wiped the tears from my eyes.
"Porsche, what are you going to do?" Kinn followed me out, but I didn't care.
"Don't you know how to knock- what the fuck?!" Kim opened the door in frustration but halted when he saw my face and his eyes looked past Kinn behind me.
"Where is my brother?"
"Hey, what happened?" Che' inserted himself between the door and Kim. He stared at me anxiously from head to toe as he examined my weakened body.
"Come with me." I grabbed Che's wrist, preparing to walk out of this house.
"Hey!" Kinn's voice called out to my younger brother as if crying for help.
"Hey, your foot is bleeding. Let me dress your wound first." Che' held my hand.
"I'm fine. You need to go with me." I still didn't give up trying to pull at Che'.
"What is going on here, Kinn?" Kim asked, turning to his brother.
"Porsche, I don't know anything. Don't run away when you're angry. Don't go out as we have agreed upon." Kinn stood on my back as if to put his hand up to hug me, but I avoided him.
(*I noticed that, too. He always walked out of the house whenever they have arguments 5555)
"Don't touch me. Che', you must go with me."
Che's face now looked extremely troubled. He looked at me and Kinn alternately.
"I'm going with you. I will go with you anywhere. But can I dress your wound first?" Porsche' held my hand tightly.
"Come in the room first. Kim, can you please go to Kinn's room for now? I want to stay with my brother." Che' pulled my hand into the room and pushed Kim out. I bit my lip when I saw my brother's face full of worry and suppressed trepidation.
"Why do you want to get away from Kinn? Come here first." And as the whole room was engulfed in silence, Che' pulled me towards the the foot of the bed.
"Hey, does it hurt a lot?"
Che' sat down on the floor and gently touched my feet. The shards of the broken cup probably cut into my foot without me even noticing. I didn't feel the pain.
"I'm sorry Porsche'."
I looked down at my younger brother with tears flowing down my eyes again. I vowed to myself that I would be strong. I would be a good role model for my younger brother, for him to depend upon. That I would be everything that he needs in this world. I'll be by his side no matter what, that I won't show weakness and never make him feel alone.
But today, I can't. I really couldn't. I showed my uncontrollable weak side in front of the person I vowed to be the strongest. Porsche' must have felt afraid. He must have felt unsecured since I, the person who promised to be his fortress is now crying in front of him. But this is all my fault. Ever since I have been in a relationship with Kinn, my strength has been reduced to half. I know because I love him so much more than I love myself sometimes. I have been this weak shit because I love him.
I'm sorry Porsche', your brother is stupid.
"I'll clean the wound for you." Che' used a cotton ball moistened with Povidone-iodine to gently clean the
wound for me.
"Che', are you disappointed in me?" I tried to swallow the lump in my throat to keep my voice from cracking.
"What is there to get disappointed about?" Che' looked up at me and continued to tend to my wound.
"Seeing me like this."
"Is that all?" He flinched as if he's been hurt by my question. "You are the brother that I love the most. You have been the best brother I could ever have, and you are always my Idol." He looked up and smiled at me.
"Pick a band-aid that you like." Che' showed me yellow and blue plasters and I rubbed his hair affectionately.
"Let's go with blue."
I could only look at him after all those adorable lines that touched my heart. I'm still thinking about what I should do after this.
"Do you love Kim so much?"
"Hmm."
Porsche' finished putting the plaster on. Packed everything and sat down next to me.
"Hey, do you love Kim so much?" I repeated the question since he didn't answer clearly.
"If I say too much, will you hit me?" Che' replied with a smile. His answer makes it clear. Che' has been attached to Kim's side ever since we stayed here. He must be no different from me.
There's no easy way out of this situation.
"If ever- I mean, let's say the main family...." I pursed my lips together, knowing that I need to speak with my brother about this matter even if the truth would hurt him.
"If the main family is involved with the death of our parents, what would you do?" I inhaled sharply after I said that.
