Capítulo 55: In detail.
Ichiru just smiles at me, I know he wants this more than anything and in a way, I wonder if I am doing to him, what Zero did to me? I am not in love with him, to be honest, I don't even know what these feelings are I am feeling at this moment? My biggest fear is I am only feeling them due to what he looks like and who he reminds me of.
Before all this, took place he was my best friend, my confidant. We would have the greatest of times together but I never saw him sexually. When I first met him, I even felt awkward around him, and couldn't stop staring at him, trying to find the ways he was different than Zero. Which over the years I have found out, its just not in looks.
We take a seat at the Island in the kitchen, I sit on one stool he sits on another. I still feel a bit awkward about that kiss, that long, hot, sensual kiss. It took my breath away and I wanted more. I just sit there and try to move on, and act as if it didn't take place.
Ichiru sits there quietly also, eating his scrambled eggs. I am sure he is thinking all kinds of things as well. I just know I need to move one either way from this. Last night was wonderful, I felt myself, I had a normal dinner out with a ....friend. I need this to continue, I need to grow without you Zero. It's what you wanted, and what I will have to do. For myself and my children.
"Ichiru, I think it's about time I file the divorce papers with Joel. That way I can move on from him, and he can do that same. I didn't feel the urgency before, but now I see its not fair to let him think, things may return to normal I need to let go of him." I say.
"I think that's a wonderful idea. I was wondering when you were going to, I just didn't want to rush you. I just remember the last time you filed as soon, as you could. Then it was under different circumstances." Ichiru states.
"Yes, it was. I wasn't so ready to go through all that this time. Just even though I didn't rush it, he still didn't take it too well. Just this time I didn't through a relationship in his face, just two babies........ I am still not sure how Zero thought I could go back to Joel like this? Two children, that isn't his? That is asking a lot from someone, on a regular basis, these were created while married to Joel, or at least he thinks that. Not to mention, how long I have been away from him. Some things you can't just go back to."I answer.
"I think he wanted to give you everything back, he just didn't do it in the correct way or format. He could have also figured if Joel loved you, you could work it out. Its a lot but with time, I am sure he could forgive. It's not like Zero is here to pick up the kids on weekends. Just like I took them, I am sure in time he could if that is what you wanted." Ichiru states.
"It's a bit different from you, you know the truth. You know I didn't cheat on you. I am sure it's still hard but at least that isn't hanging over us." I reply.
"That is true, I do know the full truth, and you didn't go behind my back. Zero told me to watch over them and you. Just at times, even I wish they were really mine, then I just think they are. I was here from the start, and my twin's blood is running through them. So it does make me closer to them. If it wasn't for the twins, would you go back to Joel? Back to your old life?" Ichiru asks.
"To be honest with you, I don't know. I thought If I would have woke up without children, in the same position, maybe I would have just stayed. Why go through all that again? There wouldn't really be any reason to. The only real reason I left was Zero the first time. I might not of have the same feelings for Joel as I did Zero but, I had a family. Why disrupt them for nothing? I had a lot of time to think about things. Maybe too much time, I really didn't want to have to replay all this. He should have just kept things the way they were. I was his wife, and I had his son." I respond.
"I told him that, I told him you wouldn't want this, but as always he thought he knew better. If I think about it, I feel he wanted to give us more time together if this works out. The ten years back to replay with me and build our own life. Just in a way, I don't think that was fair of him to through on you either. I don't want him pushing me on, you or the other way around. I want you to be with me because its what you really want. Not because of him or even the twins. I know you will do what you think is best for them, but what I want you to do, is what's best for you." Ichiru comments.
"Thank you, that really means a lot that you see that. The last time I did what was best for him, all I ever saw was him. I guess this time I do get to see me, it's just sometimes I don't even know what I want or where to turn. " I respond.
"You been through a lot the last few months, and even in your marriage to him. Once it calms down and you get yourself together you will know what you want and need. Just like you knew to get out of that house for a bit, and even the twins. You need time for yourself." Ichiru answers.
"It's nice that you understand me, I do need to move on and get parts of my life back. Even if I don't know what to do with our relationship at the moment. I want my girls to come live with me like they did last time. I know I waited a bit I just hope they want to come now. I wasn't in any condition to be a full-time mother to them. Between everything happening and the twins, I wasn't ready. Not that, it makes it right. Mothers are not really supposed to take breaks." I state.
"After everything, I think a break was needed. It was smart of you to take one when you saw, you couldn't handle it. There is nothing wrong with that. Also you already kind of raised them once, and it was a shock to you to see them like this again. They had their own families, there own lives, they were full-grown adults. When I think about things my brother really set everyone back. " Ichiru replies. "It's also great you want to get things back on track now. We will figure us out whatever it maybe once everything else is rolling, it may even be easier to." Ichiru adds.
"I am thinking your right, or at least I hope so," I admit.
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Denise_M_
Denise_M_ Creation is hard, cheer me up!
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