Capítulo 86: "I am proud of you." (Part 1)
"Hello, Kurokawa." In front of me, a faceless guy slowly approached. A strange scene this could be to many people but not so out of the ordinary to me.
"Can I have a minute?" His voice was calm, but for some reason, I felt a sense of hopelessness and dread coming out of him.
It seemed his outside demeanor was the complete opposite of what existed inside. However, a sense of empathy washed over me while seeing him like that. We shared the same kind of twisted fate, after all. From the looks of it, there was no doubt that C was exhausted. Though he had no other facial features, not even a mouth, I immediately sensed a familiar yet bleak atmosphere surrounding C. Whenever I was depressed, the same atmosphere would wrap around my scarred body.
I had many times stated that C and I were of the same kind. And that made me long to understand his heart. Especially in these circumstances, my desire only grew more prominent.
*Pat*
Of course, C was not talking to me. As I turned my back to him, the one C was trying to talk to closed her book to squint her eyes, not forgetting to give the cover some caressing like she was touching something precious.
It did not take much time for me to read the title. I was familiar with it, even. Some dark fantasy world where the protagonist ruthlessly killed everyone to be with her love. That novel's lead character was everything I wanted to become. Not only did she have an appearance of a Goddess, but she also possessed an unstoppable force that demolished all that stood in her way.
When she planned a coup d'État to fight her makers for denying her rights to love and be loved, I nearly lost my composure and cried.
Honestly, it was the best novel in my collection. In more ways than one, it represented my life and my desire to be free from said life.
"Sure, C." She, or better put, Kurokawa, me, answered with a light smile. "What can I do for you?"
I shook my head upon seeing Past me forcing herself. That smile was, undoubtedly, a fake representation of her emotions. There was no doubt that Kurokawa did not want to see or talk with anyone, let alone C, whose existence did not make much of a difference to her life. She could hide her feelings from anyone but me, her future version.
Perhaps, there was an exception to those that could understand her. A particular...faceless individual.
This was no hallucination or a figment of my imagination created from my desires. The people before me existed, albeit in a timeline unbeknownst to me. I had been to this forgotten piece of time once under different circumstances when it nearly shattered me into a million pieces.
Personally, it was a bitter experience. Given the chance, I would not want to see something that heartbreaking again. To know C would hurt himself already dunk my soul into the deepest part of hell, to observe it was...unimaginable, to put it lightly.
Then again, I guessed, there were things that needed to be done to find their meaning. Were it not for that depressing fragment of C's life, I probably would be dead by now.
By giving up his life, he saved me. His sacrifice resulted in the life of someone else.
Since C never knew what kind of effect he would do for killing himself, maybe my words were redundant, nonsense, and had no meaning. Yet, the debt I accumulated only seemed to weigh more.
Still, this sudden change in environment was the best evidence that hinted at one thing and only one thing.
He did it.
He finally did it.
Something one person could do. With a touch of his caring hand, C had successfully pulled me out of the system despite my futile effort to chase him away.
On the one hand, I was grateful. On the other, I was perplexed.
What should I do after awakening from his memory? I was no longer tied to the system of this world. But my relationship with Mother was still...unsolved. Our dispute was still unsolved. Frankly, I did not see a way out of it. Initially, that was also why I went up the school's rooftop.
"You...dumb protagonist..." My eyes were moist. Tears gradually formed from gratitude and shame for hurting someone I cherished deeply. Someone who always tried to do the best for us. "But...I guess that is how a protagonist should be. Hard-headed. Unyielding. Dumb and dense beyond words could describe. *Hic* How hilarious for me to complain about a character that is dumb while I am tied to the worse one possible."
Right beside me, C was glancing at a girl with a bang whom I was very familiar with. Nonetheless, I did not pay my past any attention. Instead, an ethereal body wrapped around him.
"Thank you, my main character...my MC."
Thanks to him, from then on, I would be free from the influence of the game and its events, free to make my own life choices. I could no longer run away from him.
His warmth and determination had managed to destroy my physical chains. All that was left was...my demons. From then on, it was no longer his fight but mine alone.
"This would be better if we do it somewhere with more privacy," C explained in a calm manner, taking me back to this conversation. "I do not want people to overhear us."
Looking back at the other me, I could tell she was forcing her lips to move. She did not want C to be there to make her socialize at all.
Well...I would not say we were so different in that regard.
Unlike moments ago, when I was on top of the school building, I was teleported next to my seat in our classroom to stand by his side. From this place, I had a better chance to look at myself from a third-person point of view.
To say she was miserable would be an understatement. Her scars, the bandages on her arms, the soulless expressions in her pupils, and many more were unacceptable.
And I despised her, not wanting to waste a second looking at the previous iteration. I was loathsome and resentful. Why could I not be more beautiful? Why could I not be proud of who I was? Why was I presenting myself like that at school?
No amount of freedom could make me feel any better about my past iterations. Thus, my eyes darted away from my past self's scar-filled face, completely ignoring that version.
Judging by the empty seats in the room, it should be somewhere during lunchtime or recess. Coincidentally, none of the main characters of this world was available except for me.
Of course, I was in no rush. Time in this memory world did not make much sense, anyway. Like before, I would need to see through this memory of his. My only question was what kind of timeline I was in. Which event had occurred before this? Did Rachel kill Laura?
"What we're about to discuss?"
The word privately possibly triggered a negative response because the other version of me quickly frowned under her bangs. "If this is a confession, then please, don't bother. There is no need for you to get involved with someone like me. Trust me when I say we are not on the same level. No matter how hurtful it sounds, this is for your own good."
Stubborn. My strength.
Quick to jump to a conclusion. My other strength.
At least she was not behaving like a third-rate flower girl. The first time I saw her during one of C's memory, the behaviors os past me next to the protagonist of our world was...distasteful. It indeed left me with a filthy remembrance that should be deleted instantly.
"...Don't worry." C stopped for a second and continued. His voice clearly fluctuated. "It's...not a confession. I need a few minutes of your precious time."
It was easy to see my protagonist flinch just now. That must have hurt him, being rejected when you did not want to confess your feelings.
Then again, did he value me on the same level as Laura and Rachel? Would he feel the same if the person talking to him was Blondie or our class representative?
My ethereal body moved and touched his chest, trying to find the beating of his heart or any signs of him giving me any extra affection. Unfortunately, just as I expected, my hand only went through his body as if I was a ghost.
However, my past version did not care about how stunted C was. "How important is it that we can't discuss it in class? There's hardly anyone, so I don't see the reason not to."
Hearing those words, C stood silently, seemingly contemplating the right thing to say that would not offend me.
"It's about your future, Kurokawa. I know what you did. I know what Han did to help you."
Immediately, my past version's pupils constricted into pinholes. Trying to hide her shaking hands, she clenched her fists tightly.
"I don't quite understand what nonsense you're talking about. Please leave, or I will call my boyfriend."
"Guess I don't have a choice, do I?" C mumbled.
Then, his voice changed drastically.
"That won't be necessary. Han has already been informed of it. Although I have no evidence, a missing dead body of your guardian and a possible motive can guarantee at least an investigation. An eyewitness still counts, right?"
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