"Hey, what do you mean?" Porsche' stared at me blankly.
"Well, I'm not sure yet but it is a possibility."
"If that's the case, how did they become involved? Did they kill our parents, or did they just witness them getting killed?" Che' sounds surprisingly calm. Even thinking more rational than myself.
"I-I don't know." I don't know anything as of this moment.
"I'm going to ask how they got involved. For what reason, and who among in the main family is involved. Only then I will know what to do next."
"You're not going to get angry with Kim at all?"
"Why would I? If we went back to the time of our parent's death, Kim probably was just a child. Sleeping, sucking his toes, and playing. It is the adults' problem, why would we include the young ones?"
"You really love him, don't you?"
"I will never forgive those who did that to our parents. But I will make sure to see the whole picture of the story first."
"Are you sure Kim doesn't know anything?"
"I believe he doesn't know and even Khun Kinn as well. But if I find out that he knows about it all along and yet kept it from me, I don't know who to trust in this house anymore."
"..."
"But if the entire family really killed our parents, I wouldn't be able to stay here."
"And after that, can you cut your ties with Kim?"
"Hiaa, Mom and Dad are the best persons in our life and if one day I will have to choose, I won't choose anyone else." Che' gave me a light smile as he held my hand tightly.
"Me too. No matter how much I love someone, if he comes to hurt my brother or if anything that regards with our parents that kept us from being together for longer, I wouldn't be able to forgive them."
"I'm always beside him. Even at this moment, I know what he's been up to. I have no idea how difficult this situation is, but remember, I am ready to turn my back to the world to be by your side."
Porsche' leaned his head softly on my shoulder and I sobbed gently. I know that my brother loves me but only at this moment, I have realized the depth of that love. I hold his hand tightly as heavy tears fell from our eyes.
"Then, let's find out the truth about our parent's death, shall we?"
"Hiaa, do you know something?" Che' looked up at me so I decided to tell him everything that I found out.
Because Che' is also a part of the main family now, he has to know how much weight he is going to take against his relationship with the youngest mafia son.
[NEXT MORNING]
"But Hiaa, will you promise to listen to Khun Kinn and Kim's reason after this?" Che' grabbed my hand before the two of us left the room. Fortunately, the
motorcycle keys are still with me. I took a quick bath and prepared to leave with my brother.
"Uhm." I nodded then held his hand tightly and walked towards the ground floor of the house.
"Porsche, Che' where are you going?"
I was startled and glanced at the clock that reads half-past five. I spent the night at Kim's room with my brother and the two of us decided to do something and planned to leave early so that no one would see us.
"Did you wake up early?" I asked Pete who was walking towards us. He's in his workout clothes,
looking like he's going for a run which he always does every morning.
"This is the normal time I woke up every day. Where are you going?" Pete looked at me suspiciously.
"Oh, this bastard is hungry so I'm going to get something to eat."I lied pointing at Che'.
"Then let me go with you. The tofu restaurant in the front alley is super delicious."
"Let me just buy it for you. Are you going to the gym? Go ahead." I shooed him away.
"But I-"
"You can go out now? Are you not afraid anymore?" I used his weakness to negotiate. I need him out of my way before Kinn or Kim wakes up.
"Oh, I forgot." Pete recalled. "But I'm hungry, so hurry up and buy it. Take two bags of tofu."
"Uhm." I agreed and was about to turn around and walk out of the door when he called again.
"Porsche, who's southern curry is in the dining room?"
Damn! Yesterday, Vegas asked me to give it to Pete but then I walked up to Khun Korn so I have totally forgotten about it.
"Oh, I bought it." I scratched at the side of my face.
"Then why did you not put it inside the refrigerator? I see the curry has gone bubbly already."Pete murmured and frowned.
"I forgot, then reheat it and it's yours."
