<p>How to kill yourself fast, effortless, and painlessly?<br/><br/>I've been wondering ever since I arrived here in this world. When I thought about it, the first thing i thought is: Killing myself with a gun. I tried to search one, I tell you. There is luckily, but I cannot own or have it.<br/><br/> I found out that only people with license, a knight, or musketeers can have that. And I am neither of those, to get a license I must be and official adult —which this body is not— and a person with high standing, which I am. Sadly, i cannot even command the servants or my butler to get me one without my father being notified.<br/><br/>So, I did what a crazy and desperate person i think will do. I ask a knight to come to my room and snatch the gun which I failed again. The knight is too strong and I'm too weak! But I managed to injured myself. How unfortunate.<br/><br/>Did It stop me? No, of course. I did my Plan B, what is it you ask? To stab my self with a very sharp sword or decapitate myself. I recuperate first then asks forgiveness to the knight. He seems very flustered about me asking fo forgiveness and understanding, though.<br/><br/>Then after a total of a week— the medicine here are super effective, and healers made sure to completely heal me from head to toe— I began to take sword lesson. <br/><br/>The body is very familiar in handling swords so I didn't had a hard time. I let 3 more days to pass to lower their guard. Then, while I'm on practice, I ask one of the knight If I can look at her sword. The blade was sharp and cold, the sword is very beautiful.<br/><br/> I complimented her sword before stabbing it unhesitatingly in my chest but alas, she was too fast! So the sword only managed to stab in my stomach. It was excruciatingly painful, I immediately pass out because of it. <br/><br/>This incident alarmed the whole household, mu father even personally visit me with his face full of rage and fury. Mother and brother cried because they thought something happened to me and they're worried to death.<br/><br/>This cause them to lock me up and never ever let me call a knight alone because I might do something crazy again. Which of course I did. <br/><br/>I tried to starve myself to death, which in the end made my family distressed. My father and mother personally fed me, that I have no choice but to eat. <br/><br/>Then again, I hanged myself using the curtains. I was supposed to be successful if not for the voice interfering by attracting the head butler's attention to thinking that an assassin entered my room.<br/><br/>"You're going to stay there until you're fully healed. So, please Isiah. Don't try to kill yourself again, okay?"<br/><br/>I blankly stared at the haggard and worried Duchess Elise. She's completely different when I first saw her three months ago, she aged and look so tired. I kept my lips shut and look away, focusing my attention to the passing scenery.<br/><br/>Three months, I'm here for three months and was trying to kill myself for three months. I tried every possible way to kill myself: I drank poison everyday, I stab myself, I tried to drown myself in the tub, lake, pond, even at the fountain! I once set an empty barn in fire and sat in the middle, only to be saved by a passing patrol Knights. <br/><br/>I also tried to use magic—yes, magic exist here— to kill myself, only for my father to buy a magic suppressing bracelets. Did it stop me again? No. I practiced everyday secretly to break the shackles, then when I did, the first i did, of course, is to conjured a water bubble and put it in my head then set myself to inextinguishable fire.<br/><br/> Again, did i succeed? <br/><br/>NO! Mother called for a higher level Magician to extinguish my fire and to pop the bubbles!<br/><br/>I even expose myself to assassin's, tried to pick up fight with every possible way, To a knight, a gangster, a mob, a commoner, heck I even commissioned someone to kill me!<br/><br/>But was it a success? NO, for the hundredth time. They always find me on time and bring me to a complete stop. <br/><br/>I was curious as to how much the world did not want me to die.<br/><br/>"I'm sorry to be a disappointment."<br/><br/>I spoke in a soft voice, followed by a soft murmur of 'I can't promise'. For these past few months, I managed to assimilate myself here. I became quite attached to this family and got used to the daily life, although it's not enough to stop me from trying to go home.<br/><br/>"Isiah... dear. I don't know what's happening, but I'm sure this has nothing to do with your favorite horse's death. You know, you can tell me anything, right? I'll give you anything you want! Just...stop. Stop attempting to kill yourself..."