Capítulo 14: chapter thirteen
"you'll be fine, all you have to do is tell him that you just see him as a friend in a nice way. god, how can rejection be seen in a nice way? you're stupid, hanbyeol." i was standing outside the gates of our university, trying my best to blend in with the crowd of students.
why am i so nervous about this? all i have to do is tell him i don't feel the same and we're better as friends, i sound mean.
"hanbyeol! lee hanbyeol!" taehyung's loud, deep voice was calling out for me.
let me tell you what happened, it had been hard to avoid taehyung since we were literally sitting next to each other in some classes. straight after classes finished, i rushed my way out which resulted for taehyung to run after me.
"why are you avoiding me? is it about the video? have you watched it?" his voice got the attention of everyone at school. some might be wondering why we were chasing each other through the halls.
just before i could reach the rooftop, taehyung stopped me, trapping me in between his arms, my back lying against the railings of the stairs.
his face was close to mine, taehyung's eyes bore into mine as if trying to find the answers he needs just by looking at me. we were too close, our bodies were practically touching.
"talk to me. whatever your answer is, i'll accept it." his voice softened, his eyes suddenly displaying such sadness that i never saw before. how can i reject someone like him?
"taehyung, i..."
i was out of words, i didn't know where to start or what i could even say. "we should go now, you have your club meetings, don't you? you'll be late, we can talk another time." i tried to pry his hands away yet he kept steady, not moving an inch from me.
"fine, just let me tell you something before you go. if you were to choose between me or another guy then just choose him, yeah? because if you do like me back, there wouldn't be any other choice. i'll accept any answer you would give me, just please don't avoid me. avoiding me plus knowing you might reject me is already too much." he took his hands away, ruffling my hair and smiling again like nothing had happened.
"let's talk after classes." i said before walking away from him, going straight to the soccer fields of the school.
i sat down next to the usual tree, burying my face into my hands. "jimin, it would be nice if you appear any moment now." i whispered and just like the wind, he suddenly appeared next to me.
"what's the problem?" he asked, moving in closer and patting my head gently. "is it about taehyung? what did you tell him? do you like him? wait, i'm asking too much questions, go ahead and just tell me." he slapped his cheek lightly, making me chuckle at him.
"he's not pressuring me but why do i feel pressured? i just can't seem to find the courage to tell him that i just see him as a friend. jimin, what do i do?" i looked at him yet all he did was smile back, his hands tucking the loose strands of my hair behind my ear.
"why don't you like him back? don't you think you can like him back? taehyung is a nice guy, he will take care of you and he seems to really like you. why not give him a chance?" he said before mumbling something that i couldn't catch, "either way you'll end up with him."
"because," i felt heat rushing to my cheeks, memories of jimin's sudden confession yesterday appeared in my head. "i like someone else." i mumbled, my words coming out as a whisper.
"your classes are finished, right? let's go home." jimin stood up on his feet, waiting for me to do the same.
"you can go ahead, i'll wait for taehyung. i need to speak to him, i just don't want to keep his hopes up anymore." for a split second, jimin frowned before flashing me a smile.
he crouched in front of me, "go ahead, think about it properly. i'll see you back at home, tell me everything that happened." he gave my head a pat before walking away, slowly disappearing from my sight.
i went back inside the halls, waiting outside taehyung's club room. my mind was clogged up with too much thoughts, i already practiced what i'm going to say but then why am i still nervous?
i was slightly banging my head on the wall when someone grabbed my shoulders, suddenly turning me around. taehyung had the usual smile on his face, his hands still on me while looking directly at my eyes.
"what are you still doing here? and why are banging your head on the wall?" his hand went on my head, patting it lightly. "you should've gone home, were you waiting for me?" he asked.
"i wanted to talk to you, can we talk?" i asked him.
"of course we can, let's talk at the park near your house." i followed him to his car, getting in and letting him lead the conversation. taehyung had a tight grip on the steering wheel, his eyes fixated on the road while he tried to keep the conversation going.
we arrived at the park, heading straight to a bench. there weren't too many kids and most of them were in the playground.
silence engulfed the two of us, neither the both of us had said a word ever since we reached the park. maybe i shouldn't have initiated to have a talk with him, i should've just go home.
"what is it that you wanted to tell me? if it's about the confession then like i told you, i'm not rushing you... really. just take your time and whatever your answer it then i'll accept it." i turned to look at him and a sincere smile rested on his lips.
"you're a great guy and i feel stupid for doing this," i took a deep breathe before saying the words that i've been wanting to say, "i just can't seem to reciprocate your feelings, taehyung. i'm so sorry, i tried so hard to like you back but i just can't." i muttered, my conscience eating me up. my eyes couldn't bare to leave his face, i wanted to look away yet i wanted to continue stare at him as well.