"What? It has already been spoiled. If I had seen it sooner, I could've gotten a bite. What a waste." Pete said sadly but for now, it was least in my priority. I waved goodbye at Pete then snatched Che's arm. I did feel guilty about Vegas' effort, but I don't give a damn for now.
"Don't forget my extra sauce." Pete shouted after us.
We walked to the garage and pushed the motorcycle out of the house. The other guards looked at us for a while before opening the gate.
"Hey, why aren't we taking the car? It's a long way." Che' loaded behind me as I strapped a helmet on his head.
"We usually went like this remember. It's always been like this before, so why change now?"
I put on a windproof jacket to Porsche' and immediately started the engine. I reached out and grabbed my brother's arm around my waist to make sure he is safe. The chill of the morning breeze caused him to snuggle his face on my back. This might be one of the most painful periods my brother has suffered but I want this to be done as fast as possible. Hold on a little longer, we can decide what to do next after this.
I stopped by first at the morning market as the sky started to lighten up. I ordered Che' to go and buy some things as I withdraw some money.
"Hey, let's eat buns first." Che' puts a small bun in my mouth and gave me bottled water to drink.
"Did you buy everything?"
"Um." He nodded and held up the bag in my face.
"Then let's hurry up. This isn't even halfway yet."
Che' walked to the nearby trash then jumped up behind me. We continued to travel along the road as we got out of the city and entered a forested area. The air is fresh, and the tranquility of the lush green surrounds did not make me smile in the least.
I drove up the hill cautiously. It's not even steep but I'm worried that the bastard behind me might fall off. I felt a bit dizzy from the lack of sleep last night so I know when the cool breeze touches my skin, I might feel sleepy.
So, I parked the bike on the side of the road again and splashed some water on my face.
"Hiaa, Kim is calling." Che' handed me his phone to see ten missed calls from his boyfriend.
"I switched off my phone before leaving the house. If you want to pick up the phone and talk to Kim, I wouldn't mind." I stood on the side of the road as I drew out a cigarette and began to smoke.
"I won't take it. It has just been five hours since we left. Things wouldn't be that bad, right?" He sat on the side of the road as well as he eats a cold, tasteless bun.
"And if things go downward, this wouldn't be the first time. In the end, life is full of difficulties, and we are well aware of that. The human mind is the most terrifying. The two of us might seem weak in this world." I said looking in a distance as far as my eyes could see.
What we are experiencing now seems like an illusion. It's beautiful, others might get envious as it looks too good to be true. But what we think was safe would actually be the most dangerous.
"Hey, you know Kim always tells me that I am a very optimistic person. Someone like me is easily fooled in business. Kim said that I am very easy to read. I couldn't keep a secret. I am too positive that competitors won't take me seriously." Che' laughed drily.
"He dared look down on you, let's see I'll draw some blood from his filthy mouth."
"But what he said was actually true. The two of us are weak in this world as you have said. Did you know, Kim acted like a mess every day, as if he didn't care about anything at all but the truth is, he knows
everything about the business. He knows the competitors' strengths and weaknesses. He is completely out of the picture, but people like him are
smart and know how to play the game. He might be too smart to die easily. In fact, even if the matter about our parents is true, I don't think I am worthy of Kim."
I looked at my younger brother with sympathy. He must be very stressed out about this issue and saying all these things only shows that he's preparing his
heart for the consequences.
"Hey, I don't want to ruin your relationship."
"I know. In the end, it's the truth that we need to accept. About Kim, I have been preparing myself for a while now, I also believe that I don't deserve him. As for the matter with our parents, it is too soon to say that I have made up my mind but even so, I don't want to regret anything. I might as well turn my back on Kim without any feelings left." He sighed and stuffed the bun into the trash bag.
"Hm, you have matured a lot."
"I'm telling you the truth. Even from the start, I know that I wasn't worthy of Kim. So, you don't have to feel guilty even if we find out the truth."
I couldn't reply to that. I felt pity for my brother. Lately, I haven't been paying much attention to him as I was always busy with Kinn's affairs. I am not sure if he's even happy or suffering.
