Capítulo 495: [89.5] For as Long As You Live
[Author's note: This chapter is from Hazel's perspective]
As my vision faded, a light suddenly shone, drawing me in. It was so mesmerizing, that my feet started moving by themselves towards it.
Something was splashing at my feet, gradually rising and wetting my skin. The further I walked, the deeper the liquid got.
"I'm sorry…"
I whispered to those corpses covered in blood, staring at me.
"It wasn't my fault…"
The demon child from the arena stared at me with sad eyes, "I trusted you to protect me."
"I didn't know it was you-"
Countless voices cried out, "Why did you kill us?"
I turned to all of them, "Orphelio forced me to! I didn't want to!"
I stumbled forward, the level of the liquid rising.
A woman with a cut-open stomach stared at me, "You could have saved my baby."
I covered my ears as I walked forward, more tears pouring down.
"I tried to save you! I didn't want you to die!"
A soft voice filled with regret spoke, "Alora… I trusted you."
I raised my head, my eyes trembling as I gasped.
"Master… I didn't mean to… I didn't-"
She shook her faceless head in disappointment before disappearing into a bloody mist.
As the breath caught in my throat, I felt the familiar sensation of blood spraying my face. No matter how much I wanted to run back, I was being pulled by an unseen force. Soon the liquid was at my waist.
Rose suddenly appeared, a small dagger embedded in her stomach. Her eyes were filled with despair, "You… Dumb girl… you need to leave. She did this to set you up."
My mouth moved on its own, "I'm not leaving you to die alone."
"Dumb girl."
"Rose… I never killed them. I didn't."
"...I know."
Golden tears rolled down my cheeks, "I'm sorry…"
"I'm so sorry…"
Before her bloodied figure, my body slowly changed to that of a small girl, her hair ungodly blonde and her eyes a light blue that was nearly translucent.
Golden tears rolled down my cheeks as I sobbed, but the red liquid didn't stop rising.
"I'm so sorry…"
"I didn't mean to…"
"I didn't mean to kill anyone…"
"I didn't…"
"Please…"
"Please just listen to me…"
"Please believe me…"
The bloodied corpses all around me disappeared into shadows. As the liquid rose to my chest, a man with vibrant orange eyes was looking at me in pity, "...Hazel."
I grit my teeth as I choked on my sobs, "Why didn't you kill me? You knew all along how much I hated you! You were the son Orphelio talked nonstop about, but he would never give me the slightest compliment! Even on the mountain, you were the Great Fairy's favorite and I could never change that! You knew exactly how much I despised you… You knew how much I wanted you dead… So why?"
He gave me a helpless smile and muttered, "I don't know myself."
"YOU HAVE TO KNOW!" I screamed so hard my throat ached, "TELL ME!"
His hands gently landed on my shoulders, "Hazel. You were a good person."
My body froze with only golden tears rolling down my cheeks.
His voice was soft as if his intention was only to comfort me, "I'm sorry I didn't welcome you back then… I'm sorry I never worked hard enough to make it up to you…"
A strange fear took control of my body and forced me to keep my head lowered as I listened.
"I don't think there's anything I can do to make it up to you… But before I go, I just want to say one thing."
His heavy hand suddenly rubbed the top of my head.
"Let go of your guilt."
I felt something break apart in my chest, "I CAN'T LET GO! EVERYTHING I DID-"
"-You made up for it."
"I didn't make up for it!" I grabbed onto him as I sobbed, "I just made everything worse. I always make everything worse. I… I-"
His eyes were desperate, "Hazel, it's okay to let go."
I sobbed, "I can't! I can't let go!"
The liquid plunged over my head before I could hear anything else. As I sunk further down, all I could see was the sight of orange eyes disappearing.
I choked on that blood, drowning in the sins of my past that I could never be forgiven for. The world darkened around me as I drifted aimlessly through the blood.
Ah…
I see…
I could feel the weight pressing down on my chest and tightened my hand around the Holy Sword that had never left my grip.
I've never taken responsibility for those deaths…
This entire time I was proclaiming innocence…
But in the end…
I was the one still holding the sword.
Hah…
As I closed my eyes, giving in to the final abyss, I felt a hand grab me and pull me out.
I suddenly sat up, blinking in confusion as a woman I had met so many years ago was sitting in front of me. She still had a kind smile as she watched me.
I was surprised to see her again, "Abadi…"
"Hello, Alora." She answered me in a soft tone, "How did it feel to get your forgiveness?"
I lowered my gaze, "It… Didn't make me feel better."
My grasp tightened around the hilt of my sword.
