Capítulo 45: [XLIV] — Mind research
The space I was drifting in right now was just darkness.
It has been a short while since I've been in this silent state. No senses other than just existing. Being in a warm, peaceful liquid like that is calming. One of the most serene things I've got to know. Just darkness.
But then, a sudden feeling emerged from the other dimension. As if something touched my hand, that I didn't even remember it existed. A soft texture of someone's slim fingers.
They emerged from the darkness, with a big hand palm. A small blue signet on the ring finger caught my eye. Its sapphire gem shined brightly in the contrasting black.
Clenching its grasp on my thin wrist, I just heard this sentence be spoken by a calm in the utter void:
"Please wake up."
It echoed, being muffled, through the infinite space, giving me a sense that it wasn't so big at all.
These words were getting louder and louder, ringing in my mind.
More clear.
More real.
At the end, I felt just as if someone yelled them out just in front of me. The energy of their scream, it made my face be torn into oblivion.
The whole space shattered like glass.
…
"Please wake up! Oh god… what have we done…"
"If there is anyone to be blame, it's you, you've controlled the outflow of the energy. Shouldn't have increased the power so much."
"Agh… You don't understand… It's not the amount of power that I've let outside… Scientifically saying nothing wrong should have happened! Their bodies are living shields! Refined to the point that no harm would've come! Her data analysis was doing great until…"
"Fool. You're the one to lecture me? How humiliating. You know it's not just about the body. Who cares about her body! The only thing I care of is-" — The irritated voice of one person yelled. He seemed to be on the verge of his nerves.
I got conscious to realize the existence of other two beings beside me. The darkness I was surrounded by wasn't the same anymore.
This one was grained, scarlet, with patterns appearing before me. The same one I drifted away in when I went to sleep.
My eyes were closed, yet as the slightest movements of them occurred, the person speaking immediately stopped.
"Ah! She's moving her eyes! Oh god, ahhh…" — The other one previously speaking loudly sighed with ease.
"I told you. They're… Ah, never mind. Too much stress for me for a one day… Burning the kitchen, fighting with each other, smoking, arguing, these kids give me too much trouble. I'm going to have to… Revitalize myself…" — A voice of an older person came to my ears. — "Keep me updated. If there was anything strange, tell me immediately. And… Be cautious."
The owner of the voice stood up from next to me, with his old bones cracking. I heard him leave the room, and was left with an itching silence, being broken by occasional quiet breaths of the other person.
They were…
No other ones than Doctor Neumiro and Mr. Vanus themselves. Their voices are… characteristic.
Neumiro's is deep, but at the same time gentle… Soft…
Mr. Vanus on the other side has a melodic tone, with a weird accent. His oldness sometimes catches a breath, making his words become harsh from time to time.
But… Me… Lying on this bed…
How did I land here?
I remember just going along the passage…
The memories of the past were like hidden behind a thick mist. Whenever I want to remind myself of what happened when I went further down the passage to the blue aura, my mind just seems to go numb.
The only thing I can recall is the terrified face of Dr. Neumiro, which looked somewhat different as he looks now. And a grasp on someone's soft leg, with me pulling them down, as I was falling into the void. My mind swirling like the red sirens of my memory, I couldn't recall anything more.
My body, I tried to sense all of my limbs while staying still.
Nothing wrong, just a weird itching surrounding my waist, like a burning wound.
Did they achieve… What they sent me there for? How did this exactly end… Was the memory I have from the moment I went there or… Simply a dream I had while sleeping?
Was it the right time to open my eyes now? Wouldn't it be better for me to just sleep and act as if I'm not concerned by anything in the world surrounding me? I… Ah…
Wasn't there something I was supposed to do?
…
As my eyes opened closely, a blurred image of a gray room appeared before me. I've had to blink a few times for my eyes to adapt to the stinging light.
The air in my lungs felt unusually heavier than ever, with my body being chained to the bed right now, I didn't have any strength right now to move it. It just felt so nice lying calmly on a soft mattress. Just a sign of laziness, I think. Overall, I didn't notice anything wrong.