"I am a Kittisawat, I have to be strong like you!" Che' got up and raised his fist above his head. He smiled at me until his eyes disappeared and become half-moons.
"Idiot, I will take care of you of course."
I dropped my cigarette butt and walked over to rub Porsche's head affectionately. We are brothers and we will hold each other's hands no matter what.
It took a while to drive the rest of the distance towards the top hill. The place where the two of us came every year. Here is quiet and peaceful, deserted and far from the chaos of the city. It is the perfect place to rest every time.
"This year is bountiful father, so the food is a bit luxurious." Che' said with a smile and put the duck he bought from the market on a plate along with the many other foods.
"Where's the cloth?" He handed me the cloth and I laid it to cover the front of the pagoda with two jars of ashes.
"Mom, we bought a beautiful garland for you this year." Che' put the garland near the picture of mother and father. He wiped the picture with a clean cloth as I light the incense.
"We are fine. How are you, mom and dad? Did I look a bit older this year? This bastard here said that I look older, and I look more like an adult now. Mom and dad don't have to worry even if I look older than my age, I will take care of him and myself. We will take good care of each other, right?"
I shook my head lightly before I looked at the picture of my father and mother. Even though the color has faded a bit, their beauty was still evident in my heart.
Dad, I'm tired right now. I want to see both of you even for the last time. I don't know what I should do next. I am very weak, right? I am weak and you see I am not a good brother. I know I should be stronger, I should be able to protect him. I'm going to get my younger brother through this, right? Mom, dad, please encourage me too.
I opened my eyes to put the incense in the censer as I looked at the picture of my parents. Fingers touching both name tags lightly.
Pongpat Kittisawat and Sai Nam Phueng Kittisawat
I would like to see them both one more time. Even just once, but it's impossible. Che' and I came here
once a year. In the early years, we came at the exact date of our parent's death anniversary. But after a while, I became busy with studies and part-time jobs,
so we only came here at our most convenient time since the place is a bit far from the city. We kept our parent's ashes here but a portion of it was left at home to keep it close to us.
The place was a hilltop area that my parents bought. I planned to build a vacation house here but the unexpected happened after Athi sold everything and I have no choice but to beg the new owner, who was kind enough to sell me back a portion of the land for me to provide a shelter for my parent's ashes. He even agreed I could pay it in installment.
"Hey, do you remember this well?" Che' beckoned me to the back of the pagoda.
"Uhm." I nodded.
"Last year, it was dried up, this year it has water in it. You said before that when you were a kid, you used to bring me to toss a coin here?"
"Well yes, the same holy well that I used to deceive you for throwing a coin in it. A satyr will come up and ask you, which coin is yours?" I said with a smirk.
When I think back to the days when I followed my parents to look at the land at that time, Che was still a child, could barely walk around, and was too naïve so I tricked him into throwing a lot of coins into the water. He asked dad for some money, but our father didn't give him, so Che pulled out his wallet and throw it into the well himself. He was beaten to death by our father while I smiled wickedly and when I couldn't take it anymore and began laughing, father beats me as well.
"I believed you. About the satyr and the lumberjack, isn't it?"
"Well, when you were young you believe me to death."
"Really? The young me is so stupid. Ouch!"
I slapped the back of his head.
"It's like we were walking against time now. Every time I remember you as a kid, I always picture you as someone overly attached to me. You can't leave my side before."
I took a deep breath and turned to look at him. "And now?"
"You're more attached to Kim." I said quickly. He laughed and shook his head slightly before picking up something from his bag.
"Here." Che' handed me a coin.
"What is this?" I asked, taking the coin.
"I was going to tell you, hiaa. This well is a holy well. If you make a wish and throw a coin, you will get what you want." Porsche' picked up another coin and held it tightly.
"What the hell are you playing at? I'm not a kid."
"Believe me, hiaa. Back when I was younger until now, I still believe you." Che' nudge me with his shoulder.
