Capítulo 55: Much Kindness
Couples counseling.
As I sat there with Irene rambling my mouth off to every understanding nod of her head, that's what keeps coming to mind.
This was practically an intervention of the third kind.
Strangely enough, it was actually working to great effect. To finally have a vent for all of these pent-up emotions that I kept bottled up inside of me. Felt like a teenager again.
I also felt really pathetic. Ash… Ash was the one that needed this - why the heck was I the one being comforted here?
Everything I recounted to Irene, Ash was there with me… Ash was the one taking the brunt of all the emotional turmoil these past few hours, why was it me getting the pat on the back here?
"She needs help," I finally finished, ending my spiel with the longest sigh my lungs would allow me. "And I don't know how to help her."
Irene nodded her again, tapping the rims of her glasses absentmindedly, as she stared silently at fellow shoppers going about their business, free of any unrest pestering away at their subconscious.
I stared at her staring and raised a brow. "I think this is the part where you offer me some words of wisdom that will affect how I view my outlook on life and change me for the better."
"Do I look like a wisened old maiden?" she quietly muttered. "You're asking the wrong mythical being. I just solve crimes and make people horny. That's it."
"Right. Detective, not therapist. I always get those two mixed up." I hunched forward, pillaring my chin with a raised arm. "Still, It's a pretty progressive society nowadays, I'm pretty sure even a succubus is allowed an opinion... sure you don't want to share yours with me?"
Briefly, her eyes wandered over to mine, her face forming an expression that looked a little bit on the frowny side, before she took in a sharp intake of breath through her mask.
"You're nice," was what came out of her moment of contemplation, to which she then proceeded to follow it up with, "You're a very nice person."
Compliments were the last thing I expected from an assessment. Whatever, I'll take it with a shrug. "Why thank - "
"No wonder she keeps you at a distance."
"- you..." I blinked twice. "Elaborate?"
"Nothing much to elaborate on," Irene said, also shrugging her shoulders. "You're nice and she can't handle it. She's not used to you so she keeps you at arm's length. You keep forgetting the fact that she's an Elf, a Knight, and a Servant. That kind of combination, in her kind of world, you think anybody has ever been nice to her before?"
I took a moment to consider her words.
'She didn't mind it, though." I pointed out. "I was nice to her back then too, she didn't seem to mind. It was only after that… the vampire incident… that she started acting up."
"Exactly," she nodded. "And you're still nice. She nearly killed you so many times and you're snuggling up to her like she's a sick puppy."
"Because I've forgiven her, she knows that."
Irene scoffed. "You think she's forgiven herself?"
That question came speeding at me like a bullet to the face. I expected a revelation… I didn't expect that kind of revelation, and clearly, it showed, in my eyes, my expression… why else would Irene be shaking her head at me that way?
"Apparently niceties comes with a side of denseness," Irene muttered, standing up on her feet and placing her sunglasses back on. "You're welcome."
Irene took that as the perfect moment to pick up her little basket and start walking away too. Didn't even have to wrap my head around it before I was calling out to her.
"Where are you going?"
Irene stopped, turned, and raised her glasses upwards. "You got the words of wisdom you needed, and I need to get going. Got my own… personal things to deal with…"
Her suddenly leaping up to her feet was very abrupt, her hurried walk away from me seemed a little tense, and the indifferent stare of her eyes right then… it looked forced.
Personal things, huh?
"Alright, fair enough," I nodded my head. I won't pry. "It was nice talking with you.
"Yeah… good talk."
After that, I watch her turn and leave once more. Or I would have if she had actually left… no, she was still standing there, motionless. Brief enough, that I didn't even have time to inquire about it.
"The things she doesn't want to talk about. You need to talk about it." She suddenly suggested. "You aren't the only one bottling your feelings up like that, you know."
I knew that. I've always known. Still…
"That'll just hurt her even more," I said.
"At this point, anything you do will hurt her."
"Shouldn't I just be kind?"
Her crimson eyes… they looked at me, and they looked at me rather sadly. "Kindness can hurt too, you know?"
Then she finally left. That was it. All she had to say. Now there she went, disappearing into the crowd, doing her utmost to stave away from others, keeping both arms and legs tucked in, her head down and in hiding.
If anything was sad it was that. The trouble she had to go through just to keep herself from drawing any suspicion… I can only imagine the headaches that come with it. I mean, look at that… a simple trip to the grocery store, and she had to dress like she's on the FBI most wanted list or something.
Still, despite inconveniences being flung her way 24/7, she had time and patience to listen to another's woes, even to go as far as offering advice to try and remedy the situation.
She could go on acting all aloof and uncaring all she wants, she wasn't fooling anyone, really. Deep down, Irene was nice too… perhaps nicer than she would care to admit, if she'd ever admit.
And thanks to that, I realized all was not yet lost… not yet, at least. But It will be if I keep acting as I was.
Kindness hurts.
Understood, Irene… understood.
-----
Five minutes went and gone after that. Five minutes of twiddling my thumbs, five minutes with nothing to keep me company but my thoughts, five minutes just waiting on her approach.
Then there she approached, wheeling into view, with a trolley rattling full of groceries.
"Please excuse my belated arrival," Ash said, bowing her head. "There arose... some complications in my search."
"Complications how?"
"Some commodities you've listed, they did not have at hand."
