I hated waking up in morning. It made me feel sad.
Waking up in the morning wasn't sad to me because I was feeling sleepy and I wanted to sleep more nor was it because I woke up too early and I wanted to dream more.
Waking up in the morning was sad to me because I didn't want to wake up. I wanted to sleep and sleep forever In perfect peace not having anymore to endure the chaos of this wicked world.
Lazily I dressed up for class with no intention of actually going to class. I sluggishly did everything I had to do to prepare me for school.
When I was done I looked at the mirror and saw nothing.
I didn't know of any pet talk that could inspire me not when Pain was still lurking in the corner. He would definitely make me feel so stupid for saying it. I didn't want to feel stupid.
I inhaled and exhaled as many times as I deemed fit until the anxiety I felt was drowned a little bit.
When I finally experienced a little bit of calmness and was now?able to breath properly, I took my bag and practised a fake smile that I was going to have to plaster on my face all day.
I exhaled again exhausted. It was yet another day.
Another day of wishing? for death and living a lie, just great.
In class today I wrote faster than I usually did, not paying mind to anyone or anything else besides my lecturer.
If I couldn't die then I could at least live in peace, I could at least live like I was already dead.
Amaya and Sophia kept whispering and giggling as they wrote very little of what the lecturer was dictating.
They Paid me no mind and I paid then no mind.
"Are you ok, " Sofia asked me amidst laughter.
Was I ok?
"I'm good, " I lied, "I just want to concentrate hard on this course you know, it is really confusing to me. All the cases and rules are too much, I didn't think negligence will be this broad, my God! I can't even deal." I complained
"Yeah all this duty of care, and neighbourhood principle bullshit is really Tiring, " Amaya said faking a yawn.
Sofia had succeeded in pulling me into their conversation and out of my peace and I was grateful for it. I almost got lost in my mind never again to be found again.
At some point I giggled more than they did and talked more even when I felt nothing, because I felt nothing. I simply felt the words flow out of my mouth in? quick successions. Words struggling to be let free and still not wanting to be let out.
When I could no longer bear the pain of pretending to be alright, when the pain in my heart became so much I could no longer hold in my tears, i made a decision to leave. I took an excuse from my lecturer and headed downstairs.
They didn't ask why I was leaving, they didn't care
There were a lot of mirrors on the step of my faculty, a mirror in each floor and each turn. Still, I refused to look at them, I was scared of my own reflection, my own reflection with fangs ready to brutalize me.
As fate would have it, because fate is a bitch I saw a certain Brown eyed boy coming? upstairs and to my direction as I made my way downstairs. Why was I seeing him everywhere! I started to feel that he was stalking me
Immediately I saw him, without thinking I turned back and pretended to look at the mirror in front of me.
I needed to avoid him at all cost. Pain had since been silent I didn't want to do anything to cause him to speak. I wanted to say to the God of pain, Not today!
I rubbed my lips together and touched the corner of my mouth, examining my looks, even though I honestly didn't care how I looked. Something in me guessed that he could sense me trying to avoid me.
I hoped that he wouldn't. I was really wishing that he goes up the stairs and pretends not to have me. After the way I yelled at him yesterday I won't be surprised if he did just that.
But wishes were not horses.
He stopped.
My heart stopped. My breath stopped. Time stopped.
Damn it!
I was really hoping that he would walk away. I thought ignoring him was going to make him leave me alone.
I thought he would walk away like they always did, every one of them but he didn't. Instead he stood at my back watching my reflection in the mirror as I have watched her so many times before.
I wondered if he saw all the things I did as I stared at my reflection in the mirror.
If he did why did he keep looking? Why hasn't he run away from the demon he saw?
Didn't he see her fangs, her bloody teeth, her soaked hair, her pale neck, didn't he see all this? Why wasn't he scared?
Was he a demon too or was he a demon slayer?
My heart leapt with each question but it was not for joy.
I could see his reflection in the mirror and it was perfect, a contrast to my own reelection. I wanted him to leave. I didn't want his reflection tainted by mine, but he didn't. Why? He was supposed to, he ought to.
He moved further so he was closer to me, a few inches closer to me. He was so close to me I felt his breath on my neck, steady and perfect just like him.
"Tell me Lora what do you see?" he whispered, pointing at my reflection in the mirror. His fingers were so white and perfectly manicured. He wore a gold ring I knew was more expensive than my worthless life.
I swallowed. A huge lump had gathered in my throat as a result of how close he was to me.
He hasn't touched me yet and I was shivering from his presence. If his voice could make me this shaken then what will his touch do to me?