"What is it to me then?"
"I wished you to be the happiest." Che' said loudly and tossed the coin in the water then turned to face me. I
looked down at the coin in my hand.
"I remember last year, you told me that when I was a kid, I always wanted to be as cool as you, right?"
"Hmm."
"I used to think that I wanted to be as half as good as you. And now, do you think I'm as cool as you?" He gave me a wide smile.
"You are stronger than I thought, Che'"
"If you think that way, then it means that when I wished it as a kid, it came true."
"Seems like it." I looked at the coin in my hand silently before deciding to go with it.
"I wish that everything is just a misunderstanding. I wish you to grow up like this forever. And I wish Kinn to be the happiest." I tossed the coin into the well before taking a deep breath.
"Did you wish from the heart? Then your wish will come true." Che' snapped his finger and stared at the wall.
"Do you think the coins we throw into the pond every year are still there?" I asked still looking down at the water blankly.
"It has to be there. Not everything that we cannot see means they don't exist. Like our beliefs, our wishes, and the past."
I turned to look at my brother in amazement. This brother of mine has grown up really well.
"This well is like bookkeeping our story, our hopes, and the past. But the tossed coin represents the past. We leave it here and move forward. We don't need to mine those coins. We don't even have to know what color those coins are turned into now. Just know that we let everything go and trust that we will have a happy future."
I bit my lips tightly thinking how Porsche' exceeded my expectation. We grew up without our parents, of course, it molded us into different people who can stand on our own and I saw how good my brother turns out to be.
"Did you eat a book of philosophy?"I said with a smile.
"I'm cool, am I not?"
I ruffled his hair affectionately. "Do you think daddy's wallet is still there?" I laughed and looked into the well.
"Ugh, forget about it."
"What a happy scene here. How are you, my nephews?"
A familiar voice sounded behind us. Porsche' and I paused for a moment before turning to the newcomer as if he knew the place all too well.
"Wow, this year's food is really good. I mean, If you are the bodyguard of the main family's second son, this is all to be expected."
"Shut up!"
I glared at him. The anger I felt for my uncle is so deep-rooted because now I can't trust anyone around me because of all his cunning words.
"Hey, if this incense runs out, can I take all these back and eat?" He said calmly.
"Do you live in the casino? You smell disgusting." Che' said crouching his nose.
"What can I do? I can't have good food and eat as much as you can. Would you like to take me in?" He grinned at me.
"Let's go talk over there."
I nodded in the other direction but Porsche' hold my arm. "Why not talk here. What's the use of telling me everything last night?" Che pouted as I sighed wearily.
Last night I promised I won't hide anything from him anymore. Che' also said that now he's a grown-up, he wanna share all my hardships and happiness together. He asked me to not look at him as a child that only needs to get protected. He wants to show me that he is strong as well.
Last night, I called Athi and made an appointment to meet him here, which he knows very well. When he wasn't possessed with gambling yet, he helped my parents in many aspects. But now, he's far from the Athi that I know.
Honestly, since the issue about our house arise, I forgot that he's my relative anymore. I just want to know what happened to my parents as I have no other
choice even if I don't trust him or Vegas.
"The picture you gave me."
"How much do you have?" He asked hurriedly.
"Fifty thousand." I said in a low voice.
"Oh, I don't believe that in your position, that's all you have."
He made a bored face and folded his arms across his chest. He walked around me and Che' before stopping at the side of the well half sitting on the edge and staring at us slyly.
"Whatever you want to say, say it." I gritted my teeth as I saw his selfish expression. I was very curious if he had ever seen me as his nephew.
"Two hundred thousand." Athi said.
"I only have One hundred." I negotiated and thought not to easily accept my uncle's request because if he can get away with this, it's most likely that he will come back for more.
"This is all I have. Do you want it or not?" I stared at him intensely, as if to remind him that I never lied.
