Capítulo 9: 8. Meet her again?
And there, before I took a steps inside of my office, naramdaman kong nag-buzz yung phone ko na nakalagay sa bulsa ng pantalon ko. I took it at nakita ko ang pangalan ni Roxie sa screen.
I massage my forehead using my left hand as I answered her call.
"What?" I bored asked.
"Marsha is late okay? I don't want to hear again from you of rebuking her again. She has a reason an--"
I cut it dahil palagi nalang niyang kinakampihan yung walang kwentang babaeng 'yon. What the-ano bang pinakain niya sa kapatid ko at feeling closed na sila sa isa't-isa?
Speaking of that girl. She's always making me angered whenever I saw her. And here now, I watched her of what she's trying to do. And I noticed that she's maybe seeking for my presence.
I stepped then I spoke.
"What do you think you've done?""
She almost jumped in now at her position as she turn back, and she saw me standing beside her. Looks like she's curiously.
I folded my arms against my chest, then I turn my face into a wrathful-eyed.
Damn her!
Ngumiti lang siya na nagpabilis naman ng pintig ng kaibuturan ko. Freaking heart! Ano rin bang pinakain sakin ng babaeng 'to at bigla nalang humuhupa ang galit sa kaloob-looban ko? Damn it!
I just still shut my mouth and I can't make any words to say. And that moment, I feel electrified again as she touches my hands and now my arms!
Faltered and drooped. I'm becoming clammy now. I should have guts and toughness to face like this circumstance. But this damn adventurous girl is making me weak!
I noticed her gulped as she looked at me in a straight line.
I exhaled. Don't be damn attracted to her gaze!
"Your fired." I said undoubtedly.
I know saying that word is so hard to accept. But, I think she deserved it.
I saw her paused for a moment and suddenly my eyes looked down in her lips. Gulped. Fvck! What am I thinking?
Nabigla ako ng makita kong pinukpok niya ng mahina yung ulo niya. Hindi lang pala siya maganda, stupid pa. Maluwag ata yung tornilyo niya sa ulo niya e.
Did I said she's beautiful? Fvcking mouth!
Napukaw ang diwa ko sa kakaisip niyon ng mapansin kong tumigil na pala ang elevator sa floor ng baba-baan ko. She's very contagious! Nilalason na nung babaeng 'yon ang utak ko! Hanggang dito, nagkakalat pa rin yung babaeng 'yon sa utak ko! Please! Let me damn calm!
Galing kasi ako sa office ni Roxie dahil kina-usap na naman niya ako. Tungkol na naman dun sa stupid na babaeng 'yon. Wala na siyang bukam-bibig kundi puro yung babaeng 'yon ang pinapa-alala niya sakin sa halip na tungkol sa trabaho.
She scolded me like a kid because she known that I fired a while ago that Marsha. And that stupid girl, sometimes may utak rin pala. Nalaman ko kasi na dun talaga siya dumiretso ng i-fired ko siya.
And Roxie was now getting mad at me again. She will report me to my mom and dad like she always do. Kapag may nakikita kasi siya saking hindi na kaaya-aya ay kay mom at dad kaagad ang diretso niya. And now she's threatening me. What the fvck!
While I'm now reaching my office, suddenly my two eyes caught up that girl again walking now towards her office, which was not too far from my office.
As before she get in, I hurriedly chased him like an idiot. I cleared my throat before I spoke. Nahihibang na rin ako sa babaeng 'to. Ano bang malay ko at hinabol ko pa siya? Damn frustrated!
"Where did you go? Why don't you answering my calls?"
Shit! 'Yon lang kasi ang unang pumasok sa utak ko! Baka kung anong isipin na naman nitong babaeng 'to.
"Ay! Halimaw ka!". Gulat niyang sabi at sabay napansin kong napa-hawak pa siya sa dibdib niya ng sinundan ng aking dalawang mata.
I gulped. I'm feel I'm now melting on her breast. Fvcking mind! Ano bang pinag-iisip ko? Nilalason na niya talaga ako!
I mocked like I'm angered as she said me again a monster. She's stupid! Do I really look like a monster?
"What the--"
Nakita ko na namang sumilay ang ngiti sa mukha niya. And it always my heart pulsating fast! Ano bang meron sa babaeng 'to? She's always beating my heart fast just because of her smile?
"Sa heaven bakit? Gusto mong isama kita? Ay hindi ka pala pwede dun, sa hell ka pala. Wala kasing halimaw d--"
As she said it to me again, parang biglang uminit ang ulo ko. Am I really right, a woman like her is a damn fraudulent.
Nawala ang kaninang ngiti sa kanyang mukha ng sinubukan kong humakbang papalapit sa kanya. Na siya namang kina-atras niya.
"H-hey! W-wag mo a-kong lalapitan. I-susumbong kita kay satanas, ayy hindi. I-papahi--ahh.."
Stupid! Is she think I'll laugh in her freaking says?
