Zarah Fable
Good God my head is pounding. I slowly move to a sitting position in my bed. What the hell happened last night. I take a deep breath and begin to move out of my bed and can feel everything rushing to my head. I slowly stand up and try to get my bearings as I stumble to the bathroom. Good, I'm about halfway there when I turn my head and see James in the kitchen. MY KITCHEN. Maybe I am just losing my mind. Maybe he is not really there. I turn and look again and at first he is not there. That is until he turns around and I see him lay something on the counter. What the hell happened last night. I try to take another step towards the bathroom hoping tha splashing some cold water on my face would help bring me back to reality. I take a step only to feel something cold and hard underneath my foot. I look down and pick up a belt. Damn it, this is James' belt. My mind starts to whirl trying to piece together exactly what happened. That's when all of the memories come flooding back to me. I veer off from the bathroom path and decide to head out in the living area/kitchen where James is. With belt in hand I sit down at one of the bar seats and when James turns around he seems shocked to see me.
"Hey, I thought you might sleep in for a little while longer."
All that my mind could focus on was the belt in my hand.
"What happened last night? I mean I think I know what happened but, what happened last night?"
James stops dead in his tracks and takes off the apron he was wearing, placing it on the counter. He comes around to the other side with his head hanging low and takes a seat next to me. We both spin out and face each other.
"Last night….. Was not supposed to happen."
It feels like something stabs me in the chest. His words hurt. A whole hell of a lot, even though I knew that he was right. Was he?
"Not supposed to happen huh? So… I was bad then. You hate what happened and you hate me now?"
"What no, no, no, no, no. Look, I'm not saying that you were bad, you were amazing but not amazing as in i enjoyed it amazing not that I didn't enjoy it. Oh God, I'm making you feel worse aren't I?"
"Well you're not making me feel any better here."
"Look, I'm sorry. What happened between us was…. Different but it can't happen again. And no one else can know about it."
"No one?"
"No one."
"Not even…"
"No, not even Kiki. If you tell her then she tells others then it all gets back to Cass somehow."
"So that's why you're being like this."
"Like what?"
"So secretive. You know you didn't even ask me what I know or how I felt about what happened. You just immediately go into not wanting Cass to know and how she feels and how you feel and what others will think of you but what about how I think and feel!"
James hung his head lower than before. As he did and I continued to look at him images of last night flashed through my head. The feel of his body, the warmth of it, the look of hunger in his eyes. In those moments he wanted me just as much, if not more than I wanted him. So why does it all disappear now?
"You're right."
His phone begins to beep and he takes a look at it and a look of panic hits his face.
"I have to go. Just don't tell anyone anything that happened. It's what's best for you and for me. This way no one judges you or me okay?"
I nod my head as he grabs his jacket and then belt from my hand. I open my mouth to speak but as I bring my head up I see the door close behind him. I wanted to tell him something. Tell him that I… I enjoyed last night but maybe it's best if he doesn't know.