Capítulo 16: fifteen
"Here you go" he handed it to me, and I took it, hoping he didn't notice that my hand was shaking.
~ ♡ ~
"Thank you." You sipped the hot coffee, watching him sit back down in the chair. He leaned back, his eyes staying on you, the thumb of one hand hooked carelessly in his pocket, the other hand on the back of his head, playing with his hair again.
You smiled nervously. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
He smirked. "I'm trying to decide if you look better with or without clothes on."
"Ohmygod" you blushed, looking away from him, focusing on anything but him. "You're a jerk, Kim Taehyung." You mumbled, setting your coffee on the table to hide your still shaking hand.
You heard him chuckle. "I'm kidding, y/n. Honestly, I was looking at you because I'm trying to figure out why you cause my heart to feel like a fish flopping around on dry land."
You lifted your head, your gaze going to his face. You knew exactly what he was talking about, your own heart having been overly jumpy around him.
He sat up, elbows going to his knees, fingers laced together, head hanging, so that now you couldn't see his face. Your gaze landed on his hands and stayed there. Those hands, the hands that had touched you in ways you'd never expected, made you tremble, made you forget how to breathe. You closed your eyes for a second, until you heard him take a breath to speak.
"You know how earlier this morning, I said there was something I had to tell you?" He didn't look up right way, and you wondered if he was waiting for you to answer. You swallowed, but before you could say anything, he spoke again. "I was going to tell you that I broke the promise we made, to not keep things from each other."
He finally glanced up, smiling at you. "At first, I thought I had broken it the second we locked pinkies." He stood then, walking to the window, watching the people move around on the sidewalk below, before turning back to look at you. "Then I realized I hadn't broken it at all."
You looked at him, puzzled, brows drawn together. "I don't understand." You wondered if you had the courage yet to tell him that you had also already broken the promise.
"It's simple. We made that promise on the basis of being friends. I don't want to be just your friend, y/n." He was watching you, his face unreadable.
Your eyes darted away from his, and you looked down at your hands you'd hidden in your lap, a small smile forming, one that he couldn't see. "You don't?" It was almost a whisper, and you were afraid to look up at him.
"I don't. I guess I'd hoped you had figured that out by now." He came to you, reaching for your hand and pulling you up so that you were facing each other. You still didn't look up. "I know we haven't known each other very long at all, but...everything just feels right when I'm with you. Kissing you earlier, felt right." He lifted your chin, forcing you to look at him. "Everything that followed...felt right."
You drew in a breath, exhaling slowly thru your nose. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, nibbling on it, trying to think of something to say, but failing, as the 'everything' he spoke of played thru your mind. You were surprised that he felt the same way you did about what had happened, and were just trying to wrap your head around him saying he didn't want to be just friends.
"Y/n, I didn't come here with any plans to do any of it. Even kissing you wasn't planned, it just... happened. I honestly just wanted to surprise you with coffee and donuts." He looked sincere.
"I believe you." You said quietly. You narrowed your eyes at him, sensing that he suddenly seemed uncomfortable. "Tae, you know that I'm not sorry it happened, right?
He looked like he let out a breath he'd been holding. "You're not? Because I was worried. God, I didn't want you to think the wrong thing."
"Like what?" You could only imagine what might be going thru his mind.
"Like that maybe I was trying to take advantage of you because of your problems with your ex. Or that I thought that I could have anyone I want, including you, because I'm an idol. I would never do something like that, y/n."
You felt your heart swell with emotion, and somehow despite having known him only a short time, you knew the connection you felt with him was real, not some made up fantasy you were trying to live in to help you get past all your insecurities.
"I know you wouldn't do that Tae. Don't you think that if I thought you were trying to take advantage of me, I would have told you to stop when you gave me the chance?"
"I believed you would have at that time, but after the fact I wondered if you'd just been lost in the moment and maybe only thought it was what you wanted." He smiled at you sheepishly.
"Well then let me make it clear to you. I'm not going to pretend that I know why it happened, because let's be honest, we technically haven't even known each other for two whole days, and it just seems wrong in that respect." You lowered your head, feeling shy about what you were about to say. "But I feel something so different when I'm with you, something I've never felt. I feel safe, protected. I feel like...I don't know how, but I feel like I'm home. I wanted it, I wanted you. I've never wanted anyone before, I didn't even know how it felt to want someone, until this morning, until you."
You glanced up at him, your eyes meeting his. He reached up, brushing a strand of hair from your face, tucking it behind your ear, his smile warm, his eyes sparkling. "Remind me to thank Namjoon for finding you."
You quirked one corner of your mouth up, as he brought your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles.
"I don't think I'll ever be able to thank him enough myself. I...I can't believe I threw a dart, and now I'm here with you, and your everything I never thought I'd find, and I'm kinda scared."
"Scared of what?" His expression softened.
"Scared that it's all too good to be true. Scared that...I'm trusting to soon..." His lips pressed into a frown.
"I don't mean trusting you Tae, I'm talking about trusting myself. Trusting my heart to know what it wants. I feel like I've made a lot of mistakes, taken the wrong path so many times. I'm not saying I'm doing that now, it's just that I'm afraid to trust myself, I don't wanna get hurt again. Part of me feels like I need to find myself before I let someone else in." You took a shaky breath, feeling him squeeze your hand, almost as if to reassure you. "What if, after I figure out who I am, it's not who I was, and you don't feel the same? I don't know how I would handle that."
You didn't know why you were suddenly struck with this fear, but it was there. You felt a tear escape, as his hand moved to caress your cheek, his thumb catching it.
He sighed, leaning in to gently peck your lips. "I can understand why you feel that way, but I can promise you, I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here for you, for whatever you need. I'll listen if you wanna talk, I'll keep you company if you just wanna sit quietly, I'll hold you if you need a hug, I'll leave you alone if you need space but I won't like it. And if, in time, you find that you aren't the you that you are at this moment, it's ok, because you'll still be you, and you won't be any less beautiful to me then you are right now."
Your arms went around him, your face pressed against his chest. What had you done to deserve this man in your life right now? What would happen if he suddenly stopped being a part of your life? That was a thought you didn't want anywhere near you, not even for a second, so you pushed it right out of your mind.
You stood there, and let him hold you, taking in how good he smelled, and thinking how nice it felt to have someone care, and not be afraid to show it.
~Taehyung's pov~
Taehyung stood there holding you, a bit dazed over how good it felt to have you in his arms. He worried, because he was quickly becoming attached to you, and already didn't want to be away from you.
However, it wasn't something he had a whole lot of control over. He was kind of astonished at what had happened this morning, considering it really hadn't crossed his mind. Sure, he thought you were beautiful, and had since the second he first saw you. The fact that you were also sweet, funny, spunky, and melted his heart when you pouted or frowned didn't help.
But this morning, it had just happened, and he didn't regret it. He also meant everything he'd just said to you. But now he was trying to figure out how he could keep you a secret from everyone, without hurting you. He didn't want to keep you a secret, but he wasn't supposed to be dating. Company rules. It could hurt the group as a whole, and cause chaos among armys who believed the members belonged to them, and shouldn't be with anyone else.
It was ridiculous really, and not all armys were like that. There were those who cared more for the boys happiness than their own. But because of the ones who were possessive, and because it could cause problems in so many ways, the no dating rule had been enforced, and was expected to be followed.
The last thing he wanted to do was hurt you, especially after what you'd been thru. He decided to talk to the guys about it. He could tell them, he knew they would keep his secret. He just hoped they had some advice.
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