Capítulo 44: home.
After sitting with Ichiru for a few hours, I know its time to leave. I have to go home to my babies, At the same time, I really don't want to go back to Joel. He didn't do anything wrong, I just felt like I was in the wrong life. I so want to go back to where I was, I just don't know how and it doesn't seem like I can.
I get up and take the box left for me from Zero. Telling Ichiru, I would see him tomorrow. We would go to the hospital together to finish the paperwork. Which I still wasn't sure about.
I walk home slowly taking another look at my home, the home I loved. The home where the person I loved more than anything used to be. I hurt so much inside I could barely breathe. I just try to hide most of it even from Ichiru, knowing his true feelings just made everything worse.
His true feelings just hurt and confuse me even more. I am just torn, my feelings eating away at me. This is so much to handle.
"Mom, Your home," Liz says.
"Yes, sorry to have worried you. I took a long walk, I just needed some fresh air." I respond.
"It's been hours. We were getting worried.." Bri comments.
"Sorry. I am going to lay down, I see the babies are sleeping? Sorry to burden you with them. Just at the moment, I don't feel like myself. I will try better to get myself together."I state.
"Don't worry about it, you had a long few months. We don't mind taking care of them for as long as you need." Joel answers.
I just smile not knowing what to say. What can I say? I wish you were someone else? That I was somewhere else? I just keep that all to myself, knowing I really need to think about all this before making a choice. I know I don't want to do this alone. I want these babies to have a father. I am just not sure where to turn.
I go to my bedroom and lay on the bed, taking the box that Zero left for me. A red wooden box square with a lock. Ichiru gave me the key so I am sure he knows what's in here already. I just stare at it knowing this is the last thing I will ever have or get from Zero. I still have many questions in my mind. I wish I would have gotten to bury him, to remain his wife, Then I realize if it stayed that way, I wouldn't have Destiny. If time stayed the same I would be too old to have her. I would be in my fifties, where now I have ten extra years. I still wish things were different.
I stare at this box, should I open it or just let it go? My heart hurts just wondering what it is it. I just know if I let the box go, I will never know what Zero really wanted. How I wish he was still here, I need him more now than I ever have. I wish he could see our daughter. He would just love her, just like he did our son.
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