Capítulo 2: Talia
I feel alone.
I'm adrift in the middle of nowhere.
I'm drowning in a black cold sea.
No one is here to save me.
I wake up to the sound of my alarm. My breathing got really heavy. My head was spinning. I felt sick but I knew it was just in my head. I had to head to class I really didn't want to.
I was in fifth period and I was panicking. I didn't know what happened to me I became a hollow shell of my self. I used to be this happy bubbly person and over night I became this husk. I didn't find anything I used to like fun. I hated talking to people. I just wanted to be alone listening to music. I loved music it basically transported me into someone else's head.
It gave me a rush. I could pretend to be someone stronger, someone smarter, someone better then me.
I don't know why I just loved music. It was my only escape out of this painful cycle I keep finding my self in. I hear my teacher calling my name I look at her and stare blankly at her. She looks like she wants to say something back, but the bell rings and we're dismissed. I swiftly walk out of class hoping no one noticed me. I don't mind being invisible. It's kind of peaceful to be the one watching drama unfold while you sit there. You get to watch other people's lives fall apart.
I grab my headphones out of my bag and click play. With the music playing I head home. It's a three mile walk. I don't mind I want to be in my head right now. I start thinking about my lesson music. I play Cello and I'm horrible at it. People tell me I'm not bad, with practise I can get better. I don't believe them for a second. I start doing some simple fingerings on my leg. 1, 3, 4, 2, 1, slide, 1. I keep it up I don't know what tune I'm playing. I just want to get out of my head for a little. The song was playing in my head. I could feel some of my emptiness getting filled with the song, but it just wasn't enough. Although it made me happy at the moment so I didn't mind. I kept tapping my fingers and walking.
I entered my house there was no one there per usual. I loved being alone I felt free. I walked over tho the fridge and ate some Yoghurt and chocolate. Not bad. I headed to my room and turned on my laptop. I didn't want to do any homework right now. I played FIFA for a little bit then sat on my bed and turned my music back on. I'm laying down staring at the ceiling thinking about how I don't know what I want to do in the future. School is honestly kinda useless but I don't care. I think again how alone I feel. Everything around me is cold, dark, and scary. I don't want to venture but I'm drowning. I can't breathe. I'm struggling for air. I can't breathe I'm choking. I'm flailing. No one is here to save me. I may as well just sink. Hoping someone will grab me but no one will. I drown slowly. My dad starts shouting my name. I realise I have football practise and get dressed.
I don't like football as much as I used to. It used to be my favourite sport I would play it all the time. Now I would rather not. "Talia ball left run to the centre." Ugh I try to stop zoning out but I just don't care. I start talking to my self about what I wanted to make for dinner. My head was totally in the clouds. I half-assed practise but I didn't care.
I got home and watched Netflix some. I didn't care much about what happened earlier. Then my mum calls us down to start preparing dinner. I get boiling the water to make pasta. After dinner we have a boring conversation about politics or whatever. I wasn't paying attention I just wanted to go back to my music. I wanted to feel a sort of high. Sadly I was stuck listening to my parents and brother talk. After dinner I ran up to my room to listen to music and start my homework. I didn't really understand it but I didn't care it was hard shit anyways. I wanted to cry. Part of me wanted to cry all day and everyday, but I never did. I felt so empty. I feel like I'm alone in this big dark sea drowning with no one to help me.
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