Capítulo 49: 48. Exchange of Views
Wednesday, 22nd. April. 2015
This morning I woke up to a call from Yoongi. The last time I saw him, I'd promised I wouldn't ignore his calls anymore, so I answered. It wasn't just because I'd promised, but those were feelings I wasn't ready to dive into just yet. Not with how unstable things were. Like they'd fall apart at the slightest disturbance. A house made from a deck of cards.
The first thing Yoongi asked me to do was come into his studio today. Before I could ask why, he mentioned he received the lyrics I'd sent in yesterday and wanted to work on them with me as soon as possible. After a moment to think it over, I agreed.
Even though I'd sent them in at the last moment, somehow Yoongi had found them, and even more to my surprise, wanted to use them. I was flattered and despite being nervous about stepping into their agency, it may have been that flattery that pushed me to just go in.
I scrounged through the wardrobe, feeling a little tired of wearing dresses for work, so I decided on something a bit more comfortable. A pair of blue sweats and a white puff jacket. Very cozy and snug, seeing as it was a little chilly today.
I packed my writing equipment and notebooks, which weren't much, into a bag, then left. As I was on my way out, Koh noticed me and offered to give me a lift. We walked down to the car park, hopped in and I gave him the address, which he put into the gps. The location came up and he didn't ask any questions after seeing that it was Big Hits.
It's not that I thought there would be a problem with it, seeing as I was my own person and had freedom to do whatever I pleased. However, part of me expected him to be a little curious or question my choices. Perhaps I'd been wrong in my assumption.
Instead, he took me straight there and dropped me off out there in front of the building. I headed in. The receptionist was the one that I'd met before. She recognised me as well and let me in without any problems.
With each step closer to Yoongi's studio, I took my mind started whizzing. He'd said I'd helped write songs for them in the past, which I still had no recollection of. So I was a little nervous. The last time he'd called me in, he'd merely wanted an opinion.
There was still a huge gap in my memories missing. I sure didn't remember them being criminals. But that wasn't the source of my nerves, funnily enough. I had my doubts about writing with him for this song. There was a bit of pressure to turn it out today and I was feeling it.
I took a deep breath and knocked on his studio door. A moment later, Yoongi opened it with a smile.
"About time, get in here," He joked, and I let him gently pull me in. As I stepped in, Joon turned in the chair he was leaning back in from at the desk, eyes meeting mine and a smile breaking across his face.
"Hey, what's up?" He nodded. My response got caught in my throat for a second. Why had I thought Yoongi would be by himself?
"You're also helping?" I asked Joon. He may have noticed I was surprised, because he chuckled. Yoongi had guided me down into a chair between the two, sat to my left and started fiddling with the computer.
"Yeah, we got your lyrics and looked them over. Wish you hadn't left it so late, though." Joon gave a shrug. Yoongi groaned before looking at us.
"Late is an understatement. The only way we'd be able to make the deadline is if Namjoon and I both team up like this." Yoongi stared at me as though this mess was all my own doing.
"I mean.. you could've just not used it.." I mumbled, not really meaning it, though.
"Huh? You can't just send us these amazing lyrics and then expect us not to use them?" Yoongi laughed, "You can't be serious?"
"Ahh. She didn't mean it. She's just being shy." Joon gave my thigh a light, reassuring pat. I rubbed my cheeks to soothe myself. Yoongi had called my lyrics amazing.
Joon was right, sitting here between these two, while they were completing my lyrics, AND with me knowing what amazing songs they made, was overwhelming.
"Fine. Are you alright? Should we get started?" Yoongi asked, looking at me.
"Yeah, I'm ready." I got comfortable, pulled my chair closer to the desk and crossed my legs. They had already decided this was what they wanted, so I needed to push my nerves aside and focus.
Yoongi pressed play on the audio displayed on the screen before us. It was a demo version of a song that they'd put together with a mixture of Namjoon and Jungkook's vocals.
The melody immediately caught my attention. It was familiar. No, it was the one I'd had stuck in my head when I'd written my lyrics. At that moment, it hit me. From the first time I met Yoongi, it stuck with me. He'd been playing it on a piano in a campus studio one night.
"Oh shit," I muttered under my breath. Joon glanced at me, somehow catching what I'd said over the music.
"What's wrong?" He asked. Yoongi paused the song and looked at me, but the look on his face gave me the impression he may have already known what was on my mind.
"No," I shook my head and laughed awkwardly, "I thought the melody sounded familiar. It's what I wrote the lyrics to. I just remembered I'd heard Yoongi playing it on the piano at some point." I admitted.
"I had a feeling that's what happened. It was too coincidental. They accuracy of how perfectly they fit." Yoongi broke into a smirk.