He thought for a while looking at me before he let out a sigh of resignation. "Well, since you are my nephews." He said it as if he doesn't care about the money.
"Then say it now."
I waved the envelope containing the money into Athi's face. I closed my eyes and calmed myself before handing him over the money I had just withdrawn from the bank.
"Let's see." He opened the envelope and checked the money.
"That is complete! I won't trick you as you did to us." I'm getting impatient by the minute.
"Oh, what's the matter?" Athi quickly stuffed the white envelope into his pocket.
"If you know anything, just say it all."
"Hmm, well. Ai Korn is playing tricks with me. The money that he promised didn't reach me. Now, let him have a taste of his own medicine." Athi said smirking that I furrowed my brows and tried to fit the whole
information together.
"What do you mean?"
"Listen to me now, my nephew I love both of you. The five million debt is true. Actually, it's because of the competitor's company that he urged me to try the new casino. What can I do? He said that he will finance me." He kept blabbing nonsense.
"So, what happened next?"
"He lent me a lot, I thought it was for old time's sake and for being a relative to them."
Che' and I looked at each other in confusion. Athi smiled and continued to talk as if he was merely talking about the weather.
"Relative? Say it all at once." I began to feel relatively confused and nervous.
"Hmm, the more I play, the more I lose the money. I went to negotiate with him, but he promised to give me more time if I give the house as a mortgage. But luckily, I promised to pay off my debt if I help him play a scam and bring you in under his wings."
[THROWBACK]
"Are you well?" A huge thump asked the middle-aged man in a distorted state. The bodyguards were invited to a secret room in the casino.
"You." A hoarse voice said in fear, eyes flashed in terror at the sight of the powerful man sitting across the couch in the middle of the room.
"I thought we'd never see each other again." He said casually before picking up the cigar and sucking it up without even looking at the other person.
"Y-you said you wouldn't mess with me."
"But you came to owe me a huge debt." He promptly interjected in a firm tone. Until Athi starts to panic in anxiousness.
"..."
"All this time you tried to avoid me. You've been running away from me all this time and why are you here, to die?"
"I will pay it back!"
"How can I be sure that you can pay in your state?" His lips smirked.
"So, what do you want me to do?"
"I have an offer for you."
Athi had a serious expression on his face.
"Give me Porsche and Porche'." Athi was stunned and replied.
"But you have promised not to mess with the children again. Do you remember that it was a promise you give to someone?" Athi bit his lips in fear.
"I've always kept my promises. I have always done it for the people I love." He straightened up with another cigar as if he remembered someone from the past.
"So, you are not messing with Porsche and his brother, right?"
"I can see that you can't take care of them. I have you followed earlier. Return them to me by any means. I will raise them as it was my right."
"But that was the last request of Honey." Athi lowered his head as he thought of his sister-in-law's face in the last days.
(*Honey - Sai Nam Phueng Kittisawat, their mother)
"But you can't take care of my nephews!"
[END OF THROWBACK]
I was stunned. As if a shaman has cursed me from head to toe. Just now, what did Athi say?
"My mother-"
"Yes, your mother is Ai Korn's sister."
Legs weakened and I almost fell to the ground. My chest pounded hard, and my brain has run empty as if I couldn't process the information that he said.
"That's not true."
I bit my lips tightly. My hand run cold as my body began to tremble in tension. Che' slowly collapsed to the ground.
"You still don't remember anything, do you, Porsche?"
Athi's voice changed into a softer tone.
"Aunt Dao. Aunt Dao is my mother's relative, isn't she?" I tried to find a reason to refute what happened here.
"Aunt Dao is just your mom's friend, who must have been taken away by now."
"It's not true. What am I going to do now?"
My head hurts as if a sharp knife has been stuck up in it. With firm hands, I gripped my hair tightly until I began to lose my balance and fell to the ground.
"Ahh! Mom! Dad!"
