Capítulo 18: CHAPTER 18
OPHELIA'S POV
I looked at Xavier as he looked down. His face filled with this guilt without any regret. He felt guilty for disappointing me but didn't regret killing himself.
"Look, I'm not perfect, okay? I smoke but at least I don't forget to take my meds."
I don't know how absurd this conversation can get.
"Smoking kills you. Do you hear me? A cigarette is a fucking knife that keeps stabbing your lungs until you can't breathe. Why don't you understand?"
My voice broke at the end.
I was scared.
I was scared that I wouldn't be able to save him.
The demons of his past haunted him till this date and I was scared that I wasn't strong enough to fight them.
Hell, I barely managed to fight my own.
I was scared that Azrail would reach him before I could.
"Oh I am sorry, Ophelia, that I am not the guy you thought I was. I'm sorry, bit if you can't accept me the way I am then I don't think we can be friends. or anything more."
Those words were like a slap to me. They slowly slipped out of his mouth and hit me hard across my face. Tears began to surface as it became hard to swallow that lump in my throat. I got up as my tears blurred.
"I-I guess you are right, Xavier. I'm sorry for not being the friend you wanted."
I left his room but I felt like I had left my heart in his room. I grabbed my books and purse and walked to the door. Every step that I took made me feel like someone was stabbing me.
I reached for the door handle and pulled it down. I finally left.
I realized I had to take an uber as Xavier picked me up. I took my phone out and booked one. As I stood there, I heard the door to Xavier's house unlock. When I turned around, he stood there.
Looking at me apologetically.
"Here, let me drive you home."
I wanted to agree so badly but I needed time to think and I wouldn't be able to do that if I was around him.
"It's fine, Xavier. I'll leave on my own. I have already called for an uber."
A car pulled up as I got a notification, 'your uber has now arrived'.
Xavier opened his mouth but I got into the car. I couldn't stand there.
I looked outside the window and saw Xavier standing. The car started as his image began to fade and get smaller. I felt like Xavier was becoming a part of my past with every second passing.
I knew it was wrong of me to leave, but I was hurt. Xavier was pushing me away when he realized that I cared. He was scared to let others in. He thought of himself as a monster when he wasn't.
I didn't want him to apologize. I just wanted him to let me in, for once. That would be enough for us.
Love was an enigma to me. It was this thing that we have always heard about but didn't know a single thing about it. I didn't know if what I feel for Xavier is love or a crush.
But I knew one thing for sure.
I cared about Xavier.
Deeply.
I just wanted him to accept that, without running away. or pushing me out.
I plugged in my earphones as Lewis Capaldi began to play. Music is a funny thing. Sometimes it made me forget everything.
And sometimes, it reminded me everything I wanted to forget.
Today, it was the second case.
What would Damon think of me? A failure? Someone who gave up?
My uber suddenly stopped. The tires screeched as I pulled out my earphones.
"Is there a problem?"
I was scared. Hell, I was terrified. I looked around and it was completely dark. I couldn't see a thing.
"Lia, Lia, Lia. I told you to give up, didn't I? You never listen, do you? Look how messed up that boy is without any tricks of mine; imagine how messed up he would be when I spice up this little adventure of yours that's not taking you anymore."
My uber driver was Azrail! This whole time he could hear everything that when through my chaotic head. He wasn't going to harm me, I was sure about that.
At least, I hoped he wouldn't.
"Why can't you leave us alone? Don't you have anyone else to bring to heaven?"
Azrail's dark eyes glistened with this wickedness that truly scared me.
"I want that darkness, Ophelia. I feed on Xavier's darkness. I am not going let all that darkness go to waste. Also, don't fall in live with a guy who's gonna die in 16 days. Save yourself that heartbreak, would you? Now get off."
He disgusted me. He fed on the vulnerable. I got off quickly and saw that the darkness around was replaced with the lamp posts and my house. I walked inside my home as if I nothing had happened.
My parents were home. I could hear their voices. I wasn't in the mood to eat anything so I just headed upstairs. I got into my pj's and tied my hair up in a bun. I jumped into my bed and grabbed my phone. I wanted to call Xavier and make sure he was okay.
I decided against it. I called my best friend, Dawn who was away on a family trip to the Bahamas.
However, the call went straight to voicemail.
"I guess, it's just me tonight."
I searched for my journal and found it in my book bag. I grabbed my pen and tried to let it all out. It was hard at the beginning. My pen didn't move and my mind was blank.
But then it came. Like a tsunami of emotions, my ink began to flow.
Giving up wasn't in my nature;
But my heart's a funny creature.
You push me away,
And I let my feelings astray
In this war of hearts,
will I lose myself or
will I lose you?
All the lines that draw us apart,
are the cause of my bleeding heart.
Some times, time runs faster,
making my life nothing but a disaster.
In this war of hearts,
will I lose myself or
will I lose you?
Once I was satisfied with my poem, I closed my book and laid down on my bed.
Sleep entered,
but my thoughts never left.
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