Capítulo 15: In other words, Yoshiteru Zaimokuza is rather off.
It's a little late to be going over this, but basically the purpose of the Service
Club is to listen to any requests students have and then help them with their
problems. I have to mentally confirm it this way, or I really wouldn't know
what the point was anymore. I mean, usually Yukinoshita and I just read
during club time, you know? And Yuigahama just fiddles with her phone.
"Hmm. Hey…so, like, why are you here?" She'd show up like it was only
natural, and while I'd taken her presence for granted, Yuigahama wasn't
actually a member of the club. I wasn't actually even sure if I was a member.
Hey, seriously, was I in this club? I wanted to quit, anyway.
"Huh? Oh, you know, I just have nothing else to do today, know what I'm
sayin'?" she said.
"No, I don't know, not if you use words like 'know what I'm sayin'.'
What is that, a Hiroshima dialect?"
"What? Hiroshima? No, I'm a Chiba native."
Well, actually, "know what I'm sayin'" is from the Hiroshima dialect, and
that makes a lot of people go, Huh? That's the first time I've heard that. The
masculine register of the Hiroshima dialect has a reputation for sounding
scary, but its feminine register is actually very cute. It's among my personal
top ten ranking of cutest accents.
"Hmph. I'm not going to let you call yourself a Chiba native just because
you were born in Chiba prefecture."
"Uh, Hikigaya. I have no idea what you're talking about." Yukinoshita
gave me a thoroughly scornful look. But I ignored that.
"Let's go, Yuigahama. First question: What do you call internal bleeding
from a blunt strike?"
"Aonajimi! Blue bruise!"
"Ngh! Correct. I never expected you'd have grasped even the Chiba
dialect… Then, question number two: What comes with your school lunch?"
"Miso peanuts!"
"Oh-ho, it seems you really are a Chiba native."
"That's what I said." She put a hand to her hip and tilted her head to the
side with a look on her face that said, What's this guy's problem?
Beside her, Yukinoshita had her elbows on the desk and her hands on her
forehead as she sighed. "What's this about, now? Was there a point to that
exchange?"
Of course there was no point. "It was just the Trans-Chiba Ultra Quiz.
Trivia from all across the prefecture! Most specifically, from between
Matsudo to Choshi."
"That's not covering much!" Yuigahama quipped.
"Fine, then how about from Sawara to Tateyama?"
"That's not across. That's north to south," said Yukinoshita.
You guys know all that from just the place names? Just how obsessed with
Chiba are you?
"Okay, question number three. If you get on the Sotobo Line toward
Toke, what rather uncommon animal will you see on the way?"
"Oh, speaking of Matsudo, Yukinon, there's supposed to be a lot of ramen
shops in the area. Let's go sometime!"
"Ramen, huh? I haven't had it often, so I don't really know."
"It's okay! I haven't had it often, either!"
"Huh? What's okay about that? Could you explain?"
"Sure. So yeah, what was the name of that shop in Matsudo again?
There's supposed to be a place that's really good…"
"Are you listening?"
"Hmm? I'm listening. Oh, but there's some good places in the area. It's in
my neighborhood, so I'm really familiar with it. It's about five minutes from
here on foot. There's this shop I pass by a lot when I'm walking my dog."
The correct answer was ostriches. Really, it was surprising to suddenly
see an ostrich outside the train window… It was actually pretty exciting.
Sigh.
Ignoring the two girls and their one-sided conversation about ramen, I
went back to my book. Why the heck was I all alone here even when there
were two other people in the room? I guessed this was the kind of thing high
school students were supposed to do, though. High schoolers take part in a
broader range of activities than middle schoolers do, showing interest in
clothing and cuisine and the like. Conversation about ramen shops is
particularly high schooler–esque, don't you think?
I guess the Trans-Chiba Ultra Quiz isn't normal fare, though.
...***
It was the following day. When I went to the clubroom, I arrived to find the
unusual sight of Yukinoshita and Yuigahama standing stock-still in front of
the door. I studied them, wondering what the hell they were doing, when I
noticed that the door was open just a crack and that they were peeking inside.
"What're you doing?"