She nodded as if she understood, "Do you understand why?"
I thought about it, focusing on my final moments, "Because… I never wanted to be forgiven?"
The more I thought, the more the answers came.
"I didn't want forgiveness. I wanted to be punished." I winced as I recalled the past, "I always claimed it wasn't my fault… I always said I was innocent… But in the end, I couldn't put down my sword. If I had refused to fight and chose a more peaceful option, none of that would have happened."
My gaze turned to the blade still pulsing in my grasp.
Abadi nodded gently as she listened with patience, "It is hard to let go of something we have always known."
"Um." I sat forward with anxious eyes, "Is Zephyr okay?"
She shook her head with a grim expression, "He didn't make it."
I felt my entire world start to collapse.
"It was very admirable the way he wouldn't leave you."
I clenched my fists as I grit my teeth, "What's the value of admiration?! His life is worth more than that!"
"Don't worry."
I snapped at her, "How could I not worry?! Do you even know him!? He's not just some average demon! No matter how sharp his tongue is, he is the ONLY person I have ever known to be truly pure at heart!"
The corner of her lips curved up, "I said not to worry because the Great Fairy is working hard to save him."
"She-She is?" I clutched my chest, "Will she be able to?"
"Well, she won't stop until she does… After all, that is why Reika Kang came to this world in the first place."
I smiled in relief, confident that her power would be enough, "She will save him. I know she will."
Abadi tilted her head with an ominous aura, "But by saving him, she will incur the punishment of the world. I only hope she is strong enough to handle it."
"What are you talking about?"
She ignored me and gave me a smile instead, "You know, this is the first time in so long that I have been able to converse with someone…. Can I tell you my story?"
I hesitated, "B-But Reika-"
"Technically, I chatted with someone just before this, but he was a bit too bashful for my taste. I think talking to a blunt woman like yourself would be just what I need." She waved her hand and created a table with a tea set, all of which was made out of clouds. She motioned to it with a smile, "Please?"
I looked at her curiously, "...Okay."
She picked up a cup of tea and I did as well, however, I soon realized it wasn't real. As we pretended to drink, she set her cup down, "How much do you know about me?"
"I know that the Swordmaster is in love with you, but you ended the relationship."
"Ah, Maupin." She averted her eyes in guilt, "To tell you the truth, when I first met Maupin, she was a he. Maupin never told me about his past, in fact… He never even told me his name. Even still, I loved him… Despite his views on life being so drastic to mine."
"So what changed?"
She pursed her lips, "I was very distraught after his death and used my power of necromancy to bring him back… Only to find out Maupin was a woman."
"I don't get it… How could Maupin come back different?"
"Bringing someone back from the dead will reveal their true form… For an arriver, that means the person you were before you arrived. When I saw Maupin in her true form, I felt like I had been betrayed. I had been lied to all this time. Why didn't she tell me when I first met her?"
I felt a bit disgusted by this, "Why does it matter? Male or female, love is love."
"It's not that simple." She picked up the cup, "This matter is very complicated… Especially for a person like me. In my culture and my era, this sort of thing was not normal. But more than that, I felt like Maupin never trusted me and that our entire relationship was built on a lie."
I looked down at that teacup, "I see."
"Unfortunately, my personal bias won over my love for Maupin and I left her. After she told me her true name, we became friends. Over time, I came to accept the truth. However, just before I could apologize to her for how I treated her, I was killed by Vira."
"So why haven't you told Maupin how you feel now? Hasn't she used the other two to communicate with you? Couldn't you send someone back with a message that you want to apologize to her?"
Her lips curled up somberly, "What use would that be? We can never be together, so it's useless to tell her it now. Telling her such a thing will only cause more pain and loss."
"Still-"
She shook her head and interrupted, "But this isn't what I wanted to talk about."
I waited for her to continue.
"It is either Chaos or Order… That is the main belief about the power of the arriver… But what if I told you about a third category?"
I raised an eyebrow, "There's a third?"
"It's just a theory, but in this place, I have nothing but time to think." She leaned forward, "In the beginning, a God descended on this land and brought brilliance to humanity. This God was an arriver, who set in stone that arriver's will forever change the landscape of this land just by existing."
I nodded, "Right. Vira says it's an evil thing because humanity suffered as a result."
"Evil or good, it's all the same thing. This world doesn't discriminate between the two. Just like a bad person can belong to order or chaos, a good person can as well. However, sentient beings will always discriminate between the two, which is how the Great War started. I believed there was only chaos and order like the rest of the world, but it was only when I saw the aftermaths of this war did I realize that there was a third category… A category that I refer to as an anomaly."