Grinned.
Sa kaa-atras niya ay na out balance siya. And I'm impotent to immediately catch her.
She slowly opened her eyes and perfect! Para akong tumama sa lotto dahil naramdaman ko nag-kakatuwang na naman sa bandang dibdib ko.
And again. Ilang beses ko nang tinatakwil ang babaeng 'to pero parang tangang tuwang-tuwa ang mundo ko kapag palaging ganito ang nagiging posisyon namin sa isa't-isa.
Yes. I was allured by her but fvck! I don't want to repeat again to hurt!
Just because of that girl who'd guts to bully me always, when I was in high school. But then, I stood up in my own and I pledged to myself not to maltreated by that girl.
And until I hit her back. I bullied her more than of her doing to me. But I was curious, because the other day, when I'm bullying her, she doesn't do something to fight back. And the next day, as I saw her again she something confessed on me, and suddenly my world stopped. As she said, she damned like me. After all of this, I didn't saw her at my school. And the fuck I tried to searched her but I wasn't found her.
And that time, I realize that I was fall inloved on her. Hinanap-hanap ko siya nun, not to bully her but to damn admit also to her about my feelings. 'The more you hate, the more you love'. That fvcking words makes my world bumbled, just because of what I've felt to her.
Distressed. As I graduated in my high school, I felt emptiness dahil hindi ko na siya nun nakikita. And I was very disappointedly.
I'm always becoming maddest in every single day. Until I step on University. Still hoping that I'll see her. And my request was a very blessed given me from God. Parang nabuhayan ako ng masilayan ko siyang muli. And unfortunately, she's not my classmate, but I do some ways para kausapin siya. Hanggang sa makahanap na ako ng tsempo at sinabi ko rin sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko. Parang sinaksak ako ng ilang beses ng sabihin niyang saking kalokohan at biro lang ang sinabi niya nun na gusto niya ako. Hindi ako naniwala sa una but damn! Pinaasa niya at pina-ikot lang niya ako! I admit, selfish ako pero fvck! may feelings rin ako, pero yung feelings ko na 'yon sa kanya ay pinag-laruan lang niya. Simula nun ay lumayo na ako sa kanya at hindi ko na nagawang lapitan siya. I'm being scornful sa mga babaeng pinag-lalaruan ko rin non. I tried to forget that fvcking girl but the fact that I can't. Yes, we're not have been relationship in between pero fvcking na nahulog ako sa kanya at minahal ko na siya. Sinubukan kong kalimutan siya ng ilang beses but a little bit ay nakatatak pa rin siya sa dibdib at utak ko. And I'm not hoping na makikita ko pa siya. Hindi na ako umaasa na makita ko pa ulit siya, I'm contented for what she'd done to my heart at masaya na ako sa kung ano ang meron ako ngayon, dating some girls at kung ano ang ginawa niya sakin, ganun rin ang ginagawa ko sa mga babae ko.
And that's why I'm referring it to a girl like Marsha. Mga manloloko at manlilinlang to hurt someone heart who just showing their love to someone. Yeah, I do not experienced a break up but it's fvcking definitely also referring it. Nilinlang niya ang puso ko to make me stupidly fall to her. That damn girl! And that girl is Marsha.
Bumuntong-hininga ako at saka ko napansin na nasa ganun parin pala kaming posisyon. Sinulyapan ko siya ng tingin at napansin kong nakatingin lang siya sakin. Napa-aray naman siya ng pinitik ko siya sa noo niya. Okay, I can say I'm laughing at her pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko.
Pero, habang tumatagal, something pop up in my mind as I remembered my past.
Don't you say that...
Binitiwan ko na siya na ikinasalampak niya sa sahig. Tumalikod ako pagkatapos kong sabihin na sumunod siya sakin.
Damn it! Pero imposibleng siya yung babaeng tinutukoy ko noon? Yes, that girl named Marsh pero ngayon ko lang napagtanto na Marsha rin siya...And there surname..
Fvck!! They're the same pero... No I'm sure it's not. Kasasabi ko pero parang kinakarma na ako.
Tumikhim ako habang binabaybay ang opisina ko, iniisip ang mga bagay na 'yon habang tumatakbo sa isip ko.
I clenched fist.
Yes. It's impossible kaya dapat kong alamin ang detalye tungkol sa kanya. The fvck na dapat kong malaman.
Ayoko nang maranasan yung naranasan ko dati. I will not pass up this moment. And I'm surely hindi siya 'yon. Yes, I know her face but definitely impossible na kamukha niya yung babae noon.
Fvck! Dadagdag na naman 'to sa problema ko. Shit!
As I reached my office, agad na akong dumiretso sa loob at saka ako umupo dun sa swivel chair ko.
Just say her that she's not. Hindi ko siya mapapatawad kapag hindi 'yon ang sinabi niya. I will ruined her life the fvck that what she also does on me formerly.
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