""Eeeek!"" Shrieking cutely and simultaneously, the two of them leaped
into the air.
"Hikigaya… Y-you surprised me…"
"You guys surprised me." What's with that reaction? You guys are acting
like my cat does when I run into it in the living room in the middle of the
night.
"Could you not sneak up on us like that?" Even Yukinoshita's glare and
her grumpy expression were just like my cat's. Now that I think of it, I was
the only one in my family who my cat doesn't like. Another thing Yukinoshita and my cat shared in common.
"Sorry. So what're you doing?" I asked again, and Yuigahama, just like
she had before, opened the door a crack and quietly peeped inside while
replying, "There's a suspicious person in the clubroom."
"You two are the suspicious ones here."
"Just listen. Never mind about us. Could you go inside and see what's
going on in there?" Yukinoshita ordered, looking sullen.
I stepped in front of the two of them as instructed, cautiously slid open the
door, and went in.
Waiting for us was a gust of wind. The moment I opened the door, a sea
breeze blew through the room. It scattered sheets of paper about the
classroom, quite characteristic of the breeze that blew around this seaside
school. It looked just like a flock of doves flying out of a silk hat used for
magic tricks, and in the middle of that white world stood a man.
"Heh-heh-heh… I'm quite surprised to see you in a place like this. I've
been waiting for you, Hachiman Hikigaya."
"Wh-what did you say?!" He was surprised, but he was waiting for me?
What was that supposed to mean? I was the surprised one here.
Swiping aside the fluttering white papers, I sized up the intruder. Just as I
suspected, he was… No, I didn't know him. Nope. I was unacquainted with
Yoshiteru Zaimokuza.
Well, I suppose I wasn't acquainted with most of the students at this
school. Within the category of people with whom I was unacquainted,
though, this guy far and away topped the list of people I didn't want to know.
Plus, he was sweating in a trench coat and wearing fingerless gloves even
though it was almost summer. Even if I had known a guy like that, I wouldn't
have cared.
"Hikigaya, he seems to know you…" Yukinoshita hid behind my back as
she compared me and the interloper, a doubtful expression on her face.
He flinched for a moment under her discourteous gaze before immediately
confronting me instead, crossing his arms with a low chuckle. He shrugged
his shoulders dramatically, shaking his head arrogantly. "How could you
forget the face of your partner? I'm absolutely offended, Hachiman."
"He's calling you his partner…" Yuigahama gave me a chilly look. Her
eyes were saying, All you pieces of garbage can go and die.
"Indeed, partner. You have memories of those days, do you not? We survived hell together many a time."
"We were just paired up in gym class," I couldn't resist retorting, and a
grimace inspired by loathing spread across his face.
"Hmph. That evil custom is nothing less than hellish. Pair with whomever
you like, they say? Heh-heh-heh… I never know when I might perish, so I do
not forge such bonds… I need not another such soul-rending farewell. If that
was love, then I have no need of it!" His eyes glazed over as he stared out the
window. He probably saw the image of some beloved princess of his floating
in the sky. Or maybe everyone just likes Fist of the North Star too much.
Well, if you've come this far, no matter how thick you are, you've got to
have noticed by now. This guy is a little…you know.
"What do you want, Zaimokuza?"
"Hngh, you have voiced the name that is carved on my soul. I am indeed
the Master Swordsman General, Yoshiteru Zaimokuza." His trench coat
fluttered vigorously, rustling as he stretched his chubby face into an
exaggeratedly handsome expression and turned to face me. He was
completely in character with the Master Swordsman General identity he'd
created. Just watching him made my head throb. Actually, it hurt my soul
more than it did my head, and Yukinoshita's and Yuigahama's daggerlike
stares hurt even more than that.
"Hey…what's that?" Displeasure—or rather, discomfort—etched on her
face, Yuigahama glowered at me. Why was I the one getting glowered at?
"This is Yoshiteru Zaimokuza… We're partners in gym class." Frankly, it
was nothing more and nothing less than that. That was all there was to our
relationship. I guess it wasn't entirely wrong to say that we were partners for
the purpose of surviving that "hellish time."
Seriously, having to pick partners for stuff was hell.