"Ahhh," Joon laughed, "It's all making sense. Damn. I was thinking you had some psychic ability we didn't know about."
"I mean, that would've been helpful too." Yoongi retorted.
"Wait," I said, drawing their attention back to me. "Can we listen to it a few more times?"
"Yeah, sure." Yoongi said before playing the demo again. I read along to their original lyrics he had pulled up on the second screen. And after a few more listens, the three of us got to work with rearranging, re-writing and rerecording.
________________________________________
Once the three of us had unanimously decided it was ready to go forward, we took a quick break. Joon went down the street on a quick coffee run while Yoongi and I collapsed on opposite ends of the couch together. It didn't take Joon long to return. He placed the tray of coffees down on the low table before collapsing into the couch between Yoongi and I.
We'd only just reached for our drinks when Joon turned to me, rubbing at his lip as though he had something on his mind.
"Joon?" I questioned. This seemed to work.
"Jia, there's something we wanted to talk to you about." He leaned back, revealing Yoongi sitting beside him. Eyes glued to me in anticipation.
"Okay. What is it?" I asked, feeling those nerves creeping back up. They both looked so serious and I still did not know what this was about.
"I've had some time to think about this entire situation and I've tried to come up with some kind of solution," Joon paused briefly before continuing, "I don't see how telling you would fix anything, it'd only just make you more confused. So, I think the right way for us to fix this would be to just show you."
"What he's trying to say is that we know you don't trust us. And we get why. Figured, if we want to try to fix this, the only way to do that is to trust you." Yoongi noticed my confusion and took it upon himself to try to clarify. But, I still didn't know what they meant by 'fix this' and 'show me'.
"So, you want to show me.. what exactly?" I questioned. Were they referring to the parts of their lives they kept a secret from me?
"That's not easy to say. You'll have to find out for yourself." Joon sighed, keeping his eyes fixed on me.
"What do you think?" Yoongi asked, nibbling at his bottom lip.
This was more than I'd ever expected. For so long, they have kept me in the dark. This was what I'd been wanting, what I'd been waiting so long for. Despite them still being vague, I wasn't about to ruin the opportunity by making a fuss.
I slowly nodded. "I want to know. If you're serious about wanting to build our trust back up, then I need to know the truth."
"Alright. We'll take it slow. But, glad it's settled." Joon gave a tight nod. I didn't know if it was in relief or because he was tense about what was to come. Perhaps a mixture of both. It must be hard for them to do this.
"So, who's hungry?" Yoongi asked, kicking his feet up on the coffee table comfortably.
As I felt my stomach churning in hunger, I said, "I could go get some barbecue.".
"You won't be working tonight?" Joon asked nonchalantly.
"No, I have the night off. Wait, how'd you know? " I looked at Joon for an explanation but Yoongi chuckled.
"Word gets around fast between the seven of us. I'm sure you're not surprised by that in the least," Yoongi said.
"Yeah, guess you're right." I lent back and sighed. There wasn't much I could get past them. This was so true that I cursed their closeness at times.
"So, should we get going?" Joon asked, taking the last sip of his coffee and then standing to throw it away in the bin. Yoongi and I followed, and the three of us collected our things and stepped out of the studio.
Yoongi walked beside me as we strolled down the hallway. Joon, who was just ahead of us, spotted a staff member and asked them if they could drop us off somewhere.
The staff member made a phone call before we all left the building. As we reached the van, there were already two security personnel waiting for us. I asked Yoongi about them, seeing as he was sitting next to me in the back of the van. He explained they needed to tag along when they ventured out in public places. Recently, they've had a few incidents, and they just wanted to be on the safe side.
Joon turned back from his seat in front of us, catching the end of our conversation and elaborated a bit more on what Yoongi had meant by 'incidents'.
I was relieved that they had security after learning of some treats they'd received. I'd heard of idols receiving hate but, to what extent, I'd been naïve.
Joon turned back around, and Yoongi dropped his tone to speak low to me. "Apart from the death threats, with the type of business we're involved in, we can't leave ourselves as open targets."
I wasn't expecting him to say that this whole 'we're willing to be more open with you' thing was so new. It left me at a loss for words.
Once we arrived and the car had pulled off the city street and up into a tight alleyway, the three of us were quickly escorted into the back door of a restaurant.
A waiter greeted us before ushering us up a flight of stairs and away from the main dining area, which, at a quick glance, was packed with people. The overpowering smell of freshly barbecued meat made my stomach grumble even more.
Instead, we were shown to a private booth, one of many that lined the balcony of the level above. It was concealed behind a white curtain that reached from the roof to the floor. The floor was a light wood floor. The entire restaurant had a traditional ambience to it, from the curtains to the grand ceiling beams above.