"Anomaly?"
"One that is both and neither chaos and order. A being that goes against the natural order of this world and is punished as a result. Not every arriver has the potential to belong to this category." Her eyes lit up as she asked, "Do you know who these anomalies are?"
I shook my head.
"The first one would be the initial God. It isn't natural to remember living in another world, nor is it natural to bring its teachings to this world… And as such, this God was punished."
"How so?"
She shrugged, "I'm not sure… No one knows, either. Whether it is because too much time passed, or because that was the punishment, it is only known that this God was punished. After that, more arrivers came and the war started. Then, I noticed the second anomaly…. Vira."
"My… Mother."
Her eyes stared into mine, "When I met her, she was a child. I don't know what family she was born to in this world. She never talked about it so Maupin and I treated her like our daughter. She was a sweet girl, always sticking to me. It was obvious she was easily manipulated and very impressionable."
I let out a dry laugh, "Her? You must be joking."
"I'm not. It was this way. At first, no one knew if she was a child of order or chaos… Until the day after our village was attacked, only then did her power reveal itself. She was a true saint who had the ability to heal any wound."
My lip curled in disgust, "Stop talking as if she was a good person."
"I… I watched her change from a saint to the current her." Her eyes glazed over as she recounted, "The day I realized there might be a third category. It was the day the Great War caught up to us and both sides decided to demolish us in fear of going to the opposing side. We were all being slaughtered like cattle, yet somehow they were all defeated and the Great War ended…"
"That day, I saw the power of a chaos user being controlled by a child of order. After that day, Vira wasn't the same… It was like she was a different person. She started referring to herself as the only true God and I became so concerned. I could see the darkness inside her getting stronger…. Then, Elam appeared."
I pursed my lips, "Elam. That cowardly bastard."
"Call him what you will, but you would have been surprised to see what he was when I met him. He was truly… Something else." She laughed, "Elam was tamed by Vira just as much as Vira was tamed by Elam. I was relieved because I thought that finding each other would solve all my worries… However, I severely underestimated the jealousy your mother possessed. They separated, got back together, only to separate again. When she broke up with him, Elam got with other women which made her more furious and jealous. She vented her fury by beating and disfiguring those women. Then Vira and Elam would get back together and the cycle would repeat. I tried to mind my own business, but it was having such a negative effect on our community that I had to step in. I had no idea Vira would start to see me as the enemy after that… Everything kept building up until she finally killed me."
I thought about it, "So if Vira is an anomaly, then what was her punishment?"
"I don't know myself. I think only this world's order and she would know. In this world's eye though, there is no distinction between good and evil… However, her sainthood was too great. Her love turned to hatred. She stopped blessings and picked up a weapon of murder instead. I believe she is living in her punishment now, but what it is exactly, I cannot say."
"Then… Are there any other anomalies?"
"One more I can be sure of… One I fear more than anything else… Can you guess?"
I shook my head, "Who could be that fearsome?"
She laughed, "The Great Fairy."
My eyes widened, "The Master of the mountain? But why? She is a benevolent being!"
She shook her head, "Only to those who love and cherish her… If you go against her… Well, death isn't that terrifying since it isn't the end… But being removed from existence? Can you even imagine such a thing?"
"What… What was her punishment?"
"The day the Great Fairy became aware of her chaos was the day she became the third anomaly. She was able to travel in time to meddle in affairs, but the natural order of this world wouldn't allow her to. She was then turned into a being no one could identify. A being who existed while not existing."
"So she's… Doomed to be that way?"
"I'm afraid so… And after each new affair she meddles in, the world will compensate."
I suddenly felt a fear I couldn't explain, "She'll be punished each time she uses her ability?"
"Don't worry too much. She knows what she is doing." She waved her hand to disperse the cloud making up the tea set, "When you return, please let the Great Fairy know that all her children will be returned to her…. She just needs to find them."
My eyes widened, "You mean-"
"I do…" She laughed with a smile, "I fear she will find a way to me if I don't send them back."
Before I could blow out a sigh of relief, she suddenly took my hands. Her eyes held a deep level of guilt, "...I should be the one apologizing to you."
I raised an eyebrow, "For what?"
"I thought my pacifism was a sign of peace… But only now do I see, pacificism is just as violent as murder."
I shook my head, "I don't understand."
"Alora. I could have stopped Vira by killing her… But even now… Now I am ashamed to have to beg you to spare her."
"Spare… Her?"
"Please… Please, I know she's done wrong… But she's still my child."
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