Capítulo 282: Chapter 10: Her will
Paano nga ba ayusin ang isang bagay?. Kapag kasi magtanong ako sa iba. Mas lalo lamang akong malilito sa mga isasagot nila.
Bacn in our high school days.
"Lance, paano kapag nalaman ni Bamby ang tungkol sa atin?. Sinabi mo na ba sa kanya?. What about your friends?." She said softly and shyly. This is the day na I confessed my feelings to her. I cornered her here at our pantry. Natanaw ko kasi syang bumaba kanina kaya dali-dali ko na rin syang sinundan.
Overnight sila nila Joyce and Winly. She came down here to get some snacks. She said. She voluntered to go down here para naman may magawa sya. Yung tatlo naman daw. Inaayos ang bed, naghahanap ng movie to watch and setting their led lights. I wanted to voluntered to give them a helping hands pero baka kantyawan lang nila ako. Lalo na si Bamby. I knew her. Magtataka iyon sa tulong na ioofer ko. Magtatanong kung ano bang nakain ko para tulungan sila. And of course. Ikekwento ito kila Mom and Dad. Tapos pagtatawanan pa ako. She's my number one bully. Like vice versa. Kaya kahit gusto kong kumatok sa pinto nila. I'd rather not to. Siguro. Tatayo nalang ako sa harap ng nakasarang pinto. Maingay sila pero ako tahimik na nakikinig sa tawa nila. It's disappointing pero it's better this way.
"I'll let her know soon.." I assure her this. Not giving a promise but it's a bit like that.
"When is that soon then?." Tumaas ang kilay ko sa tanong nyang ito. She bit her lower lips when I lean closer to her. Closing both off of her sides. "If you wanted to.. we'll let her know now.." I challenge her. I wanted to do this too para naman gumaan ng bahagya ang dala ng isip ko. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng may tinatago. Hindi normal ang lahat sa'yo. Maging ang pagtulog at pagnguya mo ng pagkain ay mabagal. Singbagal ng oras at panahon kung paano nalaman ng kapatid ko at best friend nya na we exists. Hindi sya makapaniwala. Kulang na nga lang patumbahin nya ako sa suntok pero nasuntok nya talaga ako. Asking her brother. Of all people. Bakit ikaw pa?. That's why I questioned my worth. Not her. Oo nga. Bakit sya pa at hindi ang iba?. I doubted. I guess. Sarili ko lang ang pinagdudahan ko, hindi sya. Hindi ang intensyon nya. At hindi ng feelings nya. Am I that f*cking sh!t?. No doubt. I'll admit that straightforwardly. Isa akong Gago!.
"Kuya, sa dami ng babae. Bakit sya pa?." She's too serious about it. I wonder why.
"Bakit hindi pwedeng sya, Bamby?. Simple. I liked her. I fall in love to her. What's the matter?." She even bowed down her face knowing that I'm telling the whole truth here. Inayos nya ang buhok kahit wala naman magulo duon. I know she's been going through things right now pero I have to tell her everything about what's going on about me and her bff.
"Hindi ko naman sinabing hindi ka pwede sa kanya. What I'm asking is, of all, girls out there?. Why her?. Kuya, what's on your mind?." Salubong ang kilay nyang saad. Ayaw nya talaga ang nalaman nyang balita about me.
"Bamby, you know the feeling of being in love, do you?." I asked back.
She stood still. Ayaw patinig ang mga kilay nyang kulang nalang maging isang linya. She hates the thing a lot. She can't even say a word.
"Hindi ko rin naman sinabing bawal ang magmahal Kuya. What I'm curious is that. Bakit sya pa?. You know naman. Ang pwedeng mangyari. She's my best friend. Paano nalang kapag nagbreak kayo?. Dawit friendship namin. Do you even think bout that?."
Tumawa ako ng mahina. "Ang layo naman na ng nilakbay ng utak mo lil sis. I'll assure you that, that won't happen. And, honestly. I don't know why I like her. I don't know why I fell in love to her. It just happened lil sis. Maging nga sarili ko. Tinatanong ko din lagi. Why her, not the pretty girls around my age." I shrug my shoulders. "And it just popped up on my head that, because she's what she is. Wala nang ibang paliwanag duon."
Tinitigan nya ako ng masama. Matagal. Bago sya kumurap ng ilang ulit bago nagpakawala ng mahaba at malakas na buntong hininga. "Alright. I'm not against nor a pro. I'm in the middle of neutral. Just don't mind me. My decision doesn't matter right?. Lahat naman ng gusto mo. Nakukuha mo agad. Kaya bahala ka na. Isa lang ang pakiusap ko. Don't make her fall hard and most importantly. Don't fall harder. Mahirap na." Tapos nyang sabihin lahat ng to. Tumalikod na sya't tumakbo paakyat ng kanyang silid.
"You're obviously against us.." I just murmurs this pero di na nya narinig. I wanted to let it out loud pero baka lumabas si Kuya at tanungin ako what's the matter.
But the horror of her thoughts are effortlessly wanting to catch us.
She fell hard.
But, I fell harder!.
Kaya ang nangyari. Naging away bati. Cool off dito. Cool off dyan. Alam ko at ramdam ko na alam na ito ni Bamby kahit wala pa akong aminin sa kanya. But she keep on keeping her mouth shut. Mata nya lang ang tumingin sakin, sapat na para sabihin saming, ayusin nyo yan.
Her Mom got ill. Her Dad got her new family. She became silent and cold. Break up again. I talked to her. But nah. Wala sya sa tamang isip. Her focus is on her family. Their family is big. And, complicated. I pity her. That's my word. At her young age. Ang hirap ng pinagdadaanan nya.
Until her adopted Mom died. Nawala na syang parang bula. Until, I found her again. And got her. Nagsimulang muli. Di na ako bumitaw.
Not until her last will.
"Dear Love of my life, Lance. I don't know how to say this to you but please. If you ever encounter to read this. Please forgive me. I'm really very sorry kung hindi ko matutupad ang mga bagay na ipinangako nating dalawa simula pa. I don't want you to cry. I don't want you to hold on to me. I don't want you to hold back on your dreams. My will is your will. Your will is my will. Alam ko. Mahirap. Pero walang mas mahirap kung patuloy kang hahawak sa nakaraang matagal nang nabaon, Lance. Be with the kids pero you have to enjoy life too. Have life. I know you too well. You'll probably get stuck on the page were we are still together and having a good time. No please. I'm begging. Yes. Promise me. Remember it but don't live in it. Hindi makakabuti sa'yo ang magmukmok. Sayang ang galing mo. Sayang ang gwapo mo. Lalong sayang ang lahi mo.. haha.. kidding aside. But honestly. Lance, I will miss you so bad. Basta lagi mo lang tandaan. Andito ako lagi sa tabi mo. Aalalay sa mga anak natin. Lalo na sa'yo. Mahal kita. Alagaan mo ang Daniel ko ha. Lalo na ang baby Danica ko. Wag mo silang hayaan at pabayaan.. Hanggang sa muli.."
Ilang patak ng luha ang tumulo sa sulat na hawak ko. Ngayon ko lang binasa ito dahil ngayon lang din ako nagkalakas loob na basahin ito simula noong nawala na sya. This letter is given by her Kuya Rozen. Pinatago nya raw ito sa kanya in a reason na hindi nya rin alam. This letter is consist of a box of gold, jewelries and our photo album. Si Rozen ay wala ring alam na may nakasukbit na sulat pala sa loob. Ang sabi nya. Hindi nya rin kayang buksan ang box. Who he is daw to open a thing na hindi kanya. That's why.
But her will. Is unbelievable.
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