"Asha…? You're…" — The pale face of the same doctor, which I've dreamt about, greeted me with a pained expression. — "Ah, is everything alright?"
His face suddenly grew closer to mine, to the point where his long stands of beside smeared over my neck. Giving me a retracting reaction, there was nowhere to go back, so my head just went deeper into the pillow.
But he didn't realize my uncomfortness. His face had distress written all over his face, bags under his eyes, eyebrows frowned. Even his thin lips trembled a bit.
"Can you… speak?" — His eyes inquisitively glared into mine.
Without him wearing the glasses I could notice that his eyes were very pale blue, and I've always thought there were white.
"Oh god, is your Broca's area damaged?! Oh no… What have I done…" — He grasped his head with his pale hands and seemed to grimace in pain.
"What… Is the Broca's area…" — Quiet words came out of my mouth, as I was genuinely concerned about it being damaged in me, despite not knowing what it actually was.
"Ah! Asha! You're here! Oh god… You can't even imagine how much I've been worrying about you…" — Out of a sudden, he caught my hand and clenched it strongly.
Ah… Really?
After locking me behind an impenetrable barrier, with only one path… Leading to oblivion…
I… Even if I don't remember anything…
Was it worth it?
"Was there anything to worry about me?" — I've tried to dare him to let him slip what actually happened.
Why would he be so concerned about me? And the conversation from before… What was it all about?
His crossed face seemed suspicious. I'm here, feeling just alright, only a bit tired.
I'm not stupid. Something has happened, even if I don't remember the most.
When I asked him the question, his face dropped the worrying expression. It was now glaring at me questionably, as if he was wondering if to tell me or to not.
"Has my ability been sorted out? Can I burn people, or maybe make them fly?" — I smiled at the end.
But his face hasn't changed…
His eyes haven't either… As if there is no answer.
…
"…Wasn't that the purpose of taking me there… To this creepy place… Without telling me anything… prior…" — My voice cracked down at the end. His face remained still. — "Was it all in vain then?"
I reminded myself of the fear I've felt back there. The misty ooze of fright seemed to flow down my limbs, making my stomach swirl in pain. The blue aura absorbing me.
My stomach rumbled, reminding myself of the prior feelings. That fear. Didn't I agree with myself that I won't let myself get into that state again?
Then why. Why do I fall in trouble and despair again and again? Letting others take custody of me.
What was the purpose of this all?
"Why are you doing all of this to me?
…Why?
Why are you all lying!?
WHY!?"
I've tried to call myself a bit, but the words were just growing more and more aggressive.
I feel like a doll. Like a puppet that anyone can do anything with. Being manipulated, hunted, thrown and locked into dangerous places. Running away from an unknown oppressor, not having anywhere to hide. Just what is the purpose? What does everything want from me? What…
I've felt tears running down my face, my lips wobbling, my hands trembling, my entire body getting filled with the heavy mercury that is despair and helplessness.
Not being able to run away, wandering in unknown places. Why have such a fate met me?
I didn't want to hold it all inside of me. I wanted to let someone know what is slowly killing me from the inside. Gripping my neck and not letting the oxygen in. So hard to breathe. So hard to find the fresh air.
"It's suffocating." — The ceiling above me was plain, nothing special.
It's ugly gray color seemed to be calling my name. To calm myself.
I've promised myself to be brave and composed, haven't I?
But what if I just… Can't… What if it's against the true me?
I hate being used. I hate living in the fake world others created for me.
I couldn't see the doctor's face behind the wall of tears. But it seems the sight of me crushed something inside of him.
His hand grasping mine, it was still there. Like a faint reminder that I should be grateful for still being alive.
He helped me once more, or he u s e d me once more…
Which one was it? Should I really… care?
"Asha… You…" — His words suddenly interrupted my weeping.
"…You disappeared. You literally vanished from existence."
Wha-…
What is he… saying?
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