Capítulo 61: 59. All for naught
30th, Thursday Afternoon. April. 2015
My night at work was long and tiring, yet fun. A guy named Junseo had nominated me on his first visit to Carousel. So, after meeting a selection of girls and settling on me, he extended his time and stayed to drink and talk until close to midnight. His bill at the end of the night was quite impressive, which he made light of, saying it was well worth my company. He was funny, interesting and cute. Around my age, actually. And what really piqued my curiosity was just how quickly he took a liking to me. It's not that I underestimated my own charms. I knew what my strengths were, and I played to them well. Even so, it still felt nice when a new customer chose me. Maybe it was ego-boosting, or maybe it was just validation. Either way, he was a promising fresh face. Despite being a little tipsy from having to keep up with his high tolerance for alcohol, I was keen to see how it would turn out.
As soon as he left, it was time for me to clock off, so I retreated to the dressing room and got changed out of the pink corset I'd worn. I changed back into the comfort of my baggy sweats. After saying goodnight to a few of the girls that were dressing down for the night, I hitched my bag over my shoulder and headed out the back door to where Kai usually waited to pick me up.
But, the person I saw standing by the door of the shiny black sedan wasn't who I'd expected. Instead, Jin opened the front passenger side door upon seeing me as though he was my driver. As I gazed at him, confusion and anxiety mingled in my chest.
"Jin, what are you doing here? Where is Kai?" I asked, slipping into the front seat of the car and looking at him. Jin was caught by my question and didn't close the door straight away, but merely looked at me for a moment before replying.
"Kai took the night off. He works for my dad so technically he works for me too." I was stunned. Jin lightly slammed my car door shut before getting into the driver's seat.
"What? What do you mean Kai works for your dad? You've got to be kidding me." My head was so muddled by this sudden information bomb Jin had just hit me with. But as I stared, Jin seemed unphased and simply turned the car on.
"Yeah. Mr Kim is my father. Look, that's why I preferred you didn't get involved with him, but it's clear you are incapable of doing anything that I tell you." He gave an exasperated sigh. "It's not your fault, though. My father is incredibly conniving."
"Jin, what the fuck.." I could feel the alcohol spurring me on and fizzling in with my emotions, projecting them out. "Why didn't you tell me this earlier? Why didn't anyone mention it?"
"Would it have changed anything? If I told you? Would you have suddenly thrown your hands up and surrendered, come back to us willingly?" Jin glanced aside at me while driving as he asked the question. I bit my lip.
"I- I don't know, but still. It would have been nice to know," I groaned.
"Look, right now I have more pressing matters to talk with you about anyway," Jin went on, turning the wheel as he took a left down our street. "It's to do with what we spoke about last night."
I felt my stomach drop. Of course. Why else would he be here? "What about it.." I questioned hesitantly.
"I don't want you to do it. But, as I mentioned before, it's like whenever I tell you not to do something, you run off and do it anyway." He'd pulled up beside my house and put the car in park. We stared at each other for a moment before he got out of the car and opened my door for me.
The cool air of the night hit my skin. Jin wrapped his arm around me and led me towards my front gate. I stopped as we reached it. He turned to face me questioningly.
"Jin, I have to do this.." I murmured lowly. I knew it wasn't what he wanted to hear. I could see he was on edge and I could feel his anger building before his words even came out.
"No, no, you don't." He replied harshly. "Why do you want to go through that again? Jia, have you lost your mind?"
"What? No. If you gave half a shit about me, you'd help me. But you obviously don't-" My breath hitched in my throat as Jin moved swiftly, slamming my body into the wall. The look in his eyes clouded over.
"Don't test me Jia," He breathed, his face merely inches from mine, towering over me. His solid body pinned me between him and the wall, a dangerous look in his eyes. "Is this what you really want? Hm? For me to force myself onto you?"
I whimpered as he gripped my hip and pinned it against the wall, the other hand moving to lock my wrist above my head. I was stuck, locked in. Unable to escape. But I trusted Jin. I felt tears prickle my eyes.
"Yes, I want this. I need to remember who I am. Can't you see that.." My breath turned ragged and tears trickled down my cheeks as I locked eyes with him. Jin's expression turned pained, and he shook his head before lowering it in defeat onto my shoulder.
"Jin, it's going to be okay. I promise. I promise everything is going to be alright. Do you trust me?" I spoke through my tears, determined to reassure him. I felt his heart was hurting. The outbursts, the lighthearted way he seemed to react to everything. It was only to cover the pain deep inside.
Jin's grip on me loosened, and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held him tight.
"Jia," His voice muffled into my shoulder and I felt him slip his arms around me. "You break my heart, do you know that?"
"I'm sorry.. I don't mean to.."