<br/><br/>I watch how a small drop of tears rolled down to her cheeks followed by the continues fall of her tears. It's sad and pitiful. <br/><br/>I wanted to comfort her and say 'okay, I'll stop', but that's a lie. If I stop, how about my parents? my friends? my lover? how about them? <br/><br/>I can't comfort nor see them. They must've been so devastated.<br/><br/>"Sorry..."<br/><br/>"No, don't say that. Mom's not blaming you or forcing you, just recuperate okay? I'll be happy If i see you healthy and.." Sane? she must've wanted to say that. Because who's sane person woukd kill themselves if they have what i have? Probably no one. <br/><br/>I let my head down and fiddle with the platinum ring and bracelet. Couple of runes and spell are engraved in it, it's a magic suppressor. Stronger and sturdier. Unless I became a 6 circle Mage or 3rd Level Aura User, i can't even think of opening it.<br/><br/>"Young Master, Madam. We have arrived."<br/><br/>With the horse's neighs, the carriage drew to a rest. I gazed out the window after opening the drapes. When I scan the area, all I notice is greenery and a big temple in the center. <br/><br/>Near the entryway, a gigantic faceless statue has been built. The statue's face was hidden behind a veil, and it was dressed in a flowing gown. It was sitting in a languid position, holding a cup of wine in one hand and a dagger in the other, with a bushy shape surrounding it.<br/><br/>It's the statue of the God the temple is praying for. God of Peace and health, Endreida.<br/><br/>"Isiah."<br/><br/>I glance at mother who already exited the carriage and was waiting for me. I sighed before moving and going down on my own.<br/><br/>"Welcome, Duchess Elise Finnel and Eldest Young Master Isiah."<br/><br/>A person in purple priest robe greeted us. Compared to others behind him, his robe has more intricate design showing his higher status than them.<br/><br/>'Is he the crazy young master they're talking about?' Is that my title? Well, I'm a little crazy... can't call me sane.<br/><br/>'He don't look suicidal to me, though. Are the rumors fake?' Can I ask what you think a suicidal person must look like? and what rumors?<br/><br/>'Welp, a noble is going to stay with us! What if he has a temper? Do he hit servant?' Why would I hit a servant when I'm busy finding ways to kill myself? And I do have a temper...<br/><br/>'Kyah! He look so mature...not in a bad way though, Can't believe he's 14!' Me neither, I thought It was 16 or 17 something.<br/><br/>A gush of countless thoughts poured into my head. I winced a little before returning my face to how it used to be. Mind reading, one of the skills I accidentally gained when I tried to kill myself. <br/><br/>It was from a forbidden book that I bought from the black market. The spell was supposed to be instant death after a minute when the spell was cast, I don't know where did it go wrong but I attained Mind Reading and Sensitive Senses.<br/><br/>"I'm leaving my son in your care, High Priest Joem. Please take care of him, we will also do our outmost best to to support the temple."<br/><br/>"Rest assured, Duchess. We will make sure that the young master will be in his top condition when you see him again three years later. Bishop Calico also gave her word that she will handle this with care."<br/><br/>3 years? I'll stay here in two years? It's like they're locking me up here until the coming of age ceremony. Well, not that I care.<br/><br/>"Please. I assumed that we can send people here once in a while? We're planning to send him a tutors so he won't be left behind when it's time to enter the Academy."<br/><br/>"In that matter, you must speak with the bishop. I, a high priest, has no power regarding that. Please understand."<br/><br/>"Okay, thank you very much, High priest Joem."<br/><br/>I decided to stop eavesdropping and walk a little. Our knights eyed me with great intensity and watched every move I made, they must be scared that I will do something crazy again. I stopped walking when I was a meters away to entering the temple.<br/><br/>'Hey, I was supposed to meet the protagonist next month, right?' I asks. <br/><br/>In the original timeline, I was supposed to attend a coming of age ceremony. There I will meet the male protagonist who's a former prince of a fallen kingdom that transmigrated in the body of Count Merli's second son. <br/><br/>I will take great interest in him since he was different in what the rumors say, he was not stupid nor unruly but rather smart and elegant.<br/><br/>⟨‹ Indeed. But because of your crazy antics, you manage to change the route and land yourself in the temple.You manage to severe a blue thread of fate, and changed its course ›⟩<br/><br/>'Blue thread? and, is there no other way to go home? Can't I just kill myself?'