Capítulo 137: Liberation from the past
At that moment Diane was exactly in front of the Courcy's mansion.
She stood there, silently, she dared not move any of her muscles, she just stood there and waited for something to happen, as the first faint rays of the sun shining from the reddish dawn beating on her dark and delicate face.
She stood there, she observed with her big blue eyes that enemy mansion, a mansion which seemed deeply that of any children's fairy tale, from the green forests that surrounded it.
The leafy branches of the green trees were slowly stirred by a warm and light summer breeze and her black curly hair closed into a short ponytail was also stirred from her head.
She knew being there at that moment was not safe, she had always felt it somehow, how those lands had never really been hospitable to the Stanleys, her family.
In front of it there was a large gate of heavy and dark wrought iron and on the other side of it there were two doormen, formally dressed, with the task of opening and closing the gate when carriages passed.
Diane mostly knew that she couldn't get too close to that gate, she knew it because as a direct noble she was aware that an aristocratic family like the Courcys possessed a rich and varied network of protection and her fear was even more confirmed as, directly to the two sides of the gate were two mighty guards, to protect the families from any possible intrusion.
For this Diane could not get closer nor ask to talk to someone, she really knew she didn't even have to be there if she wanted to return safely to her children and her Meredith who was already waiting for her at home.
On the other hand, she did not have noble clothes on, she knew for this reason that no one would believe she was a noble, dressed in a large nightdress covered with earth, which made her small and thin body disappear in it.
Diane did not even have the golden pin that connected her to her family with her, she had burned it in the fireplace in anger so it would also be quite impossible to prove that she belonged to an aristocratic family.
And even if that were the case, being a Stanley she would certainly not have been frowned upon: she could have been imprisoned if not killed.
She knew that her plan could not work and she too couldn't explain how she could be so stubborn sometimes but she couldn't leave those lands before the impending war without having clarified things with Damien.
She knew he hated her by now but she at least could say that she had tried to improve the situation, especially since she and the two others had spent almost three years in the company of each other.
Diane closed her eyes for a few seconds, she was amazed at how the guards had not already chased her away, perhaps because she was a beautiful young woman.
It was frustrating not knowing who the fathers of her children were or if they had families, but she definitely believed it was much better this way, as Logan and Cassidy just didn't deserve such fathers.
She wished them the worst for what they had done, she wished the worst also to Isabelle, who had been the mind of that evil plan.
The princess felt no sense of responsibility or respect or sensitivity, all she cared about was her power and in reaching it she had damaged too many people, she had hurt others.
That was why it all deserved an end, that Isabelle pay for her crimes which she herself had committed, pay for Gilbert, Francis, Abigail, Thomas, twins William and Dickon Dustin, for John.
All victims of her cruelty and also for the people she had hurt like her, Aleksei, Henry and in a sense all the British, sending them into the trenches to fight a war for her.
Yes, in this world everyone makes mistakes and although you always try to do your best to improve everyone has a good side and a bad side, everything depended on the experiences, the traumas, the strength of the spirit that someone more or less had, from the character.
Diane could feel the fresh smell of grass in her nostrils, the humidity of the cold and transparent frost, the freshness of the air, that warm breeze and the sun beating on her skin.
All that was magnificent but perhaps, at that moment she thought again that returning to Man with her half brothers and children was the right choice and that she had given up on that.
On the other hand Samuel could be right, that war was not for her to fight, not without an army, not when other forces more powerful than her were already fighting for power, House after House, all ended up killing each other.
Anyway by that time the rest of his family would have been really too far away to reach and as two days had passed since they had crossed the border, it could have been that Walter, Marcus and Samuel Stanley along with her children were already in sea leaving for Man.
So she just had to stay and fight, avenge those she had lost and hope to survive until she could see her children and her own girlfriend again.
-So? Do you want to move or do we directly need to lock you up?- one of the two guards present there began to protest, as the small grey eyes of that man had sunk into the large and blue ones of her.
She didn't understand on the one hand, the guards wouldn't normally have to talk to someone they didn't know not in that tone and not without knowing who she was or her complete history.