"I know you don't. I just can't tame you. Guess that's the price of love." His voice strains, my heart twists. "Do what you need to do, Jia.."
Jin slowly lifts his head, hands raise to cup my face. His tear-stained cheeks slide against my own as he presses his face close. We stay there, the emotion of our shared pain simmering, eyes closed, cloaked in the dead silence of the fragile night.
Jin left a soft kiss on my lips before bidding me goodnight. I stood there empty-headed and watched as he walked across the street and shut the door to his house behind him. The street lamps' blare gleamed across the tarmac of the road. I went inside.
I'd barely had time to calm the flux in my heart when I received a message from Yoongi reading that we were doing it tonight and that he was on his way over with Jimin. I dropped my phone on my bed and stood up. My feet carried me towards my wardrobe. I slid it open, and there it was. The red evening gown. The one that's been a source of pain and confusion for so long. It's like an invisible force was pulling me, possessing me to put it on. To discover its secrets.
I got naked and pulled it off the hanger. The material felt so soft and silky against my skin, but it made me feel sick. I pushed the fear in my heart aside and slipped it on. Just as I was about to pull up the zipper, a knock sounded at the door. I clung the front of the dress to my chest to keep it up as I went to answer it.
As I pulled open the door, I saw Yoongi and Jiminie's cheeks flush, but they quickly came in before asking questions. Yoongi took a seat on the edge of my bed and Jiminie stood before us as I explained that I'd had flashbacks in this dress and that I thought it might help in trying to trigger memories.
"It looks so beautiful on you," Jimin commented as he leaned on the bed to help me zip it up. "I almost don't want to do this. But I know we have to."
Yoongi gave a small cough and Jimin straightened up. "Okay, well, I'll be right outside the room if you need me." He said, lingering for a moment before leaving Yoongi and I sitting side by side.
I turned to him, and he stared back at me, hesitation in his eyes. Yoongi slowly raised his hands and cupped my cheeks. I closed my eyes. The softest of kisses touched my lips. My heart raced and when I opened them again, he was all I could see.
"I love you, with my whole heart." Yoongi's words and the fragile swirl in his eyes speak of the depth of his feelings. "This is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But it's nothing compared to what you've been through."
"That's not true." I swallowed the lump caught in my throat. "Our pain is shared, intertwined. We've both been hurt over the past years. So, one last time. Let's be brave and share our pain. That way, it's not so bad. I love you Min Yoongi. With my whole heart, too. I entrust it to you."
Yoongi let out a raspy breath and gave a pained nod, as if he were preparing his heart to accept it. "Are you ready?"
I gave a silent nod, and he pulled out a blindfold from his pocket. "I thought it might make it easier for us. If we couldn't see each other.." He explained. I pushed my hair back off my shoulders and closed my eyes, accepting Yoongi without hesitation. So, he carefully tied the black cloth over my eyes.
Everything became pitch black, and I found myself in darkness. As Yoongi gently lay me down, I felt my senses heightened. The softness of the dress grazed against my skin as it splayed out, and I imagined it looked like the reddest of rose petals against the darkness behind my eyelids.
Every breath I took was heavy with anticipation. I felt a feather-light touch on the curve of my collarbone. The delicate sensation seemed to seep into my heart, lasting for an eternity.
But it was ripped away from me as I felt weight bear down on either side of me, and my wrists were pinned above my head. I felt helpless to predict the next move. Unsure of what was to come. My breath hitched, only for it to be lost in a deep kiss.
My heart was conflicted. I knew in the back of my mind that it was Yoongi. I knew he'd never hurt me.. A rough grip on my breast startled me and I squirmed. Yet, the grip on my wrists only tightened. My heart pounded as I felt the bodice of the dress ripped down and the cold air prickled against my bare chest. He was rough, squeezing my breasts in his palm. But my whimpers were merely lost in the depth of his kiss. I could barely breath.
The feeling of his lips disappeared, and strong thighs forced themselves between mine. The hem of the dress was pushed up, exposing my lower half. My head spins as it dawns on me. I have no control. Waves of vulnerability washed over me as he ripped off my underwear. I can't see. I'm scared. I know what's coming. Fear builds inside my heart. I can't close my legs. As he crams it into me, a pain sears through me and I cry out, but it's useless. Desperation takes over as my mind slips somewhere far, far away.
There he is. Reira. Sipping on a drink while making business deals across a table with Joonie at the club. The cocaine. That's how it all began. That's right. I remember. Joonie warned me not to get involved. But I was naïve. I'd taken the job Reira offered me at his establishment. Why had I done that again? Oh, right. It wasn't so much of a choice back then. It wasn't coercion but their boss, PD-Nim, had suggested it. That afternoon in his office. I recalled. It was more of an ultimatum than a choice, but, stupidly, I accepted anyway.