<br/><br/>⟨‹Soul, isn't it proven to you for the past few months that you will not be able to kill yourself? Even if you manage to do so, you'll just revived and start again until you finish your supposed role.›⟩<br/><br/>⟨‹ A blue thread refer to the type of fate. A blue thread refer to a small fate like encounter of two people or more, small decision or the place where you should be at. A red thread refers to a major happens in your life. Either that can lead to death or discovery of a treasure. Then a silver, purple and golden thread, those two signify what kind of life you'll lead. Silver leads to small, ordinary, typical life. Purple is something more unpredictable, you van either became a villain or king. The gold, this lead to a sure bloody path of glory.›⟩<br/><br/>I hummed. I don't know anymore, the more I wish to go home, the greater the resistance I receive.<br/><br/>"Isiah?"<br/><br/>I turn around and faced mother who seem to just finished talking with the priest. I throw a glance at her back, I saw the knight and my servants moving my luggage out of the carriage. I retracted my gaze and look at mother.<br/><br/>"I'll be fine. I just don't know when." I reach out and wrapped my arms around her, not giving any chance for her speak.<br/><br/>"You should not worry— Well, a little maybe. I will not die, even if I tried, i will not. Because there's still something for me to do." <br/><br/>"I wish nothing but you're well being, son. Just come back to us well and fine. We will welcome you with open arms."<br/><br/>I moved away and cupped her cheeks, wiping the tears that continue to fall like a falls. <br/><br/>Mother and I spoke for a while, she nagging and worrying about and me, easing her worries and urging her to go.<br/><br/>"Aduie!"<br/><br/>Looking at the leaving carriage, a small part of my heart was taken and felt empty. I Sighed and turn my back as they slowly disappear in the shadow of the forest.<br/><br/>Facing the servants busy dragging my luggage inside the temple. A thought concluded in my head.<br/><br/>"I'll probably won't stay here for too long."<br/>.<br/>.<br/><br/></p>
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<p>"I'll be staying with you all. Please call me by name while I stay here."<br/><br/>I produced a smile before lightly nodding to them. <br/><br/>"Please, enjoy your stay here. As long as you're here, you are one of us. Do not hesitate to tell anyone what you need."<br/><br/>The high priest my mother was talking with earlier smiled and ordered the servants to place my luggage inside the room. He's pretty amiable and look easy to approach.<br/><br/>"Ah, don't bother. Maya and Riss can handle that. I would like to take a rest first before going to the bishop, is that alright?"<br/><br/>"Of course, Young Master! Bishop isn't hurrying you to greet him. You've come from a long journey and I'm sure you're tired. Please excuse us."<br/><br/>"Thank goodness. Thank you and please, do address me in my name. My position is not applicable here, in the temple of God."<br/><br/>I asked. They all just perfunctorily nodded and made their way out. Well, I can't force them to address me in my name. Social ranks are pretty strict and it's part of the etiquette. Maybe when they feel more closer to me, they'll call me that.<br/><br/>"Maya, Riss. I'll rest first, you should too. You can manage that later."<br/><br/>The two servant I brought —my mother made me bring them— bowed before leaving thru walking backwards. I sighed. Isn't that pretty tiring? What if they hit the wall?<br/><br/>⟨‹ That's a practice engraved to their bones. As both of them are born from a direct servant of your family, they've been trained the moment they are able to control their motor skills. They're more lucky since they're a servant not a slave. If they're a slave, they are not allowed to lift their heads unless permitted. A simple mistake could have their head decapitated. ›⟩<br/><br/>That's awful. I pity them but it's not like I can abolish the system. Even in my world, something like this is common, just milder than here. Servants have at least basic rights, abling them to fight when their master is using violence. People can at least also choose to be slaves themselves. In here, when you're a commoner servants saying No is a taboo, beating a slave to death is quite common and would not be charged of murder.<br/><br/>⟨‹ Your world might be milder in sense of servants and slaves but its all the same.