Capítulo 56: Nicklos's Concern
As soon as we got back to the Inn, Nicklos had dragged me back into our room. His face was red with pent up anger as he paced quietly around the room. I quietly sat on the bed, watching his aggitated and jerky movements. It was best not to say anything to him when he got like this. When something seemed like it was out of his control, he would lose his cool and lash out in anger. I know he doesn't mean to, but his over protective side got the better of him and all rationality went out the window. I hated seeing him this way, and nothing I could say in this moment, would help his anger. At least bringing up the subject would anger him. There was other ways to calm him down.
"Nicklos, stop pacing around, you are going to wear a hole in the floor." I said softly as I continued to follow him with my eyes. His head snapped over in my direction. His golden eyes almost seemed to glow as he angrily stopped mid step. His dark hair fanned out in front of his face, giving him a goth like appearence. Even though he was fuming with rage, I still found him quite attractive.
"Alliah, I don't want to talk right now." He said bitterly as he dragged a hand through his hair. I watched as it gently fell back into his face with a small bounce. I felt sympathetic in that moment. I couldn't help but want to wrap my arms around him and tell him that it was going to be okay. So I pushed myself off from the bed and approached him. He watched me intently, arms crossing over his chest as I neared him. His guard was piled up high in front of him, his eyes filled with uncertainty as I stood before him.
I gently coaxed his arms out of the way as I weasled my way into his embrace. The cold and disgusting feelings I had felt earlier, melted away like warm butter. His presence and his warmth made me feel secure once more. Although I was enjoying his warmth, he stood as still as a statue. He was trying his best not to take his anger out on me, but I could slowly feel it melting away. With every passing second, he became less stiff and that made me only snuggle further into his embrace. My face rested upon his chest, listening to his quicken heart rate that seemed to slowly climb the longer I stood here.
Finally, after what felt like forever, his arms gently came to rest against my back. He sighed with defeat and placed his head on top of mine, enveloping me against him. I gave him a gentle reassuring squeeze, but remained quiet as we both savored each other's presence. At least I was until his hands ran down my back and down to my butt. Before I could protest, he wrapped his hands around my upper thighs, and boosted me into the air. I wrapped my legs around him for support, and readjusted my arms to wrap around his neck.
"Nicklos, what are you doing?" His head came to rest upon my chest and he remained quiet. He didn't have to say anything for me to know that he was overly concerned. Despite how rough our reunion started, we had grown so close over the last couple of weeks. At least we had advanced further in our relationship then we had started. Now we where being thrown into risky situations and everything seemed to be against us. While he has been worried about me and my Kingdom, I was more worried about everything else. Not once did I really stop and tell him how much I appreciated him, and how deeply I adored him.
"You know, I never really stopped to ever say thank you. You have been through a lot these last few years, and I only ever gave you hell for it. So I wanted to say sorry, for giving you more trouble than it's worth. I also want to say thank you for never giving up on me either, even when I was just about to give up on us." I ran my hands gently though his thick hair. It felt like silk as I gently brushed his scalp, hoping that it was easing his nerves. His arms around my waist tightened in response, but his head never moved.
"I was a very quiet child. I wasn't a fan of people, and when you are quiet, you observe things. I loved my mother dearly, but she is weak. She absolutely needed my father for everything and I hated that. There was a time when I was young when our Kingdom was attacked. There was a disagreement between the South and North. Instead of staying to defend my father, she tried to run away out of fear. That was the day that I stopped seeing her as my mother, and more of a coward. She died before she even left the kingdoms walls."
"I don't hate her for trying to leave, I hate her for being weak. Instead of learning how to defend herself, she would just doll herself up, make the servants do everything for her, even my father became her slave. So instead of learning how to wield a weapon, she became this porcelain doll, and in the end she died because of it. I couldn't see her as my mom, but as a woman who tragically lost her life because of the standards that where set for her. I couldn't stand women after that. Until I met you." He whispered softly. My ears where barely able to pick up his words as he spoke. They where brimming with sadness and anguish that I felt my heart ache in response.
"I know you are capable of handling yourself. I know that you have been fighting for so long that you know how to defend yourself. But there is something called being too strong. I believe you are almost at that point. Although you might not see it, you are careless in a different way. You put other's lives before yours and that will get you killed faster than any illness would. I know you, and I know that you will do anything to get to the bottom of this situation with Laylia too. Which is why I am so worried. I don't have much left, and losing you, would be like losing a part of me too. Which is why I need you to promise me that you won't do anything reckless. I need to know that you are going to do everything you can to be safe and stay out of trouble." I was touched and taken aback by his begging manor.
But his begging also hurt me too. My recklessness he spoke of, was because of the way I protected him. In all honesty, I would do it again. He would have done the same for me, not giving his life a second thought if it meant saving mine. Because in all honesty, I don't know what I would do without him. Those first five years where spent writing to one another, and the last year was spent wondering what I had done wrong to push him away. There was never a day that wasn't spent thinking about him, or yearning to be with him again.
"You fool. You say that, but you would be just as willing to sacrifice yourself for me, as I am for you. But I promise I will do everything in my power to keep safe. Even if it means leaving before it becomes to dangerous," I paused, feeling my throat tighten. "But if you think for one minute that I am not scared, your wrong. My not being seen as weak, is because I don't show it. Truth is, there is a lot going on that I am not handling very well. I've gotten to the point where I don't want to do this anymore. Which is why I am so passive about stepping down. There has been enough bloodshed in my life to last for a thousand years, and I have had my fill." A weight seemed to lift off my shoulders, having confessed this too him. Like a secret I was hiding, was now revealed.
"That's because you have been doing it alone for so long. Everyone has been against you from the start, and that is a burden in itself. That doesn't make you weak, just tired. You don't have to shoulder it alone any more. I am going to stand by you till the very end." His head rose to meet mine, and I couldn't help getting captured by his golden waves. I let my hands tangle themselves in his hair as I brought my lips down to his. Where my heart ached, it was now filling with the love I had for this man. This man that knew me so well, and knew exactly what to say to make me feel better.
I hope, that I can continue to be the same woman he adores as we grow older together. I want to be someone worthy of staying by his side no matter what.
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