"no, it's alright, you have nothing to say sorry about. just promise me that we'll still be friends, just atleast give me that, yeah?" taehyung flashed me a smile, standing up from his seat suddenly. "we should go home, it's getting late anyways." for a second, i heared his voice cracked, his eyes drifting away from mine everytime our eyes would meet.
"taehyung, i'm sorry." my hand automatically held onto his but the next moment, taehyung pulled his hand away.
"no, don't say sorry. i like you but that doesn't mean you have to like me back, it's not your fault for not liking me back. i'll be fine, hanbyeol, just give me some time and i promise i'll be just fine." he gulped, licking his lips before asking me a question. "is there any particular guy you have in mind?"
jimin.
"there is, isn't? a smile was on your lips just seconds ago. whoever he is, he's lucky to have someone like you." i immediately frowned, "wait, i didn't mean to sound mean or anything. is it that ghost guy? i mean i know he's not a ghost but then i don't exactly see him, i'm rambling again. it's jimin, isn't?" he sat back next to me.
"i know it's weird, we don't belong in the same world yet here i am, hoping that there's a chance. is what i feel really love? is this really love, taehyung?" i asked him, immediately regretting when i saw the same frown on his face.
"love is love, just because you don't belong in the same world doesn't mean you can't fall for each other. hanbyeol, have you told him about what you feel?" he asked.
i shook my head no, "i'm scared and besides, he'll return to his world soon so it's no use to confess."
"pain is better than regret, believe me in that. life is too short to hide your feelings, don't be afraid to say what you feel. you know what i learned after all the relationships and confessions i went through?" i looked at him, signaling him to continue.
"i learned that some people are meant to fall in love with each other but they are not meant to be together. if you and jimin are really meant to be, then fate will find a way to make it happen." he continued.
"thank you, even after all i did, you stayed by my side. even after everything, you're still here, talking to be about things i don't think i can ever tell to someone else." i smiled at him yet he didn't smile back instead, he just stared at me.
"can i be honest with you?" he asked and i nodded, taehyung took a deep breathe before speaking. "i'm hurt right now, i'm in so much pain yet i don't know why i'm still here talking to you. hanbyeol, do you know how much i want to cry right now? i actually want to cry but i'm trying my best not to because i don't want you to feel guilty. i don't want you to see me breakdown because of a silly confession." he had his face buried in his hands, his voice cracking every now and then.
i was speechless, did it really hurt him that much? of course it hurts that much, hanbyeol. my hand reached out to pat his back yet i stopped when he suddenly looked at me with teary eyes.
"let's take you home." he stood up, walking ahead of me. i followed, making sure to be a couple of steps away from him to make it less uncomfortable.
he drived me home, the whole drive was quiet. we both didn't talk, i was scared to say a word that might make our situation more uncomfortable.
we got to my house, i said my goodbyes and got out of the car. i went straight to my room where i found jimin who was busy drawing something, colored pencils were scattered on my desk and few papers laid messily on the floor.
"jimin?" i went closer and saw that jimin was drawing a scenery, two people seated on a cliff with their heads laid on each other.
"do you like it? it's a drawing of the two of us." he raised the paper, showing it to me with a proud smile on his face, "it's cute, isn't?" he giggled, his eyes forming those moon shapes like always.
i nodded my head, taking it from him and admiring it. "it's really beautiful, you never told me you know how to draw, is there anything you can't do?" i asked him, placing the paper back on the table to pinch his cheeks.
"well, i can't stay with you forever."
he grabbed my hand and dragged me to my bed. we both took a seat, his hand still clasped in mine. "tell me what happened, are you alright? is taehyung alright?" he asked, concern filling his eyes.
"taehyung isn't fine. i feel guilty, jimin." i told him.
"you don't have any reasons to feel guilty, rejecting someone isn't a crime. taehyung just needs time, he'll be fine and before you know it, everything will be back to normal." he comforted me, his thumb grazing over my palm gently.
the next thing he did surprised me, jimin suddenly moved in closer, his lips touching my forehead swiftly. after the kiss, he pulled me closer, hugging me in his arms.
"i'll miss you so damn much, byeol." he whispered into my ear, his voice cracking at the end. his arms tightened around me, his head burying into my neck.
"i'll miss you too, stay here for a little longer, okay?" i pleaded, his scent calming me. tears were suddenly at the edge of my eyes, feeling a lump on my throat.
we pulled away from each other, his hand reaching out to my cheek and caressing it. "let's take a picture together, on your phone." he suggested and i nodded, taking my phone out from my bag and positioning it in front of us.
jimin had his arms wrapped around mine, flashing a big smile. i snapped the picture, snapping the very first picture of me and jimin.
if only i could take countless pictures of the both us, if only we belong in the same world, if only time isn't our enemy. i don't think i'll ever be ready to let you go, jimin.
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