Rich oak and those lush green curtains. His establishment was lavish and high-end. That's what I'd thought back then. It was then, once I worked for him. This dress. He'd made advances on me while I'd worn it. What was in my heart? Hurt. Not only my own. Theirs too. When they were forced to shoot that girl. The hurt spun around and around like a carousel you couldn't get off of. A never ending ride. I wanted to get off, so I tried to trick him into believing I would be his, and he would be mine. But my foolishness merely spiralled down. Down in that basement, where I truly saw the horrors of the world for the first time. I stabbed him in the heart. And then he shot me in the head. I was near dead. I'd done this. In all my foolishness, I'd ruined my life and theirs.
As reality sets in, I become numb. All I feel are drops of water on my thighs. Was Yoongi crying?
"Yoongi, stop, please," I reached out until I felt his chest. He pulled out of me, ripping my blindfold off. The brightness of the light in the room blinded me for a moment, but Yoongi embraced me tightly in his arms and held me.
My heart ached, and tears spilled from my eyes. All that there was, was Yoongi and I, as he rocked back and forth with me sobbing in his arms. Head void of thoughts as he cradled my broken heart. What seemed like an eternity passed by in a flash and reality set in. All that had come back to me weighed heavily. My past.
Eventually my tears dried, and Yoongi and I laid down, still in the warmth of each others arms. The only words spoken were to ask if I was alright. I nodded into his chest and held him closer.
At some point Jimin had come back in to check on us and let us know he had to get back to avoid raising suspicions. He came over and snuggled his face between Yoongi and me, so I gave him a goodnight kiss on the check before he left. Once he turned off the lights for us and shut the door, I snuggled closer into Yoongi and closed my eyes.
Once I opened them again, I could tell I'd fallen asleep. My weariness had faded away, leaving me with a deep pit in my stomach.
"Jia, are you alright?" Yoongi's sleep-laced voice whispered in my ear. I pulled my head back to look at him as he rubbed the back of his hands to his eyes.
"I'm okay. I know what happened Yoongi.." I whispered. He stared at me for a moment before slipping his arm around, holding me.
"Yoongi I.. Back then, when I was working for Reira, he forced himself onto me."
"What?"
"I couldn't tell anyone. I was scared it would jeopardize your business deal. So I kept it a secret."
"Jia.."
"But that's not all.. There's more." I took a shaky breath as I forced the words out. "I killed him."
"We thought that's what happened. We weren't sure.. But why did you kill him?"
"Yoongi, I killed him.. I- I'm a murderer."
"Jia, it's going to be alright." Yoongi shifted, cupping my chin, forcing me to hold eye contact with him. "We took care of it. We cleaned up the body, made it all disappear. We even took over his club to avoid raising suspicions. That's Seventh Heaven now."
"What. Yoongi. No." I couldn't believe it.
"Yes. You know how much you mean to us. If it was for you, we'd move the universe if need be."
"Yoongi.. But.. The reason.. I killed him.. It was to save you.. It was to free you from the drug dealing. It was because I didn't want to see you all hurting anymore.. But.. Why are you still on the same path? Doing the same things?"
"Don't tell me that. Don't tell me all of this was to get us out of the dealings. No.. Jia.. You didn't." A tear slips from the corner of Yoongi's eye. Even through the dark, the light of the moon shining through makes it clear for me to see. His sadness. We lay there as the helplessness of the night washed over. After everything, there was only tragedy.
"Mr Kim, Jin's dad. He's the reason we're stuck. It's so complicated. He owns the label, he owns the clubs, he owns everything. Including us."
"Can't we just set him on fire? You burned down everything else while I was gone." I smiled through the blurry vision of my tears.
"I did, didn't I." Yoongi smiled back, eyes just as glass as mine. He brought me close and pressed his forehead to mine. It was the only thing keeping the worry threatening to overtake my heart calm.
But..
"Yoongi.." I muttered. He pulled away slightly and looked at me questioningly.
"If what you're telling me is true then, I think I killed the wrong guy."
Notes:
Hello, I'm so nervous posting this, but here we are..
Pls let me know your thoughts if you can, I've been in my head about it for a decent month and any feedback would be appreciated..
Or even of you have any questions pls don't hesitate to ask..
There's still an epilogue to come which will explain some loose ends from this chapter too
But, even so I feel like there's still a whole new world of happenings to come.
I wouldn't say the ending of this part is necessarily a 'happy' one..
But I figure you guys are used to me writing some degree of tragedies by now
I decided to just write a small interlude series full of smut and fluff HAHA
Well that's what the vision at this point in time is, and I've started writing the first few chapters and it's all looking great.
Really excited to share it!
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