Joon gently guided me into the seat beside him and Yoongi sat across from us. Just like a traditional styled barbecue, the seating was on the floor and the cushioned seating was so soft and puffy under my butt. While one of their security personnel sat by the wall, the other stood out in front of our booth on the other side of the curtain.
"You'll get used to it," Joon gave me a small wink from beside me as he noticed I was looking at them.
"I feel silly. This whole time, I didn't know just how important you guys were," I joked. Running a hand through my hair. This was a little mind-boggling, for sure.
"Don't be like that. We're still the rookie dorks you knew ways back," Yoongi snorted. As he did, my mind drifted to the few memories I'd regained of the times he was referred to.
"I remember, Yoongi. One time, you pulled me into the studio at school with you and asked me if I could rap." As I recalled it, a sense of nostalgia washed over.
"Ahh. I remember that too. You acted like you couldn't even string two words together and then you let out your inner MC." Yoongi added, putting the pieces together for me. I felt a warmth fill me as I reminisced. Having even these small memories made all the difference to me.
"Ahh. Don't remind me. Jia, you know how many times we spent in the studio acting like complete fools. Countless. God, that takes me back," Joon sighed, leaning back and cracking a fond smile.
"I- I wish I could remember," I admitted. That sounded like so much fun.
"It's alright, I have faith that you'll get there," Yoongi said with a pursed lip.
Just then, a waiter slipped behind the curtain with a bottle of Chamisul and some menus. The three of us didn't waste any time and ordered a selection of meat straight away. Another waiter came and set up the hot rocks and the grill in the middle of our table.
Joon poured us each a shot, which we took together straight away. The second shot I held off until the meat arrived and Yoongi had started grilling it.
We took our second round just before Yoongi plated the first batch of freshly cooked meat. It smelled absolutely scrumptious. Not to mention this restaurant seemed quite high end, so I was expecting the quality to be a cut above the rest. I wasn't disappointed as I followed Joon's lead and popped my piece of beef in my mouth. The flavours exploded instantly.
"Delicious, right?" Yoongi commented, glancing at me from the marinated chicken filet he was flipping over on the grill.
"Is there a word stronger than delicious?" I delightfully quipped, "Delicious doesn't seem to do it justice."
"Succulent" Joon offered before eating a spoonful of rice.
"Delectable" Yoongi added one of his own. I laughed, expecting no less from two of the most talented writers I knew.
We had another two rounds and by this time my cheeks were rosy and warm. The heat radiating from the grill only added to it. I took off my jacket, leaving me in the tight mid length white top I'd been wearing underneath.
As I looked between Yoongi and Namjoon happily eating, I felt like it was the right time to bring up some questions I'd wanted answers for. They just looked so relaxed, and with them both agreeing to be more open, now I had the chance.
"So.. Seeing as you said, you'd be more open with me.. Can I ask you a few things?" As I spoke, both Namjoon and Yoongi's attention fixed on me. There was a brief pause before Joon rested his chopsticks aside his plate and he cleared his throat.
"Yeah. I think it's about time we cleared a few things up."
"Mm. It's overdue." Yoongi commented.
I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my hair, pushing it back out of my face and looking between the two before I shot my question. It wasn't an easy one, but it was one I needed answers to.
"A memory came back to me the night I saw that gun in the bedroom drawer and ran away."
Both Namjoon and Yoongi focused as I continued on.
"All seven of you were in a room. There weren't any windows, it was all concrete, as though it was underground." I noticed Namjoon shift slightly, but I pressed on.
"There was a-" I swallowed, but pushed past my hesitation and carried on, "There was a girl tied to a chair in the middle of the room."
"Jia" Yoongi said my name under his breath. But I kept on.
"I don't remember what was being said, but Jin.. Shot her." I forced the last part out, albeit quietly. A tension had built in the air, but as Joon spoke, it broke.
"That wasn't meant to happen. But it did." Joon's voice was so low that it was barely a whisper. A shiver as cold as ice ran through me despite the warmth radiating from the grill before us.
"I'm going to try my best to explain. But, with your missing memories," Yoongi sucked in a short breath and straightened up before going on, "It might not make much sense."
I shook my head and motioned for him to continue on. At this point, I didn't care. I just wanted some kind of explanation, anything to give me some context to this bone chilling memory.
"That girl had been stalking Jin for months. Maybe longer. She ended up seeing things that made it impossible for us to just ignore." Even though Yoongi was trying his best to explain, I could feel his frustration growing. Joon took Yoongi's pause as his cue to try to elaborate further as he turned to me and looked me right in the eyes.