-But look at her poor way of dressing...this girl must be a slave who escaped from the plantations of some landlord here in the neighborhood...-.
But Diane was not a slave, rather she was a lady, it was understandable that given the humility and dirt accumulated on her dress it was easy to believe, she was barefoot, all scratched by the small stones of the ground and on her delicate face they were formed patches of mud from the previous night.
Diane looked from one to the other of the men, she could not say anything, she did not know what to say, could not open her mouth except out of extreme need and certainly could not reveal her real name to enemy guards.
So she just placed both hands around the bars of the gate, squeezing them around it: the wrought iron of the metallic structure was cold and not too pleasant to the touch but she knew well that for such an action she could lose her fingers.
She looked with her big blue eyes beyond the gate at the green and fresh lawn, at the fragrant grass, at the flowers, at the plants, at the hedges.
Diane hoped someone would come out of curiosity, she hoped someone would come to help her especially since she was just a young woman and the others were men of her much bigger and stronger than her.
She felt the mighty hands of one take her from her shoulders, squeeze her and drive her out of the gate, of course since they believed she was a simple servant escaped from who knows where it was extremely difficult for her to achieve her goal.
-Look girl, I don't know where you come from or what manners you have been taught but you can't stay here...I recommend leaving if you want to leave the place with all your fingers attached to your hands-.
Diane stood there for a few seconds, away from the gate where she had been pushed away, her shoulder muscles aching immensely but she couldn't help it.
Maybe it was really a bad idea to get to that place, not when no one was willing to welcome her.
When she really thought that now no possibility was ahead of her and that all that journey, all that trial to clarify things and say a last goodbye was now in vain, she heard a strange and well-known voice emerge directly on the other side of the gate .
-What is going on here? What is all this noise?-.
Diane turned around in a moment, that voice, those eyes, those black hair, she recognised them all of a sudden, it could only be him, the boy she was looking for.
-My lord, we are immensely sorry for all the inconvenience caused...this young woman has been here for a few hours now and is protesting to be able to meet you- clarified with blind respect one of the two guards who was controlling the gate.
The lord's eyes quickly exchanged a look with Diane's big ones, he read in them a fear, an anxiety but also a background of hope, happiness and familiarity in some sense.
-Damien, my dear friend! I have tried to contact you by letter but it does not surprise me that all my hope of receiving an answer has been in vain...-.
As the young man heard the voice of the lady who now found herself in front of him, all dirty with mud, blood, earth and grass and who was now holding out her hand on the other side of the gate, he immediately understood who it was and why in those conditions of dressing was easy to mistake for a simple slave.
-You know you shouldn't have come this far...and don't try to touch me, your hands are dirty with mud and blood, Diane-.
At those words the lady seemed mortified, of course she was expecting such a reaction, she knew from the beginning that things would change between her and her acquaintances once they knew her surname and family.
Diane wiped her wounded hands against her white dress already soiled by earth and grass, it was hard to continue like this, especially because once the pebbles were out of her skin it was just then that the small wounds in her hands started to ache.
Before leaving, Samuel, one of her older half-brothers, had left her a bag full of coins which Diane certainly would use first to buy a more decent dress and then food.
It was true that her father had disconnected every banking contract with her name so now her family was no longer financing her and therefore she had to spend the money she had sparingly.
-I tore up all the letters you sent me, I didn't want to get back in touch with you...- explained Damien walking away slowly and a few steps from the gate where at the moment Diane was leaning -yet you seem so stubborn that you don't understand it...-.
Diane moved her head briefly, her body had slowly started to ache, her bones, her legs from too much walking, her hands and arms from injuries, it wasn't an easy situation for anyone.
-I didn't want to introduce myself here either, to tell the truth...I just wanted to say goodbye to you and Sam, before continuing my journey...-.
The young lord lowered his gaze, his pupils narrowing in his eyes so much so that they almost disappeared inside them.
The lady had always been endowed with common sense and a strong understanding of the feelings of others and just like that, in that moment she understood that something had snapped in the other's head.
She understood it from the way his pupils strangely narrowed suddenly, from the way he looked down, from the shadow of sadness that stood out on the pale face of the lord.
