Capítulo 6: Alone

The days went by in a blur. The hospital beds always seemed to be full of loud, demanding patients. Without fail, this resulted in my exhaustion every night. Being busy, however, did not stop me from having lunch with George, which became the highlight of every day. To actually talk with someone who listened to me and heard what I said helped me unwind. Truthfully, I could not remember the last time anyone had done that with me. It felt good.

George was encouraging me to go ahead and take classes no matter what everyone else thought. It tugged at my heart all the time, but to be constantly fighting with everyone was too much. There was not enough energy in me to even think of doing that. I truly believed that things would fall into place one day. They just had to, right?

It was a Thursday when I needed to take a trip to the linen closet on the floor above us. There had been a rush of dismissals and little staff left at that time of day. The job of remaking all the beds fell to me. After a futile search, all the closets on our floor were found to be empty. What was going on in the laundry department? Relief flowed over me when a full closet of linens was discovered on the other floor, but it turned to frustration as none of the pieces were in the right place. For the next twenty minutes, i made sorting the linen closet my priority in order to get exactly what was needed for our floor.

As my lips mumbled curses at the person who had done the damage, the door opened. The bright lights from the hallway illuminated the dimly-lit linen closet. Turning my head, I saw George as he walked in.

Surprise filled me. “Hey, what are you doing here?” He was so far from his department at the other end of the hospital.

George smiled and shrugged. “Radiology is extremely slow so I was up here to gather some linens for emergency. Got to earn my pay somehow!” Looking at me kneeling on the floor with my hair falling out of the barrette and down the front of my face, a look of confusion crossed his face. “I think I should be asking what you are doing here.”

Laughing, I straightened up. “We needed more linens and our closet is completely empty. When I came here, the room looked as though a tornado had blown through. Nothing was where it was supposed to be. I have been here about half an hour and probably have another thirty minutes yet to go.” I swept my long auburn hair off my face and tried to clamp it back in place with the barrette.

With a laugh George said, “I can’t wait that long. Show me what to do and I’ll help you get it done.”

We began working together organizing the closet. Within ten minutes the job was done and each of us had gathered what we needed. Stacking the much needed linen on the edge of the hamper, I turned to thank him for his help.

“Tha…” The words of gratitude did not get to be formed completely. As I turned around to express my appreciation, George was standing right there. I was face to face with him with only a couple of inches separating us. My heart began to race.

I had never noticed how enticing his cologne was. Then again, I had never been this close to him. My own body came alive. Everything about us was charged. A part of me wanted to lean forward and feel his lips and his arms wrapped tightly around me. I wanted to give in and feel the thrill of it.

Excitement coursed through my veins as he leaned in. His intention was clear. My first passion filled kiss in months was coming right at me. The angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other one began an all out war. My ears were roaring from the clashing of their swords. At the last second, the angel won out, and I quickly averted my head. Grabbing the linens, I shot back a “Thank you” and literally ran down the hall and the stairs to my own floor.

Before opening the door that would lead to the nurses’ station, I leaned against the wall. Rapidly breathing with flushed cheeks, my composure had to be regained before walking into the nurse’s station and face those waiting on the linen. Work had to continue no matter what foolish activity I was involved in, or almost involved in.

*****

A few hours later while sitting on the patio, I pushed aside my normal glass of wine and grabbed a much needed wine cooler. In fact, that was my second one. The first was consumed as yet another dinner was eaten alone at a table set for two. Now self-pity was swimming through me.

The episode in the linen closet had really shaken me up more than I wanted to admit. When the nurses quizzed me on my shortness of breath, my excuse was being out of shape and a difficult climb up the stairs. They shrugged and that was the end of it for them. For me, it was only the beginning.

The events by the linen closet kept replaying in my head. Each time, I hoped it would play out differently. Angrily, I should have slapped him for being too forward, but instead I found myself gazing at his luscious lips, desiring to feel them on my own. Each time, I found myself longing to know what his arms felt like wrapped around me. Each time, a part of my heart broke. I was a Jezebel!

Here I was, a married woman with two, almost-adult children, finding myself in a closet about to make out with a co-worker. How much worse could it get? What did this say about me? What did it say about my marriage?

Depression dug in its heels as another drink was taken and my gaze turned up toward the stars. They were twinkling brightly. The patio lights were turned off so only the darkness and the stars could be seen. To be lost in the stars and feel nothing would be heavenly. Never had the thought even crossed my mind to cheat on my husband. Never had I entertained images of being with another man. Was this incident a sign that my marriage was about to end?

A tear rolled down my face. Here I was alone and drinking. Taking down the last of the drink, I headed inside to grab another drink and find some TV show to distract me. Maybe by the time Mark came home, I would be somewhat composed.

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