"At the time we were involved in some drug deals, we found her in the basement with a bunch of pictures on her phone. She was a liability. We didn't want things to end the way they did, but we really weren't left with many options." Joon stared at me. The regret swirling in the hazel of his irises was undeniable.
"That's.. really fucked up." Was all I could say. Learning of the circumstances didn't make it any less traumatic. "So, I.. Was I okay with that? I didn't feel okay when the memory came back to me. I still don't."
"No. You were a mess. At the time, we kept the entire situation from you. We didn't want you to have to deal with that shit. I still don't know what possessed you to come down there that night." Joon's forehead crinkled as though recalling a painful memory.
"So you keep things from me often? Nothing has changed, I see," I muttered. Yoongi cracked a laugh but stopped himself straight away by taking a shot.
"Shit. Of all the things you could've remembered, why that?" Joon gave an exasperated sigh and took his shot off the table and threw it back.
"Anything else?" Yoongi asked. I turned to him. By now, all the meat had been cooked and he'd put it aside on a plate.
"I just don't understand what happened that led you to drugs and running clubs. And the incident I mentioned earlier."
"That's a long and complicated answer. The short version," Yoongi reached for our glasses and poured another, "We needed the money. Back then our agency was broke. It wasn't meant to become what it has. But you can't rewind time. We have to live with it. When you lost your memory, it freed you from all of that."
"That sounds a lot like something Jin has said to me. 'If you can't remember it, it may as well have never happened'." I recalled the words he'd said more than once to me when I'd confronted him about this very subject.
"Why doesn't that surprise me," Joon huffed, rubbing his forehead.
"Hyung is a little outta control these days," Yoongi muttered.
"He's not the only one." I said. Now that he mentioned it, thoughts of Tae surfaced.
"What do you mean?" Joon questioned.
"Ahh. Lately, Tae Hyung.." I regretted bringing it up, but the alcohol had loosened my lips and I couldn't help it. "Tae Hyung has been intense."
"How so?" Yoongi pushed.
"I don't know how to explain it. He declared he'd come and visit me every day at the club I'm working at right now. And that he wouldn't let up until I forgive him or just submit or something to that effect" I admitted. Now that I was sitting with these two and talking so openly, it really hit me how intense Tae acted compared to them.
"I can have a talk with him. Tell him to back off?" Joon offered. I shook my head.
"No.. I don't know if that's a good idea.." I sighed. Not wanting to make matters worse or rattle the cage. He took a moment, as though in thought.
"I could just come and visit you instead. That may give you a break from him, at least." I considered Joon's offer and nodded.
"Yeah, maybe that would be better, maybe."
"God. You sound like you don't have any faith in us." Yoongi snorted in a laugh.
"It's not that!" I quickly refuted, but they simply laughed.
"It's getting late. We should probably head off soon," Joon said as he checked the time on his phone.
"Yeah, I'm getting sleepy," I hummed, laying my head down on the table and looking up at him. He was right. I felt my head spinning, and I was full of barbecue.
"You can't fall asleep here, c'mon." Yoongi gently reached over and pushed my hair aside from my face. I raised my head back up and looked between the two as they took their last shots, then went to stand.
_________________________________
We were driven back to the agency to drop Namjoon off. Yoongi offered to ride with me back to my place to drop me off next. On the way home, I couldn't help but think that it all made sense.
I was drawn to them from the start. The reason I might have stayed by their side despite the terrible things that had happened..
"Jia, is this the place?" Yoongi's question pulled me from my drunken thoughts. I saw we were outside of Mr Kim's high rise.
"Yeah. Did I tell you my address? I can't even remember," I mumbled, but Yoongi just raised a playful brow and helped me out of the van.
He walked me up to the sidewalk just beside the entrance and stopped. Hand still holding mine.
"Jia, it's going to turn out perfectly thanks to you," Yoongi said, his thumb lightly rubbing over the back of my hand.
"What will?" I questioned, unable to focus because of the butterflies erupting in my stomach.
"The song silly," Yoongi's smile was so innocent, almost childish. He was so cute.
"Ahh. No.. You and Namjoon are the masterminds. I'm just.. glad I could help. I've always loved your music.." Feelings I held close to my heart just seemed to tumble out. As soon as they did, I regretted it. He probably thought I sounded so corny right now. Suddenly, Yoongi straightened up and locked eyes with me.
The mood shifted. He pulled me closer by the hand. I gently felt his arm wrap around my head as he held me to his chest.
"You know I hate it when you sell yourself short. Please don't," he murmured into my hair before kissing me on top of the head. I felt confused, but nodded anyway.
He let me go, and we said goodnight. We waved each other off, and I headed back upstairs and got ready for bed.
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