›⟩<br/><br/>I nodded. Just as the voice said, it's same thing, my world just beautify it. Fooling them with a sense of freedom. I slump myself to the soft bed, facing the plain ceiling. I raised my head and scan the room, it's simple compared to my room in the Dukedom, a little bit bigger than my private bathroom there.<br/><br/> This room is also a little smaller than my room in my world. Ah, i miss my home. My real home. <br/><br/>"Do I have to wait for the protagonist's sister to be in danger for me to go home?"<br/><br/>⟨‹ Yes. As I stated before, this is the body's fate. Unless fulfilled, you cannot die.›⟩<br/><br/>"Can't I just commissioned someone to kill the sister then I'll 'accidentally' save her? Why can't you just tell me where she is or her name?"<br/><br/>I've been thinking about that idea for quite a long time. Its a good idea if you think about it, siste+danger= saving her, then if I save her, fate fulfilled. <br/><br/>I've been asking the location of the sister since I don't really have an idea where or who she is. I just know that she's the protagonist sister which mean she's count Merli's daughter. <br/><br/>It would be easy if that count only have 1 daughter! plus, I don't even know the name of the protagonist!<br/><br/>⟨‹I can't. You have to follow the course of fate.›⟩<br/><br/>"Is there no faster way?!"<br/><br/>All of my frustrations, anxiety, fear, sadness and home sickness are swelling in my chest ready to burst any minute. I'm a selfish man, you see. <br/><br/>Even now and then, I don't care if the world is flat, oval or circle, what important to me is my love ones safety and them being with me. <br/><br/>I don't care if the world is in war or whatever, my world only consist of few people. And they are everything to me.<br/><br/>⟨‹ of course, there is. Didn't I already told you? There's a lot of roaming Gods and Goddesses in the world, blending in the human world.›⟩<br/><br/>"Bastard. Do you think a God or goddess will just be spotted easily? If I managed to spot and secure a God, you think I can defeat and store their soul? If i managed to, what kind of God, they are then?"<br/><br/>As stated there's another way. Which is to capture a God or Goddess, make them give me their soul or God Essence. <br/><br/>Easy? To hell with the difficulty. That's just straight up telling you to Cease to exist. <br/><br/>I may not be a believer of God or Goddesses, but I know there's a strange force somewhere in the world—especially this world— that can make me go poof in a flick.<br/><br/>⟨‹Then complete your fate. I'll try to look for another solution in the record.›⟩<br/><br/>"Please. For all of the people in the world, why me? I don't even have any idea what happen in this book! There's a lot of people who knows this book cover to cover in their heart."<br/><br/>⟨‹ Like Adriann?›⟩<br/><br/>"What his connection in this?"<br/><br/>I murmured. Rolling in the bed and burying my face in the pillow, it smells fresh and nature probably freshly washed. I frowned as why the voice suddenly mentioned Babi—wait. Why did he mention Adriann...why? I have an inkling I cannot name.<br/><br/>⟨‹ Isn't this his favorite novel? Don't you remember? ›⟩<br/><br/>This is his favorite novel? What does it mean? Isn't his favorite is called Lamparaoti?<br/><br/>This is LAMPARAE of Time, though.<br/><br/>"Lamparae? Lamparae... Lampara? Where's Oti?..." I remained silent as I pondered about it. An expression of disbelief formed in my face as I slowly sat up. <br/><br/>An imaginary Light bulb, lighting up in my head.<br/><br/>"Oti...Oti..oti is Of time! Lamparaoti is LAMPARAE of Time! Why didn't I think of it before?"<br/><br/>⟨‹ Yes, it is. ›⟩<br/><br/>I tried to recollect every memory I have about this novel. I remember a memory of me Illustrating this novel as a gift in our 3rd anniversary. He was so obsessed with this that I even become jealous of it. <br/><br/>Adriann always ask me to read this novel because he wanted a topic we could share when we talk, but due to my busy schedule even if I wanted to, I wasn't able to.<br/><br/>So, when I got the chance, i tried to finish the first 3 volumes and illustrate it. I remember how happy he was when he saw the illustration of the first volume. That day, we didn't do anything at all after dating aside from chatting about the book. It's a memorable day for me.<br/><br/>"If it's really Lamparaoti...then, i may or may not know a way that can help me go back."</p>
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Please comment any mistake or something to point out (anything really) if you spot anything. I'm not a professional writer who write for a living, i write as a hobby so don't expect a steady pace update. I get writers block a lot and wrote a lot of filler (´-﹏-`;)
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