Pulling up a chair, the nurse nodded her head, directing me to sit. I did and took Valerie's limp hand in mine. It felt warm, so I lifted it to my mouth and kissed it, "I love you so much," I whispered softly. My eyes glanced back at the nurse, and she gave me a half smile before tending to a clipboard to record something she'd noted on the screen above Valerie's head.
I lay my head down at the side of her in my need to feel closer, figuring our baby was well taken care of. As I stared openly at her, I admitted to myself I hadn't wanted to see my baby alone. She'd been unconscious when he was born, and she hadn't seen him yet. It hadn't felt right for me to have the privilege of being the first parent to touch him.