Suddenly, pictures began to cross my mind. Visions of scenes, blurry then slowly become vivid. A picture of my mother's eye. My father standing and arguing with someone. I was suddenly transported to a very narrow and dark place.
"Hey, hiaa." Che' walked over to me and hugged me tightly as I collapsed to the floor. I'm seeing things and I think I'm going crazy.
"Porche', they're back. They're coming back!"
"What is it? What is wrong with you?" Both Athi and Che' took water and rubbed my face with it.
"Your parents didn't have an accident." Athi and Che's voices sound like a faraway language I could barely decipher. Inconsistent images run across my eyes like a broken film I am not familiar with.
"Dad! Don't, Dad!"
"Your parents were killed. I witnessed it all. But Porsche' was shocked for a year and you need to be in constant medication until you got better, but all of your memories from that moment were wiped out. And you always believed that your parents died in a car accident.
"Then why didn't you tell me?"
"You are still a child! You are so young, Porsche.. Ah right here." Suddenly, Athi's voice changed. A distant memory rang in my ears and thoughts of the past continued to rumble in my head.
"I'm sorry I sent you to that hell again. It's my fault. I have no choice. He threatens me to get the title deed. I promised. Honey, I'm sorry."
"Dad! Ahh!"
"Huh, what is happening? Hiaa, what are you saying?" Che' whispered through my ear softly.
"The person who killed your parents is-"
The sound of gunshots made me jump in fear as I had never felt before. My body automatically trembled. The memories that have been flooding my head abruptly stopped.
I was paralyzed at the sight of Athi's body collapsed in a pool of blood in front of me.
"Nooo!" I yelled in pain.
The feeling of anguish was too overwhelming to describe. It felt like my heart has been torn apart, a déjà vu! But suddenly I saw the shocked face of my brother and my brotherly instinct kicks in. I hurriedly
pulled him into me and hugged him tightly. I will never lose one of my family members again.
"Che'? Porche' I'm here! Look at me. I am your brother!"
The sound of clashing gunfire around made me tremble so hard but I tried to lead Porche' to hide behind the pagoda and hugged him tightly.
"Porche' I'm here, I won't let anything happen to you." I put my hands on top of his ears so that the loud gun fires would be muffled a bit.
"Hiaa!" Che' buried his face in my chest tightly. It was at that moment when repeated images came flashing in my mind again. The picture of me crying inside an
enclosed space with my face hidden into someone's chest.
"Ouch!" I hugged Porche' too hard into me that he began to hurt.
"Porsche?!"
As I could barely focus on my surroundings, I didn't hear the voice calling me. It was terrifying in that dark isolated house.
"Porsche! It's me. It's me!"
It was then that I heard the voice calling me out of my reverie. That familiar voice and the familiar scent in my nose. It was the light in my darkness.
"Kinn?" I called out to the man who shook my shoulders then pulled me into an embrace together with Che'.
"I'm here. Porsche, don't be afraid."
I don't know why those words calmed me a bit and I realized how much I needed that hug.
"Che'!" Kim's voice called out to my brother with Che' being pulled into a hug quickly.
"What happened, Kim?" Kinn asked his brother.
"They escaped." Kim answered while checking on Che'.
"You guys take care of Uncle's body." Kinn turned to Anon and Ai Pha who carried a gun in their hands.
"Why did you kill uncle Athi?" With the weakest voice, I mustered to ask Kinn. I heaved heavily from the
revelations, the sudden chaos, and the images in my head. I hugged Kinn tightly.
"I didn't do it, Porshe. We didn't. Believe me. We just arrived. Kim and I followed you here with the purpose of taking you home with us." Kinn hugged me tighter than before.
"Then who?"
"I don't know. I called Khun Chan. After a while, they will be here, and we will catch them I'm really worried about you Porsche." Kinn kissed the top of my head, alternately hugged, and rained tiny kisses along my face.
"I love you, Kinn."
