Evan was in middle school when Anna first came home in tears. His sister had always seemed invincible to him until that moment. As she hid in her bedroom, he could hear the sobs through the walls and they cut his heart like a knife. It wasn't long before he discovered that was the sound of a broken heart.
It seemed strange that someone wouldn't like his sister. Sure, she was bossy and headstrong, but she was also one of the most devoted people he knew. When Anna cared about someone everything she did was invested in that person. When she was little that devotion was invested in her family, and once she started dating it shifted to her love interest.
"Why does Anna always fall for these losers?" Evan remembered asking his father. He was in high school, once again frustrated by his sisters distress.
"It's not always easy to control who you decide to love," his dad had sighed.
Love. Evan thought the word sounded like a disaster waiting to happen. Love caused Anna to cry, hide in her room and refuse to eat. Love caused her to try again, chasing after someone new without regret. As he got older Evan understood that love was just a mysterious concept he couldn't grasp.
Once he started dating Evan realized affection, attraction, and love were all different things. He understood desire for a girl. He knew how it felt to be kissed and pursue someone, but in the end, he didn't feel anything when it was over. There were no heartfelt goodbyes and bitter tears. Sometimes, he was disappointed, but in his heart he knew what he felt wasn't that deep.
When he started role playing Evan got a chance to explore more emotions. To him, it was an experiment to unlock what relationships could be like. His characters felt more complex than him, able to freely interact without restraint. He read other stories, immersed himself in a place where mistakes happened and plot twists were celebrated. He even found an online friend who was easy to talk to. It felt like a step in the right direction. Yet miles of cyberspace separated him from finding anything real.
In school, he was distant and no one seemed like the right fit. Everyone seemed to find that other half, while he just wondered if he was missing something.
Then one day, it changed.
Rylee was quirky and original. Evan was drawn to her from the start. While other girls tried so hard to be proper and charming, she just focused on being herself. Evan liked the fearless confidence she had and her ability to be genuine. Following the car crash, he grew more attached to her hardworking nature and resolve to move forward. With Rylee, falling for her was a careen off a cliff into deep waters. He finally understood all of the feelings that had been missing. He no longer questioned why people opened their hearts even when they had been hurt. He was certain he could not avoid loving Rylee even if he tried.
Every day he was with her, she captivated him more.
"What are you thinking about?" Rylee asked, looking back at him with those dazzling blue eyes.
Evan climbed into bed next to her and planted a kiss on her lips. With his face next to hers he smiled in contentment. "I'm thinking about how much I love you."
Her cheeks grew rosy and she pulled him closer, body pressed against his. Remembering what happened during her shower, Evan had to swallow a lump in his throat. He wanted to enjoy his time with her, but she was a terrible temptation right now. Her pajamas were thin and didn't leave much to the imagination.
"You didn't hurt your side when you fell, did you?" He asked, trying to distract himself.
"No, I caught myself on the wall first." She moved so she was sharing his pillow.
"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you." He brushed the hair from her face.
She surprised him by winking. "If I can't handle that, FanQuest won't live up to your expectations."
He felt a shiver down his back. She was too good at stirring the fire! "I know that is the plan, but you are making it difficult to stick to it." Evan finally complained. He readjusted so he was behind her, and left a kiss on her exposed neck.
"And you think you're the only one who gets tempted?" She spike flirtatiously, but he could feel the anxiety buried underneath. Evan was drawn to comfort her, holding her tighter.
"It's for your own good. You can help us both by staying off your leg and healing quickly."
He stroked her hair, tucking stray strands out of the way. She had used his shampoo, but somehow it smelt much better on her. "Do you feel better?" He was cautious as he brought up her encounter earlier that day.
Rylee looked at the ceiling and finally nodded. "I know what I have is good, and I am happy with you. I don't want to make you worry. It's just..."
"You loved him. And some scars take time to heal," Evan finished. She didn't answer, but her face seemed relieved he understood.
He held her and let her relax in his arms until she started to fall asleep. In his heart, he felt emotions he never had before. Anger, jealousy, and a degree of helplessness he wished would disappear. Now that he knew what love looked like, he wanted nothing more than to protect it with the rest of his life.