And because Zaimokuza was so painful to watch, he understood the
bitterness of that moment as well.
Zaimokuza and I had first paired up in gym class because we were the
only two left, and ever since then, we've always been paired together.
Frankly, he had such a bad case of M-2 syndrome that I wanted to trade him
off to another team. Unable to manage it, though, I'd given up. I'd also
thought about declaring myself a free agent, but unfortunately, signing
someone of my caliber was just so expensive that it hadn't gone well. Wasn't
that right? Yeah, no. It was just that neither of us had any friends.
Yukinoshita listened to my explanation while she compared Zaimokuza
and me. And then, as if satisfied, she nodded. "This is what they call 'birds of
a feather flocking together,' huh?" She'd reached the worst possible
conclusion.
"Don't be stupid. You can't lump the two of us together. I'm not that
painfully awkward. And we don't flock together, anyway!"
"Heh, I concur. We are indeed no friends… I'm so alone, hee-hee!"
Zaimokuza smiled sadly in self-deprecation. Oh, he was back to normal now.
"Not that I care, but doesn't this friend of yours have some business with
you?"
Her words brought me nearly to tears. The word friend hadn't sounded so
sad since middle school. Not since Kaori-chan told me, You're nice, and I
like you, but I don't know about dating… Yeah, let's be friends. I don't need
friends like that.
"Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha, I nearly forgot! Incidentally, Hachiman, is this the
place of meeting for the Service Club?" Zaimokuza, back in character, looked
at me while belting out an odd guffaw.
What the heck was with that laugh? This was my first time hearing it.
"Yes, this is the Service Club," Yukinoshita replied in my stead.
Zaimokuza glanced at her for an instant before immediately returning his
gaze to me. Seriously, why did people keep looking at me today? "I-is that
so? If it is as the sage Hiratsuka advised me, then, Hachiman, you are
obligated to grant my wish, are you not? To think that we would yet be
master and servant, even after all these centuries… Is this the guidance of the
great Bodhisattva Hachiman?"
"The Service Club will not necessarily grant your wishes. We can only
help you to achieve your goals yourself," droned Yukinoshita.
"Heh. Mm-hmm… Then lend your aid to me, Hachiman. Heh-heh-heh…
This reminds me of how we once attempted, as comrades in arms, to seize
hold of the land."
"What happened to the master-and-servant thing? And why do you keep
looking at me like that?"
"A-hem, a-hum! Between you and I, such trifling details are unimportant.
I shall make a special exception in this case." Zaimokuza made some
contrived throat-clearing noises in an attempt to cover up his inconsistency
and regarded me as he had before. "My apologies. It appears that in this era, the hearts of men are corrupted, compared to the days of yore. I miss the
purity of the Muromachi era… Don't you, Hachiman?"
"No. Go die."
"Heh-heh-heh. I do not fear death. On the other side, I would merely take
the kingdom of heaven for mine own." Zaimokuza raised his hands up high
as his coat rustled and fluttered.
The word die didn't seem to bother him that much.
I'm the same way. When you're used to getting insulted and abused, you
just get good at striking back, or rather, compartmentalizing it. What a sad
skill. I'm crying right now.
"Whoa…" Yuigahama was cringing, and she'd gone somewhat pale.
"Hikigaya, come," Yukinoshita said, tugging my sleeve and whispering in
my ear. "What is that 'Master Swordsman General' stuff?" Such a cute face
and pleasant smell so close to me, and yet her words completely lacked
eroticism.
One word was enough to answer her question. "That's M-2 syndrome. M-
2 syndrome."
"Em-too syndrome?" Yukinoshita cocked her head and gaped at me. I
noticed that the shape of the girl's lips when she made the oo sound was
super-cute. What a mysterious discovery.
Yuigahama, who'd been listening intently, joined in the conversation.
"He's sick?"
"He's not actually sick. It's just slang."
Put it simply, M-2 syndrome referred to a range of behaviors common to
second-year middle schoolers who were too awkward to look at. But even
within that category, Zaimokuza's case was terminal. We're talking full-
blown "evil eye" territory.