I don't know why I said those words. I love him so much that I don't want to lose him again. But the facts that I discovered today, why does the world treat us so badly? It was so cruel I don't know what to do anymore.
I have no idea how and when did Kinn get me into the car. He drives the car while I sat on the passenger's side. Kim and Che' at the back. As for Anon and Ai Pha, they will get back driving my bike. I just noticed that they only brought two bodyguards with them.
What a dangerous stunt! But they must have really planned to just follow me and Che'.
"Kinn, can you take me somewhere first?"
Even if the images in my mind are still unclear, I feel like going to that place will clear things up. Both Porche' and I are in the middle of confusion right now. Including our relationship with Kinn and Kim.
"Okay."Kinn said, gently stroking my head and holding my hand tightly.
It was silent inside the car as no one wants to talk. There was intermittent sobbing coming from Porche' and as for me, I felt empty. I am as empty as a pitch-dark room without exit. The closer we got to our destination, the more serious Kinn and Kim's faces become.
"P-Porsche, how do you know this place?" I turned to look at Kinn.
"Wait, hey Kinn. Is the plan aborted? We are going to meet the second family here, right?" Kim hurriedly called to Kinn.
"Did you know this place too?" I asked Kinn with all the calmness that I could muster.
"This is Agong's old house. Our grandfather. At the back are the warehouses."
Kinn said that it brought tears to my eyes. His words only strengthen Athi's claim from earlier. So, it is true? Khun Korn is my mother's brother?
And Kinn is my- He's my?
I couldn't finish the sentence even in my head as I looked away and find the will to calm down.
"Porsche, today is the day we will catch the second clan. They are planning to smuggle goods from here."
Kim added but I can't hold it back anymore.
"This house. This house is my parent's old house." I bit my lips as a drop of tear fell from my eyes. I couldn't hold it back anymore, so it flowed heavily down my face. I closed my eyes from the overwhelming feelings.
"W-what do you mean?" Kinn and Kim asked. Kim was in shock and Kinn quietly confirmed.
"I'll leave Che' with you. I want to go inside alone."
I quickly got out of the car. Kinn didn't listen to me and followed until I reached the front door. I walked slowly towards the keypad in pain. I pressed the code that suddenly crossed my mind, my mother's date of birth as I remembered.
"Porsche, what is the meaning of this? What is happening?" Kinn looked at me confusedly when the gate moves slowly.
"Kinn, I want to be alone for a while. Can you please give me a moment?" I turned to him and asked in a firm gaze. No matter how weak and embarrassing I look now, I want to do this.
"But promise me, you will tell me everything about this after?"
I nodded before I turned around and walked into the house. My steps halted when Kinn suddenly yelled. "Porsche! No matter what happened, I will be standing here waiting. Call me and I'll go in right away."
My heart melted as if it was being squeezed tightly.
Kinn, what should I do?
I straightened my shoulders and continued to walk without looking back or answering.
Just the smell inside the house seems familiar. The memories I keep in the deepest corner of my mind, so deep that I don't even have any idea I hold them, came out periodically. All this time, I wasn't aware that I hold the secret to my parents' deaths.
It was because my brain only remembered what it wants to remember. The memories I had here are all gone, covered by new memories and a news story
that has been created inside my brain to cover up the pain that I have experienced during my parent's death.
Why can't I remember anything? It was like I always believed in people around me that everything was an accident. Fragments of memory started to come back to me. In the garden, where my father taught me how to ride a bicycle. While my mother cherished her planted white roses there. There was also the uneven paint on the wall where I used to scribble drawings for Porche'. Until my father had to cover them with new white paint.
I opened the door to the house. The place is well maintained. Everything is the same as in my memories, not old, not shabby. It was like being cleaned up regularly.
A medium-sized frame with dried-up roses in it along with the writing 'LAST FOREVER FOR THE HEART, IN ETERNAL LOVE FOREVER.' I hugged the frame tightly to my chest as I couldn't stop crying.
"Mom, I miss you."
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