Capítulo 7: Frustration
I slowly opened my eyes. A familiar ceiling was the first thing that came into my view. My body felt a little sluggish as if I slept for too long.
'Hmm, why is that bothering me?' And then the memory of being completely outclassed by a magical beast came crushing. 'I lost. How is it possible? Aren't I'm "Undefeatable prodigy"? How could I lose to a mere magical beast?'
Then realization came. Yeah, MAGICAL beast. My pride made me blind. That's right, this was another world, where all my achievements, all my fame from my previous life aren't worth a squat. I felt so stupid at this moment.
As I was deep in my thinking process, Gramps' voice echoed in my ears:
"You are finally awake."
I turned my head towards the voice. The old man was sitting on the chair and looked at me with a mix of worry and anger in his gaze. 'Hmm, why would he be worried about me?'
"Do you understand what was your mistake?"
I sat up and nodded. Yeah, in hindsight it was really obvious.
"Yes. I was too overconfident in my abilities. That no opponent would be a danger. No, I didn't even know who or what would be fighting against me. I just foolishly charged into the first possible fight. I failed to gauge its strength and almost died as a result."
Gramps only listened to me without saying anything. I don't know what he was thinking at the moment. After a while, he finally said something.
"No. Your only mistake was that you are too weak."
His words made me grit my teeth. This feeling of frustration was almost unbearable, but he was absolutely right. I looked at my small hands. I really was weak, so very weak. So easily defeated, unable to even protect myself against a single monster. How can I achieve my dream of being free from all shackles, if all it takes to stop me is one single creature?
I felt something wet on my cheeks. Hmm, why is there rain here? Aren't we indoors? Is our roof so leaky? Nah, who am I kidding here? It was my own tears. How pathetic. So this is a true feeling of defeat, being unable to change anything and just wallowing in self-pity.
Something clicked inside me and a wave of burning emotions washed over my mind. I wanted to throw up. Or scream. I wanted to do something except feel sorry for myself.
"Do you feel frustrated, brat? Are you mad at your own weakness?" Gramps must've seen my expression.
I looked into his eyes, not knowing how to answer him. He looked back, waiting patiently. For a long moment, I tried to gather my thoughts, but all that came out was a pathetic whimper: "Mhm. It sucks so much..."
"Then cry, let everything out. Don't bottle those feelings up or they will poison your mind."
Tears started flowing down my face. I cried like a kid. Frustration, anger, fear. All of my negative emotions were slowly washed away by those tears.
"You should cherish this feeling. It's proof that you are still alive, that you are willing to fight your own weakness."
I was enveloped into Gramps embrace. It was so warm and gentle. So safe. Now that I think, when was the last time that I cried? When was the last time someone hugged me like that? My father did his best, but he was always busy. Sebastian was always supportive, but he always acted with the boundary of the master-servant relationship in mind. But here, in this unknown world, I found a new family.
"Gramps thank you for saving me"
"You don't need to thank me, the most important thing is that you are still alive."
Gramps patted my shoulders and continued. "In life, victory and defeat are ever-present. You can't win every battle, no one can. Even I lost quite a few of them. But I am still alive and so are you. Do you know what it means?"
I shook my head, not sure what the right answer was.
"It means that we both can still fight another time. That we can use this experience as a cure of sorts. To cure overconfidence, to remind ourselves that we aren't infallible and almighty. To never repeat mistakes like that." He fell silent, clearly remembering his own past.
"You are still young, so very young, just a kid. There will be more hardships and challenges throughout your life. Don't let this defeat haunt you. Make it part of your strength. Don't let it break you. Learn from it how to be a better version of yourself."
His words resonate in my mind, heart, and soul. For a moment gramps figure overlapped with that of my first master and I heard:
"Don't be sorry. Be better."
This phrase planted itself deeply in my very being. From now on, this will guide me on my journey. It will make sure that I won't lose myself in self-pity ever again.
"Right. Brat, what are you planning on doing with that magical beast?"
"Is it still alive?"
Gramps nodded: "It was your prey."
"Then let it be my goal for now. I will grow stronger than this beast. And then, one day, it will be time for me to kill it with my own two hands. I can't let it haunt me forever."
He nodded, "Why do you want to be strong?"
"Because I was weak, too weak. I also wanted to fight a stronger opponent than me."
"And then what?"
"I wanted to be free. But how can I achieve it if I'm not strong enough? I don't want to ever experience this feeling again. To be powerless to change anything. To be at someone else's mercy. What if I wasn't alone and had someone with me that needed my protection? I shudder from just thinking about what could happen to them if I'm too weak! It sickens me!" I felt like something was burning inside me.
"How can I roam the world, if a single beast can kill me with ease? How can I find someone to share my life with, if I'm too weak to even protect them? And I need to be strong, overwhelmingly at that. To protect those dear to me. To never depend on someone's whim. To be truly free"
Since I don't have any background in this world, like my past life as a young master of a rich family. Strength is what I needed the most.
Looking at gramps. He sat there with a proud look on his face. And then he said something seemingly similar that changed my life
"Kid, do you want to learn something cool?" he asked with a mischievous smile.
"Hm? Something cool? You bet I do".
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