He yearned for the kinds of abilities or special powers that appeared in
manga, anime, games, and light novels, and he actually acted as if he
possessed them. Of course, once you had powers, you had to create a premise
where you were the reincarnation of a legendary warrior or chosen by the
gods or a secret service elite in order to explain the origins of those powers.
And then you would act based on that premise.
So then why did he do this?
Because it was cool.
I think most middle schoolers have fantasized about that sort of thing at least once. You've stood in the mirror before and practiced saying something
like All you ladies and gentlemen watching Countdown TV, good evening!
Well now, tonight I've written the lyrics for this song on the theme of frank
love…right?
In a nutshell, M-2 syndrome was an extreme example of that.
I briefly explained the affliction, and Yukinoshita seemed to understand.
It never ceased to impress me how swiftly her mind operated. It was as
though if you explained one to her, she'd understand all the way up until ten.
She had an aptitude for grasping the heart of the matter with little
explanation.
"I don't get it," Yuigahama muttered. In contrast to Yukinoshita,
Yuigahama stood with her mouth hanging open unpleasantly, as if she were
saying, Duuuuuh? Well, even I wouldn't have gotten it from that brief an
explanation. Yukinoshita was the weird one here for catching on so quickly.
"Hmph. So essentially, it's as if he's role-playing within a setting of his
own design."
"That's basically it. He's basing his character off Yoshiteru Ashikaga, the
thirteenth shogun of the Muromachi period. It was probably just easy for him
to go with that because they have the same name."
"Why does he see you as his ally?"
"I think he's just taking the name Hachiman and thinking of the
Bodhisattva Hachiman. The Seiwa Genji clan zealously worshipped him as a
god of war. You know about the Tsurugaoka Hachiman shrine, right? The
one in Kamakura?" I replied, and Yukinoshita suddenly went silent. When I
cast her a questioning glance, she opened her big eyes wide and considered
me.
"I'm surprised. You know a lot about it."
"I guess." I felt unpleasant memories rising within me, so I looked away
and avoided the subject while I was at it. "Zaimokuza is incredibly anal over
citations and historical facts, but at least his fantasies are history based, so
they're not as bad as they could be."
Yukinoshita gave Zaimokuza a sidelong glare, and with a look of utter
contempt, she asked, "It gets worse than that?"
"Yep."
"Just for my own reference, what sort of fantasies are we talking about?"
"Well, originally, there were seven gods in the world. Three gods of creation—Garan, the Wise Emperor; Methika, Goddess of War; Hearthia,
Protector of Souls—three gods of destruction—Olto, the Foolish King;
Rogue of the Lost Temple; Lai-Lai the Paranoid—and the eternally missing
god, the Nameless God. These seven gods are eternally repeating cycles of
prosperity and decline. This is the seventh time they've remade the world,
and to make certain that this time they can prevent its destruction, the
Japanese government is looking for the reincarnations of these gods. The
most important god among these seven is the eternally missing god, the
Nameless God, whose powers are yet unknown, and this missing god is me,
Hiki… Hey, you're really good at leading questions! You really freaked me
out there! I was just about to go into detail."
"I didn't prompt any of that."
"So creepy."
"Watch what you say, Yuigahama, or I might inadvertently kill myself."
Yukinoshita sighed, a look of disgust on her face as she again compared
me and Zaimokuza and said, "In other words, you and it are of the same
breed. So that's why you know so much about his 'Master Swordsman
General' nonsense."
"No, no, no. What are you talking about, Yukinoshita? Of course that's
not true. I just know a lot about it because of other stuff, you know? I chose
to take Japanese history, okay? I played Nobunaga's Ambition, okay?"
"Mm-hmm?" Yukinoshita gave me a look that said, Guilty until proven
innocent.
But even under her gaze, I would not falter, because I was not like
Zaimokuza. I could confidently return Yukinoshita's gaze, as she was in
error.
__--___--__--_--_-_--_
hello readers today I'm going to announce that my New noval is in contest #260 male lead romance type .
name - I traveled fantasy world with system. if you like after reading you can vote with power stone.
and another other thing is that there's going to be daily release chapter in this noval so don't miss it. byy byy.
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