No stock, huh. Must be a pretty hectic season.
"So what'd you do?" I asked.
Ash nudged her head over at the cart. "I... improvised."
Okay, so two cereal boxes from two different brands. That's what I wrote on the list here.
There were ten in the cart. Stacked up high like a makeshift tower of babel. Apparently to Ash, improvisation meant replacing every item that wasn't in stock with a different brand of cereal.
It's like she took one for every possible occasion.
Very astute Ash, but I don't think I can properly clean the toilet with just coco puffs alone. I could try, though.
"Welp, if there ever is a shortage of cereal supply in the coming days, at least we know we're in good hands. "I said, folding the list and pushing the cart to the check-out counter.
"Should I have consulted you beforehand?" Ash inquired. "I believed you were not in a mood to be pestered."
"Nah, I think it was probably for the best that you didn't," I said. "Next time though, yeah… please do consult me. I'm not sure if the poor pantry can fit any more boxes."
"Understood."
Beep-beep went the barcode scanner. One, two… all the way to ten. I could feel the cashier doing his absolute best to not question my questionable… purchases.
It took a while but eventually, this long drawn-out grocery quest finally reached its conclusive end.
What did we get out of it?
Two handfuls worth of bulging plastic bags. Real life didn't have an inventory system, sadly, so I had to settle with waddling about like a penguin while Ash held the umbrella over our heads.
She offered to carry some, of course, she did. I politely declined. She offered enough already.
There was this silence between us again, and whereas before I would find the quiet absolutely unbearable, in this case, however, I found that I was actually in dire need of it.
This quiet, this silence… the calm before the storm.
It persisted way up until we reached the next bus stop where we took our place awaiting the big metal box that will carry us all the way back home.
For now, though, we waited, we sat… not a word exchanged between us. I looked at her where she sat gloomily all the way at the other end of the bench.
It was funny… we went and done so many things in the course of this trip… and nothing has changed in the slightest. We were back to where we have started.
Sitting on a metal bench. A gap once more.
Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
"Ash," I breathed. I swallowed. "I've been thinking…"
Try as a might, I couldn't hide the apprehension in my voice, non-surprisingly, Ash picked up on it, her expression turning tense.
"Yes, Master?" she said stiffly.
"I… I wanted to ask…"
Irene's words rang through me. Her voice, her suggestions, they kept blaring into my ears as if she was right there screaming them at me.
You're nice, you're too nice.
I realized Irene forgot one other thing too.
I was also a coward.
"Nothing…" A weak spineless coward. "Forget it."
There was a disregarding smile on my face afterward that I wanted to punch so badly. I felt disgusted with myself… and I wanted to scream when Ash strained a smile back.
"Okay…" she muttered.
The rock on the bridge will not be going away anytime soon.
Eventually, the bus came roaring to our stop, ready to take us home with everything still left unresolved.
"Get in first, Ash… I'll get the bags," I said, sighing.
Expectedly, indecision kept her rooted in place, she wanted to help - I didn't want her to help, I urged her on again.
"I'll be fine."
With that, she finally spurred into motion, nodding her head once and boarding onto the bus, heading on to find us a place to sit.
Meanwhile, there I was, mentally kicking myself in the balls for how much of an idiot I was for letting the opportunity go.
Tried to assure myself that there will be plenty of other chances in the future but to no avail. Aggravation kept tugging at the bags, threatening to make it tear. Anger splashed at the muddy puddles, soaking my jeans, as I made my way onto the bus.
With a heavy heart and heavy mind, I boarded, muttered out the destination, and paid the driver the fee. The bus rumbled and roared, and then it was off.
Many people… many wet and damp people were also on board, making an already cramped space even more cramped, and making an already worsening mood even worse.
Where the heck was Ash in all this?
I let my eyes scour about for a moment, thinking I'd find Ash tucked in a seat somewhere, quietly minding her own business.
Wrong. Dead wrong.
She was right in the center standing very still with her back facing towards me.
That stance, that rigidness… something was wrong.
I wormed and slithered my way past many legs and arms on my way to her, stopping short at just right behind her.
Tapping her on the shoulder elicited no response whatsoever. The anger inside of me took a rain check and buzzed off, substituting it then… confusion was there to furrow my brows.
"Ash?" I tapped her again.
Finally, some signs of life, she shook her head… she kept shaking her head.
"Why are you just standing there?" I asked.
Red flag, red flags everywhere…
"I don't understand," she uttered.
I didn't either, what the hell was going on?
"Ash, what's…?"
Now I was standing still, now I was rigid, it was my turn to start shaking my head.
I now understood.
I understood what she didn't understand.
And I knew she will never understand. Not for a long time.
The trio sitting directly at the back of the bus, Ash will never be able to comprehend it.
Three young teenagers, smiling, talking, laughing… cosplaying.
A sorcerer with a hat and coat to the right. Alin The Supreme, first companion in the game.
An archer with his bow and quiver to the left. Eron The Hawk, the second.
In the middle of the two sat a young girl, swaying her head from one companion to the next, her silvery-white locks draping over her glittering emerald eyes… curtaining slightly her long pointed ears.
Eshwlyn the Elf-Knight smiled. Eshwlyn the Elf-Knight laughed.
And Ash saw… she saw it all.
The moments when two worlds collide.
That rock on the bridge just got an even bigger rock stacked on top of it...
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