-I and Samantha are a couple now...- Damien admitted, quickly squeezing his sweaty and pale hands together.
He played with his fingers, moved them frantically, she understood from the air of his words that something was deeply distressing him -but she is not doing very well, she needs time to recover and meeting her would make her even more nervous, strong emotions are not good for her...-.
Diane quickly lowered her gaze, in a certain sense she didn't have the courage to look Damien in the eyes after what he had told her, that she couldn't even meet her own friend for one last time, this really hurt her much more than physical pain.
A brief silence was created between the two, they did not look into each other's eyes, it was as if they had not had the courage.
-Now it is better that you go Diane, you have better things to do than to stay here and I also do not want to prolong this discussion- Damien admitted coldly, turning his back on her.
Diane understood he did not want to talk to her, she understood that it was too much but we know that humans do not forget and as very curious beings some of them could die in order to know secrets and trifles.
She remembered at that exact moment of a speech that had happened between the two some time before, during a normal evening walk along the streets of the old town.
A fact that for a moment she had almost forgotten, which she absolutely wanted to clarify before disconnecting once and for all contact with that person.
-Damien, about a month ago, along the streets of the citadel I remember you consoled me by saying that you too have lost someone who mattered, so now before I go, I want to know who it is...-.
Every movement of the lord stopped immediately, almost as if the cold had taken him, wrapped up frozen, his muscles could not move due to the astonishment and fear, he actually remembered having said those words, and in a single moment he realised he had made a big mistake.
-I will pay you, as long as you go away-.
-I don't want your money, I want the truth, I want you to be honest one last time with me, after which I will leave you alone, I will never disturb your peace again...- admitted Diane once again holding in her hands the heavy wrought iron bars, almost to the point of making the wounds on her hands bleed.
The young man exhaled through his pale and thin lips, he still felt anger toward Diane Stanley but in a certain sense he also felt a strong respect for her, as she had been one of the strongest women he had ever known.
Well, if only that secret that the lord kept locked in his heart would have been enough to send her away then he would have agreed to make this little sacrifice for the greater good.
-It's about my adolescence, when I was about fifteen years old...you know I'm a bastard but for a series of long events I finally managed to trace the identity of my biological father...- admitted Damien squeezing the shoulders, turning red with shyness and sadness in the face.
-...my real father is an archbishop of the private cathedral of the Courcy family...he mistakenly got my mother pregnant when she was just sixteen and I was born as a result...I've always wanted to have a father, as you can understand, so I was over the moon once I found out who really brought me into the world-.
Diane nodded, she understood him, that life was the life of most illegitimate children like him and in a certain sense she understood what feelings they felt and what heaviness that incident had brought into his life.
-...so one day, after attending mass with my maternal family, the only one time of the year where my father was also present I tried to get close to him, talk and try to build a bond with him...he was the father figure that I have always lacked, it was like a dream for me to be able to meet him, and even more a disappointment when as a teenager I was chased away by him...it was too risky for a clergyman with such a position to lose his importance for not having respected the celibacy rule...all I wanted was a father but what I have understood since that day is that trust in people would always and only cause me pain-.
As Damien finished speaking, Diane noticed how his body began to tremble, how his voice immediately became more insecure and stammering, how cold was the environment that had created around them.
She understood all of a sudden from what that innate coldness was born, that all the detached and skeptical way of acting of the other was nothing more than the consequence of a wound that for a long time was hidden in his heart.
-All I wanted was a father...just be appreciated for one damn time...- the young man stammered as the cold and salty transparent tears began to fall on his pale cheeks.
Diane knew she had removed a big weight from his shoulders, that maybe Damien would, over time, be able to regain confidence, understand that not everything that happens is always for the worse.
Yes, humans are complicated beings, like a contraption, just a bump, a screw out of place to make everything collapse, to stop it from working.
But in that moment Diane felt in the heart of her enemy the opposite effect, his heart, it had started beating again, stronger, faster, she finally perceived on the face of the other something that she herself had never seen, a smile of sincerity.
-I...thank you Diane...- came out of Damien's dry and pale lips like a whisper -thank you for setting me free...-.
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